Future Without Fate
by WakeToSanity
Summary: AU. Orphan Allen finds something unexpected that changes his life.
1. Prologue

**_Prologue chapter. Not much_**

**_Disclaimer: DGM wouldn't exist if I owned it._**

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><p><em>Thump<em>

_Thump_

_Thump_

_Splash!_

_Ah, finally._

_The boy lay still on the ground, water invading the clothes that hung loosely from his pale frame. He waited for the brief relief of unconsciousness to overcome him, breaking the constant pattern of unrelenting agony that his life was submerged in._

"Moore, It's raining!" a young child with shocking white hair called after his caretaker, clasping their hands together as they took refuge between two buildings. "Here honey, dry yourself off," he took the hand towel from the smiling women and wiped his face, looking down the dark alley that was almost magically void of rain. He had never seen this place before. He took note of everything in the extent of his sight. T_welve trashcans, forty-seven visible windows, two fighting strays, one pair of pale legs, three fire exits, seven potted pla..._

"Miss Moore?" "Yes sweetie." "... If there are legs... there's a body to go with them right?" _This boy was an odd one. _"Yes that's usually how it- Allen! Where are you off to?" Her look of shock remained as little Allen ran playfully over to a set of dirty legs.

_Splash_

_Splash_

_Splash_

_Thump!_

_Ah, fuck._

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><p><strong><em>The next chapters will definitely be longer. I don't know how long it will be until they're up, but once they are, the update dates should be consistent... I'm giving myself the benefit of the doubt here, so I'd advise you do the same.<em>**

**_Thanks for reading! Feel free to say whatever you want in the review. I don't mind if you're mean, I just hope you're honest, because this is huge learning experience for me. And I obviously have tons to learn._**


	2. Warmth

**Ok I had some time on my hands today, actually a lot due to me being sick. So here's a chapter much earlier than planned.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own DGM. I promise.**

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><p>Black.<p>

That was all he saw and that was fine with him. It's not like he preferred the color in particular. It was what came with it. Nothing. He felt nothing when he was in darkness's clutch. No pain. No suffering. No corrupt thoughts. No frightening sights. He wanted to stay in the darkness forever. To never wake up from the short-lived retreat from his world full of vile color. He hated color. The reds that debased his dreams were the worst. But the light always came back. No matter how much he willed it away it crawled into his world once again revealing his sufferings, and this time was no different. A soft glow. A shining light. A brilliant blaze. An unimaginable warmth.

_Oh... different. _He was laying on something soft. The air lacked a polluted aroma he was very familiar with, and curiosity overcame him. Ignoring the anxious knot in his stomach he opened his eyes, screwing them shut almost immediately. Hissing at the light he tried again. Slowly. It was a small room with a modest armoire supporting an oil lamp. Possibly dangerous, but most likely secure regarding his free movement. If he just-

"Miss Moore, Miss Moore! He's commin' around!" he didn't like how commonplace the voice felt. He looked towards the voice and the pair of gray eyes staring through the doorway caught his gaze. Throw in a dazzling smile, white hair, a long red scar, and glowing pale skin, and you would have a likeness of the odd creature that prompted his memory.

_Splash _

_Splash_

_Splash_

_Thump!_

_Ah, fuck._

_"Oh, geez! I'm sorry, really I am."_

_He only managed a growl at the dumb bastard that fell on him and tried to pull himself back into the darkness._

_"Are you okay?"_

_"..."_

_"Do you have a home?"_

_'If I did, why the hell would I be here? Baka.'_

_"Do you have a family?"_

_'How stupid are you to-'_

_"Do you want a home?"_

_'...'_

_"Do you?" _

_"Allen what on earth are you doing?"_

_"Ah! He needs a home Miss Moore!"_

_'No I don't, just go the fuck away, you don't want me.'_

_There was a long silence. _

_He felt himself being lifted and he drifted back into a dormant state before he could push the warm arms away._

A young woman with chestnut toned hair walked in with a soft air. "How are you feeling sweetie?" She got a dismissive 'Che' and tried something simpler. "Can you tell us your name?"

Nothing. _'Okay, we did just abduct the kid' _

"I'm Moore, and this is Allen." she gestured toward the smiling child and continued. "I'm going to bring you some food alright?" She didn't wait for a response and exited the room.

He was left the creature labeled Allen, who continued to smile sweetly at him. 'D_isgusting'_

"Are you okay?" '_Shut up'_

"Will you answer me please?"_ 'I'm gonna kill this thing'_

"Can you not talk?" '_Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale.'_

_"_I guess If you didn't you wouldn't' be able to answer would-" "Shut the fuck up you moyashi." He grumbled out the words, their volume dangerously threatening to intensify.

The boy continued to smile, his lips stretched unnaturally and a white eyebrow twitched. "I'll be sure to be quiet from now on _miss."_

_What the, "_Fuck d'you just say beansprout." the growl emanating from the black long haired boy would scare away a grown man, but the boy held his ground, still smiling.

"I'm sorry _miss,_ but I didn't catch your name young_ lady"_

A lithe body bounded off of the bed, tackling the child with flawlessly unrefined movements. He glared to the best of his ability down at the beansprout. The boy's steady gray eyes, and pink smile stained on his face only intensified Kanda's rage. "You don't want to mess with me beansprout." "Why wouldn't I _Miss."? 'God fucking dammit' _"It might be fun to see how much you could take." The beansprout said it evilly, placing a pale hand on his cheek." It sent as shiver down his spine, feeling a demonic presence in the small body. Roughly pulling away the hand, he shifted his weight so he sat beside the boy.

"...Kanda"

"What was that young-"

"My name's Kanda and I'm a fucking guy!"

"Ok." He said it so normally that Kanda wavered slightly.

The door opened and the woman called Moore walked in carrying a tray with two pairs of bowls, something hot in them, and cups of water.

"Have some soup Kanda." She said it passively enough to not annoy Kanda too much, and paired with the soup he was handed it left an all right feeling in his stomach. He didn't like it.

Moore bent down and pat Allen's head whispering a "good work" into his ear-, which Kanda hadn't failed to miss - and Allen closed his eyes and giggled. Kanda was about to beat the smile off of his face for playing him like that, until he decided that that would imply that the beansprout had prevailed in their battle, thus landing a blow on Kanda's pride. So he settled for consuming his soup, pretending it was soba, and keeping quiet.

"This is an orphanage by the way." _Oh... right... I don't know where the hell I am. Damn beansprout put me off. _"We're not too far from where we found you... you can go back if you want. Well actually, if you don't have a home or family you have to stay. But I suppose you could always try to escape." Allen said it innocently, but Kanda knew it would be wise not to 'try' to escape. He wouldn't succeed. He was sure of it. But that was fine with him.

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><p><strong>Okay. Overly used plot with out of character characters. Whatever. I enjoyed writing it so I'll just hope someone enjoyed reading it. Review if you have something to say. Thanks for reading!<strong>


	3. Undeniably, Will

**Warning: I wrote this when I was totally drained, so It might be a little off. But I kept it the same for shits and giggles.**

**It's a double chapter of sorts.**

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><p><strong>Undeniably<strong>

He woke up with a feeling he didn't like. It had only been one night but for some reason Kanda already felt the need to stay in the orphanage he was dragged into. He had been living in a rather grim environment for as long as he could remember, so it must be the comfort of such an easy life that drew him in. But just because he liked the environment, didn't mean he liked everything that went with it. He hated that damn Moyashi. Always smiling, seemingly polite but with a dark evil lurking within. It made him uneasy that there was such a contradicting person. In spite of that, he was certainly the most interesting thing in his new dwelling.

He had learned more about that Moyashi than he had ever desired to know about anyone. The kid was a pretty trendy topic among the orphans, as with the overseers, so Kanda would occasionally catch a few words as he passed, and if you added that to what he noticed himself, the information came out to something like this.

**What I Know About The Moyashi**

**1. He's eleven. Only a year younger than me, and about six inches shorter.**

**2. He runs a hand through his hair when he's frustrated.**

**3. When he's frustrated he shows an upside down pentacle that connects to the red**

**scar traveling down his eye, then making a turn to trace his cheekbone.**

**4. The red mark is not a scar. It's a tattoo.**

**5. He's a fucking glutton**

**6. He's fucking annoying**

That was what Allen was to Kanda right now, a short annoying glutton with a tattoo. Nothing more, nothing less. Which made it all the more annoying when he attempted social interaction. "Are you feeling better Kanda?"_ 'Since when did I feel bad?'_ "Do you want to have lunch with me?" _'And eat in fear of you swallowing me whole? I'll pass.'_ "You might as well talk, I'm not going to stop either way." _'I'll take my chances'_ "SAY SOMETHING BAKANDA!" Kanda would've jumped at the noise had Kanda been one to 'jump', but stiffened when he recalled what that damn bean had just said.

"What did you just say beansprout? "Kanda spat venomously.

"The name's Allen Bakanda." _Oh fuck no._ Kanda wasn't one for nicknames, and this one was revolting.

"Do you want to die sprout?"

"If I wanted to die, I'd be dead right now, because I actually have that ability.

"What does that mean?"

"Just that if I was in a cold alley trying to die, I'd be dead."

"...I wasn't trying to die."

"But you wanted to, right?"

"Tch"

Kanda turned and walked away from the meaningless quarrel turned sincere, thinking it utterly unbeneficial to remain any longer.

That damn Moyashi got under his skin, and more. If Kanda tried to pull him out by force he ended up hurt.

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><p><em>"Miss Moore, Kanda still won't talk."<em>

_"Hm, I think he'll take a quite a while to open up Allen."_

_Allen slid from the tabletop to stand in front of Moore giving her his most determined look. "What can I do... to get him to open up?"_

_"That depends on you and Kanda sweetie. What have you learner about him so far."_

_"... He likes to argue."_

_"Ah, I see... that's all?" A small white head nodded. "Oh! Well want about you? Do you like it too?" _

_"Arguing?" _

_"Yes honey, if you like it too then that's how you could get close to him." She smiled at Allen's contemplative expression._

_He looked up to her with a smile, and said rather freshly, "Thank you, Miss Moore" exiting the room, surely running off to make sure Kanda couldn't deny him any longer. Moore watched him go and couldn't help but feel a bit guilty at having surely started something Kanda wouldn't be too fond of._

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><p>Allen smiled as Kanda walked away in a huff, feeling that this might actually work. He reminded himself to thank Miss Moore again later, and went off to fill his rumbling belly.<p>

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><p><strong>Will<strong>

Kanda was always good at self-control. You would be too if you lived a life like him. He seemed to use it most during matters with food. 'When stealing food, no matter how hungry you were, you took small amounts. Take only the cheap, half-rotten vegetables that if lessened one or two in amount would go unnoticed. Eat just enough to get through the day, then you might have some for the next.' Nothing could shatter his resolve. So, when he lost control one too many times during his first few days at the orphanage, he was not willing to admit that a certain beansprout had the uncanny ability to shatter his unbreakable will like a corn chip under a fat man. Five times the day before , and he was verging on his third outrage of the day right this moment.

"You're disgusting."

'You're a dick" Oh yeah, Kanda soon found out that the bean could curse plenty when he wanted to.

"How the hell can a beansprout eat so much?"

"I have a high metabolism Bakanda."

"Do you also have a hollow leg?"

"That barely makes sense Bakanda, but I guess I should praise you for even stringing a sentence together with your wee, little brain."

Kanda could hear the 'snap' of his self-control cracking under the pressure of an idiotic beansprout.

"I'll fucking kill you"

"You couldn't kill me if I was dead Bakanda."

Kanda stood from his chair pulling the Moyashi up with him and slammed the lithe body against the wall with his unconscious rage fueling his strength.

**Crunch**

It was a sickening sound that caught the attention of every presence in the dining room (there were around thirty children if his memory served him right, and then that pink, idiotic, chef Jerry that he tolerated due to the incredible soba he was served). Kanda only regarded the small body crumpled onto the floor in pain for a moment before he swiftly turned and continued walking until he stood in front of Jerry, ordering the one thing he actually liked.

**Crunch**

Jerry snapped his head upward as he focused on the arguing pair he had recently trained himself to ignore. Allen lay on the ground in a heap, his expression changing thrice as he lay. First shocked, then pained, and lastly passive. Jerry's jaw surely would have dropped to the floor (had such a thing been possible) when the older child walked away without a second thought, coming towards him and even going so far as to ask for food. Jerry was utterly bewildered. Not just at the child's dismissiveness towards the boy he'd abused, but one had to wonder how Kanda's consistency had not turned to Swiss cheese due to the glares of everyone, even little Allen (especially Allen) boring holes into his back.

Most everyone in the orphanage had a deep respect for Allen as he had been through so much at a very young age. That left no respect for the Japanese that (unbeknownst to him) was being pursued. No one dare interrupt as Allen stood and walked calmly (as calmly as one could when their attacker acted as if he hadn't caused any suffering) towards his prey, not even waiting for Kanda to turn around before launching his leg upward, so his foot connected squarely between his legs. It was Kanda's turn to fall to the ground, and Allen's to turn and walk away.

Allen made his way to the door, still savoring the squeak that Kanda emitted when Allen crushed his... pride. The sound was an opening for the gasps and giggles coming from their respective audience. Allen almost took a bow. But instead he was met with a panicked Moore, a young girl with blonde hair that Allen recognized as Lala had fetched her upon witnessing the scene unfold. Allen gave the girl a smile and nod, sending her back to her affairs with a 'Thank you' in typical Allen fashion.

"Allen dear, are you okay?" Moore asked so concerned that Allen didn't dare worry her more. "I'm fine Miss Moore, but you might want to check on Kanda."

And so she did. Moore peered over Allen and saw Kanda sprawled on the floor muttering what must have been severe profanities. _'Oh dear, I wonder how that came about' _her thoughts were answered as she looked down at a positively beaming Allen (obviously quite proud of himself) and noticed his left arm hanging limp, small spasms occurring every few moments. '_Oh Allen... I'll give Kanda a good lashing for you.' _she thought confident in her ability to manage theses situations.

She sent Allen to his room along with a tray of various provisions. Noticing the vultures about to swoop in on the weakened prey, Moore dashed next to Kanda and escorted the child who was still spewing blasphemy that disturbed her greatly out of the room and into the next. It was the smallest room they had (about 9' by 7') only consisting of two chairs, which now supported Knada and Moore.

"Kanda what on earth did you do?"

"..."

"You really hurt him this time."

"... I know."

"Did you mean to?"

"It wasn't my fault." _That damn beansprout just catches me off guard._

"Then whose was it? Allen's? I certainly wouldn't think so."

"Look, it doesn't fucking matter. He pissed me off and I hurt him, what's done is done."

"Well, yes... but it would be nice to apologize."

"It wasn't my fault."

_I'm really getting nowhere with this kid. _"Come with me to check on Allen."

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><p><strong>I'm really awful at not beating around the bush in my stories. Like there's a frickin trench around the bush. I read Alice's adventures in wonderland before writing this and I accidentally made Jerry's personality Alice's. It suits him though. Review if you feel like it, they're always appreciated.<strong>


	4. Overcome

**Disclaimer: I don't own DGM, If I did the next chapter would start with Kanda and Allen naked in the same bed, so if that happens, when you finish thanking HOSHINO for doing fanservice, you can come kill me.**

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><p>Allen locked his door and sat on the cool floor, legs folding neatly underneath him. He unbuttoned his shirt slowly with one hand, peeling the damp fabric off of his trembling torso.<p>

Even _he_ was not quite sure where to begin in the inspection of his left arm. It was stained an angry red, so it was hard to see where he had injuries. He never could tell if it was bumped or bruised for his flesh rose and fell, almost akin to waves. All the same, it wasn't difficult to know if he was hurt. Every movement; every touch sent jolts racing up and down his nerves.

There was a gentle knock at the door and Allen tried to speak evenly. "Can I help you?" Moore's voice reached his ears, gentle words coaxing him to open the door and to 'let them see', which (more often than not) meant she was accompanied by a doctor that would poke and prod Allen until his nerves were fried.

"Can we please come in Allen?"

"Who's we?"

"Me, and Kanda"

Kanda? Allen borrowed a queer expression. He didn't want to see Kanda as much as he didn't want Kanda to see him. Not like this. But Allen's goal was for Kanda to trust him. And that meant showing bits of himself that would cause wide eyes and gaping mouths.

He padded across to the door and unlocked it, opening it slowly. Allen never liked people's expressions when they saw his deformity, but Kanda's was in a whole other realm of inconsiderate as he stared like it was a piece of crap on his precious soba.

"What the hell is that?"

Miss Moore smacked his head before walking past him and placing her hand on Allen's cheek.

"How bad is it."

"It hurts when I move it."

Kanda moved towards him peering at his appendage. His hand twitched as Kanda's pale hand grazed the metal cross embedded into his flesh.

"How'd you get a wound like that?"

Allen had to smile at the way Kanda reacted. The look of disgust was gone and now curiosity reigned.

"...It's a burn."

"Wait... they hurt after, too, right?" Kanda spoke, eyes slightly wider than normal.

"What, now you're starting to feel bad?" Kanda just gave him a deadpan expression, waiting for his reply.

"Uh, yeah they do"

"Hmm" Allen supposed that was some sort of apology, and that was all fine and dandy. However his arm wasn't what had bothered him most.

"Don't... do that again."

"Fine, I'll lay off your arm."

"No, not that..." Allen's brow wrinkled at his words. "Don't... walk away like that." Seeing Kanda's back move away from him... made such an awful feeling swell in his chest.

"I can't promise that." Grey and cobalt clashed when he spoke the words. Both looking in each other's eyes, trying to let them know they were serious.

Miss Moore had begun inspecting Allen's arm, it would twitch and she was sure Allen was feeling brutal pain. She continued her analysis noticing that it had bulged rather abnormally. "Oh dear"

"What's wrong?"

"Hmm, nothing... but Kanda dear you can't use so much strength."

"I didn't mean to, I was just pissed"

"Right" _H__e really doesn't care at all does he?_ She sighed looking at Allen in a worrying way. "Maybe if you guys could... it would be best if you tried to take it easy, okay?

It had been a long while since Moore had left the room. Now Kanda and Allen sat, mirroring each other on the floor, barely speaking. Kanda would inspect Allen's arm, while Allen would copy his movements absentmindedly. It felt odd to be with each other without screaming insults and stupid comebacks. The most they spoke was when Kanda pressed a bit too hard, sending pain shooting through Allen's arm. He let loose a yelp and squeezed Kanda's wrist.

Allen damned Kanda, who promptly told him to shut up as he continued rolling Allen's arm over in his hand.

Kanda couldn't explain why he found Allen's arm so interesting. He hated red, and this was a violent blood red, yet it calmed Kanda. The bumps and lines had an architectural elegance to them that made Kanda want to remember each one individually. The skin felt much smoother than he imagined.

It was amazing to say the least. Kanda pressed his finger into one of the dikes, and he felt his hair being pulled.

"Dammit sprout, I didn't even press hard." But that was apparently not the problem as Allen's gaze was downcast, still clutching Kanda's hair. Kanda called his name but got no response, he was about to go find help - thinking he was having some sort of sprout seizure - when he herd thunder from far away, and saw Allen's eyes squeeze shut.

"You can't be afraid of storms." Kanda couldn't believe how cliché this situation was, and almost expected Allen to ask Kanda to hold him.

He pulled his hair from Allen's hand and Allen retracted it nervously to his chest. _I can't keep doing this._ He thought desperately_. I need to get over this._

A crack of thunder, closer than before, made Allen jump and he grabbed Kanda's wrist, who shook him off immediately. "Stop that sprout" Kanda got up to leave, not wanting to deal with a sniveling Moyashi.

"Don't... don't walk away." Kanda paused in the doorway clicking his tongue in irritation. Dammit. He walked back and took his spot across from the pale boy once more. Allen was clutching his hair tightly, and Kanda spoke exasperatedly, leaning on his hand.

"So what, am I never aloud to walk away, ever?" Allen shook his head and spoke softly, "Only if I ask you to stay."

"Che"

And so they sat. Taking up their original routine of Allen copying Kanda's movements. No words were spoken until the storm was over.

"I'm sorry."

"Che, have storms always scared you shitless?"

"...For as long as I can remember."

"Do you at least have a reason?"

"I do" Normally upon seeing Allen's pained expression, one would drop the issue, but this was Kanda, so he pressed onward.

"What is it?"

"..." Kanda waited, watching Allen avoid his gaze, not moving as if that would erase his presence, for about thirty seconds before he snapped.

"Dammit answer me Moyashi!"

"Some other time... okay?"

He asked, but it wasn't really question. The brunt of it was an excuse to avoid the original question. But it was also a promise, that Kanda would get an answer... maybe even soon. He didn't know when he had started to be so interested in the Moyashi's affairs. But he already knew too much to turn back satisfied.

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><p><strong>Huge thank yous to <span>Monkey Girl 13624<span>,**** FullmetalFan16 and, You Still Love Me for reviewing.**

**Allen's had a bad day, so he's lost a bit of his bite, but it shall be back. I hope.**

**Thanks for reading**


	5. Yuu

_**Disclaimer:I do not own DGM, now of course that doesn't mean I'm not holding Hoshino captive... but who pays attention to those little details.**_

_**I'm changing the rating to T just because I think Yuu deserves it.**  
><em>

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><p>He<em> was in an incomplete darkness, where light peeked through the openings of the fabric that<em> covered_ his eyes. His body bound to a metallic surface. Pain was flowing intensely through his body, as cold hands did who knows what to him. He was in pain but he wouldn't scream. He couldn't remember why. Kanda lie there, presences would come and go, until he had had enough. He ripped out of the leather bounds and let his instinct take over. He hadn't been aware of what he had done, all he knew was that when he allowed himself sight, everything was red. __His hands, the walls, the face that looked back at him through the broken mirror. Suddenly everything was so repulsive, especially that face. He lifted a hand and threw it at the mirror, but it wouldn't shatter. It kept reflecting him through murky, smashed glass as if he had to be shown, but didn't deserve to be reflected properly. He committed an irreversible sin, that would always be displayed, no matter how painful, or gruesome. He was aware that someone had been watching, but when he looked through the glass to see that someone, no one was there._

Kanda snapped his eyes open, still feeling uncomfortable from a dream he couldn't quite remember. But he awoke for an entirely different reason. A dreadful noise came from the room next to him. _Ugh, this is the third time this week. _

It had been a month since Kanda had hurt Allen's arm, and ever since Kanda would wake to the Moyashi's screaming from the room next to his own. Always followed by rushed footsteps, and the sound of a door flying open. The screams would stop, and Kanda would fall back into a slumber, assisted by soothing words and labored breaths, seeping through paper-thin walls. 

Walking sleepily down to breakfast, Allen just barely stopped himself from walking into Kanda's door as it flung open. "Watch it Bakanda." He spoke, far too tired to put enough venom in his tone to initiate an argument. Instead he got a half-hearted glare and they walked down to the dining room and ordered their food from Jerry. Allen ordered his usual mound of food and Kanda his soba. It took slightly longer than normal as Jerry made sure to take time to fret over the bags under Allen's eyes, and how neither boy seemed to have his usual ferocious edge - as they always did when they were together.

Sitting down, Allen realized he wasn't all that hungry, so he selected one plate form the dozens on the table and began to pick at it restlessly, and noticed Kanda doing the same (although a bit more gracefully) with his soba.

"Did I wake you again?"

"...Yeah. What the hell do you wail about every night anyway?"

"How many times do you have to ask that before you know that I won't tell you?"

"I can last longer than you Moyashi."

Allen blushed vaguely at his wording before continuing, embarrassed that he even thought that way. " Your dreams would probably get worse if I told you."

"I don't dream"

"Then am I supposed to believe you just wine and moan in the middle of the night for no reason?"

A chopstick sailed past his head with deadly precision - if he hadn't saw it coming it surely would have pierced his eye. _Well Kanda was feeling better_, Allen thought rather gratefully.

If Kanda felt better, than harsh words were sure to come, but that was what Allen was waiting for. Arguing with Kanda had become more than a futile attempt at getting the older boy to open up to him. Kanda simply made Allen loose himself in his emotions, and for a short-while he forgot about whatever had him so distraught in the first place. It was an abusive pleasure that Allen hadn't prided himself in.

"Shut the fuck up Moyashi"

"Make me, Bakanda!"

It was almost annoying how quickly Kanda took that opportunity to slam Allen's head into his breakfast (eggs and toast). The plate shattered and Allen looked up licking his bleeding lip, promptly throwing a shard of the tableware in Kanda's direction. He dodged (barely) and Allen clasped the punch that exploded abruptly into his vision.

"Let me finish eating Bakanda."

"Tch, you started it."

"What? You _slammed_ my _head_ into the table!"

"You were the one practically begging for a fight."

"I don't know what you mean." Allen spoke nonchalantly, taking a bite of his eggs, but could here the guilt seeping from his words.

"Whatever. Just don't go picking fights if you're not going to follow through.

"Whatever Bakanda."

Allen said it bitterly, but his appetite had returned and he could almost feel Jerry smiling at them. It seemed he was being too obvious in his attempts to get what he wanted, that had become apparent when Kanda noticed his actions. 

They were laying in the grass, in the small courtyard just outside their home. Allen could feel Kanda's fingers trail up and down his disfigured arm, which was now exposed at most times due to the warm weather (before it was hidden by long sleeves and gloves). Kanda hadn't lost interest in the appendage, so sometimes they spent hours, just being near each other as Kanda inspected it. Allen sometimes mirrored his movements, but mostly he thought of questions. Questions that were rarely ever answered.

Allen's eyes widened when he thought of one that was so incredibly obvious, it was a wonder why he hadn't asked it yet. He shifted so he was on his side, laying half on his arm to prevent Kanda from analyzing it any further.

"Kanda, what's your name?" The black haired boy's eyes widened before he averted his gaze.

"You don't need to know."

"Why not?"

"Because."

Allen gave an annoyed sigh. "Because why, Kanda?

_'Because everyone who called me that is dead.'_ Kanda cringed. 'Yuu' it was a disgusting name that he wanted to forget, yet even when they weren't referring to him, he heard it all the time. It was thrown around, addressing people with no connection to his life. 'You', it was different yet the same, and the way it was casually spoken to address anyone in any manner, made Kanda feel so insignificant.

"I won't call you it... if you don't want, I just want to know." It seemed pointless to ask someone their name and not plan on speaking it, but it seemed only fair to Allen. Kanda knew he was 'Allen Walker' but Allen only knew Kanda as Kanda.

Did that make it okay? If he knew, but never showed it, would that mean he was still keeping the boy at bay? _'It's too late for that._' Kanda tried to deny it, but it was becoming sickeningly apparent how far Allen had penetrated into his unbreakable walls.

"... It's Yuu."

"Me?"

"Nuh-uh, Y.U.U."

"Oh..." Allen thought about it for a moment, and deadpanned as he looked at Kanda. "It is pretty stupid."

Allen had expected a fight, knowing his frank tone wasn't softening the blow of his insult in any way. However, Allen's eyes widened when Kanda's lips turned up in a smile; not a smirk; not a sneer; but a smile that reached all the way to his stunning eyes.

"It is, isn't it" Kanda let out a carefree chuckle, raising his hand so it curled gently in front of his lips. Allen pushed his bangs upward, laying the back of his hand on the flawless forehead.

"Huh… you don't have a fever."

"Duh, I'm not sick beansprout."

"But you smiled... and laughed." Allen spoke in a matter-of-fact tone, sure that if he hadn't seen a happy expression on his face yet, then it surely wouldn't come after he had insulted him.

"I just... never thought of it like that." It was odd. He always thought of his name as a type of inescapable curse, but thinking of it simply as a foolish name... made it feel so much lighter.

Allen just stared, not quite sure what to make of Kanda's reaction. At the moment the only thing that was clear in his mind was how ethereal Kanda looked when he laughed.

He lay back, letting Kanda study his arm once more, and spoke casually, making sure to watch Kanda's expression.

"You're cute when you smile."

Kanda's knit his brow, as if wondering if Allen had actually just said he was 'cute', and his cheeks became speckled with a darling pink.

"Ah, Ah! Kanda quit it!" He screamed as Kanda tightened his hold violently on his wrist.

"I'm not cute beansprout!" Kanda growled, throwing Allen's hand back at him. Allen nursed his throbbing wrist and voiced his thoughts, with a smug smile.

"That was so~ worth it."

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><p><strong>Kanda's rather abusive in this... but I guess that's perfect for Allen, our little masochist. <strong>**Allen's problems made him more grown up, but Kanda's did the opposite. Thanks for the reviews, updates, and favorites. I love to hear what you think, so review if you have anything to say. Thanks for reading.**


	6. When you find

**Disclaimer: I don't own DGM**

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><p>The weather was getting warmer and flowers were blooming. An anxious hum could be heard from the masses that crowded the streets, enjoying the refreshing aura of spring after the long, harsh winter. Every year little Allen went along with Moore, buying fruits at the market and socializing with their community.<p>

It was all good fun and made Allen's heart flutter with anticipation. But this year he was partly dreading the trip as he had invited Kanda along with them - for a reason he must of thought important enough at the time, however at the moment he was regretting it deeply. 

The shopkeeper handed them the paper bag filled with fruit, thanking them for their purchase and wishing Allen and Moore good luck with their shopping.

Unfortunately, before they could walk away without a hitch, the young man had noticed Kanda trailing along behind them, disgruntled expression clearly visible.

"Hey Moore, who's the rug rat that looks like he's suckin' a lemon?"

"Oh, um... Charles, this is Kanda, he's a new child at the orphanage."

Charles noticed the look she gave and it seemed like the kid was a tough case... well it was rather easy to tell that the little brat was unpleasant. "Well hey there kiddie, havin' a bad day I see."

"Che, anyone would if they had to do this shit."

"Whoa~ there little man, language, language!" Charles spoke with an invisible wind blowing him; leaning back with his hands in the air, one holding onto his hat.

"I'm not little, and you're not one to talk, you're a crank if I ever saw one."

Everyone stared at the boy wondering how he could be so rude to a stranger, and Moore had to hustle after him as he walked away in a snit.

"Thank you for the food Charles" Allen spoke hastily as he turned to follow Moore, and just barely heard Charles call after him.

"Make sure to keep that brat in line Allen, he's a tough one, but if anyone can crack him it's you."

Allen beamed and looked back waving his hand high in the air, "Don't worry, I'm already wrokin' on it!" and he ran off through the bustling crowd.

Allen would break him, Charles was positive. Whether in a good way or bad he wasn't quite sure. He had seen Kanda a few times when he stole food from him. He didn't sneak like the other little buggers; he just walked by, not even looking as he grabbed one or two of his product. If someone caught him he wouldn't run, but put the food back and leave, like it was all an accident. A smart kid that didn't seem to care about life. So he had a feelin' that if he spent enough time with Allen, who absolutely oozed gaiety, and warmth, that the ice that surround the boy would break away, 'else Allen would find a way to do it. He was sure of it. 

Kanda kept walking, not caring where he was going or if anybody was following behind him. He stopped when he came to the end of an alley, and turned around to walk on again, only prepared to stop when he felt like he wouldn't hit the next person to speak.

"Hey there Kanda" He swung his leg in the voice's direction, but alas, a hand stopped him from beating whoever spoke his name and purging his rage.

"I see you've still got your bite eh? I'm glad, you'll need that someday." It was a withered voice, one that was raw and gruff form all of the bad times he'd seen.

"...Old man Zu..." He looked at the fat old man leaning against the dirty wall.

This man... he had taught him everything. When he first came to this town, he was the one who told him how to steal, and many other things that had surely been the reason he was alive now.

"How've you been these days Kanda? I 'avn't seen you 'round, and I was startin' ta' worry."

"I've been good old man."

"Mmm, you're eyes are different boy, you seein' things right yet?"

"...Just a bit different."

"Mmm, you'll find it soon, I can feel it."

"Whatever old man."

"You gonna be 'round here now?"

"No."

"Okay m'boy, just make sure to come 'round here sometime so I can make sure you're doin' alright." He said it with an expectant smile. The old man was probably the one person that Kanda never wanted to argue with. He had owed him far too much.

"...Sure thing, old man."

Kanda went on walking, his rage dissolved at seeing his old mentor, and he tried to shove the questions and feelings that the man's words had brought up to the back of his mind. He wasn't even going to try and sort out his feelings right now_. Okay, now where the hell's that Moyashi._ He looked around, scanning the crowd for a white head, until he realized that Allen was too damn short for Kanda to see. _Dammit_

"Kanda! Is that you?"

He heard Moore's yells and walked in their direction, until he was met with the woman that strangely lacked a certain white haired weirdo. "Kanda, have you seen Allen? I seemed to have left the poor thing while I was chasing after you, and with that boy's awareness of direction he could be anywhere." She seemed more annoyed then worried and Kanda figured that this happened often. Even so, Kanda didn't like not knowing where he was. The damn bean had occupied the space beside him every day for quite a while now; it had just become natural to feel the boy's presence beside his.

Disgustingly natural.

Kanda picked up his pace and began looking in dark places - because he had read that if you grew beansprouts in the dark, they became white - yelling his name from time to time. He finally found evidence of the bean when he saw white hair flit in the corner of his eye.

He ran in his direction, relieved that this stupid charade would be coming to an end, and yelled his name once more.

"Ah, Kanda is that you?" Allen asked as Kanda made his way through the crowd, finally spotting the bean, he tensed when he saw a hand covering a spot on his face. Blood dripping from his hand, onto the crumpled, half torn bag, that housed less than half of what it had previously.

"Shit, beansprout, what the fuck happened!" Kanda knew that this place wasn't the safest in the world, but he couldn't understand why someone would hurt Allen like that, for the young boy certainly wouldn't go picking a fight with anyone other than Kanda.

"Oh um, a man tried to steal the food, and I was going to let him have some, but when he saw... um..." Allen looked down to his arm, and then pushed the hand covering his wound back into his hair, revealing an odd looking cut, - that must have been from a dull blade - slicing through the star shape on his forehead. "He muttered something about the devil and then pulled a knife out of his coat and then... well this." Allen spoke evenly, as if he was explaining what he had for breakfast, with not much emotion in his face, but not completely void, just a plain expression.

Yet, that was what made it bizarre. Allen was always gushing with emotion, whether it good or bad; screaming, crying, laughing, begging, no matter what he did it followed his emotions. He didn't like seeing Allen so inanimate, with eyes so dead, and he wanted to kill the bastard that had done it. But know wasn't the time for that. He gripped the end of his sleeve, and brought it up to Allen's face wiping away the blood from his forehead, the edges of the wound bulged slightly, and had become an angry red. Allen just looked up at Kanda confused, not flinching in the slightest as he pressed harder into the wound, trying to rub off the partly dried blood. The older boy's face was calm, but his eyes were raging.

"Do you know where the guy went Moyashi?" He really wanted to smash the guy's face in. Kanda could easily handle an experienced knife wielder, and this one definitely wasn't. He was going to damage the man who had done this. Even if he had to wait until he was sure that Allen was okay.

"I... I don't"

"You're lying"

"But, you don't need to know."

"I just want to get the food back, I don't like to waste."

"Well now we're both liars, so I won't tell you and you won't hurt him."

"I'm not going to hurt -"

"There you two are! Kanda, why'd you run off? Did you - Oh dear Allen... sweetie what happened?" After Allen explained the situation, Moore closed her eyes and placed her head on Allen's.

"I'm so sorry honey." She said hugging the boy's small frame.

"I'm fine Moore."

"Even so... nobody should be allowed to mistake an angel for a devil." It was such an awful thing that people judged appearances; they don't even judge them well. Allen was such a sweet boy, and he glowed with innocence, inside and out. Yet there were people who thought him wicked due to his looks. She squeezed tighter and felt Allen's small hands press into her back returning the affection.

"Thank you Miss Moore." Allen closed his eyes, and leaned into Moore's shoulder, suddenly feeling very tired from his encounter, and nodded off in Moore's arms.

"Is he okay now?" Kanda had felt a bit odd at the fact Moore had done what Kanda couldn't, and made Allen's eyes come alive again.

"He'll be fine... I think he's just been too distraught lately, and the man's words made him shut off somewhat." She spoke, standing straight still holding Allen.

"…Shouldn't we find him?"

"No, for now we should go home, and get Allen to bed."

"Che" 

Allen woke from a dreamless slumber, and felt extremely refreshed. He felt a warmth on his right and looked over to see Kanda's head resting over crossed arms atop his bed. He had never seen Kanda sleep. He had seen him unconscious, but that was different thing altogether. Nothing accompanied unconsciousness, but sleep was paired with slight movements, and varying breaths, that could imply thoughts or emotions. It was almost intoxicating to simply lie there, trying to figure what Kanda was thinking from he way he acted. Allen watched, as Kanda's face seemed to turn off and on, from scowl to confused.

_"I'm just a weapon, I have no reason to live, and if I try I'll just end up destroying things like before."_

_"Kanda, you have to start changin' what you see boy."_

_"It doesn't matter how you look at it, it's always the same in the end." He had had enough of the old man's optimism._

_"But what about if you erase it completely… and paint it a different color?"_

_"How the hell would I do that old man?"_

_"Well..." He licked his mouth, smacking his dry lips together. " If you're a weapon now... then you just need to become a shield."_

_"… A shield?"_

_"Yes m'boy, when you find something you wish to protect, that's when your world will change color, and you won't be a weapon, but a shield."_

Allen continued watching as Kanda's expression seemed to harden slightly; Allen decided it was an expression of defiance and perhaps determination. It made him feel good, like he knew Kanda had figured out something important, and that that something would help him finish smashing his way through Kanda's barriers, that seemed to be constantly strengthening, and finding new ways to keep him out.

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><p><strong>It'll be a few more fluff filled chapters until we get to both of their pasts. This chapter was a bit longer than usual. And to <span>You Still Love Me<span> Yeah, any angst in my story is tucked into a nice fluffy bed, with fluffy blankets, and I fluff it's fluffy pillows. So... yeah. Charles was the officer with Moore in the beginning of DGM, i basically just used his name though...**

**Omg... new DGM chapter... first page, Kanda's face was fantastic.**

**Thanks for reading, reviews are always appreciated.**


	7. You're Irreplaceable

**Disclaimer: I don't own DGM.**

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><p>Moore loved to watch Kanda and Allen. From day one it was fascinating. The way Allen could submerge Kanda in his actions and words; how Kanda could always manage to push him back. It was like the ocean continually hugging the shoreline, never being aloud to remain. But all the same, small grooves in the sand turned into large ditches, and some of the ocean would decide to settle into the cavity, and there it would stay.<p>

She loved the way their emotions would shine through when they were together, even if it was through yells and insults. How their biting words, and abusive actions held a contradicting warmth and brightness that couldn't be described. But she knew better than to think that that was all it took. Both boys were submerged in a darkness that couldn't be diminished by even the brightest light. She knew that no matter how wide they opened their arms, they wouldn't be able to grasp all of the sufferings they were trying to ease. But if they opened their hearts as well, then they could at least clean it out, leaving the stains and scars that couldn't be healed by bandages or sweet words. The scars would sting, and the stains would be ugly. But that's why they had each other. They would kiss the scars better and cover the stains as best they could. Or at least she was praying for that to happen. Praying with all her might, that these boys would become each other's irreplaceable person.

She had watched Kanda as she picked up Allen in the market.

She watched his worrying expression flicker with anger and determination. Anger at the man who hurt Allen, and determination to do the same to him. She had made sure not to send Kanda away in case the boy found it an opportune time to find the man and do whatever he had in mind.

She watched the two boys walk to dinner that night, Kanda sticking a touch closer to Allen, and Allen noticing nothing. Kanda would angle himself across from Allen, deflecting anything that threatened to get too close. She could swear that he had sent a glare in the direction of the cat that stole food from time to time.

She watched as the brown haired Jan came a bit too close, and Kanda slid vaguely, obstructing the boy's path.

She saw the boy try to slip past him in attempt to get at Allen, for surely a harmless reason.

She looked at the boys as Jan was cut off once again, this time fallowed by an angry face and spat-out words.

She observed as Allen stepped between the two and spread his arms, inevitably attempting to stop the quarrel, and her eyes widened as Jan did something he shouldn't have.

...

Allen was speaking to Jerry, trying to placate his fretting words over the nasty looking wound on his forehead. 'Those old men are so awful' He said, waving a wooden spoon in the air, 'They think that just because they've been here longer, they can do _what_ever to _who_ever.' But Allen hadn't had the time to respond as he heard a commotion from a curiously close location.

"What the fuck do you want?"

"I just want to talk to Allen, _you _are the one who won't let me by!" Jan said, poking a finger into Kanda's chest.

"Look, you brat-" He halted his words as a white head appeared in front of his, (well, a little lower) and two arms swung out to the sides.

"I'm really sorry Jan, Kanda didn't mean it, really he didn't. He's just a bit peeved 'cause he didn't get to whup the man who took our food." Allen liked Jan, he was a good kid, but he had a short fuse, and Kanda's flame had been burning hot since their trip to the market.

"Who the hell says I didn't mean it, I'm gonna kick that brat's ass." '_Oh no'_ Allen thought, not paying attention to Kanda, Jan was getting real red in the face, which had started to scrunch. He was about to blow. "Move out of the way Moyashi."

Kanda saw the boy (apparently Jan) close his eyes and raise his arm almost robotically, swinging it in Allen's -

Kanda had reached forward before ha knew what he was doing. He pulled Allen backwards by his collar, and a heavy punch sailed past the small boy's pale nose. His instinct raised his arm and sent it smashing into Jan's nose.

_'Damn'_ His instinct hadn't taken over like that in a while, and it unnerved him; but he didn't regret it.

Allen stood wide-eyed in the place Kanda had forced him to. "Kanda... what the... why... oh my god!" He ran toward Jan and knelt beside him as Kanda shook the blood from his hand. Allen wasn't quite sure what to do so he was very relieved when Miss Moore appeared by Jan's head.

"Jan honey, are you okay?" She said in a rather nervous voice

"I'm fine... I'm sorry I tried to whack ya' like that Allen... I just..."

"It's fine Jan, even if you did something real bad, getting hit like that would surely be your penance."

"Heh, yeah I guess so... besides if I needed more punishment," Jan motioned for Allen to come closer and he whispered into his ear. "the longer I keep you this close, the more your boyfriend'll pound me later."

Allen jerked his head back blushing, but decided that while the wound remained on his head, Kanda _was_ going to be protective. So it wouldn't hurt if he...

Allen laced his fingers through Jan's brown hair, which was free from the leather hat he wore due to the force of Kanda's punch. He leant forward, closing his eyes as he placed his forehead on Jan's, and his hand on his chest. He smiled as gently as he could manage, and whispered.

"I'm gonna kick your ass too, for saying what you did."

He was yanked back, once again, by his collar and his feet landed in front of Kanda's. But for now he didn't care how mad Kanda was, he was going to smile, for Jan's face was just... well, he looked like a kicked puppy... mixed with a tomato. It justified everything.

Moore picked up Jan, trying to be gentle, and sent Kanda an 'I'll speak with you later' glare before exiting the room.

"Way to go Bakanda" Allen spoke smile still etched on his face

Kanda didn't respond, he couldn't think of a reason why this wasn't his fault. Still, the kid just had a broken nose, no big deal. Besides, he would've hurt Allen if he hadn't done anything, '_the beansprout should be thanking me.'_

"You should be thanking me beansprout."

"I would... had you just pulled me back, but then you had to go and _smash_ Jan's _face_. You're lucky Jan's tough, it would have been a lot worse if he wasn't"

"Whatever Moyashi" Kanda walked back to his momentarily forgotten soba, ignoring Jerry's chidings, and sat down at their table, shortly followed by Allen. They ate their dinner in silence. There wasn't a very good reason to it, just that both wanted to say words that wouldn't form in their mouths.

Kanda had known from the start that anyone who got close to him would get hurt, but he thought that he would do it himself, personally. Yet... he wasn't stupid, he knew that if he hadn't blocked Jan's way then nothing would have happened, there wouldn't have been any danger to Allen, and he wouldn't have lost it. Then there was Jan himself... and others. He had almost forgotten how sociable Allen was... and since Kanda was always with him, no one would try to get near him. Sometimes Allen would be crowded with people, but Kanda wouldn't come if he waved him over, so Allen would break off from the group, saying his farewells, and go to Kanda's side, no one following in fear of Kanda.

Allen had known from the start that he would be hurt if anyone got too close to him. Especially if he got close to Kanda. But he hadn't thought he'd do it himself. At this point he liked Kanda by his side. If he left... Allen wouldn't be _too_ distraught... but in due time, Allen wouldn't be able to just let him go. And even if it was just because he was hurt recently, Kanda was trying to protect him. It was possible for Kanda to get hurt doing so, like if he _had_ found the man that had hurt him. He might not've be able to handle him, and would've gotten fairly hurt. Allen didn't deserve that kind of protection.

...

They were sitting in Kanda's room, Allen being inspected once again. But this time was a bit different. For one thing, it wasn't his arm but his forehead being studied, Kanda pushing his hair back with one hand, and grazing his wound, or maybe tracing his tattoo, with the other; Allen closing his eyes, owing to the fact that he felt something rather uncomfortable when he looked at the faultless face so close up.

They were waiting for Moore to come and scold Kanda for breaking Jan's nose, but Allen decided this would be a favorable time to speak his mind, as he usually did during these types of encounters. He drew a breath and spoke softly.

"You don't have to defend me like that... I can take care of myself." Kanda removed his hands from Allen, who then opened his eyes.

"I didn't really mean to... it just sort of happened."

"Still, I just -"

"I get it, I know... I won't get involved anymore."

"...Ok..." He had expected more of a fight, or more like he expected denial.

"So are you going to leave now?"

"... Do you want me to?"

"No." Kanda was surprised at how quickly he answered, and looked to the wall as he spoke. "I just figured... you'd rather be somewhere else."

"Why? Does 'not getting involved' mean that we just break off completely?" Allen had a dreadful rage filling his stomach. He had thought that if Kanda would go so far as to _break_ the _nose_ of someone that tried to hurt him, than he would at least _hesitate_ a bit before dismissing him completely.

"No… well yes, but I just... I thought..." Kanda ran a hand through his hair. He had never even attempted to figure out his thoughts, and know he was doing it while faced with a raging sprout.

"What did you think? That I was low enough to spend all of this time with you, trying to open you up, just on some stupid whim?" His voice shaking as he fisted his hands at his sides. "What the hell..."

"Beansprout..." Kanda reached a hand forward, not quite knowing where to put it, but knowing he wanted to hold on.

"Never mind," Allen's voice was cold and steady and he looked at Kanda with hot, livid eyes. Kanda shivered. "just forget about it... I'll go."

Kanda just stared at the spot Allen had been in as he heard the soft 'click' of the door closing behind him. He put his head in his hands and tried to figure out what had just happened, but he was interrupted by the sound of a turning doorknob, and creaking hinges. His head snapped back, and was disappointed when the space lacked a white head. Instead there stood Moore with a rather upset expression. She sauntered in, and sat in place of Allen.

"Did something happen Kanda?" She had been heading to Kanda's room, fully expecting for both boys to be designated there, and had been rather surprised to see Allen walking in the opposite direction. She had spoken a few words in attempt to halt him, but he ambled along, steely glint adamant in his grey eyes.

"I don't really know." Kanda spoke shaking his head slightly as he looked at the floor in a far off manner, leaning on his hand.

"Well alright..." She had been expecting bumps in the boy's relationship, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt to see. Plus... she had a feeling that Kanda had gotten the ball rolling with this particular clash; that appended with the fact that Jan's snoot was in pieces left an awful feeling toward the young boy that she felt slight shame for having. But nevertheless she gave Kanda a sharp whack on the head.

Kanda's head wrenched downward and bobbed back up like a ball that was shoved underwater. He looked up to the offender who returned his gaze, looking exceptionally displeased, and he tried his best to glare.

"What do you want... from me?" Right now he really just wanted to knock Allen around a bit and figure out what had made him rave so.

"Can I ask what you think about Allen?" Kanda's eyes seemed to fog over and it became very clear that he didn't quite know the answer to that.

"I... he's annoying, and stupid, and violent... and he fucks everything up... and I hate him... I hate him... so much." Kanda was driving his head into his hands, wishing to be back in that darkness that had sustained his small will to live. He hadn't yearned for that darkness like he used to, he was finding that white was preferable to black.

"Why did you hit Jan?"

"I - I don't know... I didn't think about it..."

"Mm… Well what if he _had _hit Allen? What do you think would've happened then?"

"I don't know... probably something bad."

"And why do you think that is?"

"Because... Jan didn't have a reason... the beansprout shouldn't be hurt without one. A real good one." Moore felt very sympathetic towards Allen's attempts at connecting with Kanda. The boy had a knack for giving you answers without telling you much.

"Okay Kanda, but you really should talk to Allen. He was housin' a cross look on his face... it didn't suit him, no?

"No... it really didn't."

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><p><strong>Oh dear... the boys had a tiff. Tell me if these chapters get too long, 'cause they've been slowly growing. Thanks so much for the reviews, I love to hear what you guys think. To <span>BlueStar1937<span> Thank you so much, I'll keep it up the best I can. I like your story as well. To You Still Love Me To me my writing style is just a big old blur, so thank you.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	8. Moyashi

**This was a bit late because my company left later than expected**

**Disclaimer:I do not own DGM, that should be obvious by my writing.**

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><p>Allen lied in his bed, an arm draped over his eyes as he took deep breaths. He was still fuming from his encounter with Kanda. Allen knew that Kanda was hard to understand, he understood that he didn't <em>know<em> much about Kanda. But that didn't in any way mean that he hadn't figured him out. Kanda loved to deny himself, and anyone around him. He could quell his emotions to himself, but when he was with other's they absolutely _exploded_ out of him. He always acted on his emotions. Everything he did had a reason. So why did Kanda disregard him with such ease? The only reason Allen could think of was that he really had hated him from the start.

It was curious why he hadn't expected it. Kanda had never said anything good about him, but he had just supposed that that was what made him, him. Certainly if he had been fond of Allen he wouldn't have shown it. He would've said harsh words and pushed him away, precisely as he had done. But, maybe Allen really hadn't figured him out, and was just giving the boy the benefit of the doubt by thinking in that way.

But that didn't change his feelings for Kanda. Not in the slightest. Allen was still aware of his aspiration to travel into the furthest depths of the darkness that was Kanda Yuu. He just had a rage inside of him that dispelled it for now.

It would seem that he simply didn't know what to think anymore. The fact had become discernible in his mind that if he really hadn't gotten anywhere with Kanda, then he had been wasting his time. Precious time that he could've spent moving forward.

A knock came from his door and he thought about ignoring whoever it was, but figured they'd come in regardless, so he invited the person in and was surprised to see Jan.

"Hey Allen." He spoke gently raising a hand in the air casually.

"Jan… how's your nose doing?" Allen figured not too well since he had an odd bandage surrounding it.

"It doesn't hurt much, but I can't smell nothin' now." He spoke scrunching his face as he sat on Allen's bed. He looked in Allen's eyes before speaking. "Moore was lookin' down, and when I asked her 'bout it she said that you and your squeeze broke up. Was she tellin' the truth?"

Allen chuckled giving Jan an incredulous look. "I guess you could say that."

"Wanna tell me why?"

"I can't say that I do."

"Ugh, _will _you tell me why?"

"Alright... well, basically he said that I didn't mean anything to him."

"Basically..." Jan said slowly "but what did he really say?"

Allen's eyes widened slightly before he spoke. "He said that he wouldn't get involved, and then asked if I wanted to leave."

"Well, that _is_ tricky... but don'cha think that if he really wanted you to go, he would have said so, not asked you." Jan put his hands on the back of his head and leant against the wall. "I'm thinkin' that you're missin' somethin' here Al."

"Yeah I kinda figured... but he just makes me feel real bad Jan, bad enough that I don't feel up to forgiving him." He crossed his arms over his knees and his words became muffled when he laid his head in them. "I know it's not fair, but I just wanna stay mad for a little longer."

"I get ya, I mean I'm all for that bastard's suffering," He spoke rather rushed, slowing his pace as he rustled Allen's hair a bit. "I just feel like you're hurtin' yourself as well. Even if Kanda is an ass, - 'specially around you - you like being with him, anyone can tell that much."

"Mm… I mostly just don't want to have to make up with him." Allen lifted his head so he rested his chin on his forearm. "If I go to him, then I lose, but if he apologized... well that would work for me."

"Well then how 'bout we have some fun with 'im as well? I don't think he'll up an' apologize just like that, he'll pro'ly beat real hard 'round the bush until one of you gives in. So we just have to make sure that he's the one to break, yeah?"

Allen wore a contemplative expression for a mere moment before a smile overtook him. "It'll be real easy too, don't you think?"

"That's what makes it so much fun, Al! Plus you already have a fatal weapon with that sliced forehead of yours!"

"Shh! Jan, he's right next to us!" Allen said putting a finger to Jan's lips.

Unfortunately he thwacked his nose in the process, and Jan jumped, grabbing his sore, and fell off the bed. He got up rather steamed, mostly due to Allen's laughter. But it was a short-lived rage, Allen was smilin', and that left a much better feeling than when he had been seething.

...

Kanda was still sitting on the floor as the Moyashi's conversation took place, they had begun to talk loud enough so that he could hear when Jan had said they should have some fun with him. But he definitely wouldn't break, no. The beansprout would give up eventually and then he'll come crying to Kanda.

However, he realized he wasn't starting off too well, as he had gotten disgruntled thinking about Allen and Jan. Earlier Allen was all blushes and smiles with Jan, and now they were in the same room. Kanda did not feel very good about it.

When Kanda woke the next morning he left his room prepared for anything thrown his way. So when he heard arguing down the hall, and recognized the sprout's voice, he calmed himself and walked toward the arguing pair.

"Jan… please it's not my fault." Allen said in a terribly desperate voice that made Kanda's instincts rage.

"Of course it's your fault! If you hadn't started hangin' around that long haired jerk then I wouldn't be housin' a broken nose Al!"

"Please Jan… just don't - "

There was a loud 'WHACK' and Kanda turned around to see Allen on the floor and Jan's arm was raised. _'Calm down, it's fake, they're just trying to fuck with me.'_

So he made it all the way to a table with his soba before he saw his assailants enter the room. His eyes widened when he saw the dark bruise on Allen's pale face. The boy had watery eyes and Jan was grazing the bruise with gentle fingers, speaking something.

He really had hit Allen.

Jan hit Allen hard enough to leave a bruise.

Kanda's thoughts went blank and he felt his instinct take over, but he knew Allen could take that much, he knew those weren't real tears. He wasn't going to break… yet.

...

"I think he lost it a bit there Jan."

"I think you're right Al." They spoke in hushed whispers as they sat down at a large table with a dozen or so other children. They already told Jerry and Moore about what they were doing, both agreed to keep quiet and do what they could to get Kanda to snap. So now they needed to tell the other children. While they were speaking, Lala got a bit too heated at Kanda for doing what he did to Jan and Allen, and Allen felt a bit proud when sweet little Lala walked over to Kanda and spat out a 'You're disgusting' before returning to the group, everyone high fiving her for her efforts. They all sat there brainstorming ways to screw Kanda over, informing new comers as they went.

They decided that Allen should stick with Jan pretty much 24/7, leaving moments when Allen will be alone to give Kanda a chance to swoop in. They would have Jan and Allen's act get more extreme each day. Worse injuries, closer touches and the like. Then the others would give Kanda whatever comments they felt necessary.

...

Kanda went through the day ignoring the comments of how stupid he was or how sweet Jan was. Though the ones about how he didn't deserve Allen's kindness had a truth to them that stung. He looked the other way when Allen was in the room, and resisted the urge to strangle Jan when he saw him. Those damn bastards had gotten the whole orphanage in on their plan. Even Moore, as she let Jan stay in Allen's room for the night, which was normally prohibited.

It continued like that for a few days and both boys were on edge. Kanda had barely spoken and that left all of his angry words free to settle in his stomach, lamenting into an awful feeling. The only reason Allen hadn't woken up screaming in the nights was because of Jan in his bed. He wanted to forget about everything and just vomit out harsh words like always, having even worse ones returned.

"Jan I'm about to break... I need to talk to him." Allen spoke as he sat on his bed with Jan, a shaking hand ran through his hair.

"Okay Allen… we'll finish this today then."

"How do you suppose we do that?"

"... Is there anything you two would do... somethin' real gushy?"

"Well not 'gushy' per say... but..."

Jan paused after Allen elaborated "... Well that could work."

"Yeah... I think so too."

So they set off ready to put this to an end, and found Kanda in the courtyard.

They were also rather pleased to see most of the other children there as well. They had been in on all of this too. They deserved to see the end. They sat down across from each other, and all talking quieted, everyone could feel the finality in the air.

"Jan… what are you..."

"I just wanna look." He spoke gently holding Allen's disfigured arm in his hand, brushing his fingers down it inquisitively.

"Mm" Allen picked up Jan's free arm and began mirroring his movements; not even having enough time to wonder if this would work before he was yanked roughly to his feet, and pulled away. There was an uproar of clapping, whoops and whistles were heard from their respective audience, and even an excited 'Go get him Kanda!' from Jan, as Kanda dragged Allen off. Allen was slammed against the wall as they entered the orphanage and a fist landed sharply beside his head.

"God dammit Moyashi" Kanda's head hung down, letting his hair hang like a curtain. "I don't even fucking care anymore... I give up... dammit!"

Allen lifted the long ebony hair, gently pulling upward until Kanda rose his head.

"Is that an apology?"

"Tch" Well... that was about all Allen was expecting in terms of an apology so he accepted with a smug smile.

"Let go of my hair Moyashi"

"Fine Bakanda" Allen grabbed a chunk of Kanda's hair and ripped downward, earning a grunt from Kanda.

"I'll fucking kill you."

"I'd like to see you try." And Kanda would have too, had he not looked up to Allen, seeing him this close for the first time since their row, and saw the bruises Jan had left. He raised his hand slowly, his fingertips settling under Allen's ear, and he lightly thumbed a bruise on his cheek.

"Why did you let him hit you?"

Allen looked up to him with glowing, honest eyes. "Because I thought it would bring you back... to me."

Kanda's eyes enlarged and he spoke softly. "Why were you so mad anyway?"

"Because... even if it was because I wanted it, I didn't think you would throw me to the side so easily like you did."

"..."

"You don't need to say anything, I misunderstood... and I get that."

"... Then why did you screw with me like that?"

Allen tried to shrink away but Kanda didn't let him. So he decided to wing it, and spoke nervously "I was just mad... and I thought it would be fun" before Kanda could put two and two together and realize that he was just made a fool of for someone else's enjoyment, Allen jabbed his stomach and ran, ran until his little heart gave out and he was in his room, leaving the door conveniently unlocked.

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><p><strong>Oh my god... so cliche. It's a mess but whatever. We are super close to getting to their past's, and then after that I think we'll see some of our favorite red-head. To <span>Creshirecat<span> He actually didn't have to do much, he just suffered a bit. To You Still Love Me at this point I suppose Allen would just barely be 12 and Kanda would be almost/just turned 13. Birthdays aren't celebrated 'cause neither like them. **

**Thank you guys so much for reviewing and favoriting and all that jazz.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	9. I promise

**Warning: Kanda's OOC. I was apologizing to him and Allen and Hoshino while writing this, I was trying to vibe off of the kid Kanda, and how he's more open now in the manga? But it's still pretty bad.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own DGM**

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><p>They ended up sitting down the same place they were when this whole situation occurred, the only difference being they were in Allen's room and both boys were a bit more beat up. Mentally and physically. Kanda had also given up on looking at the obvious places and asked Allen to show him all of the wounds he'd received in the past few days. There were a lot, and they were <em>all<em> over. Some hadn't even been intentional... not that Jan had hit him not thinking. Allen would tear at his body during the night, and suddenly Kanda was glad Jan had been there. Apparently he had stopped Allen from really hurting himself more than once.

They were ready to talk though, and that's what they planned to do now, but the words just didn't seem to be coming. Allen had opened his mouth attempting to speak but found that he just didn't want to get mad, or get Kanda mad. He had been without the boy for five days and right now he was very happy just to have all of the nasty feelings that had swelled inside of him forgotten in the midst of his presence.

He guessed that Kanda felt the same.

But that was part of the reason why he finally spoke, he wanted to clear everything up so that there was sparce chance this would happen again.

"I didn't ask you not to protect me because I didn't want you to be close to me. I just... if you got hurt protecting me... I would feel just awful Yuu." Allen's eyes widened unimaginably, and he looked up to the face he had been avoiding, to see that his were the same. He spoke real fast in hope that Kanda wouldn't leave. "I'm real sorry Kanda, I just, it sorta slipped."

"... It's... okay. It just... ugh, it feels weird when you... nevermind… I felt like the longer you stayed with me the more you'd get hurt later, and I didn't really feel like being responsible for that."

"Yeah... you know, Jan said that he thinks I was hurtin' myself more by not being with you. And I think he was right." He took a pause and placed Kanda's hand on his chest so it layed flat over one of the more gnarly scratches. "I think when I get real fed up with feeling bad, I need to take it out on something, and when it wasn't you, it was me. …I'm real sorry for making you that something, but it just seemed right in a way. I need something to hit and you need something to hit back, or at least I think you do, and I'll be glad to be that something for you."

"The way you put it almost makes beating each other up sound nice." Kanda said dryly and Allen laughed "I don't care if you hit me, or scream at me or whatever, I'm tougher than you. That's why I feel like if someone else is mad, and like you they want to take it out on something, it's better me than you."

"Well at least that's a decent reason, but I can take care of myself. You know that I can take a hit, and I think that I can deal a decent one too. So... unless I really need it, I want you to worry about yourself... not me."

"Mm… I just feel like it's not that simple. Since we're already talking about this I'll be honest, if I hadn't known you were screwing with me, I would have lost it that first day when Jan hit you."

"Wait... you knew the whole time... and you still snapped after five days?"

"Che, be quiet sprout. ...It's just that when he tried to hurt you the very first time, I didn't even think before I reacted. And then when you came in with that bruise I was really ready to kill Jan. There's just something in me that really wants you to be safe."

"How come you're being so open today? You miss me that much?" Allen spoke in a teasing matter, overly dramatic expression completing the perfect target for Kanda's fist. But it never came. Instead he ran a hand roughly through his hair and spoke like he wasn't too sure of what he was saying.

"I did. I... my stomach got all tight, and I wanted to scream, and I wanted run, and I wanted, so bad, to go back into that darkness. And right now... if telling you everything will keep that from happening again, then I'm good with that." Kanda didn't know what made him so inclined to say these things. He was pretty sure that the Allen wouldn't ditch him either way... but he guessed that he just didn't want to take the chance, being away from him was... disgusting.

"Don't force yourself... I wanna know this stuff when you're completely ready to tell me. I wanna make sure I earned it. Not that I don't appreciate it of course."

"Che."

He still wanted to know something though. "What about the others, what about Jan… don't you want to be with them?"

"I do... but I do see them, and I get to talk with them from time to time... as long as you don't get in the way of course." He said with a wry smile "Plus we all agreed a while ago, that if one of us found happiness, found something or someone that made our lives better, then we could spend our time with that happiness as much as we wanted. Which, by the way, is exactly what I'm doing." He looked up to Kanda and wished he hadn't when he saw the delicate look in his eye. Well the look itself wasn't troubling, but when you added in how close their faces were, Allen being shirtless, and Kanda's hand laying forgotten on his chest, it left a peculiar feeling.

"Um Kanda, could you...?" He looked down to the hand on his chest that was immediately pulled away.

"This is so weird." Kanda said placing a hand over his forehead, apparantly just noticing their odd situation.

"Yeah... but it's a good weird."

"Duh"

"... So are we cool now?"

"I guess so."

"Thank God... this whole thing has just got me so tired Kanda. "

"I know what you mean... but I guess with you beating yourself up every night you're probably fried."

" Yeah... Do you mind if I - "

"Che" _'Can't even hold himself up long enough to get in bed'_ Kanda thought as Allen fell to the side with a 'thud.

...

Kanda woke from a dreamless sleep as the pain against his back that had been occurring vaguely throughout his slumber sharpened. A grunt fell from his lips as he turned his head and was confronted with white hair.

_'Right'_ He had brought Allen to his bed and had found that he too was about pass, so he - in his rather dreary state - decided to lie in Allen's bed as well. Allen was laying on his side with his head pressed to Kanda's back, his hands were under his shirt; nails digging into Kanda's flesh. Kanda reached back and removed the hands from under his shirt, turning on his side so he faced Allen. His brow was wrinkled and his fingers were stained red. He was about to wonder what Jan had done when this happened, but decided he didn't care, so he shook the sprout awake.

"Kanda?"

"No, I'm the fucking Easter Bunny"

"Haha"Allen snided, with a tired look, "Now why did you wake me up?" Kanda took Allen's hands and put them in front of his face.

"But, I don't... oh."

"Yeah"

"I'm sorry"

"Tch, it's no big deal... but are you're dreams really that bad." He questioned relaxing his arms once again.

"Mm… the dreams themselves... have gotten less extreme. But what happens in them... I don't like it."

"What is it?" Kanda assumed that Allen was too tired to deny his questioning, so he was going to ask as much as he could.

Allen spoke shaking his head as he went. "It's a whole lot of hurt... there's you and me... mostly... and they're doin' things... real bad things." Allen crushed his lids together and pulled at his hair.

"What kind of things Beansprout?"

"I... I can't say... I don't want to."

"Why not?"

"I don't like... I don't want to remember... I feel like if I say it, it makes it so much more real."

Kanda grabbed the pale quivering chin, and roughly pulled it upward, so that gray and cobalt eyes met. "I won't let you... or me..." He paused and made his mind, that insisted on denying everything he was thinking, cooperate with his tongue. "I promise, to protect us from everything, as long as you want me by your side."

"... You realize that means you'll be protecting us for a real long time."

"Like I said... I'll do it as long as you want me to" A grim look spread over Allen's face before it was replaced by a smile, but it _was_ a real one. "Thank you Kanda." Kanda glared at him, but after the words he just said, he could've smashed his face in right then and there and nothing would matter.

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><p><strong>It was a bad ending, and bad characters, this one was just ugh.<strong>

**Thanks for the reviews and favorites and what not . **

**Thanks for reading!**


	10. To Protect

**Disclaimer: I don't own DGM**

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><p>Allen opened his eyes and his face burst into flames.<p>

Or it felt like it had.

His breath floated down a pale collarbone and gently tickled his hand that lay across a chest, clutching black hair and a shirt's fabric. He glanced upward and let out a nervous breath at seeing Kanda's face. Sleeping... thank god.

Allen started to shift away from the older boy, gently untangling their hair. He folded the sheets away from his body and padded across the cold floor, which contrasted immensely against the warmth he had been feeling. He was almost out the door when his stomach announced to everyone in a hundred-meter radius that he was starving.

There was a rustling of sheets and Allen looked back to a heavy-lidded Kanda, looking at him lazily, then an annoyed 'tch' followed by a 'plop', informed Allen that he wouldn't have to confront Kanda just yet.

When he walked into the dining room, he got many queer looks. He strode over to a short counter and ordered his meal from Jerry who was looking at him oddly as well.

"Is something the matter?" Allen voiced looking behind him to make sure _he_ was the disturbance.

"Well honey," Jerry cooed, "you boys made a big scene of Kanda dragging you off to make things right. And now you come in here alone, not yelling at a grumpy black haired boy. So I think we all have to wonder what happened."

Allen noticed all the eyes in the room looking at him greedily, mumbling things like 'Tell us what happened?' and 'I'm going to kick Kanda's but if he did something wrong.'

Allen put on his best smile - which wasn't too hard - and told everyone that Kanda apologized (to the best of his ability) and that everything worked out. Smiles broke out and a few congratulative murmurs reached his ears. Then a question that he felt best not to answer came.

"How'd he apologize?" Lala spoke up innocently.

"Um well," _'First he slammed me into a wall, then my face was almost impounded, then he stripped me down to inspect my wounds.'_ Not the first thing he'd want to tell young children. "He said he was sorry and then we talked it out."

"What happened after?" Shouted Jan with a stupidly knowing smile, and Allen was almost sure he had listened at the door.

"Later I thought about how I promised Jan I'd kick his rear into next week." Allen said thoughtfully with a smile.

"Right... I'll shut up."

"Thank you Jan."

Allen sat down, shoving the blush that tried to appear on his face to anywhere else. He couldn't believe the scene that had unfolded with Kanda the previous night. First, not even mentioning the fact that Kanda had stripped him down, Allen forced Kanda to touch him when he had put Kanda's hand on his chest. Then, they had fallen asleep in the same bed, which was just _weird_. And to top it all off Kanda had said he would protect him for as long as he wanted... no he said 'us'. He would protect US! Allen couldn't believe that Kanda had said that, and more over he couldn't believe that he had accepted. HE ACCEPTED! That's not a promise that anyone should make, especially not a sleep deprived, beat up, thirteen-year old.

Even more embarrassment filled his stomach as the soft hum of talking died away, to be replaced by giggles and whistles at, what Allen presumed to be, Kanda.

A tray slammed down in front of him, and he looked away from his food to see Kanda glaring at him.

"What the fuck are they laughing at sprout."

"My guess would be you."

There was an irritated sigh. "_Why_, are they laughing."

Allen was embarrassed about his soon-to-be answer before he decided it would be worth it. "Because they know that you're my bitch."

Had Kanda not been so mad to the point he was stunned for a moment, he surely would've cracked Allen's skull. However, Allen had enough time to shove the remains of his food down his throat and pick up his metal tray, Kanda's punch denting it to such a degree that the thin metal floated an inch from Allen's nose. Allen put the tray down admiring it with a 'wow', before taking a strawberry filled plate from his food cart and emptying them into the indent.

"Fruit punch" he whispered in awe.

"What the fuck's the matter with you Moyashi?"

"Not anywhere near as much as you I'm sure"

"Says the kid with white hair."

"Say's the boy with girl's hair."

Kanda's own tray sliced through the air, the corner connecting with Allen's temple, causing the boy to clutch his head, uttering demonic mumbles. You could almost see the black aura surrounding him.

Yet everyone in the room was smiling due to witnessing a scene that was gone for far too long.

Allen wasn't sure how long they had been arguing or when they'd entered Kanda's room, but Allen was thrown onto the ground, a foot pressing into his chest.

"Get off me Bakanda"

"Whose the bitch now Moyashi."

"You are Bakanda" The pressure on his chest increased, and he felt his ribs flex alarmingly, he spoke rather panicked "Okay Kanda, I give."

"Then what are you?"

"..." _I'll never say I'm his bitch_. Allen was sure he felt his rib crack, and he let out a soft gasp.

"Hurry up Moyashi, or I'll - " **BOOM!**

In one swift movement Allen removed Kanda's foot from his chest, pushing so he fell backward, and wrapped himself in the blanket laying on Kanda's bed.

"Che, you didn't need to vault me across the fucking room Moyashi!" Kanda waited for a response before he figured he wouldn't get one. Allen was shaking... a lot, and he could see his shoulders heaving; _up, down, up, down_, almost rhythmically despite the erratic breaths that were surely being released.

"Dammit Moyashi." Allen jumped as the blanket was ripped from his side. He grasped blindly for his shear security, but grabbed silky strands instead as Kanda's side molded to his. He felt a cold hand press to his ear, forcing Allen's head against Kanda's shoulder, blocking out sound. Normally, Allen would have pushed him away, but right now all he could think about was how he didn't want to think about the storm outside. He fully leaned into Kanda's hold, raising his hand so it laid over Kanda's, pushing it so the sound was muddled even more. The other reached out for anything, and lithe fingers laced with his.

He pressed a pattern absentmindedly into Kanda's hand, and was surprised when he copied it. Like how Allen would copy Kanda as he inspected his arm. It was reassuring. He wasn't alone. Not even the warmth radiating off of he body next to him had convinced him of that. But when his actions were returned, it made it undeniable that someone was there.

They stayed that way even after the storm was over, Allen in a daze from his newfound comfort, and Kanda had hopes that if he continued to comply Allen wouldn't ask why he had done it.

Although it should be obvious, 'I promise to protect us from everything...' He had said everything, and that included storms. Even though that was sure to be a hassle, he had promised. No matter how drained he was, he meant what he had said. And he wasn't going to break a promise.

Allen withdrew his hands from Kanda, letting him do the same, and looked up to Kanda in a daze, like he wasn't sure if what had happened wasn't a dream. He stood, wrapping he blanket around his shoulders, and stared with his brow knit in thought. "Are you really Kanda?" He questioned, looking back to see Kanda's 'duh' expression. "Sorry, you were just... nice."

"Che"

"Ah... thank you, I guess."

"Whatever." Kanda stood and walked out of the room, not quite sure where he was headed. He heard Allen fall into step behind him.

"I thought you weren't aloud to walk away from me."

"You never asked me to stay"

"Fair enough" Allen chimed, hopping next to Kanda and keeping his pace. "Where are we going?"

"I don't know."

"Then can I show you something?"

"Show me what?" Kanda said apprehensively as Allen grabbed his arm.

"Come on, we need to find Moore."

Kanda watched as Allen took a small key from Moore's hands, and bounded down the hallway. They arrived in front of a room, the word storage written haphazardly across the white door. Allen slid the key into the door, followed by a soft 'click'. Allen pushed the door open with one hand, and grasped Kanda's arm with the other, as if he were to run away.

They walked into a room that was surely the biggest the building had to offer. He couldn't tell how large as there were mounds of random objects; broken toys, tables and frames that looked like unfinished projects, and countless articles of clothing that children had overgrown, waiting for a good wash and a new owner.

They walked further into the heart of the room and Allen heaved a blue tarp, revealing a smooth white surface, which Kanda recognized as a piano. A white grand piano, high quality, that if it were to be sold, would surely take care of any money problems the orphanage might have.

Allen pulled out a matching bench from underneath the piano, and sat on one end, signaling for Kanda to follow. As Kanda sat down, Allen began to play. There were no sheets of music and Allen closed his eyes, ready to immerse himself in the music. The notes started off simple, excited, with a thirst for something else. The tune became more complex, melancholic, sad, although the harmony had been added, there was a sense of loss. It reminded him of war. The music slowed and the volume lowered, the notes held a pang of finality to them as Allen opened his eyes.

"That was... interesting." Kanda could feel the battle raging; men rushing out to battle, watching their friends fall, burying them in the ground.

"I thank you for your praise." Allen said caustically

"I just... it was amazing."

"Well, thank you."

"Normally you would say something like 'it's no big deal' or how 'anyone could do it if they tried' or something like that."

"Haha, I guess I would... but this is something I'm proud of, my dad taught me." Allen said with a sad smile.

"When was that?"

"When I was seven"

"He must've been good" Kanda said, pressing three fingers to the keys, and do re mi resounded through the room.

Allen chuckled airily "He wasn't actually. He was just a good teacher. I remember everything he taught me." Allen spoke, lifting his hand and laying it on Kanda's, aligning their fingers with the keys. He started a simple melody with their joined hands, as his right danced across the upper range.

"What was his name?"

"Mana"

"What happened to him?"

Allen's right hand stopped, and the simple melody turned eerie without it's counterpart. "He was killed."

Kanda's hand tensed, messing up the rhythm for a moment. "He was murdered?"

"Well not murdered exactly, he was hit... by a drunk driver. The doctors couldn't save him."

"That sucks."

Allen chuckled and gave Kanda an incredulous look. "Yeah, it does. I only knew him for a year or so, he was my adoptive father."

"So have you been here before?"

"No… I lived by myself before, survived somehow."

"Mm."

"What about you, any parents ever?"

"Well at one point I guess, but I wouldn't know."

"Where'd you live, always around here?" Allen placed his hand back on the keys; the notes were dramatic and hard, fitting to their conversation.

"No…"

"Is that I'll I'm gonna get?"

"Yeah."

"Figured as much. Do you want to keep playing?"

"... Yeah"

Allen smiled at him and shifted their hands so both of Allen's were draped over Kanda's. They played a soothing piece, one that made him want to simply think for as long as it took to figure the world out.

"Memories... that's what it's called. Fitting huh?"

"Mm… very."

"You're good... long fingers."

"Does that even count as a compliment?"

"Probably not, but we don't really do that much in case you haven't noticed."

"It's kind of hard to miss."

"Yeah... but it works I guess." Kanda opened his mouth to respond, but was interrupted by a large crunching noise. He looked up just in time to see a brown table connect with Allen's head.

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><p><strong>Oh dear... The poor thing. <strong>

**I must just sound positively evil like that**

**I tried to make this one longer than usual since I missed yesterday but this was what wanted to stay so I let it.**

**Please review if you have something to say, they're always appreciated. Thanks for reading!**


	11. Us

**Okay, I managed to make this one a decent length, well it wanted to be this length so yeah.**

**Disclaimer: A big no, I don't get how you can't understand that.**

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><p>Kanda's brain went into overdrive.<p>

He made a point of everything that had happened.

__ A table hit Allen's head. A_ table probably around fifteen pounds hit Allen. It hadn't hit directly. Allen was unconscious. Allen's hair turned pink at the point of impact. Kanda was holding Allen in his arms. You aren't supposed to move someone with a head injury. Right? It doesn't matter. Allen's breath is soft but steady. His heartbeat is heavy and slightly erratic, I feel like that's bad. But mine's doing the same thing. His head is really hot._

Kanda's brain switched off of autopilot and he was consumed in his nerves. Allen was unconscious and he was bleeding and he had a fever, and Kanda needed to get him to someone, anyone, but he didn't know if he could be moved. He probably had a concussion, if someone's unconscious then they need to see a doctor right away. Right?

Allen moved in his arms displaying a pained expression. Nothing mattered anymore. Kanda lifted Allen as smoothly as he could and strode out of the room trying not to boggle Allen too much.

He made it to Moore's room in record time and kicked hastily against the door. He almost relaxed a bit when she opened the door. Then he wanted to hit the lady as she just stood there, every hole on her face as wide as she could make it, and then to top it all off she looked at Kanda like it was his fault. Like _he_ had smashed the Moyashi's head.

He couldn't help his voice from quaking slightly as he spoke "He's hurt, please hurry"

"Oh deary of course! Hand him here." She said with outstretched arms but Kanda didn't comply. In difference he held Allen closer, sending Moore a halfhearted glare, like a lioness's last-ditch attempt at protecting her wounded baby.

"Honey please, I'm going to help him." She said as more of an order than a plea, puling Allen from Kanda's stiff arms, trying to make the transfer as even as possible. She laid him on the cot in the back of her room that she kept for emergencies such as this. "Kanda what happened?"

"He was playing... and a table fell... and he..." Kanda didn't have to finish and Moore got the message. Kanda felt idiotic. He promised to protect him from _everything_, and a _table_ had broken his defense.

She parted Allen's hair so the wound was visible. It was better than Kanda had feared, but any wound to the head could cause damage. Especially if it caused that person to be inert. He watched as Moore worked, checking his vitals while dialing a number into a phone hung on the wall. She said something into the receiver, Kanda wasn't really paying attention to the words but he presumed it would involve a kept on looking back to Allen, only to find that his appearance hadn't changed.

He wasn't quite sure where to put himself as there was no place to sit except for the bed at the other side of the room, and Kanda was certainly not about to distance himself.

"Kanda calm down he's going to be alright" though she knew her words wouldn't convince the boy, she just wanted him to calm down in case he tried to get in the way of the doctor when he came.

"Shut up I know." He barked back, but it didn't have his bite. Kanda settled himself beside Allen's bed, leaning against the metal guardrail.

"Kanda you're going to have to move."

"No"

"Yes Kanda, the doctor will want - "

"Then I'll move when he comes dammit, just shut up." As he spoke, Moore noticed he looked far too tired to even be awake, nonetheless sitting up, so she complied for now.

Kanda continued to watch as she took a towel and dunked it in a metal bowl. When she removed it she squeezed out the excess water and reached so her hands were out of Kanda's view. There was a soft, warm hum and he looked up to Moore with wide eyes "Was that..."

"Kanda honey calm down, he's just stirring, he might not wake for a while."

And he didn't.

He didn't wake when the doctor came in.

He didn't wake when the doctor gave him a needle.

He didn't wake when Kanda almost bit the doctor's head off when he started being rather rough with Allen's small frame.

And he didn't wake when Kanda left the room for the night.

...

Moore wouldn't allow him to see Allen in the morning. She said he wasn't awake and that he shouldn't worry himself. That he should get some breakfast and come back later.

But he wasn't hungry. Even though he hadn't eaten since yesterday morning. But he knew it wouldn't do any good to wait around for nothing.

He headed to the dining room, and immediately wished he hadn't as he entered the vast room.

"What happened to Allen?"

"Is he okay?"

"Were you there when it happened?"

"Did you do it? AH!" The young boy had to duck as Kanda's foot flew towards his head.

"He got hit on the head, he's unconscious, I was there, and I did. not. do. it." He spoke with his fists balled at his side, glaring at anyone who looked like they might disagree or question him.

Everyone distanced themselves from Kanda, fearing their own head's safety, and returned to their seats. Even Jerry gained a cautious air as Kanda ordered his food. But decided - much to Kanda's dismay - to speak. "He'll be alright hon. It's not your fault." He voiced with a seriousness that was unforeseen. But it made Kanda feel worse. Usually if someone said that, it meant it _was_ your fault, or at least it seemed like it was. Otherwise they wouldn't think to comfort you in that way.

"Che"

He sat down with his soba and ate despite his appetite, or lack there of. Contemplating, for what could've been seconds or hours or days. It was all a blur of thoughts that looped back to the same thing. Allen. Lying on that guarded cot that seemed to say that even _it_, an inanimate object, could protect the boy better. He barely even noticed as the chair across from him squeaked with the extra weight.

"Hey"

Kanda looked up to see Jan. He was being looked at with distaste that made him want to murder the kid more than he already felt necessary. "What the fuck do you want?" Kanda grumbled, turning back to his soba.

"You need to pull yourself together."

"What makes you think I'm apart?"

"Please, it's not that hard to tell if you're in a bitchy mood. Just because Allen can handle your tantrums doesn't mean we can."

"..."

"Dude, if you're going to be worried just go chill with him until he wakes up."

"Moore doesn't want me to"

"Since when did that matter? Look, I'm just saying that you should calm down before you hurt someone who's not involved. Just because you suck at controlling yourse-" A hand around his throat silenced him, but he managed to grate out "See what I mean." before Kanda loosened his grip.

"Nothing's going to change until he wakes up." He whispered still looking into his barely touched soba.

"Well then you have to be there when he does, right?" Jan was proud of himself when Kanda _finally_ looked up to him, even if it was a glare. That's all Allen got too... well usually.

"Why the hell am I talking to you?"

"One, because I'm right, and two, because you miss your boyfriend."

Jan was already half way across the room as Kanda sent a punch flying into empty space.

...

It was dark. But it was getting clearer. He felt cold, and hot. His head hurt, and he felt like he might not be able to get out. He started tearing through the walls that protected his awareness. He was almost there, he could feel the world outside of him, but he couldn't see it. He heard footsteps, felt the towel on his head being replaced, he noticed fingers trailing down his arm, and tense voices reached his ears. Moore's and… someone's. He couldn't place it, but he felt great emotion towards it. Annoyance, anger, offense, conflict, trust, warmth, endearment... He wanted to know who it was. He rose his arm and smashed through the remaining wall.

He pulled his eyes open, and saw Moore walking, her back to him. He looked down to the fingers tracing his arm. They were connected to an equally pale arm that led up to a boy with long black hair. He was beautiful... to say the least. His expression far off, but he had engaging eyes that Allen knew entirely. He felt like they should be connected with his own. Allen lifted his arm in attempt to touch the alluring boy's face. But he was interrupted. He froze as the boy looked at him so deeply. It felt like his heart stopped.

"Moore, he's awake," the black haired boy spoke calmly, but his eyes were excited.

Moore rushed over to him and started asking questions. All ending with a different pet name.

"Do you feel dizzy honey?"

"No… no."

"Do you feel sick sweetie?"

"No."

"Can you see me alright darling?"

"Yes Moore."

"What's five plus six angel?"

He smiled at that one. "Eleven.

"Do you remember what happened dear?"

"...No… I don't."

"Oh... well what do you remember, the last thing?"

"Um... it was the time when Leo was adopted, and then we went out... somewhere." He scrunched his face, trying to remember things that he knew should be there.

"Ah... that far back huh?"

Kanda spoke up, starting to understand what was going on. "Who's Leo?"

"Oh, he was a boy who stayed here before, real close to Jan, and when he was adopted we went out to buy Jan a present. So he wouldn't be too down. This was about... a month before you came Kanda." She said with a sorry expression.

_'So his name's Kanda' _Allen thought with a smile. It fit the boy. Tough and elegant.

"So..." The boy's - ah, Kanda's eyes met Allen's and he froze again. He felt like those cobalt eyes could see him in his entirety; it was a very peculiar feeling. "You... you don't remember me?" He said straightening his body so he could get a better view of Allen.

"I don't... I'm sorry." _I wish I did._

"It's... alright." Allen was being looked at like he was joking, or like he should be. Like he had committed some awful crime by forgetting the boy in front of him. A pained expression that, by the looks of Moore's worrying isn't shown very often.

"Kanda dear, he should remember soon, it might take a bit for everything to surface, but you come in real soon." She declared, placing a hand on the black hair, a pale hand pushing it away.

"Whatever" He rested his chin on the guard rails, and let out his breath in a 'puff'.

Allen giggled. He looked up at the ceiling, with a small smile. "I feel like I should know you, like there's something I should be doing since you're here."

Kanda spoke with another puff. "Probably arguing."

Allen's eyes widened a bit and he looked at Kanda, "Yeah... that sounds right. But, I feel like it was a good thing. So would arguing...?"

"It was for us." He said with such assurance that Allen had to believe it true.

"Oh..." He looked to Moore for reassurance and she smiled, urging him to ask more. "What... did happen?" Kanda's face dropped a bit and he let out a sigh.

"You were playing the piano, out in the storage room, and a table fell on your head."

Allen's eyes widened and then the corners wrinkled "Pfft, I would be the person to get beaten up by a table huh?" The black haired boy chuckled, and his face turned from a dark beauty, to a carefree charm. Allen looked up to Moore once again this time talking with his expression _'Where'd we get this kid'_

_'You found him'_ Her eyes whispered

_'How come no one took him yet'_ His brow questioned

_'He's not usually like this' _Her rolling eyes stated.

Allen looked back down to the boy who was tracing the lines on his red arm; he liked the expression he was wearing.

"How old are you?"

"I'm thirteen."

"What's your name?"

"... Kanda Yuu"

"Yuu... but... I shouldn't say that right, it's Kanda."

"Yeah"

"Mm, I like that better, you are already you, so Yuu should be Kanda. Or something like that." Allen spoke looking up, like his memories would be floating there, waiting for him to grab them. "I suppose you already know my name."

"Yeah"

"But you don't... or... you." He couldn't imagine the older boy saying his name like he could them arguing or fighting.

"Beansprout." Kanda spoke with a smirk

"Right, that wonderful nickname." Allen murmured, rather displeased that he had asked.

"Che" Kanda said standing up. "So is he fine now, he just has to remember all of this shit right?"

"Yes, and it seems he should remember terribly soon." _Then again, he could only be remembering this because it's Kanda._

Kanda realized that the sprout hadn't eaten in a good twenty-four hours, and as if on cue a growl reverberated through the room. Kanda swore it shook.

"Ah! When was the last time I ate?" Allen spoke like his life depended on... okay it does, but still, he was very shocked.

"Yesterday morning." Kanda said, but Allen was already struggling out of his covers at the word yesterday.

"Allen honey, take it easy, you just a had a concussion!"

"Food will help." He spoke like it was a known fact and hopped over the guardrails, running out of the door.

"Kanda, stay with him until he's better." Moore ordered even though he was sure to do it anyway.

Kanda held up his hand in an affirmative as he walked out of the room.

...

"Allen are you okay?"

"What happened?"

"Was Kanda really there?"

"Are you sure he didn't do it?"

These were just a few of the question Allen ignored while ordering his lunch. He didn't have time to think when his stomach was so~ empty. He guided three carts to an empty table with all the grace of a pro glutton. He was finished his first two carts when Kanda sat down across from him. He tilted his food filled face to the side and gave a questioning hum.

Kanda tried not to insult him, as he didn't want whatever the Moyashi would say back to end up on his face.

"Moore asked me to stick with you." Allen nodded and went back to shoving his face, ignoring the slight disgust in Kanda's eyes.

He pat his extended belly when he was done, a large burp emanating from his gut. Then more questions came, but at a slower, more answer-friendly rate.

"Allen are you okay?"

"I feel fine"

"What happened?"

"A table hit my head."

"Really?"

"Sadly, yes."

One kid shot a nervous look at Kanda but took the plunge. "Did Kanda do it?" Kanda simply glared, '_the question was already asked, what's done is done,_' he reassured himself.

"Um... no, why? _Would_ he?" Allen gave Kanda a skeptical glance. When he looked back everyone was staring at him appalled.

"Are you kidding?"

"He's hurt you like a bagillion times."

"Yeah, just look what he did to Jan." A small kid pointed a chubby finger to Allen's friend, his nose was bluish, purple, and twisted,

"Oh my gosh! Jan what happened?"

Jan retracted his head and looked at him like he was insane. "Kanda broke my nose, like last week."

Allen snapped his head toward Kanda and glared. He spoke angrily "Are they telling the truth? Why did you do that to Jan?" Kanda just looked at him wide-eyed, obviously not expecting to have to answer that.

Jan stepped forward and put his hand on Allen's shoulder. "Relax Allen, I lost control a bit and I almost knocked your block off, he was just tryin' to help ya."

"You couldn't knock my block off Jan."

"Well he didn't know that."

"Hmm"

"Allen"

"Yeah"

"Why don't you know this stuff?"

"Oh right, Moore said that I forgot everything from the time Leo left, 'cause the table boggled my brain." Jan's hand tensed on his shoulder.

"So... you don't remember you're little boyfriend?" There were giggles from the crowd and Allen blushed a rosy pink.

"Uh, um..." he looked around at his friend's faces "do I have..." his stomach flipped when they smiled at him "... oh god" he cried placing his head in his hands before looked up at Jan "Do I... really?"

Jan pointed to a spot in front of Allen, he looked forward to see Kanda fuming, like he was about to kill somebody. Allen leaned back.

"Wai... you-" Kanda shot him with another soul piercing look and spoke sternly.

"No. Not at all. They're fucking with you Beansprout."

Allen sighed and relaxed "Oh thank god. ... Ah, no offense." He voiced to Kanda.

"It's fine, believe me." Ok, Allen took offense to that.

"Sorry it would be such an awful thing." Allen grumbled

"You should be" Kanda snapped

"Shut up Bakanda" Allen barked

"..." Kanda stared

"So... you do remember him?" Lala chimed

"Oh... well, um some things just sort of pop up."

"Ri~ght. Well that's cool I guess. How much do you remember?" Jan inputted

"Mostly feelings. Like I know that I hate Kanda, but there's also the opposite too."

Jan smiled roguishly, "What would that feeling be Al?" Jan didn't get the response he was hoping for; evidently everyone else felt the same, for they sighed when Allen tilted his head to the side. Cute? Yes. But favorable? No.

"Whatever, have fun remembering your boyfr-"

That day everyone learned that if Kanda and Allen hit Jan at the same time, he would fly across the room.

* * *

><p><strong>That ending was such a copout. But Oh~ well~ I already know what happens next, so, yeah. Thank you to <span>Chibi-Dears XD<span> for reviewing. I always love to hear what other people think.**

**Thanks for reading.**


	12. From Everything

**Disclaimer: I don't own DGM. Just read this. You'll see.**_  
><em>

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><p>Allen wasn't allowed to go back to his own room that night. He stayed in Moore's on the cot. Luckily, she was kind enough to let Kanda stay there too. Allen wanted an opportunity to learn more about the person that he had such strong feelings for. Especially since he seemed so different from what everyone warned him about. He looked down to the lithe body lying beneath a few blankets on the stone floor. '<em>Would he actually hurt me?' <em> Both Allen and Moore had offered their bed, but he insisted. Just one of the kind actions that the apparently 'demonic' boy had done.

"All of the other kids said you're mean. But I don't really see it." He spoke leaning over the guardrails.

"I am mean"

"Really?" Allen wasn't very convinced.

"Uh huh"

"So~ did you actually hurt me a bunch of times?"

"Yeah... but you hurt me too." He said looking up at him. He suppressed a smile at Allen hanging over the rail, glowing grey eyes opened wide.

"I did... really? Did I hurt you bad, like how you hurt Jan?" Allen didn't think he was the type of person to hurt someone else, then again he didn't think that another child would hurt him.

"Not like that no." Kanda raised his arms to place them behind his head. "One time _I_ got pretty close to that, but that was when I first met you."

"You say that like it makes it okay. Wouldn't that make it worse?"

Kanda's eyes went up thoughtfully, like he had never considered it, which for some reason Allen got the feeling he really hadn't. Then he simply shrugged.

Allen spoke "You're good at not answering questions." This was more of a notion then what Allen felt fact.

"Yeah, that's something I pride myself in." Kanda spoke with a smirk

"Okay, sarcastic and deceitful, but I'm still not getting mean."

"You will, you just have to remember some stuff."

"Hmm. What were you doing when the table hit me?" Allen could see Kanda tense three feet below him in the dark.

"... I was playing with you... the piano." He spoke turning his head to the side.

"Did you get hurt too?" Allen leant further over the rails, like he was trying to see a gash on Kanda's head.

"Huh? No… just you."

"Oh well that's good... I guess."

"So you're glad a table knocked you loose?"

"Well no, but it would be a real pain if neither of us remembered each other, then I couldn't ask questions." Allen declared, pointing a finger at Kanda

"Hey beansprout, quit doing that before you fall on me."

"See, you are nice. You just hide it rea~lly well." He sung.

"Whatever you say beansprout."

"Since when do you agree with me?"

"Since when do you remember that I don't?"

"Just now I guess" He looked off to the side, like he would be able to see a replay of the moment, with a teleprompter of his thoughts.

"You lost you're ability to argue." It had been a while since they had a two liner like that.

"Did I? I don't remember being in many arguments."

"You will, trust me."

"If we argue so much, and hurt each other, and all of the other kids say you're so mean, why were you with me when the table fell and when I woke up?" It just didn't seem to fit.

"Maybe I just happened to be there when it fell, and then I wanted to make sure you weren't dead." His arms rose as he spoke, moving exasperatedly before they dropped to the ground with a 'thump'

Allen thought about it a moment before moving on "Plus, I was kinda surprised when you said you were playing _with_ me. I've played _for_ a few people, but besides the person who taught me, I don't remember playing _with _someone else, so you must have been pretty important." And then of course there was that voice in Allen's head saying the same thing.

"I wouldn't know. But I really doubt it." Kanda was trying especially hard to avoid the beansprout's questions. He felt weird talking about how close he was to Allen. It felt like he was bragging and beating himself down at the same time.

"Then why did Jan call you my, um..."

Kanda looked to Allen and the blush on his cheeks shone as much as his eyes. Another suppressed smile. "Because he's an idiot."

"That's not very nice."

"See, I am mean."

"..."

...

It seemed like every minute that went by brought forth another memory; another moment in time that made him feel worse about forgetting the older boy that was always by his side.

Allen became to understand why Kanda had looked so pained when he looked into his eyes not knowing what to expect from him, and regrettably why Jan insisted on saying how close they were every time he spoke about Kanda. 'Boyfriend', Kanda had been called that way too many times in one day for either of the two to be comfortable.

Yet they were.

It seemed that every time either of them opened their mouth around the other any discomforts were eliminated.

Even if it was arguing. Actually, especially if it was arguing. It was as if yelling reined the force to rid them of their gnarliest emotions.

Different to what most might think, or maybe to what happens to the majority, Allen's memories came back to him inconsistently. In fact the first thing he remembered was the incident with the table, when he and Kanda had been playing the piano.

That memory had given him a good idea of how close they were. He had broken so far into Kanda's barriers that day. They were playing in a way that acknowledged both of them, Allen leading Kanda following, he felt like they did that a lot. He told Kanda about himself and even got Kanda to say a few things too, which he imagined to be an immense triumph.

It also made him hate the fact that he was spending all of his time remembering things he already knew when he could be breaking down Kanda's walls. Which with Kanda's persistence were likely as good as new by now, with an addition of a ballista and guard towers.

But something seemed different about Kanda since then. He remembered being next to him every second, all of his newly gained memories so far have involved him. But now... it felt like even though every force in Kanda's body was urging him to stay by his side, there was something that overpowered them, and kept Allen from getting too close. Keeping him at bay more then normal.

Although he still spent most of his time with the older boy, small things disappeared. Kanda inspecting Allen and his many deformities, or having his door open and black hair flow in when he was fighting with himself from night terrors, or when he was quaking in sync with the thunder outside.

It felt like the gods were playing with him. It had stormed every other night for the past four days. And instead of cold, unemotional hands awkwardly holding him as the thunder rolled, he would be surrounded by warm flesh and soothing words. Yet oddly enough, he preferred the former. By a landslide.

This all mostly left him confused. One moment he would be in his mind, watching as memories surfaced from a black bubbling pool that he took to be the depths of his mind. He would see Kanda struggling with himself as he tried to spill his emotions. He would watch as Kanda's hand traveled his arm, and the bodiless hands that were connected to him mirrored the movements. The he would be back in reality, where they could only get as far as releasing each other's tension verbally. Kanda would allow nothing else past his guard.

Not even the chuckle that escaped the ethereal face upon Allen's waking was seen.

He needed his memories back. They... he wished that there was some trick to Kanda, some button to press or string to pull that would collapse every defense that he could manage. And he felt as if the longer he waited the less chance there was of his wish coming true.

Moore had said that spending more time with Kanda would bring back his memories. Or at least quicken the rate at which they surfaced. He knew she was right too. But she had meant _really_ spending time with him. The time where they would sit in silence and simply drink in the other's presence. Not where they would rack their brains thinking of different venomous words to spit at the other.

He was determined to get that time back. And that was what he was trying to do now, as Kanda sat on the ground with a bloody nose.

"What the hell Moyashi!" Kanda hissed, about to launch himself at Allen.

But he wasn't going to let the fight start up again.

He sat down, giving Kanda one last kick so he was on his back.

"Kanda I want to talk."

"Che, you don't have to fucking kick me then." He growled sitting up. His expression was angry but his eyes were scared. He didn't want to talk. That much was obvious.

"Why are you... you're distancing yourself from me. Even though Moore said you should stay with me, you're pulling away more."He spoke, looking deep into the eyes that stared into him. He tried to send the knowing gaze back. But it proved difficult when he actually _didn't_ know.

"Tch, so what."

"No. You're not allowed to dismiss my questions like that."

"You didn't ask a question Moyashi." He spoke leaning on his hand.

"Fine. Why are you pushing me away? It was one thing when I was a new person to you. But you've already let me in. At least somewhat. And now I'm locked out completely, why is that?"

"It doesn't matter." Kanda murmured

"Yes it does Kanda." He felt like he was scolding him, which in Allen's mind he had every right to do. But it still didn't feel good when he didn't know the premise.

"It doesn't," he growled out.

"... Fine, you don't even have to tell me, I honestly don't even care the reason, just stop doing it." He spoke as sternly as he could muster.

"Fine, just... whatever." Allen tried to read his expression. He had found that it wasn't too hard if you looked close enough, at just the right places. But he only got three of the many emotions that were raging. Worry, fear, and relief.

"Kanda," he voiced, pulling on the long black hair so he turned to face him, "nothing's going to happen. Or... if something does happen it's not your fault."

"..." _Actually it is, you just don't remember. And it's my fault you don't._

The beansprouts ESP was starting to get annoying.

"The table hitting me wasn't your fault. I didn't notice... I could've gotten out of the way if I did. So... it was both our faults."

Ah... there it was, the way the sprout could catch him off guard. He fully expected Allen to say that he wasn't to blame. That no one could've seen that coming. But he didn't. He spoke so that they could share the weight equally. Even though an amnesiac beansprout should be weak. He would handle any struggles that were rightfully his and more.

"Right... I know."

"Ok then." Allen spoke, reaching his hand forward so his palm lay on Kanda's cheek. He wiped away the blood at the base of his nose. "Sorry you had to bleed to understand."

"Che, shut up."

"Gladly." He spoke, just verging on smug, as Kanda motioned for him to lower his head. He felt fingertips walk across his scalp, coming to a halt so they stood just outside of his wound. Although it was - from what Allen could feel - almost fully healed, Kanda felt around it delicately for a good while, as if he was deciding whether he should bandage it somehow.

"Did they give you stitches?" Kanda asked, lightly grazing the almost closed wound.

"Yeah... a few, they took them out yesterday. Said it would heal on its own from there."

"Did they hurt?"

"Not bad"

"Mm, okay." He murmured, releasing Allen's white head.

He paused for a while, but Allen could tell he had something to say.

"I won't let that happen again."

"Yeah, I'll definitely need protecting from the ever-looming threat of falling tables."

"Tch."

...

Allen was relieved when Kanda kept his word of not pushing him away completely. He spent a good hour with the boy when he woke up screaming in the night. Kanda knelt next to his bed, resting his arms and head on the mattress. Kanda's hand intertwined with his own as Allen calmed down.

Even when Moore entered the room Kanda turned back and whispered, "I got it". Which sent Moore away with a smile.

Allen began remembering things at a much quicker rate. Which he was happy about despite the headaches it gave him. He could recall what were surely a lifetime's worth of arguments and fights, a year's worth of silence, and a day's worth of comforting words.

Even though he didn't find the mother-switch he was looking for, he found out that there were tricks to get Kanda to open up. Most of them involved more patience then Allen ever thought he was capable of.

He also remembered the promise Kanda had made, and his uneasiness became understandable. There were a lot of people who would joke around about how Allen got beat up by a table, including the latter. So that would surely put some strain on Kanda.

He also realized how much Kanda had changed since the day they brought him in. Besides him being slightly taller and his already long hair growing, he had a better temperament. He could deal with the other kids now, and they seemed a tad less scared of him as well. And he had begun putting effort into his and Allen's relationship. Even if he wasn't quite sure what to do, the message came across well enough._ 'I want us to work out'_

Allen also found it odd how much everyone else supported their relationship as well. Despite the teasing, Jan cared... a whole bunch. If he didn't he wouldn't have helped Allen when he and Kanda had a falling-out.

Moore was a big factor in it all as well. It had become ever so apparent that Moore had a better hold on their feelings then either boy.

Allen felt quite stupid that he had to relive his time with Kanda to realize all of this. He guessed that when you're with someone long enough you don't notice small things like that. Everything just flows together.

By now Allen had remembered almost everything from when Kanda came. The month before that was... fuzzy, but most everything was there. Now all he had to do was regain the lost ground with Kanda. Which wasn't in any way going to be easy.

...

_**OMAKE**_

**_(The morning_ after_ Allen's waking)_  
><strong>

"Moore!" She jumped as the washroom's door flew open. She had been waiting for Allen, as she was to watch over him in case he was to slip and fall and make matters worse. Normally she'd have Kanda to do it, but he was sleeping and god knows how much that child needs his rest.

"Moore what are these!" The small boy was standing soaking wet in the hall, in the black shower shorts that all of the boys used, a few suds still floating on his hair. He was pointing to his chest, where his skin was shredded, mouth and eyes open, expectant.

Despite the wounds, he was adorable.

"Honey, I don't know, maybe Kanda might - "

Moore was interrupted by a blur of words that she could just barely make out. "Did he do this? The other kids said he hurt me, like a lot. Which I don't know if I believe 'cause he was there when I woke up and apparently he was there when the table hit me, plus he seemed nice enough, although the cursing seemed excessive, but still!" He started huffing out breaths.

"He might have done... some of them, but I don't think those scratches are his."

"Well then I have to go ask him" Moore had to grab Allen's arm as he started down the hall in a huff.

"Allen, honey, you're going to give Kanda a heart attack if he sees you like that."

"Huh, why?" He spoke tilting his head to the side, which has become a common occurrence since the incident, but in his new garb she couldn't suppress her smile.

"Just believe me dear, now go finish up." She spoke pushing his butt to the door.

Allen turned to her with a pout, clutching his rear._ 'Yeah, it wouldn't be a good idea to let Kanda see him.'_

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><p><strong>Extra Long Author's Note<strong>

**Okay, since school has started up, I'm going to start uploading these every other day. I'm uploading this now on my school computer during break. Shhh. But with more time comes longer chapters. So yeah. And I know a few chapters ago I said we would be getting to their pasts soon, but I didn't think I would be doing this memory loss arc so that's why we are not there yet. Also, I just want to say sorry if the chapters/writing style/ characters kinda change throughout. I'm not an experienced writer, and I'm sort of testing the waters with this story. There might be a lot of chapters ending with Omakes too. I hope you like those. They're fun for me to write so... Anyway Thanks to all of the reviewers.**

**Chibi123Poof: Thank you so much, I tried to make it as cute as I could since my story lacks that aspect quite a bit.**

**Creshirecat: I tried. But I don't think I'll be able to make something that fluffy again.**

**FullmetalFan: What part about the last chapter made you come to that conclusion? Not saying you're wrong. Just wondering.**

**Chibi-Dears XD: Thank you insanely much, even if Allen forgot Yuu he learned a bit about him in the process so it's all good.  
><strong>


	13. Later

**This one is from Kanda's point of view. I had a lot going on so it's not as long as I wanted it. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own DGM.**

* * *

><p>I was trying to focus on the searing heat instead of the fingers slipping through my hair and the tingling sensation they left behind. There was the 'Shh' sound of fabric against fabric and a tug at my crown.<p>

It was an extremely hot spring day, verging on ninety fucking degrees. If all of the fluids in my body hadn't been released through my pores, then I might have had the energy to find Mother Nature and slaughter her for making global warming. I don't even care if she's a girl. She deserves to die for this shit.

Allen's satisfied voice came from behind me, "There, is that better?"

I reached a hand back to feel Allen's handy work. My hair was smoothed back and tied up with a thin ribbon at the peak of my crown. The base of my neck was still sticky with sweat, but now my hair wasn't.

"Better" I mumbled as Allen hopped from the chair behind me and kneeled in front of me. My eyes were skirting between the long sleeved shirt on the beansprout that made me hotter and his eyes that were studying my face.

Allen spoke passively "You look better, not like a girl."

"You look like one with that blouse." I muttered leaning my head back so I was looking down my nose. Allen looked down at his white button up shirt.

"Hey, if I wasn't wearing this I wouldn't have had that ribbon."

"Why are you wearing it in the first place?"

"Ah, Lala was adopted today, and I wanted to meet her new family. Properly"

"Why? It's not like you're ever going to see them again."

I know, I just wanted to see her off. She was my friend here and even though I'm happy for her, it still hurts that she left." Allen spoke with a very sad smile that I didn't like.

I had never thought about it. It's stupid that I hadn't, _living _in an orphanage and all. I had always assumed that I'd stay here until I felt capable of leaving._Stay here _with_ Allen_. That stupid voice in my head kept on insisting.

That was another thing I hadn't thought about though. Why wasn't the Beansprout gone already? Every adult he came in contact with practically gave him an express pass to a life with them. It has to have something to do with the fucking nightmares, and thunder phobia bullshit. They must warn the people about that. It would be a pain in the ass to bring home the 'perfect' kid, and then have him shaking in a cold sweat every night.

Plus, he had been really weird the other day. He stopped in the middle of a meal, which was _unheard_ of, and started just hyperventilating. Saying things like 'Please no' and 'Not them'. I didn't even have time to snap him out of it before he ran out of the room. When I found him Moore was holding him in her lap, his arms clinging to her neck.

I had tried to ask what was wrong, but Allen had passed out on Moore's shoulder, and the woman didn't want to say in case Allen didn't approve.

I opened my mouth to say something to the beansprout that was still staring at my face when the door opened to reveal Moore. She sat on the floor and began asking Allen questions about the last few months.

Vague stuff like what they got Jan when Leo left, and where they found me. Eventually leading to things that I couldn't believe he could remember. 'What did you eat on March 23?' 'What shirt did you wear on our first trip to the market?' He answered every question correctly, signaling that we didn't have to worry about this amnesia crap anymore, and Moore left smiling.

"How the hell could you remember all of that? I couldn't remember that and you're the one with amnesia."

"Hey, we just proved I don't have amnesia anymore, and I'm just smart enough to remember basic things."

I was too hot to argue. "Whatever"

"It might be cooler outside you know." Allen spoke removing his shirt.

"But then there's the sun." I groaned

"There's also ice cream."

I groaned, I hate sweet stuff

"We could head to the slough." Allen spoke thoughtfully slipping on a black wife beater.

"Slough?" I didn't like the sound of that. "Like muddy water slough?"

"Well it's not a _real _slough, we just call it that. It's not that bad if you go to certain parts but yeah, you might get dirty.

I figured that feeling gross but cool was better than feeling gross and hot. "Alright"

...

The slough was the best thing that had happened to me in a while. I didn't even mind that I spent half the time unsticking my feet from the mud that ensnared me. The cool water came up to my chest, churning around me, showing particles of dirt and garbage that came from people upstream. They had actually passed a few people bathing as they walked.

I let my hair down reluctantly and dunked my head under water. I sighed inwardly. This was amazing. Apparently Allen thought so too since he was simply floating atop the water, gentle smile etched on his arresting face. His features caught the sunlight superbly and if he hadn't been covered in muck, I might have thought that he looked, well, cute. Ok... I didn't just think that.

Once my fingers were pruned and I got tired of flipping Allen from his god like perch on the water's surface, I trudged out of the stream and pulled my clothes from underneath the bush I had left them at, throwing Allen his as he emerged from the brown water. He shook his hair free of the water droplets clinging to it and I rung mine out, a bit surprised when I felt alien fingers traveling through it. I snapped my head back and saw Allen with the ribbon in his hands.

"Uh sorry, I just thought you'd want it up." He spoke not sounding very sorry.

"I can do it sprout." I said snatching the ribbon from his hands. I pulled my hair back well enough, but got stumped when I had to tie the actual ribbon. How the hell was I supposed to do that without letting my hair fall, I growled, trying to intimidate the ribbon into tying by itself. It wouldn't listen. I sighed as I felt the fingers return and a familiar tug at my crown.

"We'll get you a hair tie."

"Whatever" I said feeling the long flow of hair behind me.

"Or you could just cut your hair."

"Never" I liked my hair as is. I don't care what I look like.

"Okay, Okay, I just thought you might like actually looking like a guy for once."

Now that I had the energy, I sent a sharp punch to the beansprout, which he dodged much to my dismay, sending a kick in my direction. Despite his stature, the sprout could put up a good fight, he grazed my cheek with his foot that magically reached my face, I grabbed it and sent him flipping ten feet away. He tucked and rolled, landing on a bent knee sending me a pointless glare. I pushed him back. I won.

We started walking back home and there was a flash of red before Allen disappeared from my side. I swung around to ogle at the scene before me. A white shock of hair was just barely visible beneath a mass of red interrupted by a green cloth. A long, lean body was absolutely submerging Allen.

"Allen-Chan!" A bubbly voice came from the red shag atop my beansprout. Before I could pull him off and strangle him Allen wrapped his arms around his torso and I could hear faint sobs coming from the smaller frame.

"Lavi... I'm so glad you're okay." Allen spoke desperately, clinging onto the male's shirt. Allen's head rested on his shoulder, giving me a clear view of his watery eyes. Whoa. I hadn't seen that before. I've seen happy, mad, sad, frustrated, elated, pouty, downcast, crazed, demonic, and everything in between. But I had never seen such relief in his eyes.

"Heh, what'd you think? It's not like someone as great as me could've been beaten, ne?"

Allen gave off a rapturous chortle and somehow managed to hug the boy tighter. Earning a grunt from the redhead. "Okay Allen-Chan, try not to squeeze my guts out." The tall boy sat up with Allen enveloped in his arms and just seemed to notice my presence. "Hey, Allen-Chan, who's that? You're girlfriend?"

If the Moyashi wasn't in my way I would have killed him right then. "Who the fuck are you calling a girl you fucking rabbit."

"Oh~ she's feisty." I could feel the rage spilling out of my ears.

"Wait, Lavi." Allen said pulling away slightly to look the rabbit's face. "Not my girlfriend, not even a girl."

"Well that's rude Allen-Chan, you can't say that to such a pretty lady."

"I'm a fucking guy." I growled.

"... Okay, if you want to say that then that's fine." He said with that sickeningly sweet smile playing on his face.

"Hey beansprout, is there a good reason why I can't kill him"

"Yes! Yes, please don't do anything to him. I mean, you'd probably have to run around a bit to actually _do _something, but just take it easy Kanda."

"So the lady's name is Kanda" I glared and Allen apparently realized that I didn't care if there was a reason. I was going to kill this kid.

"Lavi, Kanda _is_ a guy, and he's a good friend so don't piss him off too much. Please." Allen spoke with big puppy dog eyes that I had fallen victim to on more than one occasion.

"Okay Allen-chan. Just. For. You." He poked Allen's stomach with each word, Allen giggling more after each one. There was a weird feeling in my stomach that I wanted to wash away.

"Who are you anyway?" I asked hoping to get a decent answer, but wasn't surprised when I got a vague response.

"He's my friend, Lavi." Allen said finally letting go of the damn rabbit. The weird feeling subsided slightly. The pair rose and Lavi put his arm around Allen. My face was starting to ache from seeing that huge smile.

"What about you two?" Lavi questioned.

Allen looked up to the boy clinging onto his shoulder questioningly. "What about us?"

The redhead started firing questions "How'd you meet? Is he always this grumpy? How close are you? Are you in a relationship?" When was your first kiss?" He tightened his hold on a squirming Allen who was turning a dark pink. I really wanted to cut that arm off.

"L-Lavi, please don't say something like that, it's not that way at all" He spoke shrinking away

"Whatever you say Allen-Chan~" He sung. I walked forward and surprised them both when I ripped Allen from his hold.

"He told you to shut up rabbit."

"See Allen-Chan, he's so~ protective."

"That's just... a lot happened," Allen said tiredly "I'll tell you later." There was a pause and Allen's eyes lit up nervously. "Wait. How long are you going to be here? Do you have a place to stay?"

No, if Allen dragged him back to the orphanage I was getting the hell out of there

"Yeah, I'm here with an old Panda, I should be here for a few months." He said placing his hands on the back of his head.

"A Panda?" Allen and I spoke simultaneously

"I'll tell you later?"

"So where are you stayin' at Allen?"

"An orphanage uptown. With Kanda"

"Oh... well I can see how that grumpy one didn't get picked up, but I can't see how they aren't fighting over you Allen." The rabbit spoke pinching Allen's cheeks. I saw Allen's eyes flicker in my direction.

"Another thing we'll talk about later."

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><p><strong>AAAAHHHH! I really wished I had time to keep that going, I wanted like another 1000 words on that but I wanted to update on time so... sorry. Anyway, thanks so much for the reviews, I'm a total review whore, getting and giving, so they are totally appreciated.<strong>

**Isabel: Thank you, I'm glad you liked the omake.**

**Creshirecat: Something big would've happened, had I not realized that It would've made this chapter about 10000 words long.**

**FullmetalFan16: You never know~**

**ChibiDears XD: I feel like Kanda's a lot nicer than he comes across, I mean all he really does are a bunch of sham death threats and really insane insults. Other than that he's perfectly kind.**

**Chibi123Poof:**** Thank you so much**

**Thanks for reading!**


	14. I Never Said That

**I'm sorry for this being so incredibly late. I would like to blame it on the problems I've been having lately, but really if I wasn't so lazy you would have had this on time. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own DGM**

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><p>"Mm" Allen mumbled, shifting in Lavi's arms as he slept.<p>

"I guess he still conks out whenever he gets real happy huh?" Lavi smiled down at Allen who lay flush against his chest.

"Yeah" Kanda didn't trust Lavi or the weird feeling his presence left behind. Considering what he knew about Allen's past, - which wasn't much - he hadn't anticipated a visit from someone in it. Much less a queer, one-eyed, redhead.

"Aww, won't you talk to me more Yuu?" Kanda stopped dead in his tracks.

"How the hell..." His eyes narrowed expertly on the cheery green ones.

"You'd be surprised how much you can learn from a panda. Like all of the things that you're hiding from Allen." Lavi raised his arm, trailing his fingers through Allen's hair.

"... That's none of your business." Kanda continued walking, hoping they'd reach the orphanage soon.

"Everything's my business Yuu-chan."

"Don't call me that baka!"

"Why not?" Lavi pouted "It's cute~"

"It's not cute. Plus if beansprout hears you say that he'll know something's up."

"Aww, how cute of you, giving Allen a sweet little nickname~" Lavi cooed, reminding Kanda of Jerry.

"Shut up, you dumb rabbit" Kanda would have left by now had Lavi not been holding Allen.

"Ouch Yuu, you hurt me, right here" Lavi spoke, using his free hand to clutch his chest as he wobbled to and fro. Kanda's stomach did a flip thinking that this fool knew of his disclosed past.

"... How much do you know?" Kanda wasn't sure if he wanted to know the answer or not, in all honesty he hadn't planned on ever telling Allen anything... well anything important. But if that dumb rabbit knew, and he blabbed through that overly sweet mouth of his, then there was nothing he could do about it.

"Probably more than you do." His plastic smile faltered for a moment; his eye seemed to change color from all of the images swirling throughout it, all of the memories being unearthed.

"Tch"

Lavi's smile returned as he looked down to Allen, matching his expression.

...

_Allen look down do to his arm, red protrusions extending out from the cross on his hand, almost akin to a web, trailing up to just below his shoulder. Tears mimicking their trail. He jumped as he felt a hand on his shoulder._

_"Hey, kid" It was a calm voice, but it didn't house the frost that the rest of the voices contained. Allen screwed up his eyes, peering through his tears and saw a red sun, with a glowing moon below. "I'm Lavi, what about you."_

_"..." Allen could only stare at the sunlight invading the never-ending night. He felt his tears being wiped away and deft fingers gently lifting his burning arm._

_"Wow, what the heck are they doin' to kids now? Those swine made a candy cane out of your arm." Allen felt his face stretch and it took him a moment to realize he was smiling. "Hey~ there we go now, you look real good when you smile little man."_

_Allen felt his smile grow and he managed to whisper "Allen, that's my name" He heard the sun titled Lavi repeat the name, turning his arm over in his hands and pressing something cool into it._

_"I have a buddy on the outside that does check-ups on the kids that won't pull through without some real help, he gives me some nice stuff sometimes." _

_"Thank you."_

_"S'no problem, we gotta be wary of each other in a place like this. Plus," Allen felt Lavi's gaze drift, landing above his left eye. "you were handed a pretty bad card right off the top of the deck."_

_Allen's smile slid into something more devious as he spoke. "If this is a card game, then I don't plan on losing."_

_..._

Allen could feel warm arms around him as he bobbed up and down. Gravel was crunching under... _two_ pairs of feet. Allen's eyes slid open to be greeted with red locks tickling his cheek. He straightened his arms distancing his body from the slender chest. "Lavi!" When Allen had remembered Lavi's appearance upon wakening he had thought it was a dream.

"Allen!" Lavi mocked. He smiled his sunny smile and whined. "I was so~ lonely with you asleep Allen-Chan, Kanda won't talk to me~" Allen looked to Kanda, who was walking beside Lavi. He glared and turned his head forward.

"He's just grumpy 'cause it's so hot." Allen stuck his tongue out at Kanda

"I'm not grumpy"

"You're always grumpy Bakanda- Wah! Lavi, hey!" Lavi was doubled over laughing and Allen hung onto his neck for dear life, praying that Lavi wouldn't let go.

"Ah, Bakanda, oh my gosh that's great! Beansprout and Bakanda!" He stood up straight and wiped the tears from his lone green eye.

"It's Allen"

"Okay Beansprout, but you two... oh gosh." Lavi smiled looking between a scowling Allen and an erupting Kanda.

"Lavi, you couldn't even make it a half a day before you got annoying?" Allen deadpanned

"Actually I don't think I made it half an hour, you fell asleep after like five minutes."

The look passed between Lavi and Kanda verified that statement. Allen giggled.

"I guess you can argue with Lavi now too, huh Kanda?"

"No" Kanda looked away and stated "... It's different"

Allen couldn't help the smile on his face. He looked to Lavi's questioning expression and grinned reassuringly. "Arguing's good."

"Okay?"

"Tch"

"Ah, I guess this is the place?" Lavi questioned

Allen turned his head to eye the orphanage. "Mm" he felt himself being lowered and almost reached for Lavi's distancing figure. He felt fingers run through his hair.

"'S good seein' you again Allen"

Allen grabbed the arm that was linked to his head. "Won't you stay a bit Lavi, I got a friend Jan who you'd get along real well with." Allen saw Kanda grimace out of the corner of his eye.

"I wish I could little man, but I have to get back to the old Panda. I'll come around and find you next time I get a break, 'kay?" Lavi spoke taking both of Allen's hands in his own.

Allen pouted but let it go "Alright"

"I'll see you later Allen-Chan! And Kanda, you try not to miss me too much!" Lavi turned and blew kisses as he walked off.

"Just hurry up and leave" Kanda grumbled. Allen turned and smiled proudly at him like _'Isn't he great'_ and Kanda sighed.

"Yeah yeah, let's just get inside, I'm starving."

...

"Hmm, Allen hon, you are positively beaming right now, what on earth happened to put you in that good of a mood." Jerry queried as he prepared Allen's monumental dinner.

"I met an old friend Jerry. I haven't seen him in a good long while now and he's almost exactly the same 'cept he's got quite a few inches on me now and his voice got pretty deep." Allen could dance he was so happy to see his old mate. But Kanda would hit him over the head for acting dumb.

"Well that's real nice sweetie. I suppose that's also the reason for Kanda's fouler than foul mood as well?"

Allen sighed looking at Kanda eat his soba with his eyes closed. He only did that when he didn't want to look at anything nor have anything send a look in his direction. "Yeah... Lavi's kind of like an older, more queer Jan, so Kanda wasn't all too fond of him."

"I can imagine." Jerry sung warily "Well good luck keeping those two in line dear."

"I think it might need more than luck" Allen mumbled as he walked off with his meal.

"So your new friend sounds like a stellar guy."

"Hm, why ever would you say that Jan?" Allen teased

"Well anyone who pisses your boyfriend off that much is fine with me." Jan smirked looking at the seething Kanda.

Allen sighed "Yeah, I'd be careful around him today. He might smash your nose again."

"What about you? It's not like you're going to stay away from him... or keep from getting under his skin for that matter."

"I can handle him." Allen said with a voice that sounded like he had thought about that answer a whole lot.

"Okay... just try to make sure I won't have to attend your funeral later on."

"Go sit down Jan."

"Kay see-ya" Jan said holding up a dismissive hand

"Yeah, bye" Allen breathed. Allen sat across from Kanda and started the mighty task of devouring his meal.

Kanda kindly waited until Allen was finished until he decided to interrogate.

"Who was that guy?"

"Lavi."

"No shit Sherlock, how do you know him?"

"We stayed at the same place for a while."

"What place?"

"I don't really remember... some cast-off place."

"Liar"

"Am not"

Kanda huffed "Okay... how long were you with him?"

"Two years."

"... Why'd you freak so hard when you saw him?"

"Because I haven't seen him for a long while."

Kanda decided to ignore how vague the answer was "How long is a while?"

"Five years." Allen was covering his mouth with his hand and obviously wasn't comfortable with where this was headed.

"So... you stopped seeing him when you got adopted?"

Damn, Allen forgot he told him that. "Yeah"

"How come?"

"We went somewhere else." It wasn't a lie. It just wasn't the whole truth.

"How old is that kid."

"Old enough that you don't have the right to call him kid. He's got to be around fifteen now."

"Oh" For some reason Kanda relaxed.

"Are you done now?" Allen asked gathering his dirty dishes

"Tch"

"Well, you never answer my questions and you expect me to answer all of yours." Allen chided.

"Yeah whatever."

...

_Pain surged through every nerve in his body. Then they became numb, he was aware of the constant spasms only because of the sound his body made against the metal table. Cold voices were discussing whether more would extinguish the 'temporary' factor to his wounds. Whether he would be able to take it. He felt his senses revive and he felt better than ever, powerful, mighty, unbreakable, _invincible_. But he had never felt more disgusting. He knew that this wasn't him. He was made this way. They stretched and formed him to their own will. He felt like a commodity being made in a factory, riding on a conveyor belt of conformity, waiting to be packaged and shipped. He could feel outsider's eyes on him, and he forced himself to keep calm. He wouldn't let anyone know of the conflict his body was dealing with._

"-anda. Kanda!" Kanda jumped, his momentary haze clearing at the sound of his name. Lavi's words had gotten to him.

"Kanda what's wrong? You look spooked." Kanda looked up to worried gray eyes and wiped his expression clean.

"Shut up, I'm fine" He saw Allen's eyes lighten

"Okay, geez, don't get your panties in a bunch." Allen mumbled. He was standing in front of Kanda in the middle of his room.

Kanda shot his leg forward, connecting his foot with Allen's shin. There was a rewarding grunt as Allen fell backward onto his bed.

"What the hell!"

"You were asking for it, it's not my fault you're a masochist." Kanda spoke standing up

"I am not"

"Then I suppose you argue with me because you like the sound of my voice." Kanda ridiculed

"No, I just like to yell."

"So you're a sadist?"

"Guess so" Allen affirmed raising his pinkie and pointer finger.

"And you can just admit that, without a second thought."

"Well it's _true_, plus you're in the same boat as me." Allen didn't think it fair that he was being accused of all of these things when Kanda did the same exact thing. In fact Kanda was probably worse off than him.

"Yeah right" Of course. Even if it was true, Kanda's pride got in the word's way.

"You must try real hard to be difficult." Actually Allen was pretty sure that wasn't true. Kanda did whatever he wanted. If he wanted to cooperate then he would cooperate, and if he wanted to be an insufferable prick, well hell be it if someone got in his way.

"Yet my efforts go unheeded in sight of your stubbornness." Kanda spoke airily

"Wow. Good for you, those were some big words there Kanda."

"Sorry, do you want me to say them slower." Kanda smirked

"If you can manage to recall what you just said."

"Yeah, I can also remember a certain Beansprout saying how much he actually _loved_ arguing with me."

"I never said that."

"Well maybe not those words exactly but quit complaining about our fights when they do more good than harm."

"Whatever Bakanda."

They simply glared at each other for a while before Moore entered the room.

"Allen?"

"Yeah Moore?" Allen couldn't think of a reason why Moore would be here.

"Um, I heard that you met one of your friends today." She spoke rather nervously, making Allen worry.

"I did." Allen spoke, trying to get Moore to talk further.

"Well, was it a _good _friend?"

_'Oh, that's what she was worried about.'_ "Yes Moore, a very good friend" He confirmed grinning

She let out a relieved, heavy sigh. "Oh good. That's incredible Allen; I wouldn't have expected anyone... I mean the chances just weren't in your favor on that one." She spoke, placing a hand on Allen's head

Allen smiled, "I'm pretty good with chance."

Moore returned the gesture and asked a few more questions. Just to make sure Allen wasn't pulling her leg.

"Who was it?"

"Lavi"

A pang of glee ran through Moore. Allen had told her about this boy. Although it wasn't much, it was clear that the two were incredibly close. "Is he doing okay?"

"Better than ever I'd say" Allen spoke with a thoughtful smile "He was smilin' the whole time."

"That's great honey! Um..." She started glancing at Kanda, who was surprisingly calm. She whispered "How'd he get along with our little hot-head?" She hoped it was at least manageable.

Allen thought about it for a moment with a done-in expression. He spoke carefully, like he wanted to make sure that Moore got the gist. "Like a tense man and a time bomb."

Moore smiled a bit. "Oh, I see... But I guess it could be worse."

"It could _always_ be worse."

"Yes, I suppose. But he seems okay now, he's in his right mind at the least."

Allen chuckled "Yeah. I think he actually liked him."

"You're wrong on that one Beansprout."

"Shut up Bakanda"

"Then quit making crap up"

"Bite me"

"I would, but I don't want to catch some rabbit disease from you, hanging all over that idiot like you were."

_'Oh, maybe that's why he was mad.'_ Moore thought ignoring the boy's argument, standing up to leave. She felt a tug at the bottom of her shirt.

"What's wrong Allen?"

"Um, about the… call a while ago." He spoke looking up with nervous eyes.

"Oh, honey you shouldn't have to worry about that for a while."

Allen relaxed slightly "Alright."

Kanda watched Moore leave, and listened to the 'click' of the door closing. Allen sat across from him again. "What was that about?"

"A doctor called a while ago saying he wanted to run some tests, and they usually aren't too pleasant."

_'Liar'_ Kanda thought, but he knew he wouldn't get anywhere by prying. He took Allen's arm in his hand, and tried to separate the image of the dark red arm and flaming red hair.

**Omake**

_**(While Allen's memory was recovering)**_

"What are you doing?"

"Meditating" Kanda spoke letting out a long, smooth breath.

"...What does it do?" Allen questioned, peering at Kanda's face.

"If it's _quiet." _Kanda spoke, opening his eyes slightly, gazing at Allen accusingly "then it clears your mind; calms your spirit."

"May I join you?" Allen questioned politely

"If you shut up" Allen felt like he should retort, but decided not to take the chance and sat down as stealthily as he could manage.

He tried to_ 'clear his mind' _but every time he thought he had succeeded, a little voice in his head would say things like '_Am I thinking anything?' _or_ 'I don't think I'm thinking anything'_. It occurred to him that in the process of doing nothing, he had to try to do nothing, which was - in term - doing something. All of this made Allen's already sore head throb shockingly. It began to feel rather heavy and he let it rest on a surface to his left.

"What are you doing beansprout?" Kanda growled

"Meditating" Allen stated dryly

Kanda sighed, "Not like that you aren't"

"Mmm, your just comfy."

"I'm not, now get off."

"Should I... or maybe it's would I?"

"Huh?" Kanda tried to look at the sprout on his shoulder, but could only view white tresses. "What are you talking about sprout?"

"Normally... if you told me to get off would I?"

"... I don't know"

"It's like... If I think about it, I'm not too sure what to do. But if I just go by instinct, and what I feel, it flows better." Allen spoke lifting his hand so it brushed against the long black locks lying across Kanda's chest. "Like I _think_ I should be arguing with you right now."

"Well what do you _feel _like you should be doing?" Kanda was actually interested in this. It had felt like Allen was being forced to fight with him. It held a different feel than the win win situation they had eased into.

Allen let his thoughts flow freely and let his instincts decide his next action. His head fell from Kanda's shoulder and landed with a soft 'thud' onto his lap. "I feel like I should do this, but... something says it's a bad idea." Allen realized why when he looked up to Kanda's red face.

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><p><strong>Once again, sorry for the late update, I didn't think I would be put off this much. Lavi isn't going to be a threat to Kanda if you haven't figured that out already. For me Laven is purely brotherhood. Thank you <span>Chibi123Poof<span> for reviewing.**

**Thanks for reading **


	15. I want

_**Decent length on this one. Sort of on time. **_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own DGM**  
><em>

* * *

><p><em>Ok, I can do this. Nothing will happen. I <em>am_ safe._

**BOOM! **

_Can't do it. Going to die. Not safe at all._

"Hey, Allen-Chan, you can't give up yet. We're here for you." Lavi spoke - scornful or supportive Allen wasn't sure - stressing his strength to sustain Allen's shaking shoulders.

"Lavi, that's enough, let go, I'm going inside. **Now" **This was an awful idea, how Allen managed the courage to agree to this, he had no idea.

"If you don't do this I'll shave your head Beansprout." Allen felt the lithe fingers that caged his left hand tighten reassuringly, batting away the harshly spoken words to replace them with something warmer. Unfreezing his legs, Allen took a shaky, unknowing step into the darkness. Long, white, wounds would scar the night's black skin, healing impossibly fast. The offender would growl in satisfaction as the land became soaked with the victims blood and sweat.

Allen couldn't discern the sky's tears from his own and instead focused on the cold hands chaining him to reality. His head fell backward to gaze up at a bright green eye, perfectly distinguishable in the night. A glowing smile shortly followed and Lavi's lips formed words that Allen's ears instinctually blocked out along with the sky's roars. Allen tightened his grasp on the lean hand that was thumbing the metal cross atop his own. Looking to his left, Allen's reason dissolved in front of those onyx eyes with an endless depth. The cool blue freckling his irises made Allen wonder. Had the lightning been that color, its presence would've been easier to deal with.

Closing his eyes, he prepared for the next strike. His knees grew weak at the deafening sound and felt long hands grip his armpits as he fell. An arm slipped around his waist and he was lowered onto his knees. Allen shrunk between the pressure of two bodies leaning into his sides, both of his hands occupied with another's.

"Are you okay Allen?" Lavi whispered into his ear

"No" Allen gasped out, still sobbing.

"Quit being a baby Beansprout." Kanda's cold tone melted, and he murmured softly "Nothings going to happen"

"Please. Help me inside" Allen spoke rather discouraged. He didn't want to see the light dripping down the sky nor the screams that accompanied it. He didn't want to feel his skin tingle and hair rise from the static. His arm had started to twitch and he had had enough. Not only that but it could be said without a doubt that Kanda had realized all of this. He was, after all, holding his convulsing appendage. Yet here they were, kneeling in the mud while Allen tried not to break down.

"Calm down Allen, you can do this." Lavi laced his fingers into Allen's snowy tresses that were plastered to his head.

"No. I. Can't." Allen spoke through gritted teeth, praying that they would take pity on him if he gave up.

An unintended whine escaped Allen as his left side became bare. A hand on his arm pulled Allen sharply to his feet.

"What the hell Beansprout?" Allen shook, not able to rope in his sanity while bathed in this lukewarm darkness; his nerves were jumping in his skin, telling him to run and hide. But he remained, held in place by fiery, stone washed eyes. "You're the one who wanted to get over this. _You _asked for _our _help. So stop bitching and pull yourself together." Kanda's fury was pouring from every inch of his body. In the backward tilt of his head, in the clench of his fists, in the set of his jaw.

Allen blew a breath he didn't know he was holding harshly out of his nose. "Screw you Bakanda, this doesn't involve you in the first place"

Kanda's scowl deepened "If I'm the one holding your fucking hand every time the clouds get dark, then it does."

"I never asked you to do that" Allen stated

"Then what about that 'don't walk away' crap?"

"How the hell did you figure 'don't walk away' to be 'hold me whenever there's a storm'?"

"Wait a minute... he held you?" Lavi spoke with a cynical smile. _I should just listen to their arguments if I want to know what's up._ He thought, annoyed he hadn't realized this sooner.

"**Shut up" **They spoke in unison, glaring down at Lavi who held up his hands in defeat.

"If I just left you alone you'd bitch about it until I pummeled you"

"Ha, that's rich coming from the person who said he would protect me. I guess _'everything' _doesn't include storms or yourself!" Allen screamed over the thunder

Kanda's eyes narrowed and Allen knew he went too far. His shirt pressed against his back and his and Kanda's height evened. Kanda's knuckles grew white as he clutched Allen's collar.

"What the fuck do you think I'm out here for Beansprout? For what reason do you think I'm hanging around you all the time? Why do you think I put up with all of your stupid friends?"

Allen pushed down on Kanda's arm to gain leverage. "Breaking Jan's nose is putting up with him?"

Kanda spoke slowly, driving the words home. "Yeah it is. I should have killed him for trying to hook you like he did." As an afterthought he murmured, "Not even thinking about it." Kanda dropped Allen to the ground, watching him catch his breath as he waited for a response.

"Fine. I'm sorry." Allen whispered, just barely audible over the soft pattering of rain. He couldn't even remember what he was sorry _for._ "I didn't mean..." Allen sighed and spoke with a smile "Thank you Kanda"

"Tch" Kanda turned his head to the side as he spoke, in attempt to hide his solace. "Just sit down"

"Um, actually, I think the storm's almost over." Lavi spoke up, looking to the sky, which only shed a thin smattering of raindrops. "You guys pretty much argued through all of the noise and light."

Allen's eyes widened as he remembered the vague crashes and flashes throughout their words. He looked to Kanda who wore a similar expression that quickly morphed into a smirk.

He spoke smugly "You're welcome for that."

It took Allen a moment to realize exactly what he meant "Don't even try to act like you had that planned." Allen spoke firmly

"How the hell would you know I hadn't?"

"Because, you're giving yourself too much credit if you believe you could have thought that far ahead Bakanda"

"Yeah? Well what if I -"

"What on earth are you boys doing out there?" Moore shouted holding open the orphanage's back door. She was torn between scolding the boys for being out so late - and in a storm for that matter - and running to Allen's side, who looked like he went to hell and back, running through the wringer along the way. So she did both. Moore strode to the boys, and cuffed Kanda before lifting Allen into her arms. Noticing his red eyes and heavy breathing. His drenched clothing sucking the heat from her body. He closed his eyes and rested his head on her shoulder. Although it wasn't favorable, she glowered at Allen's old friend Lavi, who bowed his head in slight apology.

"What were you doing?" she uttered coldly

"I'm sorry Ma'am" Lavi started "We were trying to help him over his fear, but we might've gone too far." He spoke with his eye wide looking away at the end of his statement - the perfect display of innocence.

Moore exhaled with pursed lips "Did Allen agree to this."

"... At first" Lavi lost the foothold he had on Moore

She spoke with fire in her eyes and words. "You forced him to stay out here in the rain? Both of you know very well his degree of dread toward storms. I don't know much about you dear," She spoke shifting her gaze from Allen to Lavi "but certainly you care for this child more than I know of, so I can't imagine why you'd put him through such affairs." She altered her gaze once more, so it connected with Kanda, who flared her rage with his impassive look. "And you dear." She paused and simply shook her head "I would've thought much more of you Kanda. How you can pain someone you care for such as you do, I can't imagine." She had been fishing for an apology, but caught something very different.

Kanda spoke with a dull tone "Who says I _care_ for the Beansprout?"

Both Lavi and Moore stared at him in disbelief.

Lavi was the first to unfreeze "You know... Allen's pretty spot on with those 'stupid' insults"

Lavi fell backward with a 'splash' as Kanda pushed against his chest.

"Kanda get inside and wash off, and Lavi... I don't even care. Stay here, go home, just try not to cause more trouble." Moore sighed walking away with Allen on her shoulder. Lavi sat up just in time to share the sight of Allen's smirk with Kanda.

...

Allen spent the night dreaming of dark blue lightning, slashing through the dark night that was unaffected by the glowing red sun. He woke well rested and relaxed despite yesterday's venture. Breakfast was delicious and uninterrupted due to Moore watching Kanda from the sidelines. Lavi had mentioned that he needed to study with the Panda - which he has not yet properly explained. Therefore, Allen could (hopefully) relax today.

"Allen!" A soft but big voice called.

Allen smiled at the young boy "Hi Timothy. Do you need something?"

"I just thought I'd honor you by letting you read to me."

Allen chuckled and affirmed "Of course Timothy"

Allen walked in pace with little Timothy who led him by his hand, into a small room with a pile of worn books; words faded and some missing pages altogether. They sat in the large chair in the corner of the room and Allen opened his mouth to read 'Sheep In A Jeep' when the door yawned open. Allen was surprised to see Kanda, followed by five or six young children. Allen stifled a laugh at the 'duck' line up.

"What are you all doing here?" Allen spoke lifting one of the younger children onto his lap.

"They wanted you to read to them." Kanda spoke, shaking one kid off of his pant leg.

"Well, why don't you all thank Kanda for taking you here" Allen said softly leaning forward. Smiling when they all thanked him in unison.

"Now what do _you_ say Kanda" Allen said with a candy coated tongue, smiling at Kanda's deadpan expression.

"Shut up Beansprout" Kanda ignored Allen's pout, and how the kids followed suit, making to leave.

"Why don't you stay?"

Kanda turned around to see half of the children (Allen included) pouting and the other half looking scared. He amused himself for a moment imagining Allen with laid back ears and wagging tail before sighing and walking closer to the large chair, sitting against the wall.

He got extremely close to leaving as a young boy sat on his lap. He growled slightly, stopping when a small "tut" came from Allen's direction. Kanda looked up to expecting gray eyes that wrinkled in the corners, soft smile etched onto his face. _He's laughing_, Kanda thought. However, he stifled a smile as well seeing the children all looking up to Allen as he began reading, wide eyes and mouths to boot, reminding Kanda of baby birds in search of food.

Kanda relaxed, leaning fully into the wall and closed his eyes.

When he opened them again. The children had multiplied, some not old enough to walk and others years older than Allen. The large chair had been abandoned and instead someone had dragged in a large mattress that somehow housed around twenty kids. Allen in the center, kids leaning on every inch of him as he read a book about plants. One particularly forthcoming boy was lying across his chest, hands wrapped around Allen's neck, sleeping.

The others were scattered around the room, playing hand games or simply talking. Two girls, probably Allen's age, were plaiting Kanda's hair that they had freed from its red ribbon. When the girls saw his open eyes they squeaked and ran to Allen's side. He saw them speak to Allen and point in his direction. Allen looked him over for a moment and his eyes shut in laughter. He smiled blissfully with flushed cheeks and tousled their hair, nodding slightly. Allen caught Kanda's gaze again and waved him over, slightly surprised when Kanda obeyed.

It was funny how contradicting children are. They would clear a path for him, and then laugh at his braided hair._ If they weren't kids_...Kanda thought somewhat longingly as he sat beside Allen.

"When the girls asked me if I thought you were pretty, I didn't understand," Allen started with a smile, folding the braids between his fingers. "But when I saw... well, you're very pretty Kanda." Allen bit his lip in glee, failing to stifle his giggles.

"Just help me take these out." Kansa spoke, carefully undoing his finely threaded hair. He let his guard down and his thoughts slipped out of his mouth "They did a good job"

Allen looked at him... impressed (?) and called the two girls over. Allen whispered in Kanda's ear "Say that to them, it'll make them _really_ happy."

Kanda looked up to the girls standing nervously in front of him and spoke softly lifting one of the braids. "They're well done" The girls' eyes widened before they broke out in smiles and giggles, blushing as they thanked him. Their faces turned even redder as Kanda's mouth turned up into a gentle smile.

One of the girls dropped to her knees beside Allen, whispering words that Kanda didn't miss.

"Has he always been that, um... cute?" Kanda let out a whoosh of angry breath as Allen started laughing again. Allen hummed thoughtfully, helping untangle Kanda's plaits, and responded sweetly. "I think he has, he just doesn't show it very often"

The girls smiled and left, joining the hand game group. Kanda murmured sharply, getting frustrated with a particularly tight braid "Why do people keep saying I'm cute?"

Allen didn't miss a beat "Because you are." He smiled proudly, when Kanda blushed. His eyes widened a bit in surprise when a few other children blushed at the sight.

"Haha, you should just smile and blush all of the time."

"Why? I don't even want people around me, and if they are just there because they think I'm 'cute' or whatever, then screw them." Kanda said dropping his hands to the side and letting Allen finish with the rest of the braids.

"Oh, okay" Allen voiced slightly thrown off.

"What's up with these kids anyway?"

"Huh?"

"Why are they fawning all over you just because you're reading to them?" Kanda gestured to the boy still curled against Allen's chest.

"Well," Allen began, smiling down at the young boy drooling on his shirt "I think because most of them never had any family that would do things like this. They'll appreciate any kindness you give them. Like the girls with you." Allen finished, grazing the boy's cheek as he stirred.

"Your like a mom" Kanda stated, smirking at the hands undoing his braids.

Allen sighed and sent a small glare at Kanda "Well, if the kids want to think that, then let them. If they need a parent then I'll act like one."

Kanda gazed at Allen's softly committed countenance until he heard crying from across the room.

"Well, I think mother is needed over there."

"Mm, it looks like there was a fight. Um, could you." Allen looked down to the children drowning him and back up to Kanda, pleading with large eyes.

"Whatever" Kanda stood and eased a few children off of Allen, lifting the sleeping boy into his arms and taking a seat once more. He watched as Allen rushed across the room, almost falling as a young girl trapped his legs in a tight embrace. He lifted her up and threw her in the air, catching the now giggling girl in his arms. Allen bent down to talk to a girl who had a sour look, and Kanda found himself smiling as he held the small boy in his arms.

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><p><em><strong>Not much plot in this one huh? Thanks for reading and thank you <span>Creshirecat<span> for reviewing!**_


	16. To Stay

**Note: Tono means lord, I don't know why but I felt like it fit better.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own DGM... for anyone that cares... oh no one, well all the same.**

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><p>He hadn't seen them for so long. He had thought they had gone away, forever. Of course they hadn't. Life would never be that fair, not to him. Life had always knocked him down; wait for him to stand up, just so it could hit him hard in the stomach. And right now the wind had been knocked out of him. He reached out to touch the pink petals atop his bed, only to feel the coarse sheets that stretched over his mattress. Kanda shut his eyes to block the sight of the flowers that coat his room. He stood, slipping a shirt over his bare torso and left his room with a mission.<p>

**...**

"You want to go to the market?"

"You heard me Beansprout"

"Why on _earth _would you want to do that?"

"... I need to talk to someone."

Allen opened his mouth to counter the determined boy, but stopped as a jolt of guilt ran through him, almost painfully. Although Kanda was alone when Allen found him, that didn't mean he was alone in his entirety. What if they had taken him from people who were dear to him? Kanda would certainly have too much pride to admit that he missed them.

"You know you can't go alone." Allen spoke matter-of-factly. Besides the fact that it was against the rules, Allen didn't want to take the chance of Kanda running off when he found his old friends. Moore wouldn't let him hear the end of it if that came about... even though Allen would track him down and drag him back.

"I know, I just don't want that woman coming. _You_ come." Kanda spoke, turning his head to the side

Allen gave a fraud response "Well tono, I'm honored, but alas I cannot allow royalty such as yourself to roam without a proper escort" Allen bowed modestly ignoring Kanda's growl.

"Yeah, that's why I'm asking my serva-" Kanda coughed and continued with a smirk. "my _bitch_ to pull one over on that manic queen."

"Tono, I have never, nor ever will be your bitch. However if saying that makes you feel superior... well than who am I, your lower in rank yet higher in caliber servant, to get in your way." Allen accepted Kanda's fist, and fell to the ground gasping for air. Pushing himself upward, he clutched his bruised abdomen that held no effect on the patent smirk his lips had formed. "I apologize for my discourteous, albeit completely on point remarks." He spoke humbly

Kanda stared down at Allen and responded submissively "Are you going to help me or not." Although one would never surface on the unfeeling face, Allen could detect a vague pout in Kanda's words. He blushed.

"I'll do my best my lord."

"Quit that crap Beansprout"

"Right, sorry."

**...**

Allen hated what he was doing. He didn't want to trick Moore but that was unimportant. What he really despised were the greasy words sliding out of his mouth. Utterly false lies that made Allen's skin crawl.

He bullied his cheeks into flushing and his eyes were tear-inducingly wide. Trying his best to play off 'embarrassed innocence'.

"Why shouldn't I come to the market with you and Kanda?" Moore questioned sweetly, masking her fiercely curious intent.

"I..." Allen turned his head to the ground, skyrocketing heat into his face. "I wanted to be alone with Kanda, a-away from here. H-he finally agreed and I..." Allen sighed and stared at his feet, pleading that he was continuing to redden. "I understand... if you won't let us, it was so presumptuous of me to -Ah! Moore?" Allen was being enveloped by Moore's warm body, and he knew his prayers had been answered.

"Allen honey, of _course_ you boys can go. Just promise me to be careful, and don't separate from Kanda." She smiled a glowing smile and Allen started to feel bad about lying to her. But he was committed. Allen smiled gratefully, bowing his head once more with tomato red cheeks. With a nervous voice he spoke.

"Can you... Moore, please don't tell anyone... e-especially Jan. He already says..." Allen got too into the moment and a tear slipped down his cheek. _Crap, I went too far. _

But apparently Moore didn't think so. She hugged Allen tighter and affirmed his fake pleas, sending him off.

"We're good to go" Allen stated to Kanda who sat beside the door, hoping that his cheeks were ridded of the false blush. They weren't. Kanda raised an immaculate eyebrow at his bright features.

Allen sighed, "It doesn't matter. Let's just go."

...

"Kanda, where are we going? Are we even _in_ the market anymore?" Allen was breathing heavily, taking quick steps to keep up with Kanda's long strides.

"We are, just be quiet and keep up. We're almost there." Allen huffed out an angry breath and picked up his pace. Kanda slowed as he turned into a dark alleyway lined with trash.

"Kanda who...?"

"Shh, just be quiet for a bit, I want to talk to the old man." Kanda spoke softly, walking to the end of the alleyway facing an area hidden by large trash bins. Allen's chest pounded as he saw Kanda smile. He walked to Kanda's side and saw a portly old man leaning against the stone wall, sagged face draped in a smile.

"Well who do we have here boy?" The old man looked to Allen with a smile that Allen returned.

"I'm Allen Walker sir." Allen informed with a slight bow of his head

"Mm, I 'avn't been called sir in a long time. Would you happen to be the reason this stubborn child came to see me? His voice was worn but full of emotion.

"No old man." Kanda stated in a voice threaded with angst.

"Mm, what's wrong m'boy?" Kanda sat before the lump of a man and Allen followed when Kanda shot a glance back at him.

"Why did they go away?" Kanda asked.

Allen sent a questioning look to the older boy, wondering who had gone away, and why they left. _Maybe... maybe they died?_ Allen thought upon seeing the pain in Kanda's mien.

"I don't know. I didn't know they had" The man voiced with a calm concern "When did they leave? When did they come back?" _Come back?_ Allen thought

"I hadn't seen them, since... a bit after I saw you last. I woke up today... and they were there" Kanda said, curling his lips in distaste as he pressed a hand over his eyes.

Allen tensed and an uneasy feeling ran through him. "Kanda, what are you talking about?" Allen leaned towards Kanda's pained face, which turned to him and grew more displeased upon seeing Allen's.

"Be quiet Beansprout." Kanda muttered staring intently at the wrinkled man who was smiling at the pair.

"Well," The man started, smacking his lips. He spoke slowly, every word hanging on to its last breath. "When you came to me last... you were on the verge... you were tipping over into something greater. Now, you are there, all of you has become one with that greater thing. Yet..." A wrinkled hand rose to hang in the air, just before Kanda's face. "something has surfaced. An alien force has stirred you."

Kanda scowled and groused under his breath "Tch. Damn rabbit" He took a pause and leaned his eyes into his hand "What... should I do... I want to see... I want to see the people who stained me" He spoke strained and Allen's chest swelled as a drop of liquid slid down the pale skin, quickly whisked away by a lean finger.

Allen only realized he had moved when he felt warm skin connecting with his own. He had become pressed to Kanda's side and his fingers were clasped around Kanda's slack ones. Staring at the man who seemed to have caused Kanda's emotions. His gaze was contrived with bursts of mistrust and faith. He wanted someone to blame but new that this man was not the one to do so. He was going to help Kanda. Right? _Please help him_

"Don't worry Mr. Walker. He'll be fine, he's just lost something he didn't think he could have." The man shifted his unruffled gaze to Kanda who was staring right back. "Color can be a good thing, eh boy?"

Kanda's eyes widened slightly and he spoke softly "Yeah. But I can't see it now."

"Color isn't something you see boy, it's-"

"Something you feel. I know old man. But I... I don't _want_ to _feel_ when I see those damn flowers." If he opened himself to feelings in front of those lotuses. Worse things would seep through as well.

"You have to boy. The reason they went away was because you did, am I right?"

"I don't know."

The old man chuckled and spoke haughtily. "Still stubborn enough to lie to me boy?"

Kanda deadpanned "I always will be old man"

"Mm. That'll help you in life boy. But, you might want to pull back a bit with ones like this." The man nodded to Allen.

"It's the opposite old man. He's more stubborn than me. If I fell back he'd take me for a ride." He sent a glare to Allen, trying to compensate for the words the old man had pulled out of him.

"How am I stubborn Bakanda?" Allen snapped his head in Kanda's direction.

"Like how you refuse to call me my actual name"

"You call me Beansprout"

"You are what you are"

"So I should call you Trannie?"

"No you should call me Master"

"Do you realize how weird that-?"

Allen stopped as he heard a chuckle coming from the man's direction.

"I suppose you are fairly well matched, ne?"

"That's what I was saying Zhu" Kanda spoke obviously

"Well boy what are you feeling right now?"

Kanda wavered at the change of pace "Huh?... Uh, it's hard to say."

"Mm, but it _is_ something. You should sort yourself out boy. Maybe they'll go away once you know why they're there."

"That's not giving me much old man." Kanda rose to his feet. "I'm getting out of here Zhu, this damn alley's too depressing."

"Of course m'boy. Just let me say one more thing." He took a long pause and steadied his gaze "This boy's aura, young mister Walker's, it is very much the same as your own." He spoke, wagging a finger at a stunned Allen. "You shouldn't take that lightly"

"You've gotten too old Zhu, your mind's not right anymore." Kanda spoke, not even sparing the man a passing glance as he strode out of the alley.

...

"Kanda. Kanda! Wait a minute, slow down." Allen was trotting to keep up with the older boy.

Kanda's pace lessened until the two were walking side by side.

"Kanda, who was that man? What were you talking about?" Allen spoke with a force that he hoped would reward him with answers.

"He's... my benefactor. He helped me when I needed it, so I ended up telling him a lot." They simply walked for a few minutes as Kanda decided what to say next. "Something happened when I was young, so that I see things that aren't there. I hadn't seen them for a while but they showed up today. Zhu, the old man, can read energies or whatever so I thought he might be able to tell me why."

Allen clicked the pieces together and _some_ things made sense. But there was a lot he didn't know. "What were you talking about... when you said you wanted to see?"

"Nothing, just some history with the old man"

"Kanda, come one." Allen spoke vainly

"Look Beansprout, the only reason I didn't slip out by myself was because I thought that if I brought you you'd stop whining about not knowing shit."

"Well I didn't exactly learn much Kanda"

"You learned enough"

"God, why do I even talk to you?" Allen called out, tossing his arms upward

"Because if you didn't, you wouldn't be talking to anyone."

"I'd still get better answers."

Kanda blocked Allen's path, halting them both, and looked into his eyes "Fine, you know what... yeah, I'll answer two questions, but you have to answer two of mine."

Allen gulped, but he wanted to know. "Fine"

...

They sat in a nearly empty shop; a lone woman reading a book occupied one of the three small tables. They had decided on specific questions only; nothing along the lines of where they stayed or who they spent their past with. They didn't have to say how or why or when, only answer the question exactly how it was asked. Allen was first. "Why did you cry?" He hadn't planned on mentioning the single tear that Kanda let loose, but this was a good opportunity to ask. Kanda stayed poised while he paused, thinking about the question.

"Because, where I am now... at the orphanage with you and the others... it's what Zhu said, I fell into something that's a completely different color. With the illusions I can't see what's underneath them. They bring me back to when I was alone, and my world was red and black." Kanda spoke leaning on his hand, like his words explained everything. They hadn't... well not to Allen. But it was Kanda's turn.

"What's up with the eye tattoo?"

Allen sighed, "It's a mark, of some people that housed me. It was like a dog marking their territory, I have this so I'm theirs and I always will be." Kanda grimaced

Kanda spoke unsettled "How are you thei-"

"Hey, my turn." Allen interrupted

"Che"

Allen spoke apprehensively "What... I'm sorry but what exactly are you?"

Kanda's stomach flipped "What do you mean?"

"Well..." Allen began biting his lip "When I hit you or scratch you or _break _you, you're always better by the next day. And you're a lot stronger than a kid should be. Even though you try to hide it, it still shows."

Kanda glowered and sighed deeply. "Some people did some stuff to me and now I'm just stronger. I heal fast and I can kick some ass."

Allen looked at him displeased with his answer, and Kanda spoke again.

"What, does it scare you? Does it ruffle your feathers knowing that the weak little boy you pulled out of the trash is practically bullet proof?

Allen's snowy eyebrows narrowed "What? Well yeah. When your fist misses my _face_ by an _inch_ and then smashes whatever it hits instead... yeah that's a little frightening. But you're still the dirty little trash boy." Allen spoke and then muttered crossly "It's so unfair. If you beat the crap out of me, I feel it for a week. But _no _not Kanda, he just hops up all _fine and dandy_ the next day." Kanda just stared as Allen started to curse him under his breath.

"Hey, cool it sprout." Kanda said as Allen's eyes started to get too livid. He still had a turn left "Why are you so scared of storms?" Kanda thought he deserved to know why he had a beansprout pressed flush against him every week.

"Oh, well I was hit by lightning... more than once." Allen spoke cringing

"That's it?"

"Basically, yeah"

"So there's more?"

"Not really" Allen noticed Kanda's nonplussed expression and spoke again with more fire in his words. "Hey, I think being struck by lightening is a good reason to be afraid of it. Besides it's not like it was regul..." Allen stopped mid sentence, mouth still open. His tongue glided along his upper teeth before he shut his lips.

Kanda couldn't believe the sprout had slipped up. If he did that a few more times all of this would be a hell of a lot easier. "What do you mean not regular?" Kanda questioned leaning forward.

"Nope" Allen chimed lightly "No more questions, you'll have to last on what you know for now." He pushed his hands into the table and stood up, walking airily to the door. Halfway out of the shop Allen sent Kanda a look that he couldn't distinguish as a smile or a smirk before he gracefully slid out of the doorway, disappearing from view.

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><p><strong>You got some of their past... but not really. I don't know when you'll get it all. Sorry for the inconsistent uploads, it's hard to get my hands on a computer. <strong>

**FullmetalFan16: Thank you, I never know if it's just me who thinks its cute**

**mychemicalbitchbot: I always get scared when I try to make Kanda cute, it's easy to go out of line**

**You Still Love Me: Ha, sorry I made you break down**

**Chibi123Poof: Yeah, Kanda will probably seem progressively softer at times... I don't know.**

**awesomelicious: Thanks so much, and I plan on it**

**Chibi-DearsXD: Kanda would be like the abusive drunkard father**

**Thanks for reading!**


	17. That You're Not  Extra Story

**Shortish Chapter. But I've had a plot bunny violating my mind for a few days now so I included a draft of the starter chapter for a story I may take up in the far future.**

**Disclaimer: Me no own DGM.**

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><p>Kanda's fingers grazed the gravel beneath him as he ignored the colorful display of animals and clowns that were dancing in the emptied space before them. A large dirt circle had been constructed on the edge of the woods. Trees bordered the farthest side of the stage, while colorful ribbons marked the boundary that kept the viewers at bay. A makeshift sign of scrap wood read <em>'Sakura Circus! Free performance! One Day Only!' <em>

Kanda couldn't bring himself to focus properly on the theatric show as there was a much more amusing sight to his left.

The bite and edge to Allen were dismissed in heed of the show, leaving a six year old in their place. He gazed, open mouthed and wide eyed at the clowns, looking more amazed with every flamboyant body that managed to appear from a tiny car. His cheeks were flushed and he bounced slightly in his seat, not quite able to contain his excitement. He would gasp as the contortionist continued to lower herself into a seemingly bottomless box, speaking absently to Kanda.

"She _fit_ in the box."

"Yep" was the dry response.

Allen turned and looked at him with an annoyed disbelief, speaking as if Kanda hadn't heard him clearly "Kanda. She _**fit**_ in the _**box**__." _He traced a square in the air as if that would prove his point and turned back to the show.

Kanda didn't turn his gaze from the small boy who was stretching his hair over wide ashen eyes as a man pulled his head from a lion's mouth. A clown danced around the perimeter, handing balloons to the children in the front, which now included Allen as he materialized two rows ahead of his previous placement holding a blue balloon. He stumbled backward, eyes still glued to the man in danger of having his head eaten, landing with a hard 'thump' next to Kanda. He reached a hand back to rub his butt, taking no regard of the giggles he was causing. Allen reemerged himself in the show and momentarily forgot the balloon in his hand. Kanda shot upward, jumping to catch the stray toy, earning him a gasp form the woman behind him. He settled down and took Allen's hand, tying the string to his wrist. Allen stared at the string before he gaped at Kanda, looking at him in wonderment as if he had made a holy revolution with this action.

His smile beamed as he thanked Kanda, returning once again to watch the display.

Kanda felt fingers grasp his arm and Allen spoke dubiously "Kanda... the elephants are dancing"

He decided to amuse him "Are they?"

"Yes Kanda. They are _dancing_. Did you know that elephants could dance?"

"All animals can dance"

Allen's eyes shifted to Kanda's direction and he questioned in awe "Really?"

Kanda thought that Allen's naivety was very droll "Yep"

"Wow" He breathed.

A seal ambled onto a platform, barking simple songs that Allen hummed along with, playing an imaginary piano. It would spin and twirl and Kanda held Allen down as he attempted to copy the movements. Allen scowled but it came across as more of a pout and Kanda tried hard not to laugh. The seal rose on its hind flippers and flapped the longer ones at its chest alternately, waving to the crowd.

Kanda leaned away as Allen's arms shot in the air, flailing about with _just_ enough control to pass as waving.

Kanda heard muffled gasps from behind him and soft murmurs followed.

"Did you see...?"

"His arm..."

"Red... gross..."

"Poor thing"

_'Moyashi doesn't need your pity.'_ Kanda thought. Only choosing not to speak because Allen had either ignored or not heard the words. Allen continued watching his show, so Kanda did the same; settling his gaze back on Allen's flushed face. He indulged himself in the glowing smiles and wonderful gazes that the boy radiated.

"That freak should be in the circus too"

Allen's smile died and his gaze lost its brilliance. His excited trembles ceased and he reached out a numb hand that Kanda welcomed with his own. Kanda wanted, in his entirety, to destroy the woman who had uttered such a revolting statement. However, Moore had already begun giving her a word lashing, and Kanda came to realize that Allen wasn't going to let go of his hand. So he looked Allen up and down, figuring the best course of action to take. Allen's fingers were tense and he was gradually pulling his legs and arms to his chest, closing in on himself.

Kanda sighed and stood, walking behind Allen while navigating the younger boy's hand with his own, so that the Moyashi's arm crossed over his petite chest. Kanda sat behind Allen and his right leg lay folded on the ground between the two in attempt to keep a distance. He stretched his other leg so that his foot landed just beside of Allen's knee. He transferred the hold his left hand had on Allen's to his right, grasping the other with his free hand so that he and Allen's arms formed slack L's that were connected with laced fingers.

Allen let out a breath and leaned against Kanda's chest, closing his eyes.

Ignoring the white hairs that tickled his neck Kanda questioned evenly. "Don't you want to watch anymore?"

"Well, apparently I'm supposed to be performing... but no, just let me stay like this." He settled further into Kanda's chest and turned onto his side, twisting their limbs and wrapping Kanda's arm around him.

"She was a bitch"

"I know"

"You're not a freak."

"I know."

"You're just a beansprout" Allen's eyes opened faintly and he smiled lightly, nestling his head into Kanda's shoulder.

"I know"

Kanda found it even more difficult to rip his attention from the boy in his arms. As time passed Allen grew more weary of resisting the sleep in his eyes; his chest pressed flush against Kanda's as he curled into the older boy. Kanda's hand traced up and down Allen's back, counting the vague bumps that composed Allen's spine. He surrendered to the smile tugging at his lips as Allen purred softly against his chest.

He wondered what the woman would say if she had been holding Allen at this moment. If she would continue to think that Allen belonged in the circus. Half of him wanted her to see him this way while the other more instinctual half of him thought that she didn't deserve to see this. He didn't either. But it was far too late for that. He was already addicted. Sown tightly to the stellar highs and perpetual lows of Allen Walker. He could imagine that Allen was in the furthest depths of hell, yet he flew in the sky, higher and further than he could dream of. How much of a child he was had only hit home today, when Kanda couldn't seem to notice anything other than the innocence radiating from the small body. A small hidden part of Kanda was aching to stain that purity. To watch it crumble and turn to dust like his had long ago. But he had a feeling that Allen would decay along with it.

**Invincible**

_**(Not a part of future without fate. See top)**_

_I wish... for that child... to find the light… in his dark world._

_..._

He had spent the last few days transitioning between a home that resounded with sobs and consoling words he insisted he didn't need, and a classroom that was filled with people who had just now decided that he was worth talking to. All because an old fart kicked the bucket.

All the old man ever did was paint and gush about the dysfunctional 'family' he had thrown together. What advantage there was of having that frizzy old fool around was beyond him. Regardless of how he felt, the people he was forced to live with had decided he was an emotional time bomb that was waiting for the right opportunity to 'let it all out'. Those were the words he had been hearing most lately. 'You don't have to hold it in, we're here for you, let it all out'. All he wanted to 'let out' was his sword from its sheath so he could silence the self proclaimed 'counselors' that had revoked any peace he could manage to get his hands on.

He continued down the dark street that was his momentary refuge from the fore mentioned train wreck his life had become. He clutched the hilt of his prized sword as the hairs on the back of his neck stood up and his heart began to pick up speed. Something was wrong.

"Hey there kid" Kanda spun around to be faced with three men in pyramid line up. A sharp, 'friendly' man with oily combed over hair and tailored suit stood forth most. Two men greatly resembling bears towered behind him.

Kanda curled his lips in distaste "What's a greasy fuck like you got to do with me?"

"Now, now young master, we only wish to talk to you." The man smiled a sickening yellow smile as he took a step forward.

Kanda unveiled a few inches of glinting metal and spoke icily "Back off, Comb over, unless you want that suit stained red."

The man continued to smile and looked to his sword greedily "Ah, yes... Mugen. Yet another fine piece of work your father left you." The words slithered foully out of his mouth

"That fool isn't my father" Kanda spat

"Yes, yes of course..." The man said absently "But he _did_ leave you that _marvelous_ sword. Along with so many other beautiful, precious," the man gulped "_valuable _items."

"Try to stay dry there Comb Over" Kanda never understood humanity's worship of money. Simply look at a dollar bill and you can tell that money has more authority then most peoples' gods. 'In god we trust'. Those words are inscribed on the billions of pieces of paper that circulate in the US. You could be the scum they scrape off of scum, but if you have more money then someone else you could have them groveling at your feet with a few choice words.

"What do you want?"

The man's hands curled around each other and he spoke sinfully "We would like to negotiate... your terms on handing over Sir Tiedoll's work."

"I have no terms. I can't give them to you" Kanda honestly didn't care. But Marie would have his head if he gave them to a slippery bastard like this.

"Ah, but I think you can" The oily man rose his hand slightly and the cards Kanda had up his sleeve were ripped out and burned. The burly man to Kanda's left pulled out a revolving pistol and the bald man beside him showed off a klobb machine gun. _Shit_

Kanda let go of his sword and held his hands in the air. "Fine, I was just on my way to the other house. No one's there and there are quite a few pieces. Good enough?"

Comb over smiled and clapped his hands enthusiastically. "That's a good boy young master Kanda, now hurry along, we wouldn't want anything to happen now would we?" Both armed men readied their weapons.

"No… but make them put away the guns, the public won't take well to that." He spoke calmly, lowering his hands.

"As you wish." Comb over snapped his fingers and the weapons magically disappeared.

...

Kanda led the men for a tense half hour, waiting for the sun to lower. If it was dark enough, he knew he could take the three men.

"Where the hell is this house of yours boy!" Comb over shouted, having lost his cheery veneer far sooner than Kanda would have liked. He turned a corner ignoring the demanding question and entered his favorite fighting ground. It was an alleyway that could pass for a short cut, not too dirty and large enough to swing Mugen to Kanda's liking. A few tricks had been laid out here and there by the gangs who held fights in the alley. It was now or never.

In one swift movement he drew his sword and closed the distance between him and the men at his back. With a hand on the hilt and a palm on the back of the blade he glided his sword upward, slicing a line from Comb over's thigh to his abdomen. He fell to the floor, passing out from pain.

_'Che, weak' _Kanda thought as he jumped to grab a pole that linked the two walls. The grizzly men stood in surprise at the lack of a Japanese and Kanda swung forcefully over the rusty pole so that the heels of his metal lined boots struck their crowns. They fell to the ground with a grunt and Kanda figured he had ten seconds before they regained full use of their senses. He dropped to the floor, spearing the bald grizzly's shoulder with Mugen and moving on to grab the other man's shaky hand that was attempting to point a gun. With a flick of his wrist the gun was dislodged. He shot out his hand to close across the man's neck, pressing deep into his muscle bound throat to block his carotid arteries. A clean way to knock out a man of any size.

He looked around to his handy-work. Three inert men. No fatal wounds - as long as they were treated soon. All done.

He wiped his sword clean of blood and made his way out of the alley.

_**Crack!**_

Kanda slid swiftly to the side at the sound. It was a gunshot. Although it hadn't hit, something inside Kanda rose as if it had. Like he should be dead. That bullet should have connected with his flesh. He knew.

Kanda turned slowly, leaning against the wall, as he felt a presence behind him.

Facing away from Kanda stood a glowing white figure. Literally glowing. The dark alleyway had gained an ethereal sheen from the new presence standing powerfully in the center of the pathway. Almost translucent white hair fell choppily over a man's head; the longest strands hanging just above his shoulders while the shortest locks framed the front of his face. Kanda could see one large gray eye that was swimming with intelligence and a snowy eyebrow, ashen skin and long white cloak completing the angelic appearance.

_"Peur Hic non__ laedetur." _The silken words slid from a foreign tongue. Kanda couldn't understand the words, but he knew what was being spoken. _'Don't make another move.' _

The words were directed at a wide-eyed Comb over; gun in hand. As Kanda's gaze slid back to the surprising newcomer he noticed a compact ball of crumpled metal, lying barely noticeable on the ground.

The bullet had been fired and disabled mid-flight. A chilling thought.

The glowing foreigner moved forward, bending down as he placed a hand over Comb over's trembling figure. He calmed immediately, eyes closed and his body fell limp. The glowing man rose and turned fluidly, and Kanda got the full view of the child that had saved his life.

He had soft, naive features; large eyes, pastel pink lips, and round cheeks that seemed to be stained with a vague blush. An upside down pentagram was etched above his left eye, connecting to a line that trailed down his eye making a left turn to outline his cheekbone. You'd think that the harsh red of the scar would lessen the impact of the white skin. But in contrast, both colors complimented each other well; neither would be as stunning without their counterpart. He wasn't particularly tall. At first glance he was six foot, but when you took the three inches between his feet and the ground into account, he came out to an insignificant five foot nine. He looked to be around sixteen.

Kanda was more curious than scared of the young creature that was now gazing at him. The boy smiled and floated toward Kanda, who in turn straightened and glared.

"_Sunt tibi incolumes?"_ The boy asked brightly in a voice that was neither feminine nor masculine.

"I don't speak fucking Latin. Who the hell are you?" Kanda spoke, crossing his arms to show his disdain.

The boy looked at Kanda with bright eyes for a moment before turning his head to face his own chest and speaking peacefully.

"_Exi Timcanpy"_

A small fleshy ball flew out of the boys cloak at the words. It had wings twice the length of it's own body and a tail that curled overhead. It glowed golden and opened it's mouth to reveal thin, cone teeth that whirled in its mouth as a show of, what Kanda presumed to be, glee. A small bulb of light exited the mouth and shot to the pentacle on the pale boy's forehead. It sunk into his skin before the scar was traced with a golden light that faded quickly.

The boy took a sweet from his cloak and tossed it to the animal, which smiled (?) before returning to the boy's cloak.

"Thank you Tim." The floating ball and glowing light hadn't stirred Kanda, yet when his words switched to English so precisely it made his eyes widen in watered down anger. Tiedoll had taken him from Japan to America, and he wasted half a year learning the damn language. He remembered being pissed at how even though he learned hundreds of words, he only used a dozen on a daily basis. Where the hell was this Rosetta Stone snitch when he had been trying to tell Tiedoll that he _definitely _wasn't happy with sharing a bed.

"Are you alright?" The boy asked sweetly.

Kanda was slightly taken aback by the amount of honest concern laced within the gray eyes. Humans weren't ones to be worried with others. Then again this 'boy' couldn't possibly be human. Kanda spoke curtly narrowing his brow. "Yes. Who the hell are you?" The boy's eyes widened slightly and he glowed brighter straightening his chest.

"I am a Dionysus" He spoke proudly without the sweet smile.

The name meant next to nothing to Kanda, but it sounded familiar. He searched through his memories and came upon one of Tiedoll's paintings. A man standing in the middle of an overgrown grape orchard, looking off to the sky whose clouds had fabricated a large gate; people on either side. To the left were people making their way to the obstruction. They had a sullen air and dredged along tiredly. On the right were the men and woman who had made it through the gate. All with a glass of wine in hand; singing and dancing fervently. A copper plate below the painting read Dionysus, God.

Kanda spoke in disbelief "_You_, are a god?"

The boy twisted in the air playfully before responding, as if he was already bored with the conversation. "No, I am not. That _sour_ immortal was named after me. I am merely a human who has lived hundreds of lives. Reincarnating time after time into a new being, god-like powers being accrued by excess amounts of spiritual energy." He absently took a seed out of his pocket and began making it bloom into different fruit bearing plants, taking a sample of each plant and popping it into his mouth. "I am ultimately called Dionysus, but I in this life, and a few others, am Allen Walker.

Kanda deadpanned at the queer boy before him, thinking this must be a joke. But he didn't judge. If this kid said he was a god, why not. "What the hell does a freak like you have to do with me?"

"Didn't you use that line earlier" The boy put a finger to his chin in mock concentration. After a moment the finger was flipped away as the boy spoke with bright features. "Oh yes, you said that to the 'greasy fuck'. Not my choice commentary but it got the message across." He spoke haughtily, like Kanda should bow down and kiss his floating shoes for complimenting him.

Kanda grimaced. He hated people like this. They think they're all great just because they have a little power. They think they're better than everyone else even though they're the same trash as the rest of us. He spoke bluntly, wanting to get as far away as possible from this freakish creature. "Just answer the damn question Moyashi"

Allen tilted his head to the side and the tomato plant in his hand followed the motion. "What is a _Moyashi_?" The Japanese word tumbled from his mouth clumsily, unlike the English and Latin that flowed out glossily.

"It's what you are" Kanda replied curtly

"So it's a Dionysus?"

Kanda blinked. How could an immortal not get sarcasm? It had to have come up in a conversation _sometime_. Something like a god committing suicide even though they're immortal. "Never mind Moyashi. Hurry up and answer."

The boy connected his hands behind his back; head tilting forward slightly making him look even more like a child. "Right, well" He began in a dejected tone and Kanda heard the wind pick up above the buildings and he swore the temperature dropped. "I, unlike the Late Greek Dionysus who ruled the underworld with Demeter, grant a soul's dying wish. The result depends on how strong of a spirit the asker has. Strong, pure souls will be granted their wish immediately with their interests in mind while the weaker, corrupt souls will be put on a waiting list and dealt with to my liking." He paused and looked to Kanda, trying to make sure he understood as if he had just explained the most difficult thing in the world. Kanda nodded curtly, simply wanting to get this on with. "Your guardian, Tiedoll, was a great man with a strong, unique soul. He was deserving and pure; thus when he made a wish on his deathbed, It would have been a sin for me not to comply."

"What did he ask?" Kanda couldn't think of anything the old man would want from him... besides to paint him.

"He prayed for you to be able 'find the light'. This could normally mean many things, but the energy used to make the wish was far too strong for me to misinterpret. He was wishing for your safety, and happiness. For you to live a wonderful life. A very noble wish that I don't hear very often. Most wish to be reborn or to live peacefully in an afterlife. But he sacrificed his possible happiness for yours currently. A very deserving wish."

"So what does that have to do with you?" Kanda asked even though he already knew.

The boy stood erect and spoke firmly with a smile. "I'll protect you, and help you find happiness."

"No"

"What do you mean no? Most people would die for a Dionysus to be their aid?" He spoke like Kanda was his big brother that wouldn't let him play with his toys.

"You heard me, I don't want a Moyashi hanging around me for the rest of my life."

"Well then it's no problem." He spoke cheerily sending a surge of warmth through the air as he floated forward delicately "I'll only stay with you until you find your 'light'. Besides its not like I can baby sit you _all_ day."

Kanda wrinkled his nose at the words "What the fuck do you mean _baby sit_ you brat?"

Allen looked confused for a moment and his glow shifted form white to orange, catching Kanda off guard. The orange hued boy looked down at himself and 'Ah'd in realization turning back to white. "Although I look this, I'm actually one thousand seven hundred and fifty eight years old... I think. I've lived a lot of lives as many different people so don't act like I'm some kid." Kanda found it hard to take Allen seriously. The boy's scowl greatly resembled a pout.

"As long as you're shorter than me, you're a kid." Kanda spoke dully

A heatedly innocent response followed "That is so unfair, I can control plants and grant wishes and, and… you can't shake a stick at all the things I've done. There is no reason why I should be inferior to you."

"You're still shorter than me"

The boy huffed and his glow became red, the grapes in his hand crumbled. A thin smile stretched on his face and for the first time in his life, Kanda feared a bean.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Puer Hic non laedetur<em>- this child shall not be hurt**

**_Sunt tibi incolumes_- are you in safety **

**Okay short story chapter that was really all fluff. But I needed to write down Invincible before the idea completely overrode my brain. I chose Dionysus for Allen's character because besides wine and partying and the like, I found out he's also the god of afterlife and, (can you guess?) homosexuality. What'd you think? I want to know the good and bad so that I can make it better. Please.**

**To the reader who forgot her/his password, thank you very much, that makes me super happy!**

**ChibiP123Poof: Yeah, I don't really know how I got the idea for their pasts. But it'll work... yeah it will.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	18. New

**I'm pretty happy with this chapter for once. **

**Disclaimer: I Don't own DGM at all. Not even a little**

* * *

><p>Moore gripped the steely doorknob and sighed airily as regulation arguing seeped through the slab of wood.<p>

"Quit _flicking _me Moyashi!"

"Quit calling me your dumb _pet name"_

_"It's __**not**__ a pet name_, and I'll stop when you stop being one."

"Then I'll call you _Bakanda_ until you can string together a sentence longer than your _teensy_ di-"

Moore flung the door open, scared for Allen's safety and Kanda's sanity. Kanda was showing off his demented flexibility by fixing Allen's head to the wall with a naked foot. Allen pushed the extremity away with a growl and pulled upward so that Kanda's body floated upside down in the air. Kanda hung in space for as long as Allen could handle and was dropped onto deft hands. Folding his legs down tastefully Kanda's waist became a hinge that floated his chest skyward so he stood erect. Kanda glared at Allen who stuck out his tongue.

"Boys" Moore voiced sternly, one of her hands gripping the decaying doorframe.

The two snapped their heads in her direction and Allen's glare dulled while Kanda's heated. "**What do you want?**" They spoke in contrasting unison, a calm undertone carrying a biting tinge.

"Allen, we have some new arrivals." She spoke with a faint smile

Allen relaxed, falling from his violent, anger rimmed pedestal into the shallow, adverse pool of reality. He asked cautiously "Drop offs or rescues?"

Moore tilted her head and quirked her lips. Drop offs were the children who were left willingly by their guardians. They were usually young and in average health. Rescues were less fortunate. They were the children taken from their guardians in a frenzy of threats and possessive hands; along with the children like Kanda that were found on the street or in abandoned residence. They were never in health, - with the exceptional exception of Kanda - had varying mental issues, and were of all ages. "Rescues sweetie"

Allen pursed his lips and nodded curtly. He turned to Kanda and they had an unspoken conversation that defused the black haired youth. "Can Kanda come? He'll stay in line." Allen questioned openly, tilting his head upward. Moore glanced to Kanda who looked to be determined in keeping his expression plain. She approved and walked out of the room with Allen at her heels and Kanda at his.

**...**

They walked into a room that was painted a pastel blue, differentiating it from the other white walls patterned with veined dirt. The floor was speckled with plush toys, blankets, and pillows. Four children sat on the outskirts of the room. Two girls huddled in a far corner were the source of faint sobs that filled the air. A young boy of around three years slept peacefully in the older girl's arms while a thin boy with dark, shaggy hair tried to wedge blankets and pillows into their appropriate positions on the girl's bodies. Two of the orphanage personnel were trying to hand bowls of hot soup and glasses of water to the quad, only to be treated like the flickering light or murmurs from the neighboring hallway - completely dismissed.

Allen walked forward and the men smiled to him, thankful for reinforcements. He lifted a serving of soup from the tray, moving closer to the active boy. After a few seconds of watching he wafted the food under the child's nose, which twitched and followed the bowl as it returned to Allen's chest.

"Hi there" Allen greeted casually, like he was sampling the soup in hand to a customer.

The youth's worn eyes narrowed slightly and "... Hey" was his apprehensive reply as he took a rest from his goal of smothering the children in cloth.

"You hungry?" Allen questioned freshly, raising the steaming meal.

The boy gulped and shook his head, steely glint in his eyes.

"Well _they_ might be," Allen nodded his head to the crying girls oblivious to their conversation. "We have enough for you all. You won't have to give them yours." He offered taking notice of the skin that seemed to stretch over the boy's feeble limbs. He only stared at the soup with hopeless want. To the boy, Allen's hands had become a risky barrier surrounding the food. But Allen smiled, still holding the bowl, and spoke deviously "If you want the food you're gonna have to take it from me you know. I won't bite." Allen heard a blunt, opposing snort from a spot not too far away and he tried hard not to glare at the long haired boy who had uttered it.

After thinking it over, the young boy bent down and caught the attention of the girls, careful not to wake the youngest child.

"Girls, this boy's going to give us some food. So lets thank him and eat what he's offering, okay?" He spoke gently with a smile that he probably pushed hard to seem effortless.

The girls sniffled, pulling themselves together, and looked up to Allen who was skillfully balancing three bowls on an arm with one still in his hand. They managed feeble smiles and thanked Allen for the food that he hadn't even given them. He beamed brightly back and looked to the boy who was staring splinters of mistrust into him. He stood and bowed his head slightly, taking a bowl at a time from Allen's arms. He handed them to the girls and placed one on the ground next to them and looked to Allen once more as he wrapped his fingers around the last bowl. Allen smiled honestly at his skepticism (even if it wasn't a well-intentioned one, it was still honest), and turned away when the weight was lifted.

He leaned against the wall next to Kanda, who asked dully; remembering when he was first interrogated by the white menace beside him "How come you didn't ask their names?"

"Oh, well they need food... now… especially the boy. Plus you were _obviously_ stable. Well, stable enough to eat if you were hungry." He added as an afterthought, granting him a 'tch' from Kanda who was rolling the idea that Allen had just read his mind over in his head. "I'll get their names once they're done, and then help treat their wounds, and then we'll put them to bed." He looked up in thought as he rambled off the to-do list.

"Wounds?" Kanda asked dryly

"Mm, the boy had a lot of bruises, and he wasn't using his left hand properly. Probably has a few broken fingers. My guess is that whoever was in charge of them would get mad real easily, kind of like Jan, and hit them. Probably thought that the kids were the source of whatever problems they had, and angry words and slamming fists became the boy's sign to make the others sparse. Took the blows himself." Allen grimaced slightly and stared hollowly at the boy who still hadn't touched his food; hand feeding the youngest and encouraging the newly satisfied girls to eat more. Kanda wished he could bat away the dark haze laced in the gray eyes.

"Do you see this kind of stuff a lot?"

"No. Thankfully they only come around once in a while. But it's never a pleasant thought." Allen looked dejected before switching to annoyed and he huffed a breath, speaking sorely to Kanda.

"Would you go tell him to eat?" He smacked his head against the wall like it would scare the irritation out of him.

Kanda knit his brow and spoke mockingly "Me? What, you want me to yell at him? He's not you Moyashi; he's not going to get all excited if I argue with him. You're the only one who gets ragegasms like that."

Allen coughed, sputtering at the last phrase as his face bloomed pink.

"I... I don't..." He started, turning a darker shade of pink as he was faced with a particularly sly smirk. He tried to speak evenly but it came out as a nervous quiver "K-keep your weird fantasies in your head Bakanda! Just" Allen lowered his head and sighed, annoyed with his overreaction to Kanda's obvious bait. "Just go talk to the kid. He won't trust me because I seem too happy. I'm not _low_ enough to be able to _relate_ to him. So you'll do fine... as long as you keep your hands to yourself and the law in mind." His now pompous head was pushed into the wall by an open hand that covered his face. When it pulled away the body controlling it did the same and walked toward the child.

Kanda dealt with the situation with all the patience and affection of a potato. He lightly kicked the lukewarm bowl toward the boy, and simply grumbled, "Eat" with crossed arms. The kid looked up to him like he was an idiot - which amused Allen to no end - and went back to feeding the boy wrapped in blankets. Kanda growled and spoke again, slightly wishing he _were_ dealing with Allen. He could just kick _him_ in the head and have this done with. "Hey, if you don't eat then he's gonna bitch about it until you do. Every second he bitches will make up the amount of spoons I'll shove in whatever holes I can find on your body, now eat." He kicked the bowl again and raised a hand that wolverined three spoons between his fingers.

The boy took hold of the bowl and glanced to Kanda disturbed before taking a spoonful of the soup and whispering. "Sounds like you're pretty whipped"

"Sounds like you _want_ spoons up your nose."

"No, not really" He said abandoning his spoon to press the bowl to his lips. He leaned his head backward until he would need a doctor to straighten it if it went any further and placed the bowl on the ground. He looked up to Kanda like 'satisfied?' and Kanda tch'd before walking away.

**...**

The more Allen talked to the young group, the more they reminded him of a pack of cheetahs. The young boy, who had revealed himself as Michael, was the mother with the others - Brigitte, Emilia, and Kie - being the standard three cubs. When Moore brought Michael away to examine his unknown wounds the others let out short whines like how young cheetahs chirp to tell their mother where they are. Michael would purr out reassuring words to the young whelps and spit and snarl to Allen. In his occasional vocalizations to Kanda, there was always a sort of churr coming from his throat. Like he was trying to draw Kanda in; figures a cheetah would be interested in a beast.

The youngest, Kie, had started crying and Allen's maternal instinct overrode his practical one. He tried to take the boy into his arms and Michael knocked him to the ground, fingers twitching an inch from his throat while Kanda held his wrist with an unsmiling hand.

"This one's mine" Kanda growled, and Michael must have held some sound respect for protecting your pack because he backed off placidly. Kanda and Allen spent some time muttering harsh words as the younger boy tried to squirm out of the probing hands that were checking for damage.

"Kanda, I'm fine!" Allen assured with a breathy growl as he pushed away the hands that were practically ripping the fabric bark from his flesh trunk.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm sure you are" Every time anyone would ask Allen if he was okay they would get a dismissive 'I'm fine' and Kanda was getting tired of finding hidden physical and mental wounds. He finally managed to rid Allen of his shirt, ignoring the color creeping into his skin at being stripped down like a child in front of not only the kids he was trying to govern but also the adults who had entrusted him with the task. Kanda flipped Allen around, tuning out the soft gasps to his left and Allen's protests. One hand pushed Allen's head down harshly in attempt to silence him and he spread his other flat on Allen's lightly bruised back. Kanda watched Allen's sharp shoulder blades flux as he pressed into the inky marks clouding his pale skin.

Allen spoke calmly, but there was a hint of panic in his tone. "Kanda, give me back my shirt, you're scaring them." Kanda thought Allen meant that his behavior was scary, but he felt a gloved hand grip his bare ankle and remembered the long sleeved shirt that he had ridded the boy of. He looked to Michael who had wide eyes and was holding the youngest girl, Emilia's, hand while she sniveled. Brigitte was holding Kie closer to her chest and looked to the red arm like it might come alive. She tensed and struck Kie's fingers as he reached a carefree hand out to the unique arm.

A part of Kanda was glad that no one seemed to appreciate the deformity as he did, but that feeling was completely submerged in his displeasure at how the kids could give such a look to someone who had just gotten visibly wounded by the people he went out of his way to help. He barked to Michael with a narrowed brow. "Hey, imp-piss, who the fuck-!" A hand on his shoulder silenced him. He seethed as he turned to Allen, who was dressing with one hand.

"It's not their fault Kanda, relax. There was kind of a _reason_ why I wore a glove." He spoke obviously and smiled to the children who were still staring at him like he had eaten a kitten with a side of dolphin. "I'm sorry about that. It's only a scar, so you don't have to worry, will you allow me to stay?" He asked like he was a lowly servant who was being honored by simply sharing the children's presence. They took well to that.

"It's not like it really matters" was Michael's indifferent response. The girls relaxed and apologized weakly for their tactless reactions.

After seeing his irregularity, Michael must have thought that Allen was less of a soft sheltered drip and started to tell his situation. Allen found out that his suspicions were true and they had a father who would hit them. According to Michael, their mother committed suicide after Kie was born. Postpartum depression was a bitch. Their father thought that the newborn Kie had somehow corrupted their mother and that was when the beatings started. Michael and Brigitte were the only ones old enough to really understand the situation at ages eleven and nine and they took turns being the lightning rod for their father's misery. Naturally, Michael barely let Brigitte get hurt, but sometimes he wasn't strong enough to go against her.

The police had gotten a tip off from someone somewhere that the man was unstable and thus he was detained and the kids were brought here. Michael and Brigitte were glad in a way and Kie didn't see enough of their father to care. Abigail's tears hadn't completely stopped since they came here, and after she got more comfortable with the new presences she asked, "Are we going to go back home soon?"

Michael attempted to console her but didn't know what to say. "We can't go back anymore" was his best effort. To Allen's surprise the one to talk to the girl was Kanda. He spoke curtly and detached.

"Hey kid, were you happy at home?"

She nodded with watery eyes.

"Why were you happy?"

She shrugged her shoulders and clutched the end of her shabby dress.

"You weren't happy because you had the home. You just liked that these brats were with you... and they still are so quit crying. You're annoying the hell out of me." Kanda leaned against the wall like it was no big deal, but he had been completely welcomed into their pack with those words.

After a few minutes of persuading Kanda, Allen left the room, thinking that it would be better to let them talk with someone they approve of. But he never would have allowed it had he known what their conversation would turn out to be.

**Omake**

_**(At the circus)**_

The circus had to have been the most troublesome experience Jan had had in a while.

He didn't like things like clowns and dancing animals. He liked darker stuff like demons and spirits, so you could guess that he didn't appreciate the outing as much as everyone else.

Normally he would talk to Allen, but he was _super_~ into the whole show, bouncing up and down and freaking out every time something new happened. His next option was to annoy Kanda. That went down the drain when he saw his life flash before his eyes as Kanda smiled. _Creepy_.

He got hit on the head when Allen waved like a maniac to the damn seal, and then this bitch called Allen a freak and he wasn't even aloud to knock her around. Not even a little bit. And when he went to cheer Allen up, he was _in _Kanda's _arms._ Like, just because he called them 'boyfriends' didn't mean he actually _meant_ it. That was really creepy. Then Kanda started rubbing Allen's back like a weird mom and Allen melted in his arms mewing like a freaking kitten.

As if this wasn't gross enough, Kanda carried Allen the whole way home. Forget _why_ he would do that, but it was more _how the hell_ did he do that. Allen was only like fifteen pounds lighter than Kanda and they had to walk like a trillion feet until they got inside.

Later that night Jan decided to watch out next time the '_Sakura Circus' _came to town, knowing that this was the work of demons.

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><p><strong>Cliffhangers are a bitch. But oh well. Hope you liked this one. I spent a while on it. Thanks to Chibi123Poof for reviewing.<strong>

**tringelingetje:**** Yeah... that was a pretty shitty website I got that from. When I post it for real I'll double check everything... if I post it for real. I'm glad you like the story and I hope you did well on your tests =D**

**Thanks for reading.**


	19. Tangled

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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><p>He couldn't stop thinking about the kid's words.<p>

_"Is that kid your brother?"_

_"How the hell could you think that I was related to that shrimp?"_

He hated dumb brats like that

_"Well then did he save your life or something?"_

_"Che, I can take care of myself, and if I couldn't that _beansprout _definitely wouldn't be able to do it for me."_

His head was starting to fucking hurt because of all this.

_"Well then what? I thought you were going to kill me when I tried for him. Why do you care about someone you obviously _don't like?"

_"... I don't care about that shrimp"_

He had to lie to the stupid brats because any truthful answer didn't seem right. He didn't _like_ the moyashi. He was sure that he was annoying and incessant. But that was only part of it, it's not like you had _one_ single emotion towards people. Kanda wasn't dumb, contrary to the beansprout's attests; he just didn't have the patience or the gall to search through his land mine ridden mind. It was made even harder with the fact that he was thirteen. Not exactly the most stable part of a guy's life. People thought that just because he didn't get zits or his voice didn't squeak meant that he didn't go through these things. But hormones were a powerful thing. If he tried to sort out his _feelings_ for Allen, those damn things sent his mind in a direction he never wanted to go. Never. Plus he didn't have time wonder about _why_ he worried about him, since he needed that time to do just that. Or maybe not _worry,_ but _focus on intently_.

It was hard not to when every shiver; every shake that the body released, reverberated through Kanda's own like a drop hitting stagnant water. When their chests were pressed together seamlessly and their legs entangled like they were pieces of a puzzle. Like they were made for each other. His hands pressed into crevasses on a small back and he felt muscles tense and loosen as a storm, so ghastly that it made even Kanda shudder, raged outside. Allen's neck and shoulders would never relax and his legs would curl around Kanda's as if he would never let go. A spot on the bottom right of his back would be the first to slacken when the storm stopped and his toes would be the last. If Kanda pressed the small of Allen's back he would squirm, like when you scratch that spot on a dogs back; you know, the one that makes their leg shake and body wiggle.

It was late, and that meant he was probably going to stay the night in Allen's room. The later it was when they had these encounters, the more likely it was for Kanda to have a beansprout hanging off of him when he got up to leave. Allen would look up to him with large, tired eyes as he clamped onto whatever body part he felt most favorable on that particular night. Kanda would sigh and Allen's touch would become a gentle, electric one that would send static gratification through his nerves, like he was being thanked. Allen would lead him back to the bed where they would fall asleep almost instantly. Their positions varied every night. At first they would fall asleep apart and wake up apart. By now they would fall asleep together and wake up_ fused_. Arms and legs would be tangled in the other's limbs and clothing. Allen was the main perpetrator as you might guess. It was a simple, chaste attempt at being as close to Kanda as he could manage. That was all it was when Kanda woke up with arms under the back of his shirt and a short-clad leg settled against his own. _Underneath_ his grey sweatpants.

That was all it was when they woke that morning in the same situation.

Kanda put a hand over his eyes as he felt Allen burrow further into his clothing. It was almost annoying how innocent the action was. It was like Allen was merely trying to stay warm. He lifted his hand and strained his neck to look down at Allen's sleeping face that was alarmingly close to his own. His mouth was open slightly and his hair fanned out like a halo. Kanda rose a hand so it hung just before the pale forehead. He pressed his finger to his thumb and flicked him as hard as he could manage.

Allen opened his eyes slightly and put on a sour expression, a light growl coming from his throat. "... What the hell Bakanda!" He rubbed his red forehead intently against the nape of Kanda's neck, obliviously tightening his hold on the older boy.

"Figure it out yourself, idiot" Kanda said pushing the head away. Allen knit his brow and wiggled, as if that would confirm his situation. And it possibly had. He blushed and looked up to Kanda with an almost scared expression.

Allen let his head fall, because with all the blood that had rushed into it, it was far too heavy to lift. This annoyed Kanda to no end seeing as Allen's profuse apologies floated down his neck, making him more uncomfortable then he already was; a feat that he hadn't thought possible.

They both flustered for completely different reasons. Kanda because this was certainly not helping his hormone doped thoughts, and Allen simply for the obvious space invasion. And not the kind of space invasion where you blew up pixelated space ships with lasers. No, Kanda could deal with that. This was a '_these pants are only meant for one person'_ space invasion.

Kanda waited as patiently as he could for Allen to free himself from his clothing, which involved a lot of growling and well placed kicks and jabs from both parties. When they were finally separated, Allen went to sit up, but found that his head was unusually heavy, and not because of the excess blood that remained in his cheeks. There was a grunt from below him and he looked down to Kanda who wore a wasted expression. He was extremely ready to have Kanda shave his head right then as his hair managed to clutch onto Kanda's with unyielding force.

He lowered his head in defeat and sighed, "I'm sorry", just waiting for a beating that would never come.

Kanda looked down passively at Allen, who he was now connected with by the ends of his hair, and stuck a spit slicked finger into his ear.

Allen flushed again, this time with disgust and anger, and looked up to Kanda with the biggest 'Just... just why?' expression.

"Relax Beansprout, I'm not going to slaughter you because your _hair_ did something stupid." he scoffed "Although, I didn't think someone's hair _could_ do something stupid, but I guess that's just how set you are on annoying the hell out of me."

Allen gave him a black look as he started to sit up again, in a way where he _wouldn't _pull Kanda's hair out of his head - not that he wasn't tempted. They both stared at the locks that were tangled in a fuzzy clump; Allen had to strain his eyes to look at his shoulder length hair. He reached up a tentative hand and felt the tangles. It wasn't good. It wasn't snarled in a way where it was Kanda's hair here and Allen's hair there and Kanda's here- no, it was just a blend of black and white that made their hair look like a gray fur ball that a dumpster cat would spit out.

Allen gazed up to Kanda apologetically with a slight pout and his eye twinkles on high as he spoke. "We're gonna have to cut it Kanda."

"No"

"Yes" He averted his gaze more with each word that fell from his lips until he was looking at his lap "We only have to cut it a _tiny_ bit. Like an inch... or two... or more." He peeked up to Kanda who didn't seem to be buying it. But he _was_ trying to sell a piece of crap by lining it with gold... not even gold, more like rusting copper.

"You're not cutting my hair Beansprout," He grunted crossing his arms.

"I know. Someone _else_ will. Unless you _want_ to be attached to me by the head" He spoke tepidly.

An odd part of Kanda, that he wanted to lop off, considered it while the rest rejected it completely. "We'll just shave your head, then we can pick your hairs from mine." He suggested, not wanting to be pushed around by _hair_. His_ own_ hair nonetheless.

"Kanda... we're both gonna have to take some off. So let's go get Moore and-"

The door flew open and a red mass stood in the doorway, looking at them with a cheery smile that grew seeing their situation.

"Aww~, did you two get a little too comfortable sleeping with each other" Lavi cooed, swaying fondly into the room.

"Shut up you rabbit" Kanda growled

"Hey, Lavi" Allen sighed

"Hi Moyashi-Chan. Looks like you really _grew_ on Kanda" Lavi spoke giggling at his apparently very clever pun.

"Can you go get Moore and a pair of scissors Lavi, I don't really feel like walking the halls with a homicidal, narcissist stuck to my head."

"I'm not a narcissist Moyashi"

"But your not denying homicidal?"

"No, I'm gonna kill this rabbit if he brings a pair of scissors into the same room as me." He stood as he spoke, pulling Allen up with him.

"Don't be like that Yuu-Chan, I want to prune Beansprout" He smiled and lifted a lock of Allen's hair playfully.

"If it's you, he'll end up with one ear."

Lavi pouted, "I wouldn't do that Yuu-Chan, then he won't be able to hear when I call him Beansprout"

Allen's forehead wrinkled as he registered what Lavi had called Kanda twice now.

"Hey, Lavi? How do you know Kanda's name? Did he tell you?" It wasn't that big of a deal. It's just Allen didn't expect Kanda to tell that to Lavi. And then to let him say it on top of that was groundbreaking.

Kanda glared to Lavi whose smile didn't falter. "No, Yuu wasn't nice enough to do that so I had to get it out of your protector Moyashi-Chan"

"My protector?"

"Yeah, that Moore lady, it seems like every time I'm here she's yellin' at Yuu and fawning over you"

Allen had to think about it for a moment to know that he didn't say, "yellin' at you and fawning over you"

"Well, now that we're talking about her, can you do what I asked and _go get her_?" Allen voiced like he was speaking to a child, which he might as well have been.

"Sure thing Moyashi-Chan, I'll be right back with a pair of scissors"

"Hey -HEY, LAVI!" Allen yelled as Lavi ran out of the room, taking no heed to his calls.

**...**

_Shwip, shwip, shwip. _

Kanda ran his fingers through Allen's hair, cutting strands away with no particular method. It was choppy and the shortest strands at the top stuck out slightly, but he liked the way it felt when it flowed between his fingers; so choppy and sticking out it would stay.

He had swiped the scissors from Lavi as soon as they were within reach, which just happened to be when the idiot was trying to chop his hair. He gave up on trying to untangle their monochrome strands, so he pressed the scissors against the knot, - cutting off the least amount possible - and detached from the beansprout. His hair came down to his shoulder blades now, but when he had it up in its normal style you could barely tell. Allen's hair used to just barely touch his shoulders, and now it hugged his neck and framed his face. It was soft and the white looked more pristine, like it was a canvas waiting to be stained with color.

They were sitting in the courtyard. Kanda leaning against a tree with Allen sitting before him, talking with Lavi who was asking Allen to communicate with the grass since he's 'one of their kind'. Allen would say that they were being crushed by Lavi who promptly kicked Kanda in the head as he tried to climb the tree.

"Hey, the beansprout really is gonna loose an ear if you do that" Kanda grumbled and Allen clasped his hands swiftly over the said outgrowths.

"If you cut my ear off I'll make you eat it Bakanda!" Allen defended

"Fine, but then I'll let you bleed to death, now stop moving and let me finish"

"That's what he said, Yuu-Chan!" Lavi chimed as he hung upside down from a branch.

Kanda threw the scissors into the air without even looking. They stuck into the bark right beside Lavi before they fell back into Kanda's hand.

"Neat trick Yuu-Chan"

"Don't call me that rabbit"

"Wait, if you're doing tricks and Lavi's a rabbit, does that mean you can pull him out of a hat?" Allen said thoughtfully

"Good one Moyashi-Chan"

"Would you quit calling me that Lavi?"

"Aww~ but Kanda gave you that name! Don't you love it?"

"Not particularly." Allen said scornfully

"C'mon Moyashi-Chan, bean sprouts are cute and nutritional" Lavi crooned

"They also spread bacteria," Kanda added dully

Allen lurched his elbow backward so it connected with Kanda's stomach.

"Keep in mind who has the scissors Moyashi" Kanda snarled

"You wouldn't _stab_ me Kanda, you're mean, but you're not _that_ despicable."

_'Duh, I would never use a weapon' _"Who says I wouldn't Moyashi?"

"Common sense says you wouldn't, I can't imagine you actually wounding me with those shears" He said, twisting a blade of grass between his fingers.

_Unless I can control it completely, unless I do it myself, you won't be hurt. I won't let you be. _"Try me Beansprout" Kanda's eyes widened as he felt his hand being tugged. He looked down to see gray eyes staring at him coolly. Kanda's hand was holding the scissors to Allen's slender, pale neck. He almost cut Allen in the process of jerking his hand away. It sent a shiver down his spine seeing a blade that close to Allen's skin_. _He could see the boy's calm reflection in the metal.

"See, I already told you Kanda, you couldn't kill me if I was dead." Allen said casually, weaving blades of grass into a small square.

Kanda could only stare; he couldn't even muster up a voice to throw at Lavi when he started snickering.

Not even thinking, he laid his forehead onto Allen's crown, breathing him in. Allen didn't push him away and surprisingly enough Lavi kept his motorboat mouth shut, even though his thoughts about the situation were practically palpable.

It hit him the moment he felt a light tug at his hair as Allen took it into his hand to simply inspect it.

Wasn't this why he worried about Allen? Because he would never judge him. He simply did what he wanted and let Kanda do the same. If Allen pushed you away it didn't mean you did something wrong. It was just because Allen didn't want to welcome you, for any reason. If he accepted you with open arms, it wasn't out of pity or because _you_ wanted it. If he wanted to extend his hand then he would do that and then some. He was always honest in that sense, you always knew if he was mad or sad, happy or thrilled. He was genuine and bright, and if that light was extinguished... Kanda wouldn't know what to do.

He lifted his head and severed the longest locks, finishing the cut. "There" He spoke curtly

"Thanks Bakanda" Allen said airily as he hopped to his feet. He looked up to the redhead swinging on a branch and his voice melted in the summer air "What do you think Lavi?"

"You look real cute Allen" Lavi called

Allen pouted "Kanda, did you make me cute?"

_'You're gonna be cute no matter what if you pout like that'_ "No Beansprout" Kanda leaned against the tree, closing his eyes.

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><p><strong>Wee, more fluff, but kanda figures out his feelings sorta so that's alright. I kind of wanted the thunderstorm meetings to seem like an affair. Like even though it's the most innocent thing ever, Yuu's hormonic thoughts make it seem prohibited. I know I said this like ten chapters ago, but now we really are close to their pasts. So just a few more days. Thanks to all of the reviewers.<strong>

_Kumika95: Thank you very much. I always think that I'm absolutely slaughtering the characters, so thats good to hear_

_Shadow Amarilis: Thanks a bunch. I like Jan, having rollerblades in the canon only makes him better._

_tringelingetje: claps for your grades and boos to the people who misinform and thanks for reading._

_**Thanks for reading!**  
><em>


	20. Limit

**Short, transition chapter. Just a heads up.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own DGM. Not that you can prove it.**

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><p>Allen grunted as he used his foot to cram Kanda into the small space beneath his bed.<p>

He paused as he noticed that Kanda hadn't struggled for a few moments now. At the start Allen would hop around like he was standing on hot coals as Kanda grabbed at his ankles. It scared the lights out of him the first time since Kanda's black hair flowed from under the bed, and with his pale hands it made him look like some demon that had opened a gate to hell from underneath his mattress. But now he was just lying motionless as Allen squashed him.

Allen stood still, listening, and a faint crinkle reached his ears. He wondered for a second what it could be until he heard a mellow page turn.

He stiffened and grabbed onto Kanda. "Kanda! What the... get... out... here!" He grunted with wide eyes as he pulled at Kanda's legs.

"Quit it Moyashi, I can't read it anyway!" Kanda called from underneath the bed as he shuffled out. He tucked a leather book into his waistband before he ducked his head out from under the wooden bed frame.

"Where is it?" Allen demanded

"I left it under there, It's not like I care about some dumb book" Kanda spoke as he put his hands into his pockets, careful not to pull his shirt over the brown cover that extended from his ratty jeans.

Allen spoke slowly, stretching every word to its limit. "Kanda, I'm going to check if the book is there. During that time, you are going to stay in this room and-"

"Yeah, yeah. I'll be a good boy, now shut up and prove me right." Kanda demanded dryly

Allen kept his cautious gaze connected as he lay down beside his bed. He extended his arm and searched the rotting floorboards. When he didn't feel anything he sent a warning glare to Kanda before he averted his gaze to the dingy underside of his bed.

_'Click'_

He snapped his head to the faint noise.

"GOD DAMNIT KANDA!" Allen howled as he looked to his empty room with a doorway that exposed the hall.

**...**

Kanda ran as fast as he could out the door and down the halls, flipping open the worn, leather-bound book as he went.

He had seen Allen write in this before. Kanda heard him whining through his walls a while back and he went into his room thinking he must have been having an ugly dream. When he opened the door he saw the kid sitting up in his bed, panting, while he scribbled something down in this book.

His head was getting dizzy trying to read while he ran but the one thing Allen could always beat him at were races, so he ignored the feeling and tried to dissect the script as best he could.

It was broken down into dates. _Okay, a journal._ It had an entry for almost every day, some were composed of short words and phases like 'white' or 'same thing', while some were pages long. The longer they were the worse the page looked. The writing was scribbled in tightly by a tense hand and stains of sweat and even blood riddled the tan parchment by what looked like fingerprints. Allen's fingerprints.

Kanda was clipped by the wall as he turned a corner on unsteady legs. He fell to the ground and heard quick footsteps from behind. Kanda scrambled onto his feet and ran toward a part of the wall far ahead that housed a closet. A closet that could be locked from the inside.

_'C'mon'_ He directed his legs that seemed to only fuck up at times like this.

"I SWEAR TO GOD KANDA! IF YOU DON'T STOP RIGHT NOW...!" Allen wailed from behind him.

_Damn hellion beansprout, just trip and fall already! _

He was still pretty far ahead of the damn brat, but his destination was just as distant. Then what might as well have been the devil himself appeared, and of course, the demon moyashi could control him with a wave of his hand.

"JAN! A LITTLE HELP HERE!" Allen demanded from down the hall.

Just seeing Kanda running in all out desperation motivated Jan enough to crush him with all he had. He launched forward, diving so he caught onto Kanda's legs, effectively bringing them both to the ground with a large thud.

Kanda kicked Jan off of him and shoved the book back down his pants as Allen quickly caught up to them. He felt a deformed hand grab his wrist as he stood and lost all hope. That damn hand had stopped being a simple attraction when Allen almost broke Kanda's fingers with it when the older boy had tried to make a show of inspecting the younger's night terror wounds in the dining hall.

"Give me the book Kanda" Allen tightened his grip threateningly as he spoke the fanged words.

"Screw you Moyashi" Kanda dug his glare into the furious boy behind him.

"Yeah, you wish, now give me the book" Allen derided.

"Where does a brat like you get off saying that?"

"You're a only a year older than me and I can say whatever I want, now give me the book." Allen demanded with burnt words.

"You have to tell me what it is." Kanda said, trying to escape from Allen's grasp.

"It's a dream journal, now give it" Allen stretched out an arm and waved with a turned hand, signaling for Kanda to hand him the journal.

"Why do you have a dream journal?" Kanda pulled the thin book from his waist and held it away from Allen, looking properly at the cover that read simply 'visions'. "What are you a psychic?" He questioned thinking that 'visions' was a stupid choice of words.

"No Kanda, if I was a psychic I would've known you took the book. Now give it to me!"

Kanda almost winced as the fingers on his wrist tightened painfully. "Answer the question Beansprout, why the hell do you have this?" Kanda said through clasped teeth.

"Why do think Bakanda? It's not like my dreams are all sunshine and kittens" The white haired youth spoke dubiously "The doctor told me to keep one, now give. it. back."

Kanda kept his heated gaze and spoke, whether he admit it or not, rather childishly "Why can't I read it?"

"Because, my thoughts are my own business. It's annoying enough to have the doctor read these, and _he_ doesn't even say anything! So if _you_ saw them it would be hell," Allen explained, resorting to kicking at Kanda's legs in attempt to have the older boy take a spill.

"Well I think I deserve to see, it would be my reward for taking in your fucking fingernails while you had these dreams."

They turned their heads downward as a small groan came from below "Uh, um... what's going on?" Jan spoke, still sitting clumsily on the floor.

"Kanda's just being a prick, you don't have to stick around Jan. Thanks for the help." Allen said with a calmer expression, thanking the god that he hoped was on his side as Jan walked away without a word. He cursed the same being as a new voice reached his ears.

"_How_ is Kanda being a prick Allen?"

"Hello Moore" He breathed as he tried to hide his menacing grip on Kanda by shifting his body.

"I'm_ not _being a prick." Kanda growled, "Moyashi's just being a freaking cheapskate" He swung their arms into Moore's view, seeing through Allen's petty trick.

"Well... How is Allen being a cheapskate then?" She questioned with a perfumed voice as she bent over, putting her hands on her legs.

"He won't fucking tell me anything. He dragged me into his life half a fucking year ago, and I still don't know jack shit." Kanda spoke, glad that Moore didn't just assume that Kanda was being a jerk and not listen to his argument.

She hummed with pursed lips and turned to Allen, who wore an odd expression that composed of a sneer and a pout - making him greatly resemble a bulldog. She spoke to him suggestively in an airy tone that was akin to singing.

"You know Allen dear, you were the one who wanted Kanda to open up from the start. It really isn't too fair that you won't do the same for him"

"He never did open up," Allen's expression leaned fully into a pout as he spoke "Plus, I want to tell him, not have him read it" He gestured to Kanda's hand that was now clutching the journal at his side.

"Oh, well of course" She declared pointedly, holding out an expecting hand to Kanda. Realizing he wasn't going to get to read it anyway, he complied and handed her the vexing journal. "But I think you both should have a little talk. From what your friend, Lavi tells me, you two have been delaying this for some time."

"Huh?" Allen said tilting his head just enough to show he was more confused then usual, but not greatly so to the point where he looked 'stupidly cute' like Lavi had pointed out more than once. "When do you talk to Lavi?"

"I run into him sometimes when he's looking for you two. He's really rather clever when he tries so we'll chat now and then. He also thinks that you boys would benefit from explaining yourselves, as do I." She handed the worn book to Allen who held it close to his chest, not taking his eyes off of Moore who had - to his surprise and Kanda's - walked away.

"So are you going to talk now?" Kanda questioned sternly, putting his hands in his pockets.

"I don't know, are _you_?"

"I will if you will."

"So do we have an understanding then?"

"I guess we do Mr. Walker" Kanda mocked at Allen's 'business tone'.

"Shut up"

"I thought you wanted me to talk"

Allen could scream. They hadn't even started explaining and Kanda was already being insufferable. "Let's just get this over with"

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><p><strong>I'll have the next chapter out soon, probably by tomorrow. Thanks for the story alerts and favorites. Thanks for reading!<strong>


	21. Derivation

**Be warned. This is not going to be very dramatic like you may have hoped. It just isn't. And I kind of wanted it to be confusing, so.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own and regrettably (for me) I never will.**

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><p>"What?" Kanda questioned aggressively as the tired, young boy before him quit speaking.<p>

"Don't make me say it again," Allen murmured rubbing his eyes.

"C'mon Beansprout... why would they do that, how the hell would that even work?" Kanda questioned intently, pushing away the urge to embrace the small, shaking, frame that was rousing his protective instinct.

"Yeah, you're one to talk, you practically went through the same thing but with your whole body." Allen spoke pointedly, leaning against the wall behind his bed.

"Yeah, but... You were in this rundown heap of a place... and they were experimenting with human fortification. That's pretty fucked up Beansprout. I mean..." Kanda grimaced before he finished the sentence "to electrocute you to do it." Using something as unreliable as lightening on a person. It seemed so barbaric to Kanda. Burning a cross into a kid's hand so that it would attract the energy and then strapping him down so that his thrashing didn't snap his bones. It was revolting to think about. Kanda didn't understand why anyone would do that to a beansprout. Even if you strengthen him he's still just a brat. Plus, to only do it to one arm... it didn't make sense.

"It wasn't the same as with you Kanda. I wasn't there to be shipped off to war; I was there to prepare the people that were _going_ to be shipped off to war. I was like a lab rat. They used me to find out how they could make 'Akuma Soldiers'."

"... Demon soldiers?"

"Well that's what they called them... the NOAH weren't the most stable bunch." Allen spoke with remaining tears still stinging at his eyes.

"What... did they need soldiers for?" It was a hesitant question, as he didn't want to know the answer.

"I think, that they're for later... I don't know. I mean if you don't I wouldn't, don't you think?" Allen sniffled one last time and his strong gaze returned, considerably easing Kanda. "You're the _'secret weapon of the Black Order'_ or whatever name they give to pricks of your stature." The only reason he could joke about this and not simply break down after hearing all of the unbelievable information was because he had been through something remarkably similar to Kanda.

"I'm not their weapon anymore. That's why I got out of there."

"Well duh Bakanda, you're not some grenade on legs. I at least understand that much." Allen spoke with a simmering stare. He didn't like the idea of people standing around an incapable Kanda, speaking about the best methods to turn him into the ultimate being, whatever measures necessary. Screw whatever problems it might solve no one deserved that.

"What about... you said that they gave you that tattoo." He looked to Allen who nodded his confirmation "Well, you said that that meant that you were always theirs. But you're not, you're here, not with them."

Allen let a small smile slip. "I know, I just meant that that was what it could entail. But Lavi helped me get out."

"Right... Why was Lavi in there anyway?" Kanda asked, still dubious to this particular fact.

Allen grunted and straightened against the wall "Believe it or not... they took him when he was a kid because of his mind and tried to make it supreme. They pretty much put his brains on steroids and now he can remember... everything." Allen shook his head grimacing and stopped his tears before they could reach his eyes. "He... he told me that I was dealt a bad card... but his was definitely worse. Everything they did to him is... just sitting in his mind, waiting for something to set it off. It has to be terrifying." Allen whispered hoarsely and pressed his palms to his eyes, which were already red from salty tears and liberal rubbing.

Kanda's hand hung in the dead air between him and Allen. He didn't want to just leave Allen be, but he knew that the boy wouldn't appreciate physical comfort. Kanda was being expected to sit, listen and talk. That was all.

"He has too much cheer anyway, he needs something to water it down." Kanda uttered drably, his hand returning to his side.

Allen looked down and he spoke evenly "He has a lot of fake cheer you know. I didn't realize it at first but most of the time his eyes are just empty." He looked up to Kanda and thought of how gainsaying Kanda's expressions were with Lavi's. Lavi was always smiling plastically with dead eyes and Kanda had a grimace perpetually stained onto his mug with eyes that swam in his emotions. "What about you, were you always such a jerk, or did being fully enhanced make you this vain?"

"I don't know" Kanda spoke ignoring the insult "My parents sold me when I was an infant and that's when I was taken in by the order."

"If you were taken as baby, how come you can speak Japanese?" Allen asked almost casually, picking at a loose thread from his shorts.

"They have bases all over, I lived in the Asia branch until I was seven. I was transferred to America after they were somewhat satisfied with my 'condition'. Then a few years after that I managed to ditch the bastards."

"Wouldn't they come looking for you?" Allen figured that if they deemed Kanda an ultimate human, then they would want to keep him under wraps.

"They were probably afraid. All of them are cowards; that's why they made me in the-"

"You're not an object. You're Kanda Yuu, not some _thing_ they made on a whim." Allen spoke sternly glaring daggers into dark eyes.

Kanda puffed a laugh out of his nose and went on with a faint smirk. "I got it Beansprout." He continued from where he was interrupted. "That's why they _enhanced_ me in the first place, because they were afraid of their enemies. And when I wasn't on their turf, I was their worst enemy."

Allen deadpanned "Way to pat yourself on the back there, are you my _worst nightmare_ too?" He muttered caustically.

"I doubt it, since yours are probably pretty fucked up"

Allen pursed his lips before sighing "They really aren't bad compared to the real thing. It's kind of like when you're falling in your dreams, except I never hit the ground." Allen spoke with an oddly tranquil tone. "It's bad, but it wouldn't be if it weren't so drawn out."

"Hn. I understand" Kanda stopped to take a look at Allen's arm. Apparently, he hadn't only been hit by lightening 'more than once', but more like twenty times. Each strike broke down the muscles and tissue so completely, that he basically gained the power of an average man with every blow. It was incredible that Kanda's wrist hadn't broken earlier when he pissed Allen off. "How strong are you... or how strong is your arm?" He asked wanting to know how cautious he should be.

"Uh, well I don't know how to say..." Allen turned his arm around while he spoke, as if looking for a product description.

'**This limb can produce up to 5,000 pounds of pressure'**

_(results may vary)_

"I guess I could show you"

"Show me how?"

"I don't know... I could crush something in the storage room?" He said it like he was asking Kanda permission.

"Fine, just try not to get hit by a table again, If you forget about this I'm not telling you a second time."

"Aww, you mean the super human won't protect me?" He cooed mockingly

"You can protect yourself with that damn thing" He brushed his hand over Allen's arm as they stood to walk out of the door.

**...**

"Would you quit looking at me like that Bakanda?" Allen demandingly questioned as Kanda's dumbfounded stare was held for too long.

Kanda blinked "Sorry. You don't see a beansprout squash a hubcap very often." His hands settled in his pockets as they continued down the hall, away from the storage room. "Plus, the hand that crushed it was the one that I almost flattened." He could remember the noise of his flesh hitting the wall.

"Well it can give off pressure better than it can take it." He said flexing his fingers "You're not exactly weak either."

"Duh, we went over that already." Now that he thought about it, his and Allen's 'mutations' were _basically_ the same deal. It's just that Allen's was more extreme and only on one part of his body, while Kanda's was muted and all over. Kanda was also more of an all around 'soldier' then Allen, who was really just freakishly powerful. They tried everything with Kanda from drugs to acupuncture to shock therapy as well, all to make him 'perfect'. They always told him that he was chosen by a higher being for this role; that he would rise from the earth and towards the sun. But they only managed to beat him further into the mud.

"By the way... what did telling each other this stuff really do?" Allen asked dumbly

"... So far it's just given us more insults."

"You can never have too many of those"

"Not that I needed anymore for a Beansprout like you."

"Yeah, you just use them over and over because you're too obtuse to think of any more"

"I'm not fat Beansprout"

"No, obtuse like stupid. Thanks for furthering my point." He picked up his pace at the end of his jeer, walking away from Kanda

"Hey, where the hell are you going?" He questioned, mad that Allen had actually walked away from _him. _Allen was the one to say that he wasn't allowed to walk away, so this was pretty idiotic.

"Food" Was the curt response. '_Well that figures' _Kanda should have known that if the moyashi wasn't being completely stubborn about being stuck to his hip then it had to do with his stomach.

**...**

Well you boys look good" The bright words spilled from smiling lips as Allen and Kanda drew up to the short counter.

"Tch" Kanda uttered

Both Jerry and Allen ignored the noise and the youngest asked lightly, "Do we?"

"Yes... I can't put my finger on it... but you're both flowing with something good. Like you were washed and waxed, inside and out." He determined his revelation with shining eyes.

Kanda and Allen exchanged a look of _'it wasn't because of you' _and Allen proceeded to tell Jerry his order - Kanda's was already on the shelf.

During the ten minutes where the pair's food gradually disappeared, Allen had thought of copious amounts of new questions and remarks. He had a feeling Kanda had as well.

"Mind if I go first?" He asked as he saw Kanda shift, probably in order to intimidate Allen into answering with his posture - not that he wouldn't answer anyway.

"Whatever"

"What are the things you see, and why do you see them?"

"They're flowers and I don't know why." He said dryly "What's the deal with your dad?"

Allen sighed "He was a traveling performer... and a relative to one of the NOAH. He actually helped me and Lavi get out."

"He was related to those NOAH bastards?" Kanda asked with distaste.

"Mm, I only saw his brother once though. He was weird... I couldn't tell if he was the most stable or if he was the biggest psychopath in there."

"So that's where you get it from?" Kanda questioned with a smirk that Allen wanted to scrape off of his face.

"I don't know, but you got your brain from the ground that they tried to 'raise' you from, right?"

"No, I got it from the scientists who worked on me. I assume yours got fried by lightning"

Allen cringed "Shut up"

"Oh, what? You can roast me as much as you want, but I make one 'brain fried by lightning' joke and I'm a jerk"

"But you _are _a jerk, and you know I'm not good with that."

"Yeah whatever... you think you would have gotten over that by now." He settled his head on his hand and looked to Allen dully.

"Well I didn't. It's not like I haven't tried... well you know that" He said a bit embarrassed at remembering his last venture out into a thunderstorm.

"I wouldn't call that trying Beansprout," He said mockingly

"Yeah, yeah"

**...**

"Good afternoon"

"Oh, good afternoon sir, how can I help you?"

"Oh how polite." He said airily "Well, I was walking by the other day, and I couldn't help but notice one of the children you have here. He seemed like the sweetest thing, and when I heard that this was an orphanage... well I couldn't help but come to speak with him," The man said cheerily

"Oh, well could you tell me who he is... ah- I mean to say, what he looks like and what he was doing at the time" Moore questioned, unable to contain her excitement

"Ah, yes." The man said, rummaging through a bad that was slung across his torso "Here's the little lamb" He took out a crumpled piece of parchment, and Moore unfolded it to see a watercolor painting of two children talking, one with long black hair and one with short white hair. "Yes, the sweet boy on the left"

Moore widened her eyes and stared at the man who was smiling to her blissfully. "...Kanda?"

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><p><strong>Dun, dun, dun. And all that. Did that confuse you enough? Are you pissed at the ending? I kind of hope both answers are a yes. Sorry if there are typos, I don't have time to double check this right now.<strong>

**Thanks to Just Another Fanfiction Nerd and FullmetalFan16 for reviewing.**

**Thanks for reading!... Seriously, if you're still reading this... bless you.**


	22. Impossible Wind

**Disclaimer: I wonder if anyone even cares that I don't own DGM. I doubt it.**

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><p>Kanda wasn't happy. Not happy at all.<p>

For once, him and Allen were talking with absolutely no rotten emotions. There were no putrid thoughts hiding deep within at the reserves they had with the other or the other had with them. They spat insults that held no bite and always seemed to blend with the fact that now they new everything about the other. A snide remark about Kanda's past here, a biting jest about Allen's life there. He was actually _enjoying_ Allen's company entirely. There was nothing in the way of him being slightly, dare he say, _happy_.

Except for Moore.

Moore and some dumbass that had decided to risk talking to Kanda. Everyone in the damn orphanage knew good and well that Kanda was just going to act like a dick - _act_ like a dick, not just be naturally severe, but actually _try_ to be awful - and the dumb bastard would go home complaining about how some brat spat at him, or called him a name, or hit him in the face (there was a perfectly good reason that involved a small dog with an even smaller bladder).

To have been able to simply stay there and yell at Beansprout... what he would've done for that. The amount of possible options definitely rose when he stepped into a room to find an unusually... flustered Moore dealing with a thin, matted creation. This odd thing that - after some consideration - Kanda deemed to be man, wore a dreamy smile, like he wasn't quite there. He had thick spectacles under sandy eyebrows that were peppered with grey and matched his bushy hair and mustache. He wore long layers of disheveled clothing as if he planned on wearing them for a long while - stripping layer after layer as the clothes decayed. A long sash ran across his thin chest, attaching to a kaki messenger bag that was exploding with papers, brushes, and other things that Kanda didn't care enough to identify.

He made his presence known with a clearing of his throat and the matted man smiled to him blindingly.

"Oh, there the little darling is!"

Kanda almost felt bad for the man that was about to be beaten down with everything he could offer. Almost. Any pity he could have had for the man dissolved in the syrupy words that made Kanda's teeth grind and blood boil.

"Oh, you're so much cuter up close! What beautiful long hair"

The man perked as a deep, threatening gurgle emitted from Kanda. "I'm not cute you dirty old man"

Moore opened her mouth to apologize to the man who had already begun responding.

"Aww, don't be shy Yuu-kun. You shouldn't talk like that to your father"

Kanda's scowl heightened "You're not my father old man, and you never will be" Kanda managed to look down his nose at the man that was a foot taller than him.

"Actually Kanda" Moore began apprehensively "That's what we need to talk about. Mr. Tiedoll here is interested in giving you a home"

"Yeah, like all of the other fuckers. You should just leave now you old fart" Kanda spoke, directing his attention to his suitor with a sneer.

"Oh! I love his enthusiasm, it's so..." He paused in deep thought and spoke with purpose "_animal"_

Moore spoke cautiously "Yes... he's our little beast"

"So what do you think Yuu-kun, how would you like coming home with me?" The happy words floated out of grinning lips.

Kanda grunted "No way in hell, and quit calling me that!"

The old man was either deaf or more idiotic than Kanda thought, because he went on cheerily "That's great Yuu-kun! Do I need to sign papers or..." He looked around franticly before his eyes landed on Moore and he smiled expectantly.

"Um, yes Mr. Tiedoll, you will need to read the terms and conditions and then-"

"Moore" Kanda barked sternly "I'm not going with this coot"

"Kanda honey..." She bent down so she looked up to Kanda and continued, leaning on her hands "You have to. I'm sorry sweetie but it'll be better for you. You'll get an education and meet new people and-"

"I'm not going Moore" Kanda's chest was starting to tighten "I'm not leaving with him!" His emotions slipped out through his words.

"Kanda... we won't be happy with you gone either-"

"Tch" Dark eyes rolled

"Kanda I'm serious. I mean, if you think Allen's going to..." She stopped as Kanda's face wrinkled in distaste.

He muttered, running a hand through his hair.

"... fuck"

Kanda felt Moore's hand rubbing his back as profanities continued to slip quietly from his lips. His thoughts would never be able to stay composed long enough for the signal that would push the hand away to reach his muscles, so he didn't even try.

He heard a voice ask who Allen was and someone responded with an answer that Kanda didn't hear, and then another question followed by silence. He removed his fingers from his hair and looked to Moore whose hand had stopped its movement. She had conflict on her face and Tiedoll repeated what must have been the question that froze Moore.

"Would this Allen like to come along as well?" The words sunk into Kanda's skin, igniting his insides.

"Can he?" Kanda asked, greatly directed towards Moore rather than Tiedoll.

She smiled to Kanda with warmth and something that he couldn't identify.

"You should go ask him that"

"Really?"

"Yes, Kanda just..." She averted her gaze for her moment and when it returned it was clear and doubtless "Everything's going to be okay Kanda"

He huffed the word "...Right" before striding out of the door.

**...**

"Hey, Kanda- what's wrong?" Allen queried, putting down his book and sitting up so his legs hung over the side of his bed.

"I was adopted," He uttered bluntly.

Allen nearly fell off of his bed at the statement. "Uh... th-that's great Kanda!" He said nervously

Kanda walked forward with a nearly unbelieving expression that mutedly mocked Allen's and he spoke clearly, looking down at Allen with what he hoped were honest eyes.

"Do you want to come with me?"

They both seemed to freeze as the words died away in the air. If they were in a movie, an impossible wind would have blown their hair and Allen would shout his acceptance as he jumped from the bed to embrace Kanda, knocking them to the ground laughing. But this wasn't a movie; a wind wouldn't blow their problems away and make them live happily ever after. That wind was, after all, an impossible one.

"I can't come Kanda"

It was said with a smile that made Kanda's mouth turn down at the corners. It was an untruthful expression that he hadn't seen for a long time.

"Why?"

The question was curt in attempt to hide his emotions that Allen could read so well.

"I've already been taken"

Kanda couldn't believe the words that were being spilled from lying lips. He wouldn't listen if the words were said with that fake smile sowed to his mouth.

But he did. They weren't words that could be dismissed with a wave of his hand.

"What do you mean Beansprout?"

Allen exhaled largely.

"Moore was contacted... before you came, about an offer to take me in."

Kanda noticed the sheen of sweat on Allen's forehead and the way his words didn't seem to cooperate with his tongue.

"The person who called said that they knew... about the NOAH, and that they wanted to take me before they did. They're out in a different country right now... doing something that they wouldn't tell Moore. But... they'll come for me soon. So they'll protect me."

The last words hit Kanda hard in the stomach. He caught his breath and responded in the only way he could. Hotly.

"I'll protect you Beansprout"

Allen spoke sarcastically with a smirk "Hah, a prick like you would end up killing me before anyone else."

_Shut up_

"You'd probably just hand me over to the enemy"

_Be quiet_

"You wouldn't even be able to remember orders right with your-"

Kanda's hand hit sharply across Allen's cheek.

"Stop it... this isn't funny Beansprout"

Allen's smile faded and his expression transformed into a distraught one. He spoke like he was tripping over his tongue, falling face first into the pool of words that were trying to escape his mouth all at once.

"I-I-... you have no idea... h-how glad I am, that- that, you asked me to come with you." He started breathing heavy and rubbed a hand clumsily over his watering eyes. "I w-want to come... I really do, and I don't want... to spend my time with you crying over this... I didn't want you t-to see this, and I..." He opened his mouth to go on but the words caught in his throat.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Kanda asked softly, leaning down so his hands were fisting the sheets on either side of Allen.

They had both been lying out of their asses when they said that divulging their past had only given them insults. It gave them a connection they didn't have with anyone else. They were sown by string before and now they were bound by chains. Kanda had thought that they told each other everything, and he understood overlooking something minor but this was just... too much.

"It's... it's not like I thought that you were going to adopted today! W-what if you left weeks from now? Things wouldn't h-have been the same and... I wouldn't want to be reminded that this" He placed his shaking hand on Kanda's chest before returning it to his own "wouldn't last forever."

Kanda tried to get mad at Allen and his optimism. He tried to be mad at Tiedoll for taking him away from his 'home'. But he couldn't, not when Allen was crying because they would be apart. Crying for their sake instead of his own. He... he was being taken by people who new about the NOAH. People who were connected to the bastards that had scarred Allen and were seeking him out. He had promised to protect the boy in front of him and he wouldn't even be able to see him soon enough.

"What's going to happen to you?" He asked, fixing his gaze onto Allen's glossy, grey eyes that showed exactly how concerned he was with the answer.

Allen sniffled and looked at him with a set jaw and defiant eyes that were still welling up "They said they would help me. They would make me stronger and let me fight. With my own hands, I can do something"

Kanda closed his eyes and lowered his head. Allen was going through the same thing as with the NOAH. These people were going to screw him over and enhance him. The only difference was that now he _was_ going out to the battlefield. They had appealed to him saying that he would be able to fight, but he's... he's just...

"You're just a brat Beansprout!" Kanda half shouted as he looked up "What are _you_ going to be able to do in a fight against the people that messed you up?" He reached up a hand and pressed it over the red tattoo that superbly corrupted the delicate, pale face that was distorted from emotions. "They don't own you anymore Beansprout. This doesn't matter anymore! You're just walking into the hands of the same people who did this shit to you!"

"I'm not!" Allen denied fiercely "They aren't the same, they'll protect me and make me so that I can do that myself. And- and I am walking into their hands, but on my own feet. I-I'm not being dragged there, I'm making sure to walk my own path!" He defied, pulling Kanda's hand from his skin.

Kanda steeled his expression "I promised I would protect you, I can do that for you"

"Kanda, you said... that you would protect us as long as I wanted you to. As long as I wanted you by my side. I don't want you to protect me Kanda, I want to do it myself. I don't... I don't want you by my side; I want you to live your life away from my burden. And... I'm not asking you to stay this time Kanda."

Kanda stared into the ashen eyes that suddenly seemed so precious. Slid his finger down the exotic arm that eternally devoured his thoughts. Laid his head on the shoulders that carried far too much pain. And tightened his arms around the boy who was so much more than that.

Thin arms slinked up his back and warm hands pressed into his shoulders. He couldn't help but think about those young hands covered with blood, being handed cynicism and defeat.

They fell into a bone-crushing embrace as they thought over what was coming about. How something Kanda had assumed would always remain, was about to crumble through his fingers. And there was nothing he could do about it.

After a discernable amount of time they released their hold and Kanda spoke undoubtedly.

"I'll find you, no matter what"

"Kanda you can't-"

"No matter what"

"..." Allen sighed and wiped his tear stained eyes. "When are you going?"

"I don't know, probably as soon as they can shove me out the door"

Allen smiled "Are the people adopting you still here?"

"You mean the crackpot who thinks I'm cute?"

Allen chuckled "You are cute Kanda"

Allen had told him that twice already and he felt more heat rise to his face then ever from the honest tone in his voice. He pressed a hand to Allen's smiling face to keep the color in his cheeks from unwanted eyes.

"I'm gonna go talk to the crackpot"

"I'm coming"

"I know Beansprout"

Allen grinned and followed Kanda out of the door. They walked slowly, side by side in shoulder bumping territory until they reached the room where two people had been waiting for them. They stared at the door until their eyes hurt and Kanda gripped the metal knob and turned his wrist.

Moore's bright voice reached their ears "Oh, boys..." She sighed as her gaze found Allen's red eyes "How are you doing?"

Allen gave Moore a _'what do you think'_ look but answered kindly "It certainly ruffled my feathers a bit"

She hummed knowingly "Well that's to be expected." Moore looked down to Kanda who was giving her an expected expression as well. A deep glare was settling into her skin.

"Why'd you act like he would be able to come?" Kanda said in a voice that was calmly scornful.

"It wasn't for me to tell Kanda"

"Che"

"So he really can't come?" Tiedoll questioned as if Allen was his own child refusing to visit him.

"No sir" Allen said softly, looking into the man's eyes "I can't come. But... Please take care of Kanda"

He could feel Moore's smile and Kanda's glare was starting to hurt the back of his neck. He knew, better than anyone, that Kanda didn't need to be protected. But he wanted to know that someone would be there for him; that he wouldn't be alone.

"Don't worry little one" Teidoll said placing a long hand on Allen's head "Your friend will be fine. I have more sons at home so he won't be alone"

Allen smiled thankfully with a small amount of mirth mixed in as he heard Kanda moan at the idea of sharing a house with _more_ crackpots.

Tiedoll clapped his hands, making Allen jump at the sharp noise above his head, and spoke positively. "Okay! Are we all set then? I wouldn't want to draw this out, no?"

"No... Kanda, why don't you gather your stuff and say you goodbyes, and we'll be waiting at the front alright?" Moore said gently.

Kanda gave another skeptical look, not sure if this was all a joke or not, and held up an affirmative hand as he walked out of the door.

He packed his things quickly as he didn't have much and hoped that he wouldn't have to go through the hassle of saying goodbye. But somehow the news of him leaving had traveled to every corner of the orphanage. He met a search party of orphans halfway to his destination.

"Kanda..." Half of them sighed his name while the others simply looked at him sadly or passively.

"Oh god" He mumbled as he saw a few break off from the pack.

He was practically tackled by four children and six or so patted him on the back with words of farewell. He muttered goodbyes and tried to weave through the sea of children as quickly as he could.

Until he saw Jan, and something came over him.

Kanda pushed through the kids and stood before Jan who was staring blankly into his eyes. He forced away the sneer that would always creep up at seeing the person in front of him and spoke clearly.

"I don't care what you did, or I did, while I lived here. But I do trust you more than any of the other idiots in here." He took a breath and dulled the edge to his voice "So take care of him. Please."

No one needed to hear who Kanda wanted Jan to take care of. The cat that sneaked in from time to time knew who he was talking about. He could feel the energy change in the room, and Jan put on a toothy grin that was almost smug. He raised a flat hand to his head in a salute and spoke enthusiastically.

"Don't you worry! I'll be sure to keep a sharp eye on your boyfriend while you're out. I'll do everything you do; have lunch with him, put him to bed, hold him during storms, kiss him goodni-"

"I'm serious" Kanda said with his scowl back on his face and a growl in his tone

Jan's smile slid and he lowered his hand to the side. "I know... I'm sorry. And I might not be able to understand him like you can, but I'll do my best to make sure he's happy... Like, actually happy." He added with a quirk of his head.

"Thank you"

Jan's eyes widened at the sincere gratitude displayed in his tone and bowed his head slightly as he spoke. "You too... um- Thank you... for making Allen happy"

"Tch" was the only answer he got as Kanda left, leaving dozens of awestruck children in his wake.

**...**

The first thing he saw when he opened the doors to leave the building was white hair. The strands flowed around and he was met with large grey eyes instead. Then flushed cheeks followed by pink lips as a choked voice reached his ears.

"Kanda... are you ready to go?" Allen sounded like he was trying to be casual and new he was failing.

"Yeah. Sort of" He looked to Moore who easily got the message.

"Um, Mr. Tiedoll, why don't we take a walk and talk about Kanda for a bit"

Apparently Tiedoll got the gist as well because he agreed to the unnatural request and they walked away quietly.

"Beansprout-"

"Kanda wait." Allen interrupted "I want to say this." He steeled himself and looked up defiantly to Kanda "I don't want you to come looking for me. I wan you to try and just forget about-"

"I won't"

Allen's expression tightened and he balled his fists.

"-me. I'll remember you so you don't have to-"

"I'll find you"

His face colored and he shut his eyes.

"-do the same. You shouldn't burden yourself with-"

"No matter what"

A tear seeped into his mouth that refused to form words.

"I'm not going to leave you alone and I'm not going to let you do the same to me. So I'll find you. Or else you'll have to find me"

"We won't be alone Kanda. You have your family and I'll have the people who are going to protect me."

"And you'll have me"

"No"

"Yes"

Allen opened his mouth in frustration. "No Kanda!"

Kanda sighed.

He still isn't sure why he did what he did. It was an action born from the desperation to portray his feelings and the desire that had been held in his gut since an unknown time. So out of desperation, and desire, he hooked a finger under Allen's chin and guided him upward until their lips met in desperate, desire charged kiss.

It was innocent and short enough that Kanda wasn't sure that Allen knew what had happened.

But the others did.

The others including Moore, Tiedoll and five children, including Jan, that were peeking through the door.

Kanda shook his head and dropped Allen's chin. He turned to walk away, toward Tiedoll who had ventured toward a beat-down car, but not before glancing to Allen and smirking at the red creeping up his neck. He spoke with resolve.

"I'll see you around Beansprout"

Allen opened and closed his mouth, looking for the right words, and when he found them they flew out in the form of scolding yells.

"Kanda be careful! Don't think you're invincible just because you're tough, a beansprout like me could whoop you with one hand! And be nice to Tiedoll! He's giving a dumb prick like you a place to go so you better be grateful! And don't piss off your teachers! And don't be an idiot to your brothers! Don't cut your hair and eat something other than soba and try to smile more and-and" He paused gasping as he cried harder "And don't do what you just did to anyone else or I won't forgive you when you find me!" He rubbed his arm over his deluging eyes and looked back to Kanda who was still staring at him with a smirk.

"And… Goodbye Yuu!"

Kanda faced the ground with a smile, putting his hands in his pockets. He looked up to Allen and spoke calmly with satisfaction.

"Bye Allen"

He bit his lip to stifle the laugh that burst out of him at his name. His _own damn name_ had filled him with so much mirth that he could barely contain himself. He watched as Kanda threw his bag into a car and climbed in. He slowly sunk into a squat as the car sputtered and drove away. He put his head in his hands as he heard footsteps fall into place next to him. He smiled when he was sure that no one would see. And he looked up as he felt a hand on his head.

Moore was smiling down to him with a sad look in her eye. He decided that he probably looked similar.

"Are you alright Allen?"

Allen sniffled and wiped his nose on his sleeve. "Mm hm"

"He'll be okay"

"I know"

"He will find you"

"It wouldn't be Kanda if he didn't"

"Tiedoll will be good for him"

Allen chuckled "He will. His loving nature is just as stubborn as Kanda's isolated one."

"He has a good eye"

"Hm?"

"He chose Kanda after one look at him"

"Oh... I hope his brothers see it too"

"They will... eventually"

Allen let out a whoosh of breath and stood up.

"If I sit here any longer I'll start crying again, so... I'm going to go eat."

"Alright dear."

He walked through the doors, ignoring the children who were just behind it, and went off to fill the hole in his gut with meat and vegetables.

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><p><strong>The end... jk. There will be more.<strong>

**I think this was my longest chapter yet. What'd you think? Dramatic enough to make up for the last one being flat? Congrats to anyone who realized the man was Tiedoll. Thanks to Just Another Fanfiction Nerd, AkixYuseiGRL, Chibi123Poof, and Inkbloter 5 for reviewing.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	23. Until

__**Disclaimer: I don't own DGM**

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><p>Tiedoll was a wanderer. He went from place to place just so he could paint or draw whatever was there. So it had taken five long hours just to get to the inn that they would stay the night at. Not that Kanda slept anyway. It was only after three more hours of excruciating, talk-filled driving in the morning that Kanda gave in to the seduction of sleep. He woke up by the shake of the car when it stopped in front of a large, mismatched house that was covered in lawn decorations - and not the pink flamingoes or bearded gnomes, but large, abstract structures made of every material imaginable. Metal, glass, plastic, trash, clothes, wood, dirt, furniture, records, even one that Kanda realized with a scowl was hair. Gross.<p>

He slung his bag over his shoulder and trudged through the display walking through a large door that looked to be made of compacted paper. Before his foot even landed in the house his face was met with a large impact. He staggered backward and blinked. Cobalt eyes narrowed as they found a checkered ball rolling slowly away from him.

At least the ball had enough sense to run away, unlike the brat who had kicked it.

"Hey guys! Dad brought back another one!" A thin kid with untamed brown hair and purple bags under his eyes called, kicking the ball into his hands.

Kanda felt the house shake as the sound of feet pounding on steps vibrated through the structure. A large boy, a few years older than Kanda, came tumbling down the stairs. His hair looked like he had been electrocuted and had tried hard to pull it back and make it neat. He was followed by an even larger person that Kanda didn't know if he should identify as 'boy' or 'man'; he was big in every way and had a shaved head that a pair of black headphones was fitted on. A calm expression stayed on his face and Kanda noticed the inky, white film that coated his eyes.

The two younger boys walked up to him and started looking Kanda up and down - sizing him up.

They flinched and looked up as Kanda growled, apparently not realizing that he might not like their action. The ball flew out of the thinner kid's hands as Kanda's knee connected with it, successfully launching it into its holder's chin. He pushed past them both and went to sit on a chair in the corner when large hands lifted him into the air.

"What are you doing old man!" Kanda growled at a higher tone than he would have liked. He was being treated like a child so he'd rather not sound like on as well.

"That wasn't very nice Yuu-Kun, they deserve an apology." Tiedoll droned, turning around and holding out his arms so Kanda was floating just before two smirking boys.

"Put. Me. Down." He snarled threateningly, kicking his feet into Tiedoll's legs to no avail. The old man must have some serious pain tolerance.

"Apologize to your brothers"

"They're not my brothers"

"Yes~ we~ are~" The two boys sung mockingly, and Kanda switched his target to them, chuckling darkly as they backed away.

"U- um... maybe you should put him down dad" The thicker boy stuttered out.

Day one in Kanda's new home. Four years until Allen is found.

* * *

><p>"Okay class, let's give a warm welcome to our new student, Kanda Yuu!"<p>

The teacher spoke with a clap of her hands, and Kanda strode to his seat before she could place a hand on his back. He sat between two girls who were ogling at him and sent them matching glares out of the corner of his eye, effectively making them yelp and turn to the front.

That was how all of his classes went. An overly cheerful teacher would introduce him and he would sit between staring girls, giggling girls, glaring guys, overly passive guys or a mixture of them all. He was lucky enough that in math he was sent to an empty seat in the back of his classroom after he told the boy next to him to 'shut the fuck up' when the dumb brat got mad that his 'girlfriend' was gaping at Kanda and went off the edge with threats and insults.

Kanda didn't know who was more idiotic, the kid who was jealous of him - who, by the way, had recently _kissed_ a _guy_ - because of his middle school girlfriend, or the teacher who sent him to the back because of one statement instead of the brat who was spouting shit for a good thirty seconds. But it didn't matter. As long as he didn't have to wear some dunce cap, he was honored to occupy the 'dick desk' - that title being engraved harshly into the rotting wood.

Lunch was awful. Mostly due to the fact that he was annoyed at himself for being annoyed that the lunch lady wasn't Jerry. He asked the woman for soba and she grunted as she dumped something that looked like vegetable soup into a bowl and onto a tray. He glared to her but she had already turned away to mix something in a metal pot.

He sat at an empty table on the rim of the cafeteria, and watched the others as he tried to eat his 'food'.

The tables seemed to be set up by the students' breed.

Most prominent were the raccoons. The girls with tight clothes, big busts, and more makeup than Kanda thought skin could hold onto sat at one table. They talked loudly enough to drown out the tables circling them and high enough that Kanda was just waiting for a pack of dogs to start humping their legs.

_If only._

Next were the lions. They sat with a pride that displayed their power over the other animals. They all wore t-shirts and basketball shorts, paired with the same brand of shoes. They laughed and talked in a way where if you didn't look carefully they were charming and neat. But their lips said dirty things about people and their hands threw food in every direction. Maybe they were monkeys instead.

Yes, they were. The lions sat further off.

A quiet bunch compared to the monkeys, but they smiled and laughed in a way that reminded Kanda of Allen - something he had been trying to avoid. It was all a plan to make them seem approachable and kind - and maybe they were - but there was something else behind it, a greed or deceit that pulled him away from his image of Allen. They had it all planned out; they were the kings whether you realized it or not.

Then various assortments of other animals filled in the rest of the tables, laughing, talking, reading, singing, eating, yelling; it was a hell of a lot different than anything he'd seen before. But he was going to have ample time to get used to it.

Day one in his new school. Four years until Allen is found.

* * *

><p>Varying breaths escaped Kanda's lips as he lay on a couch in the living room. White knuckles clutched a red ribbon as he pressed his forearm over closed eyes. His feet sunk down as a new weight was added at the end of the couch and he removed his arm to look but regretted it as a roaring crash tore through the agitated silence. He let out a shaky breath and pressed deeper into his eyes.<p>

He hadn't thought this would happen. His body was just about trembling with the instinct to run and run until he found Allen and had him in his arms. Each flash of light and clap of thunder made his thoughts drift more and more to Allen. Had anyone even found him yet? Allen had hidey-holes in every place imaginable. This was a bad storm in the middle of the day, so he was probably in the back of the closet in the front of the second floor. How long would it take for someone to find him? How damaged would he be by the time they did?

He knew he shouldn't think about it; he didn't _want_ to think about it. But that's not how his mind worked when Allen was involved. No matter how much he tried to reign in his thoughts they would slip through the binds.

He heard a light rasp that was a man clearing his throat and tried to relax.

Marie was the one person in Tiedoll's house that Kanda actually respected. He was quiet and smart and listened to every word you said, making him quite the ruler over Daisya and Chaoji. He would contradict you with your own words without being arrogant, so it created the impression of you being wrong and his words being fact. Which was usually the case regardless.

He didn't want to look weak in front of him.

"What do you want?" He asked with a fangless bite.

"Are you alright?" His voice was soft, just loud enough to be heard.

"Yes" Kanda grunted and tensed slightly as he felt a hand on his pounding chest.

"Your heart doesn't say so."

"Well it's a fucking liar, don't take it seriously."

"Does that work, not taking it seriously?"

"... Usually"

They sat in what would have been a comfortable lull had Kanda not been trying to avoid shaking under the pressure of the thunder outside and show just how seriously he was taking the physical beating of his heart and the figurative ache in it. It was annoying, but he had already decided to listen to his instincts when it came to Allen; not that he really had to try.

A calm voice filled the air and attempted to push away Kanda's stress.

"He'll be okay. You asked a person you trust to take care of him right? If you exposed yourself enough to ask that, then the person will respect your wish."

Marie was good at dragging things out of you. So he basically knew everything about the orphanage, which Kanda was okay with. Marie wouldn't spout it to anyone else unless Kanda initiated the topic. He just wanted to know to know. Something that Kanda despised and respected at the same time.

"I said I trusted him _most_. He was just the most competent idiot in the place." Kanda sat up as he growled his reply, tying and untying the red ribbon in his hands.

"Competent enough to trust him with your friend."

"... Barely"

Day fifty-two in Kanda's new home. Four years until Allen is found.

* * *

><p>Kanda pressed his fingers into the cold gym floor, breathing heavy and closing his eyes as he lay down.<p>

He found something he liked in school. Basketball. Not everyone was completely awful so he actually had to push himself to beat them all down, and it purged his pent up rage that used to leak out through words. It was okay if he knocked the other kids down because they were happy with a penalty shot that gained points that Kanda could easily win back. The coach always put Kanda in because he was athletic and could dismiss most of his opponents with a dirty enough look. It was great.

He felt the artificial light dim against his eyelids and looked up to see a girl smiling down at him. She was the point guard on his team and played a pretty nasty game despite her appearance.

She was thin and was always polite outside of the court. She had long black pigtails and was part of the 'lion' pack. She wore short skirts and high boots with long sweaters, but right now she was dressed like everyone else on their team; black mesh shorts with a red jersey. She was holding out a bottle of water with a twinkling smile.

"Here you go!"

"What if I don't want it?" Kanda panted.

"Then you'll have to get me to leave"

Her smile said that she wasn't planning on moving so he took the water with a grunt, chugged it down, and handed it back to the girl who pouted.

"Take a hint will you, jerk"

"What clue am I supposed to get from a water bottle?" Kanda pushed himself into sitting position, leaning back on his hands.

"You're not. You get the clue from the pretty girl handing it to you"

Kanda stared at her nonplussed, still not getting where this was going. Unless she just wanted to praise herself.

She sighed. "You're kind of slow, huh?"

"I _am_ the proud owner of the 'dick desk'" Kanda said snidely.

The girl laughed and sat across from him. A daring move.

"I'm Lenalee Lee, how about you?" She held out a dainty hand that Kanda ignored before answering bluntly.

"Kanda"

"You're new here right?"

Kanda thought he was here long enough to not be called 'new' anymore, but he was in the third year so I guess anyone that came in unannounced would be 'new' until the year ended. "Yeah"

"Why'd you transfer?"

_Didn't transfer. No school before this._ He learned basic things at the orphanage from Moore and regrettably Lavi and Allen. Then Tiedoll spent about a week cramming further knowledge into his brain until he couldn't think if he tried. But he ended up not needing half of it and they explained everything they taught so really he only needed to be literate, know basic math, and have a longer attention span than a bug to pass.

"I moved"

"Do you like it here"

"No"

"Well, we should change that"

Kanda looked to her quizzically before a whistle summoned the two back to the court.

Month six in Kanda's new school. Three and a half years until Allen is found.

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><p>"Happy Birthday Yuu!"<p>

Kanda sat reluctantly at the head of their table. Daisya and Chaoji spent there time either sneaking icing from the cake or staring unbelieving at Lenalee, who had insisted on coming to the birthday party Tiedoll had planned. It wasn't even his real birthday; it was more of an anniversary of his adoption. Not that he would've preferred it being on his birthday or even wanted it, but that just made it a hollow effort in Kanda's eyes. Tiedoll and Lenalee sung along lively with the birthday song and Marie seemed to be humming along pleasantly as if he were out in a park, singing to the birds.

He denied a piece of cake and quickly unwrapped his presents, wanting this to be over with. He acquired a pack of socks (Daisya), hair ties (everyone), a portable video game system (Chaoji) that he would probably never use, a sketchbook (Tiedoll), and… something from Lenalee.

"What is it?" He questioned, toying with the small cube in his hands. It was dark black and he noticed a dent in the middle.

"Open it up" She leaned forward with a hopeful smile.

Kanda gave her a skeptical look and pushed against the dent. The box flipped open and a few notes rang through the air before he snapped it shut, feeling his heartbeat quicken.

"I heard you humming that once, so I figured you must like it a lot. I mean you don't exactly go around skipping and humming every day." She bit her lip and backed down slightly. "So... do you like it?"

"Yes" Kanda breathed "Thank you" He clutched onto the small music box tightly, bringing it to his chest.

_'Memories... that's what it's called. Fitting huh?'_

Kanda was scared to open the box again. He didn't know if he could control his emotions if he heard the song that he and had Allen played together again. He placed the box down gently and bowed his head to Lenalee. He would listen to it fully later.

"I'm glad" She chimed with flushed cheeks.

Tiedoll started clearing the table and Kanda stood up to leave.

"Wait Yuu. There's one more."

Ha glared and sighed before sitting back down. "I'll open it if you quit calling me that old man"

"Of course Yuu-Kun" Kanda heard Chaoji snigger and he kicked him under the table as a long gift was placed before him. He knit his brow and poked at it before his curiosity bested him and he ripped the wrapping with both hands.

He revealed a long black sheath that glinted against the lamp in the corner. Kanda gripped the hilt and ran his thumb along the white symbol engraved into it. He looked up to Tiedoll doubtfully, along with everyone else.

_'Why would _he_ give _me_ a sword?'_

He liked it. A lot. But it didn't make sense for a peace loving old fool to give him a weapon.

Tiedoll smiled and handed him a sheet of paper. It was a flier for some kind of weapon training school.

"Um, while you were talking to Allen" Kanda tensed at the name "your caretaker told me a bit about him, and your uh, promise to him" Tiedoll spoke hesitantly for once. Knowing that this subject was a minefield. "I thought that you might like something like this. Obviously you won't be able to use it normally, but if you ever need it."

"Really?" Kanda gazed up at the man that he was suddenly appreciative of, ignoring the questioning looks of everyone but Marie.

"Yes"

"… Awesome" Kanda almost smiled. He never had a birthday party, but he was pretty sure they wouldn't have been as good as this one.

Year one in Kanda's new home. Three years until Allen is found.

* * *

><p>Kanda was walking down a dingy road as he tried to forget the piece of crap movie that he had just sat through. Lenalee had dragged him there and now she was dragging him wherever she wanted to go for a 'walk'. A walk meaning an interrogation.<p>

"Are you ever going to tell me who Allen is?"

"No" Kanda lost track of how many times she had asked him this.

"Why not?" She pleaded annoyingly.

"Because I don't want to," Kanda growled.

"You told your brother though, why won't you tell me?"

"I told him because he practically made me. Besides, he's too stuck up to tell anyone"

"I won't tell anyone"

"Yes, you will"

"How do you know?"

"Because I know you too much for my own good. You'll keep your mouth shut for a week at most, and then it'll be all over your retarded blog"

"Brother would knock you into next week if he knew you talked to me like this you know" She said accusingly.

"He already threatens my life every time he sees me with you. Which I don't get at all."

"It's because you're such a... 'man'. If you were weak and ugly then he wouldn't care, but you're not"

Kanda thought he heard her mumble something like '_definitely_ not', but he didn't want to know.

"Che, It's not like I'm going to do anything to you"

"Why? Am I not pretty enough for you? Oh! I know, maybe your gay for this Allen. That's why you won't tell me about him! It all fits!" She cheered jokingly to the sky as she floated in front of Kanda and started to walk backward.

Kanda smirked "And what if I was?"

"C'mon Kanda, I know people joke, but you're definitely not gay. It's obvious if you think about it."

"Who jokes?" Kanda asked darkly and Lenalee perked up before turning around and quickening her pace.

Lenalee quipped "No one"

Year two in Kanda's new home. Two years until Allen is found.

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><p>"Aww, don't wrinkle up your face like that Yuu-Chan, you're scaring away the ladies~. You must really aim to only have male customers."<p>

"I have no aim. Except to get fired from this shit-hole"

Kanda had unfortunately run into Lavi by total coincidence one day. He was walking back from school and he saw the redhead with a huge backpack that a small man with large, dark bags under his eyes was riding on.

_Panda_ was the first thought that came to Kanda's mind, recalling that word being used by Lavi more than once. He spent too much time thinking and Lavi spotted him.

Lavi easily became friends with Lenalee and soon enough Kanda saw him every other day.

Which wasn't all bad. He had finally been able to take serious action in finding Allen. Even if he would never admit it, Lavi was ape-shit smart. He could hack a computer in the blink of an eye, so Kanda asked him to help. And Lavi - like the dumb rabbit he was - told Kanda that he would have to take a job at his work place, or else he wouldn't do it.

That's how he ended up dressing in a cheap, rented tux every weekend to serve at a host cafe. Yeah.

And it just so happened that Kanda apparently _did_ seem gay. Because at least half of his clients were young males. The other half being older women and Lenalee. Who either found this hilarious, or just really liked the cafe. Or 'really liked Kanda', as Lavi liked to say.

The only good thing that came out of this was that he had to smile to do his job. Normally Kanda would be totally against that, but Allen had told him to smile more, so he didn't mind. That much. He still refused to even look passive if his customer was a bitch, or a dick as it may be.

The bad things that came from this were too many to count, but the most adamant one was the amount of confessions he had to listen to every week. Once in a while he used to have one scared girl come up to him with all of her courage gathered up into a meaningless pile and she would stutter out he feelings of 'love' to the guy she had never talked to before. Now he had guys and girls of every kind coming up to him during work. Occasionally they would be chased off by a certain demon with pig tails instead of horns, but for the most part they left crying, or smiling sadly after Kanda rejected them.

Despite all of this, there was no sign of Allen. No records of 'Allen Walker' had been found since the paperwork was filled out a week after Kanda left the orphanage, saying that he was adopted.

He would black out once in a while during work when there were thunderstorms happening, but he didn't lose himself anymore. And it actually gained him customers because they saw him as 'vulnerable'. Which probably _was_ the best word for how he felt during those moments.

He was finally starting to get really fed up with this. He needed to find Allen. Now. He would shave his head and eat his hair if that managed to make Allen appear - it was probable, Allen would want to see that. The only thing that kept him hanging onto his last thread were the facts that if any records of Allen showed up he would know about it, and the small music box that always remained in his pocket.

Training with Mugen also gave him something to think about. Kanda wanted to make sure that no matter how much they enhanced Allen; he would be strong enough to help him if he needed it, or even if he didn't.

Month three in Kanda's new workplace. Less than a year until Allen is found.

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><p>Kanda swung his sword gracefully; it was an extension of his arm. He sliced and turned and jumped, fighting an imaginary opponent. He turned quickly and sliced through the air, stopping when he heard a small yelp from in front of him.<p>

_Tch_

He lifted his blindfold and saw Lenalee's panic stricken face an inch from his blade.

"I told you not to move" He growled, very annoyed that the girl had moved from her spot by the tree in Tiedoll's backyard.

"Uh- Sorry, I wanted to see better" She followed Kanda's sword as it lowered to his side, and jumped as she felt a gloved hand on her head. She was pushed backward lightly and when she looked up dark eyes were staring at her.

"I don't care if you want to see. You won't be able to if I decapitate you." He pushed her head down and turned away to continue his practice.

Lenalee watched in awe as Kanda swung and twirled, using movements that were too elegant to be called fighting. It was a dance. Him and his sword were one being that washed over his range, striking down the mere presence of anything else in her eyes. It was only Kanda.

He stopped and looked off into a distance that wasn't there. He seemed to do that a lot when he had Mugen... or his music box and sometimes she would catch him staring out the window during class like that when it rained. It was alluring.

Kanda wondered if he was getting stronger. He wondered how strong Allen was and what they had done to make him that way. What he had been through in the past four years. If he really had gone out to battle like he was told, Kanda could only hope that he had beaten the NOAH; that he had taken them down.

He knew he was grasping at straws. There was no guarantee that Allen was even alive right now, but he couldn't let himself think that way. It would only make him in a worse mood about their situation, because it didn't matter if he was alive or not if Kanda didn't know. He would still find him.

"Kanda?" He tore his thoughts away from Allen and looked to Lenalee who had a worried expression that she housed often.

"Relax. Let's go inside" He strode past Lenalee and into Tiedoll's house, ignoring Chaoji's suggestive eyebrow wiggling from the couch.

Lenalee waved to Chaoji who winked to her 'seductively' and turned back to his movie.

She felt her gaze drift further and further down Kanda's back until he tossed her a water bottle over his shoulder.

"Ah- Thanks" She piped, averting her eyes from Kanda who had gone to answer the phone.

She lifted the rim of the bottle to her lips and gazed to the side at Kanda's profile. His expression first was a distinguishable annoyed that he only wore around Lavi. She heard yells from the other end of the call and Kanda took a deep breath, telling Lavi to hurry up. Next... was an expression that she had never seen. His mouth was open slightly simply because he couldn't form the words to fall from his lips. He ran a hand through his hair and closed his eyes. When she saw his dark irises again they were clouded in emotions she hadn't thought possible. A mix of relief, pleasure, mistrust, desire, ambition and about a hundred others that she didn't think there were words to describe.

Three shaky words tumbled from his mouth.

"You found him?"

Four years in Kanda's new home. Three days until Allen is found.

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><p><em>So sorry for the delay. This one's rather long so I hope that makes up for it at least a little bit. Is this cliffhanger better or worse than having to wait after Kanda left I wonder. Thanks for the reviews, alerts, and favorites. It's all super appreciated.<em>

**Chibi123Poof: **It took a while, but It wouldn't be Yullen if it didn't in my mind.

**Allena Moyashi Walker: **The next chapter will be up super soon because I'm excited about that one.

**Origami Lotus: **Don't waste your tears on my story darling! I'm honored really.

**FullmetalFan16: **I don't know if you can tell by the fact that they kissed after 20 or so chapters, but it won't get too extreme in the yaoiness

**Cheshire Kitty XD:** I couldn't believe that people cried at my story. I'm honored.

**Just Another Fan Fiction Nerd: **Thank you so much! I love your reviews, they're very uplifting.

**_Thanks for reading!_  
><strong>


	24. Afraid

**Disclaimer: I don't own DGM if that wasn't obvious enough**

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><p>"You found him?"<p>

Kanda was trying, so hard, not to show his emotions to the people sharing the room with him. But this was Allen; this was his Beansprout that he hadn't seen for four years. He didn't have a wall in his arsenal that was big enough to cover those feelings. His breath quickened and his heart was racing impossibly fast. He was worried that Lenalee, who had moved in on him, would be able to see his chest trembling.

Lavi replied cautiously "Yes... well no. I did, it's just-"

"Spit it out" Kanda growled, his stomach sinking at the 'no' that reached his ears.

"Well, ninety-nine percent it's him. But there's a _tiny_ chance that it won't be.

Kanda sneered "Why?"

Lavi spoke smoothly, like he had rehearsed this. "Well who ever he's with doesn't want him to be found out. His file says that he's thirty years old and has a family of four in South America. They didn't even use his real name."

Kanda paused, trying to keep his thoughts on track. "Then how do you know it's him?"

Kanda could hear Lavi smiling through the phone as he spoke. "Well, even if the people he's with don't want him to be noticed, that doesn't mean he feels the same. Allen wants to be found, by you specifically. You could probably guess what name he _did _use."

"... Beansprout" Kanda guessed flatly.

"Close. The name on his file is Shi Moya"

"..."

"Switch it around Yuu."

"... Tch… damn brat." Kanda's mouth turned up at the corners. "Where is he?"

"Yeah, that's another thing. I need you to relax all right Kanda? We need to be rational about this."

"_Where is he?_" Kanda repeated with a tone dipped in venom.

There was silence for a moment "He's in a hospital a few districts over. He was admitted to the emergency room this morning."

"Shit..." Kanda closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall behind him. That was about all he needed to push him over the edge. Allen was hurt and Kanda didn't know how or why. He slammed his fist into the wall and managed a few words.

"Can we go to him?"

"Yeah, just say when and I'm ready to drive there"

"Now"

"Right, I'll be over quick as a me"

Kanda rolled his eyes. "Just hurry up baka"

"Wait, Yuu. It'll take a while to get where he is, and then you'll probably stay with him for some time. So pack a bag for a week or so." Kanda could hear things crunching and falling in the background, probably Lavi getting his own bad together.

"How long will it take to get there?"

"With proper rest a while, but I can make it in a few days." Lavi stated almost proudly.

Kanda declined the option of responding and smashed the phone back into its cradle.

He was about to get ready when he remembered Lenalee.

"Where are you going?" She asked with an odd look on her face.

"I don't know. The dumb rabbit's taking me to some place. Tch, it'll probably be maid a cafe this time." Kanda said with a scowl.

"No- no you're not" Lenalee spoke softly, almost like she was scared. But that wasn't it. It was a quiet rage at all of the things she didn't know. "You asked where someone was and if you could go to him. Kanda, where are you going?"

_Tch_

He really hated when she did this. If you were trying to get away scot-free you couldn't lie to her, because she always knew when you did. She would put you under a microscope and dissect your words. Which ones were lies, how false they were, what you really meant. It would be easier just to not say anything to her at all.

"I'm going to see Allen."

Lenalee spoke quickly "What? Lavi knows about him too? Where is he, why are you only seeing him now?"

_God... this girl..._ Every word she said was salt thrown in his wounds.

"It's complicated."

"Are you going alone, just you and Lavi? Why do you have to go right now?"

Kanda sighed and squeezed his eyes shut. "I'm only going with the rabbit, and I have to go right now because I just do." Lavi had said that Allen wanted to be found. The more he thought about it the more abnormal that seemed. Allen barely agreed to let Kanda find him from the start. So something must be up if he's actually calling out. Like an SOS. These thoughts did nothing to help Kanda's patience and he left the kitchen, not surprised when the thud of Lenalee's boots on wood followed him. He packed his bag quickly; clothes, Mugen, toothbrush, etc. and went to exit his door. He was met with an impatient Lenalee.

"I want to come"

"No"

"Yes"

"Your brother would never let you"

"I'll tell brother that I'm staying at a friend's house"

"For more than a week?"

"I've done it before" She replied unfazed.

Kanda weighed the options in his mind as he heard Lavi's car blare outside. Convince Lenalee not to come, but leave later. Or leave now with her. _Dammit. _

"You can't go back to your house for stuff."

"I'll take Daisya's... if that's alright with you." She said with a smile.

"Hurry up"

**...**

"I still can't believe that you convinced Kanda to let you come along Lena-lady."

"I can be convincing"

"Tch"

Lavi had been more than surprised when Lenalee came gliding out of Tiedoll's house happily and into his car. This was a disaster waiting to happen. It was already dangerous with Allen being in the Emergency Room. I mean... he had practically told Kanda to come to his side with the name he chose. Lavi knew what people could be capable of and Allen could definitely be injured enough that he wanted to let Kanda complete his promise before it was impossible. Before Allen wasn't there to find. And now, even if Allen was totally fine, he wouldn't be if Lenalee saw him and Kanda together. It was a precarious situation.

But it was way too late to turn back now. They pulled into an incredible parking structure that led to a massive building. Cars were coming and going, some pulling straight up to the doors and men and women in pastel scrubs would rush out with gurneys and respiratory systems, waving exaggerated hands to people indoors.

They got out of the car and Lavi could see every muscle in Kanda's body tense. He was ready to stop him if he started running. They didn't know what room Allen was in and Lavi was sure that Kanda wouldn't wait to ask that question. He would just tear through the hospital until he found Allen. Not a good idea.

Lenalee kept a steady confused expression that was probably due to Kanda acting so entirely different from his usual, composed, emotionless self.

They made it to the front desk without a hitch and Lavi decided to do the talking. Just in case.

"Hello. How can I help you?" The pretty receptionist asked. She had long blonde hair, and a little button nose with nice-

"Sir?"

"Ah- right. Can you tell us what room Shi Moya is in?"

The woman tapped on her keyboard a few times and scrolled down a large list of what could only be patients.

"I'm sorry but he's not accepting visitors, so unless you're his family I'll have to ask you to wait until he's released"

_They really don't want us to see him. _

Lavi opened his mouth to respond when black hair brushed against his shoulder.

Lenalee put on a glare and started speaking Spanish so fast he could barely keep up while watching her hips swivel and finger wave. She was giving the receptionist some serious Hispanic attitude. It was actually kind of amazing. She was saying some nasty stuff to the lady that looked to understand this as well, but the gist of it was 'I am Shi's wife and if you won't let me see him then things will not end well for you.' Lavi almost believed her. Then she started saying that Lavi and Kanda were their kids and he almost laughed.

The woman spoke cautiously to Lavi. "I'm so sorry. He's in room 318 on the twenty-first floor. Um, please tell your mother I'm sorry."

"Yes, thank you. I'm sorry, she can be a bit impatient."

Lenalee looked up to him, still in 'Mama mode' and pinched his cheek hardly. She snarled lightly "Mal parido"

Lavi only stared as she walked to the elevator. Kanda on the other hand had stopped listening when a different language became involved and simply followed along.

By the time they reached the right floor Lavi could hear a steady growl coming from Kanda. They walked down a long hallway and Lavi already knew which room it was before he saw the number. There was a man in a black suit standing outside one of the doors. He was young and had a small stature. His blonde hair was pulled into a braid and his bangs split in the middle to reveal two red dots in the center of his forehead.

He looked to them disapprovingly as they stopped in front of Allen's door and spoke with a flat tone.

"Who are you and what do you want?"

Lavi had to hold Kanda back as he walked forward with his hand instinctively at his hip, where Mugen was normally situated. "We are here to see Shi"

"He's not taking visitors"

"Then is Allen?" Lavi questioned with a smile.

"There is no such person"

"Look you fucke-"

"Ahaha" Lavi laughed nervously "What my friend here means is that we're really worried about him and would be really grateful if you could give us a few moments with him."

"He's not able to see you now"

"That's okay, we want to see him. Please, we are connected to Allen and the government in our own ways and I promise we're not with the NOAH or anyone like them"

The blonde man flinched and narrowed his gaze at the mention of NOAH.

"I'm aware of that." He paused and looked to the door that was keeping them from Allen "Why do you want to see him... Would he want to see you?"

"I already told you, we're worried and he's our friend. And I hope he'll be happy to see us." The man looked to the floor with conflict on his face. He let out a sigh and stepped aside.

"He should be awake. Please don't make a fuss."

Lavi smiled and bowed his head as Kanda rushed through the door.

**...**

Kanda took a deep breath and turned the cold doorknob. His first view of Allen were pale toes sticking out from underneath thin blue sheets. It only got worse from there.

His breath caught in his throat and his mouth curled in distaste as his gaze reached the wires and tubes that connected Allen to whirring machines and IVs. He closed his eyes and shook his head slightly as he saw the bandages that concealed most of his features. They completely dominated the left side of his face and curved over to cover his right eye. His white hair had been buzzed and he wore a traditional hospital gown. He was sitting up with help from his adjustable bed and his head was still facing the door.

He was so different. Maybe- maybe it was just because he spent every second next to him when they were together, but so many things seemed out of place. His pale skin was tinted grey as if he hadn't seen the sun in a long time. His toes curled in what couldn't have been pleasure and his thin fingers tapped nervously against his legs. Then... his arm. The once crimson skin had turned black. The ridges and bumps were smoothed out and connected seamlessly with his white skin. His fingers were plated like armor and were completed with long, onyx fingernails.

_Still incredible_

Lavi and Lenalee had already entered, and Lavi stayed quiet, looking to Allen calmly as his eyes moved a mile a minute, inspecting every feature. Probably figuring how this had happened and who did it and why. How long it would take to recover or if he would at all. Lenalee stared in shock and she let out a small cry seeing the bloodstained bandages.

Allen's head perked as he heard the noise. He spoke with a raspy, unused voice. "Who's there? Miranda?"

Kanda let out a breath as he heard the voice that had never left his thoughts.

He exhaled "Beansprout"

Allen flinched at the words and knit his brow, not responding.

"Beansprout?" Kanda asked, almost angry.

Allen's expression stormed and he pushed a wire-ridden hand through his hair. He murmured "Shut up." and Kanda took a step forward.

"Oi, Beansprout."

Allen let out a frustrated noise and clutched his head. "Shit, just... just shut up,_ please shut up_."

Terrible unease ran through Kanda and he pulled Allen's wrist from his head. He growled "Oi, answer me Beansprout"

Allen remained still and his head faced his lap, but Kanda could see his gears moving, and before he could react a black hand was on his chest.

**...**

Allen heard a high voice give out a small cry. He thought maybe Miranda was about to have another fit and talk about how it was her fault that he was hurt even though she wasn't even on that mission. He called out and no one answered.

He jumped slightly as he heard Kanda's voice.

_Not this again_

Ever since he woke up, that voice would call him over and over and over again until Allen couldn't take it anymore and he asked the doctor for more of the drugs that would knock him out. The voice called again and Allen's stomach filled with warmth that he didn't want there. He wouldn't allow himself to indulge in something, in someone that wasn't there. He tried to tell it to shut up but it only got loud and angry. The essence of Kanda. He pleaded with the voice to be quiet, and he had never been so glad to be ignored.

Allen froze as five fingers curled tightly around his wrist. Five long fingers that connected to a square palm.

The skin would be pale and flawless, save for the hair line scar that ran across the palm, from when it had tried to stop a fall and ended up with a vile piece of glass shoved into it harshly. The nails would either be long and pristine or chewed to the nub, depending on how their owner felt.

Allen let out his breath and shifted into a kneel, reaching his hand out in search for a cheek. Instead, his fingers pressed flat against a warm, firm chest. '_B__ig'_ .The rhythm under his palm matched the one that beat beneath his own skin. He could imagine broad shoulders topping this chest, and lean, muscle bound arms extending to the hands with square palms and long fingers.

He recaptured his air and put strength into his fingers. _Index, middle, thumb._

Copies of the fingers around his wrist spread over the back of his hand and replied. _Index, middle, thumb._

Allen's insides twisted and he scrambled out of his kneel, pouncing forward and throwing his arms around the same broad shoulders he had imagined. He felt wires and tubes ripping from himself or the machines behind him as he tried to let every detail about the body under him sink in. He tangled his hands into the black hair that was longer than ever and pressed into a warm back. A loose arm wrapped around his waist and another crawled up his back, fingers settling over the dusting of snowy white hair upon his head.

Allen choked out his words, not caring how awful he sounded. "I didn't think it was you... I hear you... all the time, and I thought that... I thought it was just me, remembering you, and I didn't want to think about that. B-but... I'm so... I can't believe you came, I di-didn't know if you would get it, 'cause you're such an idiot sometimes, and I'm just... I missed you, _so_ much Kanda."

Kanda pulled him in tighter and he must have been having more trouble than Allen, because he simply huffed out "Yeah" and Allen used what little strength he had left to pull his hair.

He spoke loudly, but his smile and raspy voice made his mad tone unconvincing. "You see me after four years, and all you have to say is yeah? I knew you were a prick Kanda but you at least left me with a 'bye Allen'. Try to say more than one syllable... dammit!" Allen ended with an airy laugh that had been bubbling in his stomach.

"Hey, I called you four times Beansprout. You were the one that told me to shut up." Kanda paused and Allen felt him pull away slightly. He almost pulled him back until Kanda's forehead pressed against his own and he knew that Kanda was looking straight at him.

"Why did you let me find you?" He whispered, his hot breath tingling against Allen's skin.

The contact of skin sent curiosity through his veins, and he released his hold on Kanda, lifting his hands and placing them on the face in front of him. He smiled at how little had changed throughout his features and spoke softly as his fingers grazed over Kanda's cheekbones. "I... I don't care if you think it's childish, but I was scared." He slid his fingers along a defined jaw line "I don't like this, not being able to see. I'm scared and I don't want to be. Anyone could be here right now, and I wouldn't know. I can't even walk without help Kanda. I'm scared."

He had repeated that like a mantra the past few days, _i'mscaredi'mscaredi'mscared, _all day until he went to sleep.

Darkness had become such a frightening thing. Even before he was hurt, they had ingrained the idea of darkness being bad into his head. Enemies were waiting for you in the darkness, no matter how thin. Any shadow could be your death. He had begun to dread the moment during changing, when your vision went black from the fabric covering your eyes. During the night once, he had lost it. He had torn a hole through the wall to let the moonlight in, but when his superiors found out they sent him to solitary. A small room that was closed off completely except for a small hatch that they slipped food under.

They had told him that he spent a week in solitary, but they could have told them anything. It was hard to pay attention to time when you were drowning in darkness, smothered in your thoughts. He was back in solitary now. Sure, he could hear and feel people, but it was the same darkness.

Kanda snorted, "Duh, I told you before, you're just a beansprout. You should have never been hurt like this."

Allen let his arms rest on Kanda's shoulder once more and he spoke. "I'm not a kid anymore Kanda, even you should've noticed that. I just... I was scared and I... wanted... to... see..." Allen tried to finish his sentence through his choking coughs, but he was starting to feel the repercussions of losing the support of wires and machines.

Kanda's hand pressed against his chest. "Oi, Beansprout... Oi! Lay down and let them hook you back up." Allen's mind understood that he should obey, but his body didn't want to as it clung to Kanda tightly. "Hey, c'mon. Let go and lie down!" Kanda raised his voice as Allen's coughing became more severe.

Allen felt thin fingers wrap around his own and it took a moment to register that they weren't Kanda's.

"Who-"

"It's okay Moyashi-Chan, just lie down alright. You can have your squeeze back later."

"Lavi..." _That explains a few things_ "Thank you Lavi."

"Hm?"

"You helped him right? Helped him to find me. Thank you" Allen let Lavi lower him down and he held out his hands, glad that Lavi understood as he felt his warm hands press his to Lavi's cheeks.

Allen couldn't remember the last time he _giggled,_ but he did while his hands wandered Lavi's features. Starting with his warm cheeks that had matching dimples. Lavi wiggled his nose as he traced it with his thumb and Allen jumped as he felt his stretched lips and a warm, wet tongue poked at his finger. His eyebrows waggled and his ears twitched and Allen had to hold him still as he started tilting his head from side to side.

"Lavi, stay." Allen laughed, "I want to make sure you didn't get any uglier." Allen felt the pout on Lavi's lips just to make sure it was there and he slid his thumbs across his eye and eye patch. The leather felt nice on his skin and he could feel the smile lines that permanently creased his eyes. Allen kept his hold and questioned gently.

"How are you Lavi?" He felt Lavi smile.

"I'm good Allen. I've been living a good life so far. And maybe this is a dumb question to ask, but how are you doing?"

A large grin broke out on Allen's face "I'm a lot better now"

**...**

Lenalee was in shock watching this odd reunion.

She had imagined Allen to be the quiet, edgy type. She thought that if he was Kanda's friend then that would be the only type he could truly tolerate. But he was so completely different from that. Allen was genuine and inviting, you could feel the emotions seeping through his every word. He was only a fragile boy that couldn't have been any older than her, but it was like that didn't matter. He acted as if he wasn't lying on a hospital bed with such awful injuries. He smiled and laughed and almost tackled Kanda to the ground when he threw his arms around him.

When he had done that, she thought he was a 'Lavi' type and Kanda would push him away, calling him an idiot. Her heart sank when Kanda held him so gently, like he was precious. Despite that, she could see why. This boy, Allen, was so bright that at times she would avert her eyes. But there was an uncertainty, like that light would be extinguished with one wrong move, and she didn't want it to be. Not because it was him or because she liked his brightness, but because of Lavi and Kanda.

Both of them had smiled their first true smile since she met them.

She was jealous.

Of course she was jealous. And she felt awful for it. She was jealous of a bed-ridden child with injuries so bad that he couldn't see and an arm that looked like it was out of a horror film. She was jealous of the boy who was pushing away the oxygen mask that a doctor was trying to fit on him, saying that 'he could at least breath by himself'. It was awful, but it was true.

Because even with all of that, it still stood that Kanda probably had a deeper connection with Allen than she could imagine. It had to be if Kanda kept looking to him like that. A mixture of pain, worry, relief and something she didn't want to admit was there.

* * *

><p><em>*Mal parido means something like bastard or asshole.<br>_

_This was one of those chapters were the ideas been in my head so long that I have no idea if it's good or bad anymore. I'll hope it was passable. Thanks for the alerts and favorites. Thanks to **Chibi-Dears XD, Monkey Girl 13624, FullmetalFan16, AkixYuseiGRL, torinator, mychemicalbitchbot, Cookies Of Doom, Origami Lotus, SenpaiNoSasuke, Chibi123Poof, Animexlover175, and Wezl **for reviewing._

_**Creshircat: I totally feel you, I was getting mad writing that because Allen will always be Kanda's and Kanda will always be Allen's. **_


	25. Blast

**Disclaimer: Figure it out yourself.**

* * *

><p>Allen jumped for what must have been the tenth time as small voice spoke.<p>

"Um, hello"

He gripped Lavi's hand. "Hello? ...Lavi, who's there?" Allen questioned as he resisted the urge to rip off the small, wire connected stickers that the doctor had just placed all over him.

"Oh gosh, sorry I was caught up in the moment." Lavi started brightly "We brought our friend Lenalee along... and she doesn't really know anything, so go easy with the past talk and whatnot."

"Oh, well alright." He started, trying not to make a fuss over how they brought someone who wasn't involved. "Well, I'm Allen Walker, it's nice to meet you." Allen put out his hand to where he hoped their friend was standing and surprised himself with his reaction to her touch.

He flinched and jerked away his hand. Allen remembered doing that to the doctors at first as well, but he got used to them. Then since he hadn't done it with Kanda and Lavi he thought he was over it, but apparently it wouldn't be that easy. He sighed and found the alien hand once more. "Sorry, I'm still a bit edged out." He explained as he squeezed a dainty hand that seemed almost apprehensive. He looked to where he imagined her face would reside and asked worriedly. "Is everything alright? I'm sorry if this is scaring you at all." He couldn't help but flex his black fingers as he spoke, knowing that they were scary enough on their own without him being bloody and machine powered.

A smooth voice came from a little to his left, and he blushed slightly as he faced it. "I'm fine. I'm just surprised I guess. I don't know much about you, but I didn't expect _this_." She paused and made a rushed noise. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean your, uh features. I just didn't expect your personality to be so... normal." Allen smiled and let go of her hand.

"It's fine. I'm flattered that you actually think I'm normal. It's a nice change of pace." Allen was getting too used to being treated as a monster, good or bad. Whether it was his looks to the public, or the fact that he held an esteemed rank as a teenager to the government. This girl didn't care about his arm and didn't know that he could pretty much ask half the government to make his breakfast if he felt like it. It was a good start, but he figured it wouldn't last long.

"I guess I got too used to those two... ah- Kanda and Lavi." Allen assumed she had made a gesture indicating them, not that he would have needed it. "And I'm Lenalee Lee, it's nice to meet you too."

Allen nodded and held his smile. He questioned lightly "How do you know them?"

"Well, I go to school with Kanda, and Lavi just blended in soon enough."

"Mm, that's good. I'm glad Kanda actually managed to hold back his pride and make a friend."

"What are you my mom Beansprout?" Kanda grunted

"You'd be better off if I were.

"I'd be dead if you were."

"Because my love would _smother_ you until you couldn't breath." Allen said with a sugar-dipped tongue.

"Yeah, if your love was idiocy and craziness."

"Kanda, you'll always be a bigger idiot than me. I don't care how many classes you managed to stay awake in, you can't force more information into that tiny little brain of yours."

"I'll force _your_ brain out of your head Beansprout"

"An admirable thought, but unlike yours, my brain won't fit through my ear canal."

"I'll just wait for your head to collapse from the loose screw."

"Oh, that screw's not mine. It's the one you lost before you left, I just have it for safe-keepi-"

"Stop it!" Lenalee's voice made him jolt once again, and he looked to the sound.

"Eh?"

"I'm not going to stand here while you make fun of him like that." Her words simmered as they shot from her tongue.

"Oh- um, well it's Bakanda. He needs some sense slapped into him. And apparently no one's tried in, I don't know, four years maybe?" Allen kidded.

"I take back what I said, you're not normal, you're a jerk."

"Oh... well I'll take that" Allen resigned calmly.

"No wait Lenalee, they really aren't hurting each other when they do that. It's kind of their thing." Lavi explained

"Oh, I hope I'm hurting him. The dumb prick won't learn anything otherwise." Allen said and Kanda growled.

Lavi shook his head "He doesn't mean that, really. Allen must have gained a lot of pride over the past years if he won't admit that they argue for a reason."

"I know we argue for a reason. That reason being to tell the other how awful they are." Allen argued

"Oh come off it Allen, you kept on trying to pick fights with _me_ after he left."

"Did you now?" Kanda asked smugly

"Shut up Bakanda" Allen grumbled with a slight blush. "That was a long time ago"

"I still don't understand" Lenalee added.

Allen sighed "Arguing's good. Just keep that in mind." He paused for a minute in thought "It was nice of you to get mad though. Most people just stay out of it or don't care. So... thanks for caring about Kanda." He said gently, with a small smile.

"I don't need thanks for something like that. I care for him because I want to" Allen nodded at the defiant words.

"I know, I can tell you love him a lot." Allen heard spluttering, coughing, and even a small laugh from Lavi. Then everything was silent.

_Whoops_

"I didn't really mean anything by that." He said quickly "I just meant that you care about him in a different way than normal. Sorry if I caught you off guard."

"Uh, right" She said about an octave higher. "Then~ I guess I could say the same about you?" She spoke hesitantly and Allen could almost see her turning the reel as she fished for answers.

_Maybe she does_ love _Kanda_.

"I do. I care about him in a way that differs from what I feel for my colleagues or superiors. But I could say that about Lavi and a few others as well."

It was true. He loved a lot of people. It just so happened that a certain black haired beast had torn through the barrier of simple 'love' and into something else. But no one else needed to know that. Not now anyway.

The silence was cutting and for the first time Allen was happy that a doctor had entered the room. This wasn't the general doctor that hooked him up earlier, but the government doctor that knew the situation.

"Good evening Mr. Walker."

"Good evening doctor."

"Link informed me of your friends here, so I will allow them to stay through the exam if you would like."

"That'll be fine, thank you." Allen grinned, but he did tap a message on his sheets that he prayed the doctor would see. Telling him to be careful of the black haired man.

Kanda could have changed, but if he was still protective, then he didn't want the doctor to be caught off guard if Kanda started to freak.

He felt cold fingers simultaneously check his pulse and press a code into his wrist. _'I understand'_.

"I'm going to remove your bandages now sir."

"You don't need to call me sir. I'm just your patient right now."

"Of course."

Allen heard the bandages being cut away, and he hissed inwardly at the cool air stinging his wounds. Lavi cursed and Lenalee gave a quick shriek. He kept his right eye closed as it adjusted to the unfamiliar light, so glad that he could actually pick up the brightness. The doctor hastily tapped a message with quick fingers, _'He's standing up' _and he spoke loudly.

"Sir I need you to- Sir! Please back away from my patient!" Allen heard flesh clash a hair's breadth from his face.

He spoke gently "It's alright, let him do it. He's not going to hurt me"

"... Yes sir." Allen opened his right eye and saw the doctor's figure move away.

His skin contracted unintentionally as deft fingers trailed down the raw surface, just barely grazing the raised edge of his wound. Allen only saw Kanda's blurry figure overhead, but it had him in raptures. He would hug him again if he didn't think that he would be scolded for it. He flinched further as Kanda's fingers found their way to the rim of the fleshy cavity where an upside-down pentacle used to reside.

"Did _they_ do this?" Kanda's voice was cold and warning was spilling over the edge.

Allen tried his best to look him in the eyes. "Yeah... they did."

"I'll kill them"

"No you won't Kanda"

"I'll fucking kill them"

"You're not killing anyone Kanda, okay? I'm alright."

"How the hell do you call that alright Beansprout? You're not alright when half of your face is peeled off!"

"I'll be fine. I've been through worse. It'll heal soon enough."

"What about your eye? That's not just going to grow back!"

"It's okay. I'm happy to be able to see at all. So just sit down and let the doctor do his job."

"How did this happen?"

Allen sighed, "It was a blast. They laid out explosives and I was too late in running away. I got hit, and it really shouldn't have been bad, just some burns and a few fractures. But my tattoo... they told me the ink combusted from the heat and impact. So now I'll just have a scar there instead." He ran a finger lightly across the pattern carved into his skin, grabbing onto Kanda's fingers as he met them. He pulled the hand away and just held it at his side.

"That's some fucked up irony Beansprout"

"I know... that kind of hurts the most to be honest. But I'm okay, so relax. It was my fault, I was careless and ended up hurt"

"You said they would protect you"

"And they did. I'm not dead and I'm perfectly happy at the moment. People have lost their lives making that possible, so I really won't forgive you if you look down on them for this."

Kanda paused and gently pulled away from Allen's grip. "Tch, you're an idiot. Getting blown up like that." Allen leaned into Kanda's touch as his hand glided across the top of his head, pressing down his bristly hair.

"Yeah, well, I think inanimate objects are out to get me. With the table at the orphanage and now my tattoo."

"You're never going to let me forget that, huh?"

"Hey, I'm the one who got hit. It was just your conceited pride that got wounded. Now sit down before I make you" Kanda pushed his head into the bed, making his vision black from the movement and when he opened his eye again Kanda was missing from view.

"I'm sorry doctor, you can go on, he should be fine now."

"It's alright sir"

"Please, I have to be half your age, you really don't need to call me sir."

"Right, but you are my senior in rank, and you're also, uh..."

"Cross's apprentice?"

The man gulped "Ah, yes sir."

"Believe me, you could kill me right now with my own foot and he wouldn't blink an eye. Plus I don't think he'd come out of hiding just to hurt you. Especially if it was because you didn't call me _sir._"

"Alright then... so should I call you Walker, Allen, or Beansprout."

Allen smiled and looked to the doctor in slight disbelief, he spoke jokingly. "What? You get the okay to be a _little_ comfortable and now you disrespect your superior? I might get Link to report you." The doctor laughed and started shining lights into his wound and eyes while checking his vitals.

"Hey Allen, how are you this guy's superior?" Lavi asked from in front of him, and Allen saw his figure leaning on the front rail.

"Well, since I started training way earlier then usual, I rose pretty fast in ranking. This makes a decent difference too." He raised his black arm and curled the plated fingers.

"So what, are you like a captain or something?"

The doctor answered for Allen "He's a lieutenant general, six ranks above a captain."

"What! That's crazy Allen! So do you get to have a team of sixty-thousand people?" Lavi asked excitedly

"No, that's more like the army. I just have authority over my lower ranks. I usually only have a team of three or so."

"Do they all have crazy powers like you?" Allen rolled his eyes at Lavi who was obliviously asking all of this in front of Lenalee who looked about ready to faint.

"No, most of them specialize in weapons. Even I have to use a gun."

"Whoa~, what gun did you get?" Lavi was getting way too hyped about this, but it was nice to see him so... _him._

"It depends on the mission, but I guess I favor a M1911 pistol."

"Really? Why not go with a machine gun or something?"

"They're too loud. Plus I like the weight of a pistol, feels more natural." Which disgusted him in reality. When he first held a gun it seemed awkward and heavy and the voice in his head was screaming at him to put it down. Now, the only reason he didn't like a gun was because it wasn't the right one for him. He had become so used to something that could make life disappear when you moved your finger. It was terribly frightening.

"What about your arm?" Kanda asked sharply from his chair "How the hell did they get it like that?" Allen sent him a '_relax' _look, and spoke excitedly with an admiring smile as the doctor sat down to write on a form.

"It was amazing. So incredible compared to the first time. They didn't do anything with it for a year or so. They just had me train and train and train until I was able to beat their first ranks, the newbies. And I was pretty proud of myself when I did, you know? But then they shove me into this room with some chick and tell me to fight her. I tried to talk them out of it but before I could even say anything she had me half dead, practically begging for my life." Allen was in full on story mode and was waving his hands, reenacting the moments. His colleagues liked the stories where he got beat up. He assumed it made them feel better about following a sixteen-year old "I spent a week just getting my ass handed to me by her, and then they told me they had enough information. So the chick turned out to be this artificial robot type thing, and she was recording my movements and strength level and any of my habits during battle. Then a few days later they put me to sleep, and I woke up with this." He raised his arm and flexed the black fingers. "Its ability is unreal. It can't be crushed or burned; they even made it bulletproof. Which scared the lights out of me because they told me by putting a gun barrel right up to it and firing off a round. Almost wet myself then." Allen felt bad for Lenalee. She looked like she might scream, but she was handling it all rather well otherwise. Lavi was just laughing and Kanda was looking as stable as he could be, leaning back with his eyes closed as he listened. He missed this.

"It's sounds like you were havin' a lot of fun there Beansprout. But weren't you there to get the 'bastards'?"

"Well yeah, but I only started going on missions important enough to involve them about a year ago."

"So they're still out there?"

"Yeah... but there are less of them now. Less damage being done, less enemies. It's been better lately... like, I mean the world in general has been better."

"I'm sorry to interrupt Mr. Walker, but I need to speak to you about your injuries." The doctor moved forward and sat on the edge of the bed.

"It's no problem, I'm sorry for being so loud while you're doing this."

"It's nothing to worry about. But uh- onto your situation. You see, the impact of the explosion didn't just do flesh damage, there are various fractures and quite a number of burns, as I'm sure you know."

"Yes."

"And I'm going to assume that you've noticed the delay in reaction and certain, uh mental incapabilities such as excess stress, or a feeling of anxiety... ah nervousness. Then there's your sight which will probably be about forty percent at best... without further treatment of course. Now, most of this will go away with time and others with the proper medication and attention, which will be provided. I'm going to recommend a week of good and proper rest, and then spend two or three weeks of light training to return your body to normal. And then when you feel up to it, you can return to the field." He spoke lightly but with a true concern that Allen appreciated. He didn't want to wait that long to get back though. He would be out there right now if he could.

"So if everything works out, I'll be as good as new?

"Fortunately, yes. You will be able to maintain your rank and continue with your missions as always."

"Thank you" Allen smiled and the doctor bowed his head slightly and picked up a roll of bandages, reaching over as he began to wrap them along the side of his face, crossing over to cover his forehead but leaving his right eye exposed. Thank god.

"I'll come tomorrow with everything you'll need to recover and talk about a few things, alright?"

"Yeah, thanks for everything"

"I was glad to do it Mr. Walker. It's nice to know that I work with people like you." He smiled again and slowly closed the door as he left the room.

"Huh, I thought all doctors were assholes." Lavi murmured.

"So did I" Allen admitted as he looked around the still fuzzy room, and he figured he was going to have to do a lot of talking as he noticed Lenalee sitting up straight, steeling herself to speak and Kanda glaring intensely to him.

"Can you guys just say what you want to say before you give me a nervous breakdown?" Which was actually probable at this point.

Lenalee snatched the opportunity "I'm just totally lost. Who are you really?"

"I work with a sort of behind the scenes government organization that gets rid of the bad organizations that hide in the shadows."

"I thought that you were my age?"

"He's younger actually." Lavi informed.

"Then, how?"

"I just got involved when I was a kid and this is where it all ended up"

"So... do you like... _kill_ people?" She asked quietly, looking to the side.

Allen's chest tightened "I try not too. But sometimes you have to kill to save."

"Whoa. So you mean you actually shot a dude dead Allen?" Lavi asked as he kneeled beside Allen's bed, resting his arms on the mattress.

"I have" He was scared of this. Completely terrified of how his friends would see him if they knew that he had taken a life with his hands. He had ripped the soul from someone's body, not even having the time to stop and think about the crime he had committed. He didn't know the man's name, or what he had done before, or anything about the life that had dissolved in the blink of an eye.

"That's pretty heavy Allen."

"Yeah... I know" He half whispered the words that fell from his lips.

"Tch. So you killed a guy. Suck it up"

Allen's face contorted and he breathed out rage filled words "How the hell can you say that. Every life is precious and they can never be returned. You should understand that. What if- What if I had died instead of him? My life is just the same as his."

"I you died instead of him, I'd kill him anyway, and he was just some asshole that was with NOAH or people like them, so he deserved to die."

Allen fisted his sheets. "No one deserves to die Kanda!"

"Maybe not, but if it was either him or all the people he could have killed, then anyone would choose him."

"But there are other ways! I didn't need to kill him! We could have captured him or just disabled him, he could be alive and living a harmless life right now!"

_I'm just as awful as him._

"You can't just stop being a bastard like that. He would just go on and destroy more people's lives. Or one of your colleagues would have gotten him instead. You didn't do anything wrong"

"Yes I did!" Allen yelled and drops fell down his cheek, soaking into the bed sheets "I took away someone's life! There is nothing acceptable about that!"

_Stop making it seem like I'm the good guy._

"What about your colleagues then, they've probably killed people right? Do you think that they're bad people?"

"... No… they were only protecting their teammates and the people who weren't involved."

_But... that's different... somehow._

"So, say you hadn't killed him, and then he killed one of your teammates. You would rather do what you did, than have a friend die, right?

"Yes."

_I'd do anything to keep my comrades alive._

"Then it doesn't matter. Things could have turned out way worse, so you should just be happy that you only killed one guy and move on." Allen sat still and rubbed his eye and Kanda spoke again. "Couldn't figure that out yourself?"

"Shut up... idiot" Allen sniffled and took a breath. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lose it. I haven't cried in a while."

_Dumb bastard shouldn't do that. He can't keep making me feel so secure. Or else..._

"Allen, it's fine." Lavi assured "You've been through some serious stuff and Kanda has that effect on people. Especially you"

Allen raised his hands in defeat. "Yeah, yeah. I'm a beansprout, I'm a brat, objects hate me, and Kanda pushes my buttons like he's a professional. I get it."

_Or else I won't be able to leave him this time._

"Oi Beansprout." Kanda called and Allen sighed heavily, swinging his head to Kanda.

"What do you want to yell at me for now?"

"Are you seriously going back out there?"

"Where?"

"Fighting and shit"

"Yes, I will be doing 'fighting and shit'."

"You really think so?"

"That's the plan"

"Well that's not gonna work"

"And why is that?"

"Because I probably won't let you"

"_Probably_ won't?" Allen asked suspiciously

"I don't really understand what I'm thinking."

"So the same as always"

Kanda shook his head "No, definitely different"

Allen pinched the bridge of his nose. "Kanda, I understand, but can we talk about his tomorrow or something. Uh- if you're here tomorrow."

"No, we can talk about this now, and tomorrow you'll come back with us to Tiedoll's place"

They spent the next minutes arguing, Lavi and Lenalee interfering every once in a while to stop them when they looked about ready to brawl. They were only brought back to the idea of talking about it the next day. Allen needed rest and some time to think about everything. Kanda definitely needed to cool off and get a good nights rest as well. And Lavi was given the job to explain everything necessary to Lenalee, considering he remembered everything that had happened.

Lavi and Lenalee left the room first and Kanda and Allen got to have a few moments alone.

Kanda let it all go with the absence of the other two and knelt at Allen's bedside, laying his head on the mattress and entwined their monochrome fingers together. He was amazed at the transformation of the limb. But that didn't really matter right now.

"You're a fucking asshole Beansprout"

"I know" Allen hummed as he ran his fingers through Kanda's hair.

"You left me with a fucking crackpot and a rabbit."

"I know, I'm so sorry"

"And you're gonna fucking do it again too"

"... I might. And I know I'm a terrible person for doing it." He was starting to well up again.

"What about that shit I did over the past four years. What do I get for that?"

"What do you mean?"

"I was careful about shit that I didn't need to be careful about. I didn't kill the old man, which was plenty nice for what he's put me through. I didn't completely piss off my teachers. Tiedoll's house is jam packed with idiocy, so I didn't need to add any more. I didn't cut my hair even though it's a bitch to untangle in the morning. My damn school's too uncultured to serve soba. And I smiled at work, even when one chick sneezed on my fucking hand. I deserve some kind of prize for all that." Allen bit his lip in thought and pulled upward on Kanda's hair, guiding his head off the bed.

"I seem to remember there being one more of those"

"Really? I don't recall"

"Kanda, I'll beat you into the ground if you're serious."

I don't know what you're talking about"

He was ninety percent sure that Kanda was pulling his leg. But he didn't care; the joke wasn't funny. He raised his hand and swung it down to thump Kanda, but a hand snatched his arm out of the air and pulled him down. He whimpered as he was pressed forehead to forehead against Kanda, their noses lying beside the other's.

Allen shuddered as Kanda whispered heated words that glided raw across his lips.

_"Why the __**hell**__, would I do 'that' with __**anyone**__ else?"_

His breath hitched as Kanda nipped his lower lip and he heard his heart monitor beep quicker and quicker. He _almost_ leaned in to selfishly take back the man who he was _aching_ to devour as he pulled away.

Allen took a deep breath and sat back up. "What was that for?"

"That was my prize"

Allen tilted his head "You barely did anything"

"Yeah, but I got to see your _'lustful' _face. So I'm good."

"... You're such a dick"

"What? You want more?"

"Kind of, yeah"

Kanda widened his eyes before he leaned over Allen. "I didn't know you were so greedy"

"I didn't know you were so horny, now get the hell off of me"

"What?"

"Get the hell off, you're creeping me out Bakanda."

"What happened to wanting more?"

"It was your choice to do so little"

"Yeah, to screw with you"

"When you could have been screwing me"

"You can't be serious"

"Duh, Kanda. Are you seriously that horny that you want to do me with Lavi and Lenalee waiting outside?"

"Yes"

"How'd you get like that?"

"After I kissed you and then was deprived for four years"

"That won't be a good enough excuse for the police when they convict you for sexual harassment, now get off."

"Tch" Kanda stood and glared for a moment, before he walked to the door.

"Hey," Allen called from his bed "Thanks for coming here Kanda"

"You better be fucking grateful... damn Moyashi"

* * *

><p><em>This is another one where I just can not tell if it's good or bad. My mind's taking a break or something. I hope there are no plot holes. Besides any that Ill fill in later.<em>

_Thanks to** Neko serena**, **Chibi-Dears XD**, **Xiao Yue Er**, **WezL**, **Monkey Girl 13624**, **mychemicalbitchbot** (your review cracked me up BTW), and **Allena Moyashi Walker** for reviewing._

Thanks for reading!


	26. Cracked

_It's been so long! Sorry about that. And this one's kind of short so I really apologize. But this was the length where the story was happiest, so there you have it._

* * *

><p>Lenalee was scared.<p>

Not because of the fanciful stories of experimentation and war, nor from the sight of pale skin tearing, bleeding, and healing without a trace. She wasn't scared of the white haired boy that should really never be called such a thing, for he had obviously been drained dry of innocence and purity long ago. And she wasn't scared of the redhead that could recite the weather every day for the past ten years.

No, her emotions... her stability had crumbled by witnessing a meager amount of insignificant actions.

Kanda, not saying a word with his mouth or fists (or elbows, knees, or feet for that matter) when Lavi threw his arms around him happily once again as they left the hospital.

The black haired man staying calm when she made fun of him for diligently taking care of that beautiful, overly-long black hair and responding with a deceivingly biting 'Whatever, I don't want it to be fucked up in the morning'.

Then finally, whilst Lavi explained the various situations of the trio's past, Kanda had leaned back in his seat on the hotel room's bed, closing his eyes and every other glance would notice the faintest trace of a carefree smile on the stubborn face.

She was scared.

Thus, a question escaped in a hurried daze as the curtain closed on Lavi's explanation. "Lavi, what's Kanda's relationship with Allen?"

She kept her eyes on Kanda while she spoke but could feel Lavi looking to her calmly, probably figuring the best way to answer.

"Lenalee, I really, _really_ want to give you a clear answer, but their relationship's kind of funny. I get what each of them are feeling individually, and I'm not going to lie, they most likely love each other, but whether they'll be able to follow through with those emotions I don't know." Lenalee closed her eyes and felt Lavi's thin hand press into her shoulder. "Kanda was already taken before he met you or even before he met me. I think... the moment Allen found him something, just... cracked the two of them in a way where only the other could fix it. You helped hold him together while he wasn't with Allen if that consoles anything."

"It doesn't really. I was just a stepping stone until he had him back"

"No you weren't. He does care about you, but he loves you like a sister Lenalee."

Lenalee's voice quivered as she whispered "Yeah... I know. I just love him a lot Lavi. I don't want to give him away to someone I just met"

"You wouldn't want to give him to anyone. He's just... there are other people out there. A lot of them. Some closer than you think."

"Yeah, whatever" Lenalee wiped the tears from her eyes as she heard Lavi sigh in - surprisingly - disappointment.

He asked with needed caution "What did you think of Allen?"

Lenalee puffed out an angry breath. "He was nice and funny and cute - even when he cried - and strong and polite and brave and clever and stubborn and _slightly_ overbearing and honestly... he's perfect for Kanda."

"I'd say that's about right."

Lenalee crossed her arms "It's not fair that a guy's cuter than me"

"Well, Allen is adorable"

"Shut up Lavi" Her words shifted with a laugh.

"Yes ma'am" He complied with a smile.

They each got their own bed, Kanda and Lenalee laid on the cots that had been brought in and Lavi had a large bed to himself since he fell off anything that wasn't four feet wide and whoever slept with him ended up in a death hold, being murmured to dreamily. Lenalee couldn't sleep from the shock of the days events and Lavi and Kanda were unmistakably shrouded in the fact that they saw their beloved friend - or maybe simply 'beloved' - after so long. She didn't know how long it was until someone spoke, but she did notice that it was just after the first bolt of light streaked across the sky.

"What're you gonna do?" Lavi asked softly, leaning his head on his hands as he lay on his stomach, facing Kanda.

"About what?" Was the cropped reply.

"Are you gonna go? I mean, it's kinda weird don't you think? A storm on the first night you come here."

"He'd be over it by now,"

"I don't know Kanda. He was pretty messed up. Maybe... if he had stayed with you the past four years he'd be fine. But you left and he's been practically begging to get in a fight with the people who made him so scared in the first place."

"..."

"C'mon, hurry up. We both know that you're dying to"

"Tch"

Lenalee watched reluctantly as Kanda ripped from his bed and exited the room hurriedly, grabbing the black music box off of the side table as he went.

"Is he... going to Allen?" She asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yeah, they need each other right now."

"That sucks"

"Yeah, sorry for them being so obliviously open about their feelings"

"You better be, because they're definitely not going to"

"Right again"

**...**

Kanda ran nimbly through the hospital's halls, dodging gurneys and patients with doctors and portable IV stands at their hips. His hair was fucking soaked and the dumbass doctors kept yelling at him for running. Then when he got to Allen's room the blonde with a pole up his ass was still guarding the door.

"I'm sorry but you can't distu-"

Kanda shoved him to the side and opened the door, ramming a cart that had tangles of different blood pressure testers hanging from it in between the door handle and the tiled floor. The door shook and rattled and Kanda could see Link fuming through the glass square at the top of the door. He glared in triumph and turned swiftly to the bed in the middle of the room.

The body in it was sitting up, curled with his arms and white head propped up on blanketed knees. Allen must have been in his own world, because he hadn't looked up from his perch. Kanda walked forward slowly, but when thunder roared and the boy jumped, his chest throbbed and he ripped Allen's arm from underneath his forehead. Shaky gray eyes looked up to him in turmoil.

"K-Kanda? What are you-?" Kanda cut him off with the kiss he had been dying to perform for years, and pulled away before Allen could respond, unthinkingly lifting Allen from the bed and placing him on the floor in front of him. Kanda pulled the stunned boy to his chest and felt something pull at his stomach. An anxiety had been eating at him, telling him constantly that if there was a storm, Allen should be in his arms. That anxiety wasn't allowed to be relieved until now.

Allen lifted his chin to rest it comfortably on Kanda's shoulder and asked calmly. "How'd you get Link to let you in here?"

"So he's not screaming at the door?"

Allen chuckled "No, he's not" Slim arms circled Kanda's waist and the light voice spoke again. "What are you doing here?"

"... Lavi wanted me to come."

"Oh really? Is that all?" Allen quipped, pulling away to look into dark, narrowed eyes that were shrouded by wet bangs.

"No, I wanted to make sure that I would get to see if you wet yourself"

"Well I didn't, and I'm fine." Allen reassured, releasing his hold on the soaking man in front of him. He pushed his hands to the chest, trying to lead him away. "You don't need to be here and people will probably be mad if you stay, so just go back to your hotel room and-"

"Since when did you tell me what to do Beansprout?" Kanda asked roughly, grabbing Allen's hands in his own.

"Since I could tap my foot and have you shot dead," He responded sweetly, twisting Kanda's hands back painfully.

"Yeah right" Kanda pressed Allen's hands so they reseeded to his chest.

"Oh yeah?" Allen sidestepped so they stood parallel to the door and tapped his naked foot in a slow rhythm. "Look at Link" He whispered, nodding his head to the door.

Kanda glanced to the side and saw a gun pointed directly at him, just waiting for the rhythm that would tell the trigger to pull and the bullet to be released. "You're one fucked up Beansprout." Kanda mumbled as Allen sent Link away with another tap of his toes.

"So go back to Lavi and Lenalee. I'm okay." Allen looked up to him and Kanda came to terms with the fact that Allen could read him like a book, because the kid put on an 'oh shit' face before Kanda even moved a muscle.

Allen was thrown _(lightly)_ onto the bed and Kanda followed suit, ignoring Allen's protests as he ripped the sheets aside.

"Hey Kanda! Kanda quit it! If you rape me Kanda I swear to god-!" He yelled as his slender body was flipped. But he quieted as his side fell to the bed and felt a lean body mold to his back.

"Relax Beansprout, I'm not gonna do anything." Kanda's hands crossed loosely over Allen's abdomen and the smaller body leaned into his own. They still fit together seamlessly, but there was a tension that never had the opportunity to arise before.

"Did anyone help you with this?" Kanda asked dimly.

"If you mean the storms, then yeah. During my first year or so I had a roommate who had decided it was better to sleep in my bed than not sleep at all." Allen said tiredly.

"He slept with you?"

"Yes Kanda, he did. We also had a communal bath so probably half the people there have seen me less clothed than I've ever been around you. And if I'm saying this I might as well tell you that Lavi and I have seen each other naked about a million times. It doesn't matter Kanda."

"Tch." Kanda made a mental note to have rabbit soup later and tightened his grip to the point he was sure Allen couldn't breathe as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small black cube.

"What is that?" Allen asked, taking it lightly in his hands.

"Something I got a while back. You should open it" Allen looked back to him skeptically, but shifted further into his chest and opened the box all the same.

Slow notes rang with impossible clarity through the air, and the song finished without a word being spoken. Sheets ruffled, and Allen turned in the bed so that Kanda was staring into happy eyes that were glued to the open music box.

"Where'd you get this?" A small voice whispered.

"Lenalee"

"How'd she know to get this?"

"She said I hummed it once."

Allen's smile grew and looked to him sleepily. "I can't believe you remembered that"

"Whatever" Kanda was starting to dislike being so close to Allen's face. It was hard to hide when you were right under someone's nose. And then there was the fact that when Allen jolted from the thunder, that nose came crashing into his own.

"S-sorry!" Allen yelped, holding his nose.

"Just calm down Beansprout, I'm tired as hell"

Allen closed the music box and clenched it in his hand as he squeezed he arms around Kanda's chest. "You know... I haven't had a decent night's sleep in four years." Allen mumbled, already in the midst of slumber in Kanda's embrace.

"Same here" Kanda admitted and pressed his eyes into Allen's neck.

It was all so simple at the moment that it amazed Allen. They were just talking while they held each other. But everything else disappeared, and only left his raw emotions behind. Raw emotions that forced his mouth into forming sleepy words.

"I love you Kanda"

His body was held tighter and he just barely heard the whispered response as he drifted to sleep.

"Then don't leave me."

* * *

><p><em>I'm so sorry for taking so long to put this up. I was focusing on my No.6 story. Thanks so much to all of the favoriteers and alerters. Thanks to <strong>Allena Moyashi Walker, Chibi123Poof, Wezl<strong>, **Monkey Girl 13624**, **Oragami Lotus**, and **Chibi-Dears XD** for reviewing!_

**Creshirecat:** I hope you didn't hate Lenalee, I think I would have had to stop this story if I tried to make her split them up. I'd be in turmoil writing that.

**mychemicalbitchbot**: Kanda always struck me as someone who would just be the horniest guy around. Because it's not like he's getting any action and he's too prideful to do it himself.

_**Thanks For Reading!**_


	27. Battle

"What're you doing Beansprout?" Kanda grumbled, shifting his head from Allen's collar to glare groggily at the fain body beneath him.

A slow, bright voice responded jovially. "Making you less of a mess."

Kanda felt deft fingers trail through his hair, tugging slightly against his knotted strands. "It's your fault that it gets like this you know" He mumbled, pressing his hands to the bed so Allen lay beneath the patch of air separating them.

Kanda didn't care about his hair anymore. It didn't matter. In fact, the few people whose words were absorbed had mentioned that he should cut it. It wasn't normal to have black hair down to your hips and in high school if you weren't either the cookie-cutter, straight A, honor student or the kids that were 'too cool to care', then you would be preached at by anyone who dared to get close enough. You would hear all about how you looked and how you should look. Not that Kanda cared about whatever the fools were saying; the fact that they were saying anything at all was what got to Kanda.

"You could've cut it if you wanted to." Allen corrected, knitting his fingers through a length of hair that had been freed of its counterparts.

"You say that, but if I came here with my head buzzed like yours there would be a different level of shock." Kanda argued sleepily.

"Well of course. Your hair is part of what people know you by. You're the stubborn, androgynous, hardass with long black hair. I'm already identifiable enough just by the white hair. But that doesn't mean I'd think any different of you if this wasn't here." Allen frayed the ends of the black hair and looked up to Kanda with stubborn eyes. "I've seen a lot of people with long black hair, but that doesn't mean they were you."

"Does that mean you were looking?" Kanda asked with a smug air.

"Not necessarily." Allen quipped, "It's just that when I did see it, it was hard not to think about you... or where you were or who you were with. It's not like you just disappeared from my mind the past years."

"If you were so moody about the whole thing how come you didn't help me out a little sooner" Kanda grumbled groggily.

Allen sighed and closed his eyes. "Kanda... I'm sorry about calling you here. I was... I was in a moment of weakness and I caved. I'm happy you're here, but you really shouldn't be." Allen opened his eyes and looked to his chest, avoiding Kanda who didn't even respond and simply waited for Allen to verify. He was smart enough to know that Allen had his reasons to stay or go, but he thought he should have the right to approve of those reasons. "I'm not even... If someone walked in on us right now I'd be in a lot of trouble you know?" Allen's words were frustrated and helpless and Kanda realized that he must have thought about this a lot; their relationship, their reunion,_ everything_. And this probably wasn't how he'd planned it at all.

"That guy outside knows what's going on," Kanda stated quickly, just wanting to prove that this was all okay.

"Link's a good guy. If it doesn't affect our work than he doesn't care what I do. That's why I can't let this... this... _haphazard_ reunion tear me apart." Allen stated obviously with a wave of his hands.

Kanda scowled. "What about this is haphazard Beansprout, the fact that I've been looking for you for four years or the fact that you called me here? _You_ told me to come. There's nothing accidental about that."

Allen turned his head to the side and spoke in muddled despair. "I already told you. I shouldn't have called you here Kanda."

More rage boiled in Kanda's stomach and Allen's eyes widened as his arms were pinned to the mattress. "So what? You already did call me here. I'm here now and you're just going to fucking leave? I didn't come all the way here to be told to go home Beansprout. I'm not just going to let you leave this time."

Allen's pale face was tinted an agitated red and Kanda watched as grey eyes glossed over. "I can't leave Kanda. I'm _so sorry_ for bringing you here; it wasn't supposed to be like this. But I can't leave my team or the people who took care of me the past four years. I can't leave knowing that they still need my help. People _need_ me to save them Kanda." At this point Allen was bending his arms to wipe the tears from his skin, which must have been his last straw. "_You can't keep doing this to me_" His strained whisper morphed into a powerful yell. "You can't do this! I'm better than to be crying because of something like this Kanda! I won't let you walk in here and tear me apart; it just isn't going to work like that!" Allen took a deep breath and matched Kanda's glare "So, I'm going to go back to the field and fight. You're gonna grow a pair, suck it up, and deal with it until my job is done." Allen drunk in Kanda's expression, a mixture of disbelief, anger, annoyance, and something that made Allen's defiant frown turn up. "You can't be serious?" He asked with a small laugh.

"About what?" Kanda asked absently and Allen barked out a laugh as an edgy face disappeared from view and he felt kisses peppering down his neck and collar.

"You just got turned on by me telling you to grow a pair?" Allen strained his neck to look to Kanda. "Geez, if you haven't done anything how do you know that you want it so bad?"

Kanda looked up to him nonplussed. "That's _why_ I want it. You haven't done it either so you should know."

"Wait. Who ever said I haven't done it?" Allen's calm voice made Kanda's eyes roll.

"You haven't. I can practically smell your raging hormones." Allen's jaw tingled as Kanda went back to pressing kisses.

"I have" Allen paused as Kanda stayed silent and yelped as teeth dug into his skin. "Ow! What the hell Kanda?" He yelled, pressing his fingers to the bleeding bite.

"You can't joke like that," Kanda ordered, looking down to Allen.

"I'm not joking"

Kanda was getting tired of responding to worthless words so, once again, he simply waited for Allen to go on.

Grey eyes rolled and Allen leaned up on his elbows to close his mouth around Kanda's in a simple kiss. "Of course I'm joking. That's about as far as I've gotten."

Kanda stared down to Allen, who was like a mixing pot of emotions. His slight blush showing anger and revelry. His curled lips displaying innocence and duplicity. His grey eyes swirling with desire and aversion. It was as close to dazzling as features could come to while hiding such excessive amounts of strife.

Kanda came to understand that Allen had purposefully pulled them away from their original topic. But that was okay for now. Kanda didn't want to make Allen mad. He hadn't wanted to see tears falling down that juvenile face. So, for now... would it really be all that bad to comply? He wouldn't have to let go just yet right?

"You still have time." Allen's voice snapped Kanda from his thoughts. "Even though you probably won't be staying the whole time, I have a month before I go back out. So it's not like I'm leaving right now."

"What're you going off of when you do that?"

"Huh? Do what?"

"When you know what I'm thinking"

Kanda was getting incredibly annoyed with Allen. The kid was good at guessing his emotions before, but now it was full on mind reading; that didn't roll well with Kanda.

Allen smiled "You're almost disgustingly easy to read Kanda. My coworkers would be ashamed."

"What, _you're_ not easy to read?"

"Fine, what am I thinking right now?" Allen challenged.

Kanda paused and looked into Allen's eyes.

"I don't know... You're happy and sad at the same time. You're emotions are barely there, but the ones that are don't agree." He paused and lowered his head as Allen's eyes shifted. His voice slowed. "You're scared... that you'll favor one side of your emotions more than the other. That your duty will kill the part of you that loves everyone; you'll start to think less of life and death. Still, you don't want your love for people to keep you from saving them." Kanda had already understood some of that from before. But the emotions swirling in Allen's scarred eyes made everything a whole lot clearer.

Kanda lifted a gentle hand and felt the warm skin of Allen's cheek beneath his knuckles. The boy closed his eyes in distress and leant away from Kanda's touch. Allen was weary, that much Kanda could tell. Miserable shadows pooled underneath his grey eyes and the fingers that lay flat beside white hair had gnawed nails and twitched nervously. There was an unhealthy sheen of sweat coating Allen's wounded face that Kanda had been too preoccupied with his own problems to notice. Kanda hadn't noticed just how worn out Allen was. Still smiling and joking even though any normal person in his situation would be spending their time negotiating with death.

Kanda gripped the end of his sleeve and ridded Allen's skin of its moisture; gently avoiding the bare wound crossing over a clouded grey eye. Kanda lowered his head and paused just before Allen, deciding to simply press their foreheads together gently, closing his eyes. His soft words drifted honestly into the air. "Sorry... I was excited to see you... I didn't want there to be a possibility of you leaving. I didn't mean to make things worse."

Kanda slid from his position atop Allen, letting his feet hit the floor. Allen opened his mouth to speak but Kanda's look silenced him. Kanda didn't need to be told that he wasn't making things worse. He knew that he was welcome here, but he was also aware that his presence wasn't making anything easier for Allen. Like hell that meant he was going to leave; he said sorry, that was nearly enough. Kanda thinking more about what his actions meant in Allen's mindset could deal with the rest. That every tender touch and stubborn word shaved down Allen's mentality and would make whatever decision he made half-hearted.

Kanda didn't want that.

As he sat down on the chair beside Allen's bed, unexpected words were spoken. "Will you help me then?"

"Help you with what Beansprout? Kanda asked with a bite in his tone.

"If you don't want to make things worse then you can help me get back on my feet. I'll need someone to train with."

Kanda looked to him skeptically. "Can't you get one of your lackeys to do it?"

Allen wiggled and sat up in his bed with a grunt, looking to Kanda genuinely. "I could. But I know all of their styles pretty well, as well as there being a small amount of people who can actually do hand to hand combat; except for the ones that are too high in level for me to take on in this state. So as long as you're up to it that would actually be perfect."

"You're serious?"

"Yes Kanda"

"... That works"

A laugh escaped through Allen's nose and he dropped his head to hide his smile. "Yeah, Kanda. It works."

"Why is that funny?"

Allen leaned his cheek on propped up knees, facing Kanda. "It's not really. I'm just happy"

"Happy about what?" Kanda didn't know where the weary cloud covering Allen went, but he couldn't find the thinnest trace at the moment. The trickle of sweat hadn't even shown itself.

His emotions really were unstable.

"You're just as cute as before." A playful, cracked voice responded.

Kanda deadpanned. He was annoyed with Allen's words but also with his previous thought. Allen's emotions were probably shaken up by Kanda right now. The problem with that was that it's really inevitable that Allen will be shaken by him. Kanda's shaken by Allen too. In an oddly good way, but shaken all the same.

He grumbled "Not even Tiedoll's called me cute for a while now Beansprout"

"That's because he'd have to hear you whine about it. You'd just hit me, but you aren't allowed to do that right now so I can say whatever I want." Kanda missed the wither in Allen's tone as the boy wavered.

"... It's stupid how true that is." Kanda paused and Allen smiled at his smirk "I'll kick your ass in 'training'"

"If you can" Allen taunted with a sly look. Sly soon turned to a frustrated acceptance. "... Kanda, could you go get the doctor?" He asked irritably, pressing a wrist to his forehead and lying down.

"What, why?" Kanda asked quickly, just now sensing the race of Allen's heart monitor and the low numbers on the blood pressure display.

"I'm dehydrated"

"_I_ could get you water" Kanda stated obviously and Allen rolled his eyes.

"Kanda hurry up and get the doctor. I need an IV. Sooner rather than later"

Kanda cursed and stood quickly, glancing to Allen as he roughly opened the door.

Red hair blocked his view.

But only for a moment.

Kanda was pushed to the side and he turned his head to see Lavi squatting by Allen's bedside, pressing the back of his hand gently to Allen's forehead. A tired Lenalee stood in front of Kanda and he looked to footsteps that belonged to Link and the person Kanda was told to fetch. More people rushed passed him and soon the only person he could see clearly from the front was Lenalee. She looked to him worriedly but quickly turned back to the scene; the doctor and Lavi either inspecting or talking to Allen while Link stood sternly and observed.

"Lavi and I just got here." Lenalee said softly "Lavi said he could hear Allen's monitor from down the hall so when we got here he convinced Link to get someone. He was really worried at the hotel too._"_

"He's just dehydrated" Kanda defended stubbornly.

Lenalee gave a sympathetic hum "Couldn't that have just been what he told you? You guys told me that he was a good liar. It could be that he just didn't want you to worry"

Kanda looked to her, but she only stared at Allen uneasily.

Kanda walked toward the bed and listened in on Lavi and the doctor while he secured a free spot beside Allen's bed. The two actually made a good team. The doctor took care of all medical measures, while Lavi handled the personal.

The blonde doctor sat Allen up and handed him two plastic cups, one rather small and the other big enough that Kanda could fit it over his head. The doctor helped him take a drink out of the smaller one and Allen almost immediately returned the intake ten fold into the bucket. Lavi rubbed Allen's back and held his hand, waiting for Allen to calm down before he asked questions.

The first was one that Kanda hadn't expected. "Should I get Kanda out of here?"

"No Lavi" Allen said with a hint of a smile.

"Really? Because I'll be happy to get that idiot out of here for letting you get like this" Lavi pointed to Kanda seriously, keeping a strong gaze on Allen who was switching from cringing and grinning as the doctor poked and prodded his gut.

"It was my fault Lavi, I was hoping that I could just ignore it. But that didn't work."

"Well still!" Lavi whined "He was probably doing" Lavi's voice switched to a whisper that Kanda barely heard "_naughty_ things to you before we came"

A small laugh escaped Allen and he whispered jokingly. "Actually, it was me doing them to him. First I-"

Lavi clamped his hands to his ears and gave a quiet yell. "Stop! Don't stain my virgin ears!" A red head slammed into Allen's mattress and a black hand flattened down Lavi's hair. Allen looked up to Kanda with a smile and mouthed _I'm okay_.

Even with a smile playing on his face as he answered more questions from both Lavi and the doctor, Kanda was finding it hard to believe his words. You would too if you saw the doctor's worried eyes as he asked Allen to squeeze his fingers as hard as he could; the grip only leaving a pale ring that disappeared instantly. You would be nervous if you heard the steady, fast beat of Allen's heart being displayed to the room. You would sweat more and more each time Allen gestured for a bucket to release his insides. And you would be annoyed if you hadn't realized that the only person who mattered to you was sick.

"Kanda, you'll make me worse if you keep looking at me like a kicked puppy." Allen told him dryly as an IV bag was hung on its cradle.

Kanda huffed out an annoyed breath and sat on a chair bordering the room. Lenalee sat next to him and they both listened patiently to the conversations.

Lavi was done with joking and wore a resolute expression. "Allen, are you really okay?"

Allen looked to Lavi with a smile that turned serious and he spoke firmly. "I'm not... But I will be. I just need to get myself together."

Lavi's expression was coated in a sulk and he wrapped both hands around black fingers. "Is there anything I can do Allen? I want to get you out of this bed as quick as possible. I know that these people are taking good care of you, but I'm really worried. Whenever you were like this with the NOAH I was always right there. So I don't like not knowing what's happening Allen."

"Thank you Lavi. But honestly, I don't really understand what's going on either. So just... just don't let go of my hand right now" Allen looked down to Lavi with heavy lidded eyes and Kanda wasn't about to say that he didn't want to shove Lavi out of the room. He could see the love pooling from Allen's eyes. It was different from the love that he had mentioned the night before. It was a love that could only come from the experiences that Allen and Lavi had shared. A trust and attachment that was selfless and purely benevolent.

"I won't leave Allen. But you have to tell me if something's wrong alright?"

Kanda saw Allen's breath hitch as he held back tears. His voice was shaky and naive "I will... I promise"

Allen's emotions had wavered once again. Giddy moments before and now panicked beyond Kanda's understanding. It was unnerving to see Allen's standing flip so easily. He didn't know what to do when that happened - he would need to notice the change first as well. Right now it was good that Lavi was here to handle it all... even if that thought made Kanda sick to his stomach, Allen needed someone who could keep a calm head about everything. Lavi could do that _while _evaluating Allen's words and actions to come up with the right way to handle him.

Lavi must've come up with the right way, because Allen had fallen asleep after a few short moments of holding Lavi's hand. The room stayed silent, save for the sound of Allen's heart and other machines whirring while Lavi smoothed his fingers over white hair. A pen clicking brought Kanda's gaze to a young doctor biting his lip.

"What's wrong with him?" Kanda asked curtly and the doctor looked to him wide-eyed then went back to staring thoughtfully at a clipboard.

Lavi spoke this time in a soft tone, just above a whisper. "Could you please tell us what's wrong? Even if you're not sure or if it's something bad, we might be able to help Allen if we know."

The young man looked to Lavi sincerely and put down his pen, bending over to lean his arms against his legs. "I'm Dr. Reever first of all. And thank you for being here for Allen right now. He has a lot of responsibility so it's good to see that he has good friends."

"Could you just tell us what's up?" Kanda grunted.

"... Right" Reever replied unenthusiastically "Well, he's been under a lot of stress for who knows how long. Allen was never the type to tell anyone about his problems, and then the stress he gained from doing that made him even less willing to speak. All of that stress built and built and right now, he's in a tight situation that he's not able to control. So the stress is showing itself in large amounts. He has insomnia, loss in appetite, lack of thirst, irritability, mood swings, and probably more that I haven't witnessed. But, his lack of thirst made him dehydrated, which would normally make someone thirsty and tired and, of course, stressful." The doctor stared to Allen sincerely and Kanda was simply trying to process everything being spoken. "His dehydration conflicted with his stress and made his body react by trying to show up the other symptoms. So all of the effects of both are more than they should be. Then," Kanda tensed as the doctor went to say more. This was too much already; he didn't want to hear any more. "His injuries had caused him to take quite a lot of drugs - you know, things along the lines of ibuprofen or Valium - and I believe that paired with his extreme stress has caused an ulcer to form. We won't know for sure until we run a few tests, but it's the most probable situation."

Lavi rested his head on the bed, pressing Allen's hand to his forehead. "What does that mean? Will he be alright?" There was a hostile tone to Lavi's voice that no one missed.

"We won't allow him to die if that's what you're thinking. But this was more than we expected, we need to hurry and treat this before we have to take extreme measures. So I'm going to ask you all to let us work uninterrupted for the time being."

"Isn't it just an ulcer? Those are normally easy to deal with," Lavi argued nervously.

"Yes, but we need to keep an open mind. I won't know how much danger he's in until I can get a proper look."

"How will you do that?" Lenalee asked, leaning forward in her chair.

"I'll do a quick endoscopy. It won't hurt him or anything like that. It'll just allow me to see if an ulcer is there."

Lavi opened his mouth to speak, but Kanda beat him to it. "Well hurry the hell up. You're talking about having to take serious measures and you're just sitting on your ass. We should at least tell him what's going on"

"Hey Kanda, maybe you shouldn't be saying that to the guy who's gonna help Allen." Lavi retorted quietly, hushing Allen as he stirred.

"No, no. He's right, I'll get started right away."

* * *

><p><em>That took a while again. This chapter was a mess, but that was sort of the point. I want to get Johnny in here sometime, mostly due to the fact that in the newest chapter, Kanda was totally jealous of Johnny when he said he hugged Allen. Just sayin. Thanks to all of the Favorites and Alerts. It's really appreciated. Thanks to <strong>Allena Moyashi Walker<strong>, **mychemicalbitchbot**, **Chibi-Dears XD**, **WezL**, and **Creshirecat** for reviewing! And to:_

_**Oragami Lotus: **I read it again, and I can totally see how you would think he was proposing... which would have been weird._

_**(The person who left their name blank... you know who you are): **I know right? Like, I love Allen and Kanda. But if I had to choose one it would be Lavi. He's probably the least complicated and the most fun._

_**Thanks For Reading!**  
><em>


	28. Aurulent

Lavi wasn't having fun in the least, but he at least had entertainment. Allen was undergoing surgery to rid him of the stress basically rusted onto his body in the form of an ulcer and what had also been discovered as pneumothorax, or a collapsed lung. He was worried. Of _course_ he was worried. But_ not_ as much as Kanda.

The stressed out swordsman had made both of those labels known to whoever passed as he **obtusely** cleaned his _katana_ in the middle of a _hospital. _Lavi had the not so sneaking suspicion that the reason the weapon remained in the health facility was because if anyone rejected it, it would end up admitting them as a patient. The man seemed to have reverted back to some samurai survival instinct in hope for his Moyashi to be alright, and Lavi noticed that the few words passing between them had become Japanese at some point or another. Lavi spent this time wondering that if he sneaked a piece of paper close enough, if it would be made into origami, but didn't carry out his idea since Yuu would almost certainly find a way to slit his throat with the parchment. Or castrate him.

Lavi was freed from the unsettling atmosphere of trying to be relaxed while staring at the sword that had almost taken his life more times than Heidi Montag had been nipped and tucked, when the double doors keeping them from Allen opened and another doctor came out. The man looked to them with a smile, letting them know everything was okay, and Lavi asked quickly. "Everything's alright? Can we see him?" He stood and the doctor closed the room's doors.

"He's fine," The doctor said calmly. "Everything went smoothly and we moved him to another room so he can rest."

"How did you move him to another room?" Lavi asked in wonder of why he hadn't seen his friend being transferred.

"We have emergency passages for situations like this"

"What do you mean emergency? You said he was alright"

The doctor jolted slightly and smiled sheepishly. "Oh no, he _is _fine. I just didn't want to bring him out here"

Lavi completely understood what the man was saying as he followed an accusing finger to the glaring Japanese man polishing his sword. "Yeah... that's probably a good call." Lavi smiled as a stupidly happy 'tch' came from the_ 'grumpy'_ swordsman, who had risen and stood threateningly before the surgeon.

"Doko?" Was the firm, foreign question that jabbed at the man with the simple meaning of 'Where?', that Lavi wanted to know the answer to as well.

"Um, he's in room ninety-nine, but you really shouldn't see-"

The young man was cut off by the sound of Kanda's boots hitting the ground as he trekked down the hall in search for Allen. He was so pissed he didn't know what to do with himself. A day after he found Moyashi the dumb brat had the guts to be knocked out for a fucking day. He was in there for hours and now they were trying to keep him from seeing him. What the fuck was he going to do to Moyashi? Its not like he brought his damn sword so he could cut the kid up. Kanda just needed to remind himself that he had a way to protect him from now on.

Kanda ran his fingers across the hilt of his beloved sword and spotted Allen's watchdog in front of a door. "Oi" He grunted to the formally dressed blonde. "Step aside"

"Back in America now, Yuu?" Came the idiotic trill that could only come out of an Usagi's, soon to be shredded, throat.

"Piss off, Usagi"

"But I don't have to go now, Yuu"

Kanda didn't grace that with a verbal response and instead raised his favorite finger in the idiot's general direction as he had a subliminal battle with Allen's pet. Glares were held like Kanda in Teidoll's arms; it was an uncomfortable, forceful matter with both parties struggling hard to win. After a few dark, bone-chilling moments of trying to send the other to infernal regions with their mere aura, the blonde guard let out a gasp and closed his eyes in defeat towards his demonic adversary. The dark-haired samurai pressed the shorty to the side with one finger digging into his spotted head and ripped open the door.

Kanda's insides blazed, and his body was strangled by an extrinsic blend of hot rage, and devastating fear as his gaze was studded with gold.

Fiendish white teeth grinned a wicked grin and mellifluous words chilled Kanda's spine.

"One of your friends, Shounen?"

**...**

Allen felt like he was floating. He was floating in stagnant air away from anyone or anything. Alone with his thoughts. Back in darkness. Yet, there was a small light, a light that assured him it would be okay._ 'You'll see them all soon'_ it would whisper. _'You'll see you're loved ones. They need you, so you'll be sure to go back to them'_. The light would fade in and out, repeating the words when Allen began to feel lost, and he would nod astutely in response to the mission being handed to him.

It was his most important after all.

Of everything in the world, the ones he kept close to his heart were placed above all, towering immensely over any possession or wish of his own. As long as they were safe and happy he could be at peace, in life or death. '_Although now,' _He thought to himself _'I'll need to live in order to go back to them. Because, that light said they needed me, and if that's true then I can't give up now.'_

He hadn't felt any immediate danger in the matter of passing on. But knowing that his important people would need him alive made him want to stop floating and leave this darkness more than ever. Other people were hurting right now because he was wasting his time bobbing up and down in loneliness. So the sooner he was back in light and by Kanda's side the better.

Allen knew he had many important people, but this name was the one that had floated through his mind. He loved the person with that name. Yes, that he was sure of. Thinking of the name made him feel like he should smile, although he couldn't at the moment, he was looking forward to it later when he saw that person. After all, he would have to do the smiling, for Kanda wasn't one to.

Ah, right. He was the one hurting now... or he was the one hurting most. Nobody else could tell, but when he had seen that person last he was very scared and pained. Allen would need to fix that when he met with him again. He would say he was alright, making sure he meant it, and give him an apology kiss. Yeah, that would be good. Allen was sure Kanda would like that. Another part of him was sure that he would have to be careful if he did that... Allen decided not to listen to that part.

Allen halted his thoughts as the light came into view again, wondering why it had come back so quickly. He wasn't lost nor lonely... perhaps the light was lonely or lost, and this time Allen need assure _it_.

That was not the case.

**...**

"Put him down" Kanda commanded with words as sharp as the sword grazing a tan neck.

"Oh?" Questioned the dark-skinned creep who was standing with Allen in his arms. The stranger's thin lips curled and Kanda pressed his blade deeper into the man's skin. "Kanda, is it?"

The man in question raised his chin and narrowed his already icy stare. "How do you know me?"

A casually menacing chuckle choked the air and sinister fingers trailed the dull edge of Mugen. "It would only make sense, no? You, being the Order's old dog, and Shounen here being the replacement."

Kanda's mouth was ready to growl something like _'Quit spouting shit you fucking creep and put Moyashi down.'_, when Lavi entered the room with Link, and yellow flashed to his side.

The metal glinting against the intruder's neck tripled as Link revealed two squat blades coming from the top of his fists that were held venomously in juxtaposition at the fore and rear of his throat, threatening to puncture the adam's apple shaking from what could disgustingly be perceived as excitement.

"Well look at this," The man announced mildly, with a vague look of maddened mirth. "Now there're three of the Order's pets, and a shaking rabbit."

Kanda followed a golden gaze to Lavi. The redhead's stranded emerald eye was wide in anger and fear, and a pale arm crossed his waist to let tense fingers dig into his thin wrist. It was the first time Kanda had seen such a strong emotion on the cheery idiot's face and it honestly ripped him up at his core. Who was this man for him to make the plastic faced Lavi show such obvious aversion?

"Yuu..." The name fell calmly from Lavi's lips as Kanda watched him settle down. "Kill him. He's a NOAH."

Kanda's eyes widened and his sword swung before his neck so he only caught a glimpse of the man easily dodging both his and Link's pointblank attacks and taking an overly easeful step backward. "Now, now" The man started, gazing down to Allen. "If you keep making such a fuss you'll wake Shounen. We're all civilized people here, so I think we should be able to come to an agreement."

"There is nothing civil about what you do to fellow humans" Link stated using words tinged with the first emotion Kanda had felt from the man; disgust.

"That's only your opinion. We're simply ridding the world of useless people such as yourself."

"Does that mean that Moyashi is one of the useful ones?" Kanda asked with his self-control at its limit; he was practically shaking as he held back the instinct to forcefully rip Allen from those threatening arms that sent alarms screaming in his mind to attack the NOAH and protect what was his.

"Well of course. You could be useful too if Shounen here hadn't trained you so well." His dreadfully golden eyes flitted down to the lulled teen in his arms that was almost mockingly at ease in his enemy's hold and the scum sighed playfully as he scanned the room. "Well, I suppose this situation isn't quite in my favor, ne? So~, unless you're willing to let me leave with the shou-"

"Just put him the fuck down" Kanda commanded, raising his wary blade in encouragement for the creep that was going down whether he let the Moyashi go or not.

"Yes, yes. No need to be so worked up." He muttered accusingly as he laid Allen gingerly onto the mattress, raising his hands in submission. "I'll just be on my way then" The tan man started a most likely insulting stroll until he regained his position as hostage to three brutal blades. "Hmm... And I was really looking forward to seeing Shounen's reaction to your deaths, but oh well I suppose."

Kanda wouldn't have been able to blink in the amount of time the man used to produce a pistol, held coldly with unfeeling fingers, and the door behind him opened in just enough time for whoever came in to watch the bastard open fire on him.

Kanda heard a shriek from above, which he didn't understand until he realized he had fallen to the ground; his body was too busy screeching with the adrenaline that was trying to save him from the damage that had already been done. He didn't even feel any pain really. Maybe it was just too much for his body to perceive or it could be that he had already passed out from the lack of blood; he didn't know, though it didn't really matter anymore. He was down and his pride wouldn't even allow him to hope for Lavi or Link to kill the NOAH that did it to him. The only thing he could really manage to do was fantasize about how exactly he would manage to kill the man more than once in order to satisfy his craving for carnage.

"**Yuu!**" Lavi called as his friend collapsed to the ground in the midst of Link battling Tyki and Lenalee entering the room at the worst time imaginable. Even with a fucked up mind like his he could barely process everything going on as Tyki playfully flung himself out the, who knew how many story, window with Link following justly after him accompanied by the soundtrack of Lenalee's cries and moans over the swordsman being drained of life. "Is he- Ah! Shit!" Lavi yelped as his body caught up with his mind and a throbbing pain came from a graze wound on his right hand. But that really didn't matter right now.

Lavi didn't bother yelling for help, as Lenalee had prayed that matter plenty of attention while she shook at Kanda's side; her trembling hands grazing the motionless face that looked so incredibly lifeless without his trademark glare. The Bookman Jr. kneeled by his friends' sides and ripped Kanda's shirt from his body for two reasons. One, to see the damage that was done. Two, to remind Lenalee of how quickly this bastard could heal. Lavi counted five seeping bullet wounds that had created the red puddle leaking from underneath the toned torso that was generating Lenalee's tears. He could see the blood coagulating in an unnaturally fast manner, even for Kanda, and relaxed only slightly at the thought that Kanda had worked hard to be able regenerate so quickly, and it was all for the boy he had just saved the life of by doing what he did best and pushing the boundaries, seeing Allen when he shouldn't have.

**...**

_'Be prepared' _The light droned softly to Allen. _'You will be returned soon, but something has happened. A disturbance has unsettled your loved ones more than ever. You'll need to be strong. You'll need to be brave for your friends, even if you are the one stirring up the most debris. It may be difficult, but remember to move forward Allen.'_

The light opened up and threatened to swallow Allen whole, giving him enough time to say a last farewell to the small light. _'Thank you, Mana' _He felt a warmth pass over him and a new light entered his perception; an artificial one.

Grey eyes shot open and Allen sat up quickly, ignoring a shooting pain in his chest.

_Where was the disturbance?_ Allen thought timidly as he scanned the calm room he must have been placed in after his operation. No one was here to be disturbed so he didn't understand. He was fine, so that wasn't the problem... then, what? Was it simply his imagination? Was he merely so hopped up on painkillers that he would dream of something so unsettling? He didn't think so.

Where was everybody? Why did it seem like no one cared that he was awake? Not to be vain, but if it was himself, he wouldn't let his superior wake up alone. So where were the doctors?

Quickly deciding that he cared not if it felt like a hot knife was being stabbed into his side and would rather look himself than have the doctors get him, Allen slid roughly out of his hospital bed, landing shamefully onto the side of his legs. The teen huffed out a breath and stood with determination, pulling an IV from his arm.

An embarrassing minute was spent trudging to the door and putting enough strength into his fingers to turn the knob._ 'Damn it,' _He groaned inwardly. Allen had never felt so useless, and it had to be at a time when he needed to be '_strong_'.

He pressed his weight into the door and let out a paranoid gasp when the block of wood stopped mid-way. Before he could make a move, slim fingers coiled around the lower edge of the door and Lavi's head poked around the corner. They both stared speechless at each other for a moment and Allen didn't even care that Lavi was surely deciding how bad off he was, because he was doing something similar.

Lavi wore a large eye and his thin lips were parted. His green bandana was worn loosely around his neck and bandages covered his right hand. The redhead's pale skin shined with rare sweat and his voice held a slightly quicker pace than normal as he beat Allen to the punch once more and spoke first. "Hey, Allen" He greeted with a small, but genuine smile. "Shouldn't you be back in bed? I'll go sit with you since you're up." Lavi stood so Allen had to tilt his head to connect their gazes, and encased his bandaged hand within his pocket.

Allen straightened himself, much to his stomach's dismay, and talked authoritatively. "Tell me what's going on Lavi. I know something happened and I'll find out eventually, so out with it."

Lavi's calm expression remained and he looked to the side as if someone would be standing there. He spoke quietly with resolve. "Allen, you should really go back to sleep, alright?"

"No"

"Come on now Allen, go back in like a good little patient" Lavi's cheery voice reeked of a stall and his hands gently waving him back into the room made Allen want to kick Lavi in his smiling teeth.

"Lavi, I'm not playing right now. I don't want to be perverse but I am, so I'm ordering you to tell me what happened." Allen squeezed every drop of prestige out of his already wrung out being as Lavi chewed the inside of his cheek in a discreet sign of submission.

"Can you walk, Allen?"

"Of course"

"... I'll tell you on the way"

Allen steeled himself, and struggled to match the slow pace Lavi was accommodating him with. The elder strolled casually, hands in pockets, and spoke dully.

"You had a visitor today"

"Oh, yeah?" Allen replied offhandedly

"Mm" They walked another twenty feet before Allen saw something change in Lavi's features to reveal the comfort in his newly discovered explanation, which was also complete bullshit. "One of our old friends came around and spent some time with you. He chatted with a few people and then Link chased him out."

"Uh-huh, I see" Allen complied, trying to hide his annoyance at Lavi letting loose such a careless, misbehaved lie. "What did he say?"

"Well, you know, I got a moment's greeting and he said a quick hello to Lenalee before arguing a while with Yuu."

Allen's stomach sank, curling into a fetal position at the bottom of his being. "What did he do to Kanda, Lavi?" He asked in honest dread and panic. Bright words sank into his mind once again. _'You'll need to be strong. You'll need to be brave for your friends'_

_I know, I know. _He argued as Lavi took a breath. "Well... our, uh, _friend_..." Lavi stumbled with his words until he decided simply not to walk that rough road. "Screw it. I don't feel like lying to you Allen. Those doctors were pissing me off in there, asking me to lie and stall you like you were stupid enough to be tricked like that. I mean what the fu-"

"Lavi," Allen interrupted as he figured Lavi could be stalling him by telling him he was stalling him "we already know doctors are assholes. Tell me what happened to Kanda"

Lavi glanced to him and the lean body shrunk in a bone-deep sigh. "He forced himself into your room after you were stable but you weren't alone." Lavi explained with a tone that melded in with the air of the hospital. White and sterile but with underlying death and disease. "He found you in Tyki's arms when the creep tried to take you away from us. Yuu tried to beat the shit out of the guy but he was just playing with us. Tyki fired off a few rounds when we wouldn't let him leave. Yuu got the worst of it and I just got grazed. He's in another room until his wounds close up but he should be fine."

_**Fuck.**_

_'This can't be happening._' Allen's Insides screamed. He refused to believe it. Allen was calmly in the darkness only moments ago with no sign of the cold, dreadful feeling that could be sensed within a mile of any NOAH. He couldn't have been in one's grasp. Kanda couldn't have been hurt. It wasn't possible.

But it was. Because Lavi had a wound, and... and no one would _dare_ lie to him about something like that. He finally understood Kanda's want to protect. Because this _hurt_. This was agonizing pain that he had to hide. If someone knew he was hurting then they would hurt as well.

Allen was in pain. He was scared. Not only because of Kanda but also because of himself. For, without a doubt, if Tyki were to show himself in this moment, Allen wouldn't hesitate to kill him. He could destroy a life without a second thought if that life hurt his loved one. And his loved one was hurt. Kanda was hurt.

Oh, shit. _Shit. __**Shit.**_

Allen's awareness jolted and he realized he had stopped walking. He looked up to Lavi in what he was sure was a terrified expression, but decided he would listen to the light. And he would be strong, even in his weakest moment.

"Can I see him?" Allen asked.

_'Take me to him __**now'**_Allen thought.

"We're going now"

"... Is he really mad?" Allen had brought Kanda here. It was completely his responsibility for anything that happened to him, Lavi, or Lenalee. So, he hoped Kanda would be mad. Allen prayed awkwardly to the god he had lost hope in that Kanda would yell at him or hit him or something. Anything. He had done something unforgivable in letting Kanda be hurt, and he wouldn't stand to be left unpunished.

"Yeah, he's pretty pissed at himself right now. He's all depressed because he couldn't protect his Moyashi-chan." Lavi spoke the words casually in careful consideration of Allen, knowing that if he made a big deal of this all then no one's feelings would be spared.

Oh, but his feeling weren't spared. Not in the least.

_Protect me? Protect __**me**__? Why the bloody hell would that idiot be thinking of me in his situation? If Kanda's conscious, then he won't be when I'm done with him. I'll show him just how much he protected me. Show him just how strong he made me. That dumb baka will feel how much I've been _preserved_ on every inch of his god damn-_

"Um Allen, we're here" Lavi alerted timidly, pointing his thumb to a door they had migrated to during his thoughts. Allen took a breath and nodded his head, letting Lavi open the door to reveal the very man he had wanted to impair only moments ago.

Yes, moments ago... and such different moments they were.

Kanda stood in the doorway as a teary Lenalee tugged against his arm in protest to him leaving the room and cobalt eyes returned Allen's stare with a larger one.

Kanda was in front of him. Kanda was safe. Thank god. Thank Buddha. Thank Osiris. Thank the devil. Oh, god. Kanda was okay, and as seemingly mad as ever. Oh, geez. It took all of Allen's willpower to not simply attack the man right then and a stronger desire than he had ever felt erupted violently in his stomach when he saw the slightest sign of discomfort in Kanda's stance. This person was his. Kanda was his, and he was Kanda's. Tyki had wounded what was his. Goddamn _Tyki_, had placed a mark on his territory. He could only be asking for war with an action like that.

Kanda finished gaping at him and threw his hands up in alarming defeat. "Fuck it!" He grunted loudly, making grey eyes fully reveal themselves in a display of surprise "You're such a little shit Moyashi! I mean... mother, fucking... fuck!" Kanda released himself from Lenalee's loose grip and walked back to his bed, plopping down in a heap of anger. "How the hell can you almost die three times in a fucking week and come in here like everything's fucking fine? Be mad or yell or fucking_ something. _You can't be that much of a bleeding heart to just not give a shit about yourself when you've practically been the living dead since I got here."

The room went silent, five eyes staring aghast at the longhaired teen that had just exploded, and Allen took a deep breath. So much of him wanted to carry out all the thoughts he had before. Simply say it was okay, give him a kiss and knock him out. If he could get away with that he'd be in nirvana. However, Allen had an important point to make, so he would have to be stubborn a little longer.

Allen walked forward slowly in an attempt to hide his discomfort at the mere thought of moving, and squatted gently before Kanda. He propped his head up on steady arms that rested on his knees and gazed up to narrowed eyes. "Can I see?" Was the calm question that was received with a rolling pair of dark eyes and the grudging removal of his black, long-sleeved shirt.

Five spots of risen flesh were splattered onto Kanda's skin in the form of churning scars that looked just about alive with the way they contracted and pulsed in their healing process. Even at the impossible rate the wounds were disappearing, Allen wished for that skin to be blemish free as quickly as possible. He didn't like to know that the NOAH had marked Kanda after only one day of the man being with him. He didn't even have an excuse, because anything he came up with was cancelled out by the fact that he had pulled the man into this danger.

The shorthaired teen blew out a breath with rounded lips and closed his eyes. Allen peered up to Kanda who looked to him unamused as he reached up a hand to place over one of the fluxing scars.

"You're the king of not giving a shit Kanda. I don't care about myself right now because I need to care about you, who won't give a shit about yourself even after being confronted by a NOAH. I wanted you to be mad at me, you know? It was my fault that you got these wounds and I'm sorry." Allen removed his hand and stared at Kanda's chest in interest and refusal to look at the man's face.

Allen lightly jumped when long fingers clamped onto his nose and forcefully shook his head. "I'm fine idiot." Kanda grunted, releasing his face. "He could've shot me ten more times and I'd still be fine. You're the one who was obliviously sleeping in his arms without a damn care in the world. He could've murdered you twenty different times before I even came into the room. So, knowing that, who do you think should be worrying about whom here?"

_Ugh. _

Allen hated how right Kanda could be when he wanted to. Yes, he had been defenseless in front of his enemy, and yes, Tyki would be able to kill him with his toe in the amount of time they were probably alone. But... it's not like that was his fault! He hadn't asked to undergo surgery _right_ when the NOAH decided to snatch him. He couldn't help that. However, Kanda could help being a moron and rushing into a fight with an enemy he had no background on just to be the hero. But, then again... it's not like he wouldn't have done the same. They were both idiots, but they truthfully were each other's idiots. Kanda was his most obtuse and menacing around himself and the same could be said for Allen. They were idiots, but when compared to the other's foolishness they each reigned in their own ways.

But still... "Kanda, you can't just risk your life like that because you think you'll be able to save yourself. Even if you end up fine every time, think about the people who have to watch you be injured, or the ones that have to help you recover afterwards. No one here wants to see you hurt, especially the girl you brought along." Allen whispered his last words and glanced back to Lenalee; still being handed tissues by Lavi as she sniveled in a chair by the wall.

Allen looked back to Kanda, and still got the feeling that he didn't care... at all. So he sighed, stood, and took it upon himself to try and apologize to the girl. Even with him being the worst person to do so, with so little knowledge about the crying teen.

"Um" He started stupidly as he sat with a grunt in front of Lenalee's chair; he didn't think his body would agree with him standing. She looked to him with fazed red eyes and Allen couldn't bring himself to smile at the girl he'd grieved. "I'm sorry." He stated plainly. "I'm sorry you had to see something like that. It was my fault completely and I apologize. I never wanted for any of you to get involved, especially you. So, I'm sorry for letting you witness something so scary." Allen went to stand again when a soft hand touched his cheek.

"It's not your fault," The young girl said softly, leaning toward him tranquilly. "You aren't at fault for what another person did to him. It was also my choice to come here with them, knowing full well I wasn't fully welcome. So... it's not your fault." Her small hand fell to the side and Allen gazed at her unbelievingly until she gave him a smile, and he returned it.

"Thank you, Lenalee." Allen said in a slight daze and shifted slightly to look at Lavi. "You're hurt too?" he asked.

Lavi raised his right hand and smiled. "Yep, but only a little. Just a _teensy~_ nick, so I'm fine."

"What about inside?" Allen questioned with the thought of Lavi seeing Tyki after so long.

"I'm fine~ Moyashi-Chan. It's you who should be freaked out, with you being in Tyki's arms and what not." Lavi said with teasing words.

When they said he was in Tyki's arms, Allen was too busy thinking about Kanda to care. But now that he thought about it... wasn't that kind of bad? He wasn't only sleeping in Tyki's arms, but he was sleeping in Tyki's arms in front of Kanda, Lavi, and Link. He would probably get some kind of punishment for such an action and Lavi would never let him forget it. Then Kanda... well Kanda would just try to kill the guy next time he saw him.

Allen felt his face flush towards the embarrassment at being so incredibly weak in front of his old friends and laid his face in outstretched arms resting on his knees, listening to Lavi's chuckles. He was supposed to the brave one, the strong one, but every person in this room had ridded him of his flaring emotions to replace them with trivial ones like embarrassment and bliss. They were all much stronger than he was right now and part of him felt guilty for underestimating them so. Kanda and Lavi had always been his support; without them he wouldn't have been able to come this far. So, he had been foolish in giving them so little credit and even more so for belittling their friend. It should've been obvious that any person that could handle the two together would have to be strong-willed and have some pretty tough skin. They were all much stronger than he thought.

That meant... that he had some thinking to do.

* * *

><p><em>I really have no excuse for how long it's been. I tried to give you something good as an apology. But we'll see.<em>

_I can't thank you all enough for staying with me this long though. This story has been a hugehugehuge learning experience that I desperately needed so that I wouldn't write with all the emotional feeling and wit of a four year old. I am totally positive that I'm at least at a twelve year old's level or so now, so I've made some progress. Thank you for all of the alerts and favorites, they keep me going. And a huge thanks to **Wezl, Allena Moyashi Walker, Chibi-Dears XD, mychemicalbitchbot, stormypeach1396, **and **Torinator **for your wonderful reviews._

_Thanks For Reading  
><em>


	29. Physical

Kanda wrinkled his nose and wiggled his body upward as Allen shifted against his chest so white hair tickled his skin. They were sitting in the hospital bed Kanda had been thrust into after his insides were ventilated and drained of blood, leaving him tired and seeking a stable sanctuary. A sleeping Allen Walker gave him the perfect outing to get some rest without being pressed with questions or whatever moronic thing Lavi could manage to brew with that maddening mouth of his. Nobody wanted to bother Allen and Kanda made sure to get as close as possible so that if anyone tried to talk to him, they would face the threat of waking the patient nested in his limbs.

Not that peace was the sole plus of Allen in his arms. He couldn't even bring his mind to care about the ones coming to and from the room where Allen was flush to his chest. Kanda had already been deemed odd by all personnel in the hospital for his unusual contact with Allen, - what with the hugging and arguing and all - so he planned to play this off as Moyashi sleeping in the arms of a weird newcomer and not "General Walker" being held by the man shooting for a lot more than that.

Not surprisingly, getting shot through the chest enough times to apply for the guy in Operation that ended up across the room whenever he couldn't get the damn charley horse out of the bastard's hip woke Kanda up to just how serious Allen's situation was, and how it had been for the past four years. The swordsman just wanted to be kids again, back when he could get away with stripping Allen clean and ordering the brat to show him every bruise, cut, or scar on his feeble body. Now that would only lead to a lot of people wishing him dead when he couldn't help himself and attacked the peskily tempting teen that skinny sprout had grown into.

Really though, for being some top class government figure, Allen was stupidly off guard in situations like this. Kanda wouldn't put it below himself to take the chance if his body decided it wasn't going to stand having its object of desire so near without sating that yearn. And it's not like he hadn't made it clear to Allen what he wanted from the start. _I'm horny, and my hormones have devoured the pride that should be killing me for making it so clear. I want you, and I don't care who finds out._

And find out, everyone had. A crowd of people had spent time in this room between now and the moment Kanda crawled into the bed. Cobalt eyes watched half of them blush and fluster while they did their duties; anxious to leave the room that had only become scandalous when everyone acted like the two were naked and spooning. Lavi at least had the decency to act normal and talk about how cute they were and how Kanda was a loving girlfriend. It would have been weird for the idiot to avoid them or glare like Lenalee had chosen to do.

Normally, he might wait to do this when they could be in private, but right now it was of none of his concern who saw him clinging to his Moyashi. He had a right to cling.

_"Link, did you get any information on why Tyki was here?"_

_"Yes, sir. They seem to be preparing an attack, and Tyki was sent to take care of you in your weak state."_

_"Alright. Inform the order that I'll be returning."_

_"Mister Walker, you are not fully hea-"_

_"We'll leave in the morning."_

_"... Yes, sir."_

Yeah. That little asshat of a Moyashi was running back to the Order. And he didn't even try to tell anyone before he decided. Not him, not Lenalee, not even Lavi; who was supposed to be the kid's beloved older brother. It was bullshit. The brat hadn't woken up in hours. If anyone thought he was all right they were just shitting themselves. Kanda didn't like it, and he didn't like that he didn't like it. He didn't like that everyone _knew _he didn't like it. No. Those were lies. What Kanda really despised, was that he really didn't give a shit anymore. All that mattered was that Allen stay by his side. That was all he wanted. His barriers had been swallowed whole by Allen's monstrous heart and that scared him. Kanda didn't want to think about what he'd ultimately do for the little idiot, and it was probably because he never wanted to have the thought of _'I'd do anything'_.

"Nnnng, Kanda... what's wrong?" Moyashi's tired voice crawled from below.

"Nothing... go to sleep."

"It's hard to sleep when you're crushing me, Bakanda. What's wrong?"

"Nothing" Kanda repeated under his breath, loosening his unpronounced death grip on Allen's waist. "I don't feel like talking, go back to sleep."

"... I'm sorry for not saying anything." Allen uttered quietly. "I decided you'd be able to handle whatever decision I made, and I want to make sure that everyone's okay back home. You know that you can stay with me until I'm a hundred percent; I'll be able to make an excuse for you."

"Fuck, just shut up, I know." Kanda knew that, but it wasn't any different. Allen said it; it was just an excuse. It was all an excuse for Kanda to dwindle around and suck all he could out of this shit situation. Kanda wasn't good at planning ahead, meaning he had no clue what to do when Allen finally cut the thread and left him for good. He just... loved the little shit and that screwed him over. He didn't know what to think or what to do and that, in itself, confused him. Not knowing the next step instinctually was something Kanda wasn't used to. His life for a while had just been day after day of doing what he wanted in the basic guidelines of 'school' and 'home'. Now those margins had burst at their seems, letting in Allen Walker and everything involved with him. That introduced Kanda to a whole new world in that he had yet to test the waters.

"Is anyone in here?" Allen asked softly and Kanda tried not to focus on how his sight hadn't gotten any better.

"No"

Allen's head fell to look back up at Kanda and warm fingers roosted at the base of his loose ponytail, guiding him to the mouth that opened his own. Kanda watched grey eyes close and his involuntarily did the same as a soft moan was elicited from the back of his throat. Honestly, the kiss was awkward and neither knew exactly _what_ they were doing. Yet, it wasn't a battle; neither denied the other's attempts at deepening the already suffocating affection. It was obvious what was being portrayed. _I'm here. With you. And I always will be, so don't think about anything else. _

It actually surprised Kanda how good it felt. He never understood what was so great about it that people did it everywhere he went. They just looked like they were eating each other and he didn't know how a person's mouth could be that intriguing. But he got it now. The action in itself left a hot pleasure rippling down his body that he wanted to test; he wanted to see how far that feeling would go. And doing this with the person you lived for... was incomparable. He could sense Allen's feelings, his passion, and it steeled him. Every movement seemed to tangle them together more and the Allen before that was only wind between his fingers now remained snarled within his own being.

They broke off simultaneously and Kanda was sure it was because Allen had felt the same heat that he had. A torrid feeling that if left to linger, would've made them unable to stop. Kanda felt Allen slump down and saw that the teen had turned fully to him; now lazily straddling his legs with softly labored breaths rhythmically raising his chest. Monochrome hands pressed to the mattress and disagreeing grey eyes tried to focus on Kanda's.

"That was... originally for you." Allen started undoubtedly - just to make things clear. "But, I really needed that." Allen never had the ability to grasp words perfectly, but when things got physical - people's expressions, small gestures, fighting, hugging - things were easy to understand. A few caring words could be easily thrown together, but, you couldn't just make up an action like that; a feeling like that. Physical contact was reassuring. It was definite evidence that someone was there and Kanda's physical contact was becoming a necessity. "Don't... don't let it go to you're head."

Kanda already had a big ego; he didn't need any help in that department.

"Heh" Kanda's acrid chuckle slapped the smile off of Allen's face. "You must have a high opinion of yourself 'General Walker'. You're not exactly doing me a service here you know. It's just a kiss."

A small growl came from Allen's throat. "At least I didn't moan." He said caustically and mimed Kanda's sound, grinning when the Asian man's color changed.

"That was my conscience telling me to stop kissing a little kid. I don't want to get convicted for pedophilia."

"Did you're conscience forget to tell you that it's bad to put your hand down a 'little kid's' pants. 'Cause it's still there."

Allen felt the hand coiled around his hip jerk and yank from below his waistband. Kanda held his hands in the air like he _had_ committed a crime, and was waiting for the officer to pat him down. Allen let loose a laugh and Kanda lowered his head, allowing his hands to fall to the bed. The smiling teen reached his finger underneath a chin sucked dry of its usual bite and guided it upward.

"Does this mean I win?" Allen asked with a smile and Kanda clicked his tongue against his teeth.

"I don't see how you loose... what with having just kissed _me _and all. I don't think you can loose after something like that." He said with a smirk.

"Yeah, yeah." Allen mumbled, lifting his arms and winding his fingers around Kanda's neck.

The swordsman quirked his head, but the obvious look in Allen's eyes said he was done talking. Kanda's grin faded and he leaned forward gingerly to meet Allen in the middle.

Or, they would have met, had the door not swung open with a loud, "Time to get up, Allen-Chan~!" from Lavi.

Kanda watched Allen's face light up in an instant, and when he saw that the poor kid looked about ready to scream he reached a hand forward and pulled him close, pressing a scarred forehead to his neck. Kanda turned to the large greeting and felt his own face warm when he saw Lenalee's appalled mien next to the redhead's shoulder. _Oh geez._ Lavi... Lavi was one thing; he already knew how they felt and would be able to joke the whole situation away. But, Lenalee... he wasn't too sure how she'd react. Seeing two men in a bed was probably shocking to begin with and then if she really _did_ like Kanda... there were lives at stake.

Before Lenalee could even blush Lavi decided to make things worse... or at least awkward as fuck, by grabbing her hand, pulling her into the room, and saying this with a smile. "Can we join in?"

Within the seconds it took Kanda to yank of his shoe and chuck it at the bastard, Lenalee had already pulled him out of the doorway and down the hall.

"Aww, come on~! We're all good looking people here. A four-some would be sexy as hell!" Lavi pleaded before a small - not to be mistaken with weak - hand slapped over his mouth and pulled him to the floor where Lenalee had crouched, putting her head in her hands. "Lenalee? Are you o-"

"Please... please be quiet Lavi." Lenalee said half-heartedly. She could probably use some consoling right now, but she wasn't in the mood to talk and if you let Lavi run free when he spoke, then you'd end up hearing some disturbing things. However, the lanky arm that coiled around her, pulling her to the side and into a thin shoulder was warm and something she didn't want to reject.

There was still a hell of a mouth on him though. "On the upside, you got to see two guys in action. I mean, I like the ladies and all, but if the opportunity arose..."

Lenalee felt herself smile and she shrunk further into Lavi's side. "Very true. If... if I hadn't known them I probably would've stuck around."

"M-hm, I agree. They're a pretty flouncy couple. Sometimes you just gotta look at them for a bit."

"Yeah. They're the pair in manga that sparkle and have flowers blooming behind them."

"... Wow, they really are." Lavi said in awe, his entire body grinning when he heard a deflating sigh from his right; the sound of anger releasing. "You okay?"

"Yes"

"Wanna go screw with them?"

"No... stay here with me a bit."

"No problem." Lavi complied easily, listening to the heartbeat next to him and the vague conversation down the hall.

"Calm down Moyashi, it was just those two." Kanda said to the blushing idiot who was still clinging to his neck. He could feel the heat radiating off of Allen's bright face and it surprised him a bit. Kanda almost expected Allen to say 'sure' when Lavi jokingly wanted to join and just act like it wasn't a big deal.

"But... it was _Lavi_" Allen groaned against his neck. "He's family. That's like... if Tiedoll walked in on you. You don't want them to see stuff like that... and you really don't want to talk about it after."

"Mm" Kanda grunted in understanding. More than if Tiedoll _saw_ him right now, it would be really bad if the guy asked to join in. So he would let the Moyashi's flustering slide. Besides... if you saw him you'd probably want him to stay like that too. Red suits him.

But, their luck was really bad that day.

"Mister Walker, I need to speak to-"

"Ah!" **Thud!**

Well, it was their fault for not thinking about _why _Allen needed to be woken up.

Allen groaned, rubbing his side that landed on the cold hospital floor, kneeling to look over the bed at a plain faced Link.

"L-Link? What is it?" He asked with obvious embarrassment, just hoping that his guard would leave soon.

Link gave a small look to Kanda that the man decided was a somewhat respective glance, like he was approving Allen's new pet, before stating his business.

"You have a" The man paused as a baffling, winged ball of flesh zoomed into the room and straight into Moyashi's face. "Visitor."

Kanda stared, wide-eyed, at the odd little monster that had knocked Allen to the floor. It had a bulgy body that looked like spray painted dough with stuck on wings, completed with smiling cone teeth that looked ready to be sunk into flesh. Allen's flesh in particular as it pounced at the man's head, wasting Kanda's worry when it slid a long pink tongue across the scar on Allen's face.

"Tim..." Allen muttered with big eyes, holding out a hand for the odd thing to land on. "Did Master send you? W-why are you here?" At Allen's words, the lumpy thing floated in the air, flipping swiftly and opening its vicious mouth to emit a stream of light onto the wall. The image on the wall wavered and distorted, expelling a static that irked Kanda, until a dank video was played.

The image trailed across a dark floor that shook with the sound of feet pounding, running alongside the voices that called for help. The aspect turned up to a wall adorned with three long lengths of angled windows, the middle sporting a ragged, gaping hole. But, that wasn't what made Kanda stop still. The void was topped with a deep varnish that splayed out like a sun; a bloody sun that made Kanda's nose wrinkle at the thought of the liquid's suffocating smell. At the lower left, red streamed down the side into a large blot stained into the floor. The image followed a glint in the grim stain and showed a large weapon; a white revolver lying uselessly in blood.

The video's sound wavered and increased, broadcasting the conversation that had been muddled in the background.

"_Why would he leave his innocence?"_

_"Maybe he had to, he could've left his innocence and ran in fear of becoming a fallen one."_

_"But this... there's easily a lethal amount of blood here."_

_"Well, whatever the case, this should be kept secret, the flight of a general would be devastating to moral."_

_"Yes, indeed. We need to take- Ah! Hey!" _A pair of feet rushed towards the image that was now scuttling away, raising upward and shooting off with a sound yell sent after it. _"Don't let that Golem get to Walker!" _

The video fizzed and sputtered, receding quickly back into the Golem that was nuzzling Allen's...

Allen?

Grey eyes stared vacantly at the space where the image had once been. Pale skin pressed tense against a rigid jaw and the youth didn't even seem to take notice of the softball cuddling his neck. The boy blinked once. Twice. Three times. And a dark word surged the raw quake down Kanda's skin.

"._..Master_?"

* * *

><p><em>Uh oh.<em>

_All my love to the incredible reviewers: **Oragami Lotus, Lola the Mysterious Entity, Chibi-Dears XD, mysteryangelcutlass14, Allena Moyashi Walker, Shannon, and Lisa**. _

_Thanks For Reading_


	30. Pliant

An inquiring eye watched. Carefully balancing gestures and words with breathing patterns and skin color. Differentiating between a smiling face and the seething soul. Lavi continued to watch Allen exclusively, catching eyefuls of others when arms of all shapes and hues flung around the man's shoulders or when hands pressed sorrowfully into pale skin. Allen smiled... smiled... smiled. It almost angered Lavi. It almost made the surveyor go mad. Some of the men and woman Allen flashed fake happiness towards were aware of his loss, of his sorrow. Yet, the bright smile remained sown to that young face, only carving another scar into an ivory teen. A sin... it could only be described as a sin.

Words were rare to cross between them since the news of Marian Cross. Allen's happy veneer had already been established when Lavi heard of the occurrence. It frustrated him slightly to have missed the chance of analyzing Allen's immediate reaction. Yuu had been with him, so it should have been diminished slightly compared to if it were himself or if Allen had still been alone. The few glances he'd seen of the grouchy swordsman unveiled more than he'd seen on the guy's face in the past few years. Confused, pissed, troubled... but mostly confused. The angle of the man's black fringe opposed the set of jet eyes by a half degree or so more than usual, revealing a meager tilt of the head, and the natural wrinkle in his brow managed to deepen.

Lavi could understand the guy's queries though. Yuu never experienced fishing for Allen's emotions. They always laid right there before him to inspect. But, Allen returned to the environment filled with people whose lives were partly his responsibility. Meaning Allen erased all the emotion or fatigue that might rouse any worry in his precious family, which could get them killed in battle. Yuu didn't get it though. Lavi knew the wannabe samurai could tell Allen wasn't 'right'. However, he didn't know what was wrong, so he couldn't simply cuff Allen and tell him to get over it. It was like a puppy trying to figure out why his master was crying or if it was any of the thing's concern at all. It was the first time Lavi agreed with Allen's claims of the bastard being 'cute'.

Allen began to break off from a threateningly unaware bear hug that probably made the teen see red, and smiled warmly to the men and women waving while speaking their temporary farewells. Allen sighed, turning around only to be met with a few lingering souls who had taken an interest in their general's guests. A few had begun talking to himself, Lavi subconsciously answering their questions while continuing to keep an eye on Allen. The teen kept ashen eyes on Yuu, as the assailants failed to get any answer out of the guy. Pissed or no, Yuu showed no signs of even noticing the young men trying to get a word in and had leant leisurely against the wall, as if about to rest. Lavi smiled when Allen did, the youth's expression glowing just a bit brighter, and the young teen spoke determining words with a nod to the swordsman. "That's Kanda. You won't have much luck getting an answer out of him. And I don't know how good he is, but his sword's probably just a bit sharper than his tongue."

Allen had no pliancy in his tone, but Lavi took a second's glance to the man being addressed and saw dark eyes narrow slightly in challenge. So... an insult? Right, right. Allen didn't believe Kanda was any good with that sword. Said the guy's head was too hot, that it'd melt the blade before it released from the hilt. Lavi, of course, knew otherwise. Lavi knew that Allen might gain a little emotion in those dead eyes of his if he saw the way Kanda could make that metal glint and sway in time with his own body. Lavi had neither ever liked nor disliked Kanda all too much. Some respect had grown for the independent guy's dedication to Allen, but not much care was given either way. Though, when that sword, held firm with long fingers, skimmed the air, Lavi would always watch. Not interrupting, as he might have done if the man was any worse; Lavi could never bring himself to stop that sword's path, swung for the sake of Allen.

The few men hanging around Yuu had looked up abruptly at hearing his name, and their heads swiftly swept back to Allen. Smiles invaded their faces as one asked, "He's Kanda?" Allen nodded demurely and they took another heedless look at the indifferent, dark man. "You get along with this guy?" they asked Allen, right to Kanda's face. Another nod, and a quick oral affirmative. "Well... he's basically what we thought. Hasn't changed much since you were kids?" another man asked with a knowing smile.

"Not a lick."

The men laughed quietly amongst themselves and left, each giving Allen a quick pat on the back as they strolled by. Lavi saw Allen's assuring smile flicker, sensing the loss of his patrons. The teen walked to the nearest room when the last man was out of sight, and pulled the door open loosely. Two dark pigtails swung forward as Lenalee leaned down, looking side to side in order to confirm the lack of personnel. The girl had not been fully allowed, due to her little experience in the government field. Yuu had been involved long ago and Lavi had supported the Order off and on since a young age. Lenalee, on the other hand, really had no business here and Allen decided to ease her into the other's awareness, instead of introducing her immediately.

"Were you alright in there, Lenalee?" Allen asked, closing the door lightly behind the girl.

"Of course." Lenalee answered surely. "No one was there, so I was fine. I wish I could've met your friends though. They sounded nice." She shared a smile with Allen before looking up at the grumpy man, pressed to the wall. "They seemed to know about you too, Kanda. Do you talk about him often, Allen?"

Kanda looked up at the girl's words, connecting gazes with an unfazed Allen who lightly brushed his forehead. The man hadn't seemed to notice the connection between other's knowledge about him, and Allen. He grunted as a second to Lenalee's query and Allen replied indifferently. "I used to. When I first came here it made me feel better; I knew I still had a connection to the world without war. When I got used to it all I stopped mentioning him, but it turns out grumpy, ignorant kids were interesting and I got asked about you a lot, Kanda. You were a hot topic around here for a while. Famous, even."

Lavi smiled brightly and managed to flop heavily onto Kanda's shoulders. His arms squeezed between the man's back and the wall. "Can I have an autograph, Yuu~?" he cooed, glad when Kanda stiffened more than usual, then loosened in extreme contrast and flipped forward with lean hands pushing Lavi's legs upward so he flew in front of the man. Lavi landed flat on his back and looked up to a slightly less tense swordsman that was busy fuming. It was better that way. Allen would be happier and so would Lenalee, probably. Just like Kanda being used to seeing Allen fully, everyone else expected Kanda to be sturdy through anything. So, even minor things wouldn't go unnoticed. "Feeling better, Yuu?" Lavi asked cheerily and was met with a hard boot tip slamming his ribs.

"Shut it, Usagi. Quit trying to figure me out, it's pissing me off." Kanda grunted strongly.

Lavi hobbled back to his feet, thinking about how Kanda and Allen were probably the two people he really couldn't figure out completely. It probably ended up that way because they didn't know themselves. But, that was only a guess. Maybe they had just become pros at hiding what they felt. Whatever the reason, Lavi had grown attached to Allen due to the satisfaction of seeing bits of the real him and always loved teasing Kanda to see his shell chip and crack, only to be rebuilt within seconds. Then... he liked that Lenalee wasn't like that at all. That there was no figuring out or analyzing and anyone could know what Lavi knew about her. He was on no different level than any other person when it involved her.

"Are you alright, Lavi?" The girl whose image had been playing in his mind asked, her hand pressing sincerely into his side and Lavi instinctually pushed her touch away. She looked up at him timidly and Lavi heard a 'pfft' from the dumb, swordsman bastard. It wasn't his fault, dammit. Getting involved of your own accord was one thing. But, letting others pull you in was waaaay against the whole Bookman thing.

"Aha, sorry." Lavi covered sheepishly. "It kind of hurts."

"Heh."

Lavi turned and put on an angry smile to show the idiot that he made a mistake. You don't do that to a guy. You can't be that much of a cock-block for so long, and then keep it up even when you have a boyfriend... or whatever they're calling it. It wasn't fair and Lavi finally cried fowl. Cock-blockery of this degree had to go against some kind of guy-code, or something. It had to. So... instead of being a cock-block... he could be a cock-crook... a throbber-robber, a pecker-picker, a chub-snub. Whatever you called it, Lavi wouldn't go without making Kanda yell and Allen squeal. He wouldn't. Not today.

Lavi stuck his tongue out slyly at Kanda, ignoring the changes in expression he could practically see when he flopped lovingly onto Allen's unaware shoulders. "Allen-Chan~" Lavi whined, with just enough nasality in his tone to be pitied, but not annoying. "Kanda's being mean to me~! He's your beau right? I want you to be mean to him now, Allen-chan." Lavi sulked and pulled his head up enough to look Allen in the eye. It's not like he would comply, but it would get the kid to not shove him off right away.

"Stop, Lavi. You'll get me in trouble if you keep doing that."

"But, Allen-Chan~, all you gotta do is be a little mean to him. Like this." Lavi swept forward quickly, pressing his lips to Allen's in a quick, yet obvious way, and turning on a dime to run. His torso, blocked by the shirt fitted to it, stopped while long legs slipped from under him and his bottom fell to the hard floor. A lone eye looked up to the white-haired teen holding his shirt and the murderous look in the boy's eyes. Lavi was swung to the right, so he faced Yuu, looking as calm as ever.

"Do you want to hit him, or shall I?" Allen's voiced asked sternly from above while Lavi realized there wouldn't be any getting out of Allen's black hold.

"You're the one he violated. Besides, you wouldn't want me to kill him."

"True." Allen said curtly, rubbing his forehead and giving just enough time for his foot to fall on Lavi's face, pinning it to the ground.

"Wait, Allen-Chan," Lavi pleaded as he tried to lift from Allen's foot. "I'm sorry~! Really, I am... so... quitdoingthatplease!" Lavi yelled just when Allen's sole ground his temple and footsteps appeared down the hall. A man draped in a long, tan coat was walking down the path stiffly. He stopped to take a look at Allen and asked through a stretch of bandages covering his lower face.

"Is everything alright, Sir? I don't recognize these people."

Allen looked up from the act of giving Lavi brain damage and smiled at the young Finder. "Thank you, Toma, but everything's fine. My friend here just didn't know the rules and I wanted to make sure he understood." Allen pressed further into Lavi's head at the words, a black boot caving into Lavi's cheek dangerously, and a grin could be heard in the young voice.

"Well..." The man named Toma uttered; Lavi was sure his savior would tell Allen off. "Make sure you don't hurt yourself, Sir. It's nice to have you back."

"Will do, Toma. It's good to see you."

Allen lifted his foot after the man left and Lavi sat up with a mangled pout. "Dammit, Allen. It was just a joke." Lavi rubbed his sore cheek and stood grumpily. "It was only a little kiss."

"I don't care, Lavi. That 'little kiss' could've gotten me fired. This is serious. I know you're joking and it didn't upset me, but I won't let you get me thrown out of here at a time like this, Lavi."

Once again, Lavi wouldn't have been able to bend Allen's words with power tools. Allen was out of any play or relax mode and into full war mentality. Lavi's brain had begun screaming to get Lenalee back to her brother and let Allen and himself handle this... he even wanted to get Kanda out of here. The hothead distracted Allen more than either wanted to admit and things would be better for Allen if he were gone. There wouldn't be any chance of the guy dying and that would be the best thing right now, because if Kanda died under Allen's care, Lavi didn't think the teen would forgive himself.

To the three of them, this was supposed to be a field trip and a happy reunion that might lead to Allen being back in their lives. To Allen, though, they were wedging themselves into a crack in his defenses that should've been fixed immediately. They only created another spot the teen had to cover and Lavi knew that along with Kanda. But, they knew it would be better this way as well. Because, all Allen had to do was make himself feel safe. As long as Allen felt like everything was all right, that him and his family were safe, Kanda and Lavi would make that a reality. They could protect whatever Allen couldn't, including themselves. Or, if not, they would be able to when the time came. There would be no point to this all if they couldn't. If Allen got through whatever the NOAH were planning, safe and sound, then he might be alright to leave this place. Just maybe.

"Lavi," Allen started with the dead tone he'd housed all day. "You go look around with Lenalee. Not that I need to tell you this, but don't let any curious Finders get a hold of her. I'm going to show Kanda the training room and then we can all go to the dining hall at six, alright?"

"Oh, getting rid of us already, huh?" Lavi said with a puff. "Fine, fine. We'll go. Have fun without us." Lavi turned, insulted, and grabbed Lenalee's arm as he walked and thought. Allen probably got tired of his analytical nonsense the same way Kanda did. Lavi didn't care. What he cared about was that Allen's body temperature still lay higher than normal and that his lips were slightly dry. He cared that Allen's brow was coated in a mere moisture that the boy would wipe off whenever Kanda spoke or came in the guy's sight, and he cared that those two time bombs were about to spend the next few hours together.

* * *

><p><em>Yes, I have been gone for like three years on this story. I apologize. Some shit's been going down lately, and there's also been a lack of inspiration. Plus, if any of you follow DewdropLotus, (which I'm sure you do) he hasn't been uploading recently and that sadistic dick is my fuel. Go check him out if you haven't, because you're an idiot if you don't love that guy. Anyway, I should stop spending time plugging people who don't need it in the least and write more. So, farewell.<em>

_Quick thanks to all of my reviewers, **FullmetalFan16, Allena Moyashi Walker, Lola that fecker, Origami Lotus, Dangoxx** (thank you hon). I love you all, I do. Even if it doesn't seem like it with these shitty update times for a mess of a story._


	31. Unsheathed

"Amazing."

Kanda uttered absently, sliding a finger down the biggest, most deadly hunk of metal he'd ever seen. Spears, swords, daggers, staffs, knives, axes: if you needed to dispose of a life, or your rage, this place was for you. Every weapon the man ever knew or saw had converged into this room, made babies with the other weapons, and then, through some mutilating incest, created this multitude of bloodthirsty weaponry.

"Mm." Allen hummed in agreement. A dazed gaze grazed weapons plaguing walls of their training room. He continued, "This is like a shrine to people here. Weapons keep them alive, the more choices, the more likely you are to find what fits you. They love it."

"That's... not what I meant."

It gave Kanda chills. The kind of buzz that makes your stomach flip and feet tap from adrenaline. Each weapon had a story of who would use it and why. These weapons were made to accommodate people going out to battle and who they were fighting. They represented people Allen had fought beside, against, or for. It didn't make him feel good.

War surrounded Allen for a while, and the problem wasn't even that Kanda hadn't been there to _protect_ Allen, but he wasn't there to see if Allen _needed_ protecting. The brat could take care of himself; Kanda understood that, really. The thing was that Beansprout was just that. A plant that needed some things to survive, and grow the right way. During his time here the kid would've had the family he liked so much and the slight lack of pride that had him wilted before was definitely fixed. But, from what Kanda could understand, Allen missed closer relationships. Like how the teen clung to him that first day or how Lavi seemed to be able to dig out his core emotions and comfort them easily, without resistance.

"I know." Allen replied with an honest gaze; the first he'd seen since they came to the Order. "I don't like it either. But, without them, some people wouldn't be alive right now."

"And some people would be." Kanda countered aimlessly, not trying to be arrogant, while lifting a long, worn sword from the wall.

"Yes, you're right. But, I care less about those people."

"But, you still care about them."

"Of course."

Right. Of course. The big-hearted moron, who cried at another's loss, _would_ end up thinking about people who died at such a casual time. This is what Kanda meant, though. No matter how many 'family' members this kid surrounded himself with, it was just more people for him to worry about and cry over. These kinds of martyrs were so fucking annoying. They hurt themselves for hurting others, but that hurts others and then everything goes to hell.

"So, you ready to go?" Kanda asked, unsheathing his sword casually.

"Sure, but you're not using that." Allen said, lobbing a bokken towards the longhaired swordsman.

Kanda caught the wooden sword briskly, tossing it lightly to check the weight. "I would have gone easy on you," he informed smoothly, placing his sheathed Mugen by the wall.

"I wouldn't want you to get hurt."

"Yeah, yeah. Shut up, Beansprout." He mumbled, standing sideways from Allen and pointing the wooden sword at the teen with an outstretched arm. "Come on."

"As you wish." Allen's voice bowed, curtsied, and bugged Kanda, distracting from a black hand diving past, along with a lithe body that began to roll, after Kanda's last second dodge. Allen stood, turned, and dashed in one blurred movement that Kanda instinctively tried to remember; he would absorb any move that could be useful. Allen's body fell and Kanda prepared for a sweep. The younger's hands pressed to the ground and a scrunched body inflated, sending bare feet shooting at Kanda's face. Black-hair fell sideways as Kanda did, reaching out quickly, turning, and grasping Allen's arms as they flew past.

Kanda lifted Allen up, and just held him there, watching a calm back as a white head fell to look at Kanda.

"What are you doing?" Allen asked with a bite.

"You're not going to use a weapon?" Kanda rebutted dully.

"No. I specialize in hand-to-hand combat"

"... oh... that makes things different," Kanda muttered and Allen tilted his head before being dropped to the ground and kicked in the back.

"Ah, hey!" Allen yelped as he fell to his hands, getting up and turning as he held his arms in a mock battle pose; his hands flattened and were held wildly, moving side-to-side in a joking defense. "What the heck, Bakanda. You don't stop a fight and then kick someone in the back. I'm all for being dirty, but that wouldn't be allowed in _real_ battle."

"It's your fault, idiot. I stopped because I didn't want to use a weapon against someone sick and without one. But, if you don't normally then I don't care." Kanda raised his sword once more and made a beckoning gesture with his chin. He easily met Allen's charge. Allen's plain hand held his armed one and they both pressed hard, Allen muttering, "_Dumb, cheap bastard._" Kanda raised a leg, kicking forward into Allen's ready, black hand. Allen pulled against his limbs and bent backward to send Kanda overhead.

"Fuckin' Beansprout." Kanda grunted, hitting the ground feet first. He stopped himself from sliding back with nimble fingers grasping the ground and got up, quickly being knocked to the ground by five, cold fingers curling around his neck. Kanda felt the adrenaline of having your airway cut off. He tried to kick at Allen. The kid's frame provided too small a target and he missed once... twice. The room blurred, his senses dulled. Just barely, Kanda could see the glint of Allen's golden eyes.

_Wha...?_

The icy fingers slid stalely from his neck.

Gasping for breath, Kanda fell back on his elbows. Hands grasped at Allen. Kanda noticed Link, gently holding the limp body turning back into a pure, white teen. Kanda stood and tried to call out. His mind wouldn't connect to his voice. Jet eyes watched Link. They watched, even as Kanda felt... someone take hold of himself. He was being pulled back. But, he watched. Making sure to see that last strand of hair melt into snow.

* * *

><p><em>...<em>

_It's short, I know. But, it wanted to end there. Idk, why. It just did. I'll try to update soon, I promise. And I'll try my hardest to make it a decent piece that doesn't completely fuck up these characters that I've already screwed irreversibly. We'll see what happens, I guess. _

_Thank you to my lone reviewer. You rock, ._

_Thanks For Reading!  
><em>


	32. Hurt

Kanda felt large hands pulling at himself. They were strong, and Mugen had left his hold when Allen's dyed form tightly grasped his throat. Kanda could still feel a cold ring coiled around his neck from those abusive fingers. The swordsman looked down in a daze, senses blurred from Allen's eerie change. It didn't make sense and his brain couldn't keep up. Thoughts and instincts were slamming headfirst into logic and Kanda couldn't even feel his body fighting against the one holding it.

Boot-clad feet kicked wildly back and Kanda watched, feeling like they were someone else's legs. They didn't move like his own. They weren't composed or useful. The movements were only desperate flailing and Kanda almost tried telling them how to kick the right way. Then it hit him. These were his legs. Regaining some thought by momentarily pushing away the images of Allen, limp and stained, Kanda quieted his rowdy legs and looked back. The man holding him appeared reasonable; he seemed to want Kanda to simply behave. Kanda let out a breath and tried to be humane.

"Get your _fucking_ hands off of me, and tell me where they're going."

He did try. It was an honest effort on his part that got beaten down by himself. However, the man let go.

"Doesn't matter anyway. If it's Link, you won't find him."

The man's words and walk were casual as he strolled out of the room. Kanda didn't like that. This wasn't something to be calm about. Not for him. And if someone was comfortable... or maybe _accustomed _to this situation then Allen was a fucking bastard. No, Kanda already knew Allen was a bastard; everyone else knowing about this would just make him more of one.

Kanda ran. The hallway outside of the training room's left and right seemed infinite. Traveling either end could take hours if you looked down every complimenting door and hall. He couldn't do that right now. So… if there was a time for Kanda's instinct to be on point, it was now.

A left led the troubled swordsman down a long ways; no door or passage called out to him. The doors all looked the same, as did the hallways. The building could pass as a maze. But, there were two, large, wooden doors as Kanda reached the end of his path.

Kanda could feel it, feel that this would lead to Allen. A wind came, that blew away any suspicion or fear at what may have, or will become of Allen. It didn't matter; that's what his rage said. Kanda only wanted to get in there and rip that white-brown-whatever hair from that bastard's head. This was all bullshit, and he wanted Allen to know it.

Kanda pressed open the doors and a huge ruckus covered his eyes. Not the kind he wanted to see. People bustled about every direction in the enormous room. Tables laid out in orderly lines and trays were being carried from a long line of hungry workers.

A cafeteria. Shit.

Kanda felt his fist hit the wall and heard the splintering wood tear. His head hurt. His head hurt, and every little thought detonated whenever Kanda tried to make sense of it. His head hurt, his thoughts were launching an attack on his brain, and fleeting glimpses of the thoughts about Allen had him on verge of an outburst.

"Yuu? Are you alright?... Hey, Yuu!"

Kanda looked up at Lavi. The redhead's hands were full with a tray of whatever and his mouth continued to secrete words as Kanda took in the worried face of another bastard.

Kanda's fingers pulled at cloth and his brow wrinkled at the stupidly shocked expression of the Lavi.

"What the _fuck_ is going on, Usagi?" Kanda barked, baring long fangs as he pulled Lavi closer. "What the hell is wrong with Allen and where is he? Fuck, Usagi, you know all the shit he keeps from me, so spit out why the hell he changed like that! Dammit, Usagi, just-!"

"Kanda, wait!" Lavi yelled and Kanda felt his already deformed mouth snarl angrily. "Calm down and tell me what's going on. I don't know what you're talking about, okay? But, where's Allen? What happened to him?"

_Shit._

Kanda could tell Lavi was serious. He didn't know. Allen hadn't told him. Which meant this color-changing thing was new… and something Allen didn't think they could handle.

"_Fuck,_" Kanda breathed, dropping Lavi and coming to notice Lenalee, standing beside him with another worried gaze. "His hair… and eyes…" Kanda didn't want to go any further. Allen changed in those few moments. Changed into someone who had tried to kill him. If Link hadn't intervened then Kanda surely wouldn't be breathing. He didn't want Lavi to know that, nor Lenalee. His pride wouldn't be able to take that right now. "He fainted and Link took him away. No one will tell me where he is."

Kanda didn't care that Lavi still looked the same, only with a hint of anger at Kanda's blatant lie. Besides, with all the lying going on, Kanda felt he had the right. Allen fucking kept so much crap from both of them. And, it was one thing if it didn't affect him, if it was just some stupid little secret. But this shit wasn't something you just hang out there, waiting for someone to find out just so you can brush them off later. Fuck, this was the first time in a while that Kanda felt like this. So demeaningly, fucking, desperate to understand. To understand Allen and why the hell he didn't come out with shit like this. It all didn't make sense, and Kanda hoped the person standing in the doorway behind him could help.

"Excuse me, but I need to speak with you three."

Kanda whipped around, sneering at Link and growling out quick and careless words. "Yeah, you do. Where the hell is Allen and what the fuck did you people do to him?"

Link's gaze didn't waver, but something else did. A small glimpse of gold and the 'fwip' of small wings revealed the odd little golem that followed Allen around. The thing settled on Link's head and sat there quietly as the blonde retorted.

"We did nothing to him, and you won't need to know where he is. It is time for you three to leave."

* * *

><p><em>Ahhhhhh! Another short one. I know. You can batter and bruise me with words if you want. But, I suppose it is something. I'll try to update again over the weekend. Thank you all for reading!<em>

_Thank you to** Lola that fecker, Luc, Allena Moyashi Walker**, and **GreenGreyBlue** for reviewing._


	33. Weak

"_Get the fuck off of me, Usagi" _

Kanda's growl scraped between gritting teeth. Lavi's arms went between his own and Kanda's kicking feet were hitting air, inches away from their dumb, order-following, blonde, target. Kanda was not going to deal with this. Not until he hit Allen, at least once, would he listen to such a disgusting request.

"Come on now, Yuu-chan~," Lavi said with a hint of the explosive rage that surged in Kanda. "Let's hear what he has to say, before we kill him."

A vile 'tch' fell out of Kanda's curling lips. He threw a hand against Lavi's chest, pushing him away, and crossed the arms twitching to kill. Someone _was_ going to die. Whether it be Lavi, Link, or that dumb, bastard Moyashi. They were all reasonable options right now.

"I'm not leaving. I don't even know why you think I would. Your dumb general is the one who's telling us to leave, right? This is just you delivering his message. So, you can't force me to leave before I've stated my claim. I should get to talk to the guy who's kicking me out, especially since he's doing it to not hurt us, or whatever. I want to stay here, so I will."

"You are correct. Mr. Walker has requested your leave. Which is why, I had hoped you would comply. I thought you would leave if it meant sparing your friend all of the grief traipsing around you."

"Fuck off and let me talk to him." Kanda blared, really ready to stab Link.

"He is not in a position to spea-"

Link remained poised as his cheek turned red. His glance drooped to look at his pig-tailed assaulter.

"You have no right to say that to him." Lenalee said sternly, her nose wrinkling lightly at Link. "He's obviously worried sick about Allen. You're acting like he's going to hurt him and I don't appreciate that. If anyone's going to be hurt, it'll be Kanda. Whether that will hurt Allen or not... I don't know. But I think us all leaving would hurt him as well. We should be allowed to see him, to at least say goodbye."

Lenalee wasn't one to loose her temper. She held pride in the way she could keep cool in the most hectic situations. This, however, wasn't something hectic, nor stressful, but personal, rather. She knew Kanda. She had spent so many days of the past four years trying to figure out the identity of the man she loved.

She had never expected to be loved by him. Lenalee knew Kanda as an impenetrable, locked-off man, incapable of housing emotions like 'love', much less understanding them. Kanda didn't trust people. He didn't trust that someone would ever hold him in reverence, and, right now, Kanda was being gagged and thrown away by the person who had proved all of those things wrong. If that didn't tear his heart to shreds... Lenalee wouldn't believe it.

Link's mouth tensed and relaxed. He began to say something, when the golden golem decided to bounce fervently against his cheek. Link sighed, swiftly clutching the fleshy ball with quick fingers. The thing sputtered, flapping its wings and baring the teeth that tried to nibble on Link's lowering hand.

"You will be held responsible for whatever he may do. I will keep you three a distance from him, but I'm not obliged to do the same if he comes near you."

It was like speaking about an animal. Kanda didn't know if that meant Allen himself would be that angry, or if Allen wasn't himself right now.

Allen had turned carnal, though, in appearance.

The snow-haired body wore a brutal form. Darkness complimented the calm, scorn-laced eyes staring at the four that opened a wooden door to the concrete holding room. Allen's arms were braced together with sleek metal starting above unbent elbows and ending below his shoulders. The youth didn't have the air of a prisoner, though. No, it was much different. He was a king, a king staring down at peasants that had yet to be executed. A cold baron that still held a chilling pride while being held in a dank cell.

"Why didn't you bring them home, Link?" Allen asked, eyes staring coldly at the guard walking forward and releasing the golden animal that fluttered to Allen's shoulder.

"Watch Tim's record. I wouldn't have been able to get them to leave without hurting them. One in particular."

"I'll watch after you take them home, Link. They shouldn't stay here any longer."

No sooner had Allen closed his mouth, cobalt eyes were staring closely at him. Kanda pushed Link laxly to the side and the blonde's eyes widened at the unnoticed approach. Kanda's fingers closed nimbly around Allen's jaw, angling the pale head towards him.

"... You're still you," Kanda stated numbly, watching Allen's gaze hide, seeking refuge by looking to Kanda's left, at the redhead far behind him.

"Yeah..." Allen confirmed with a soft look until his gaze left Lavi, turning back to Kanda with a steely glint. "You need to go home, Kanda." Allen took the chin-holding hand and lowered it back to Kanda's side.

"No." Kanda replied bluntly.

'_This fucking bastard,' _he thought. He seriously did it. That dumb, fucking Moyashi just proved every point he was going to make. This dumb-idiot was pushing him away, right after showing him how unstable he was. The kid was fragile, at most. That fragile brat was trying to get rid of him. Arrogant. It was disgustingly arrogant. Kanda couldn't even think of what to do to show him that.

"Kanda," Allen started with a tinge of annoyance, "you can't just say 'no' and expect everyone to go along..."

Movement below caught Kanda's eye, and he watched Allen's caged arms rise slowly. They shook. They shook with a restrain before stuttering largely. They resumed their ascent, and floated smoothly to Kanda's face. "You should really go home, Kanda" Allen informed with a candied tongue. "It's not going to be safe anymore with the Noah coming. I need you to leave."

Kanda's nose wrinkled at Allen's cloying request. Cold fingers were barely fluttering over his skin and Allen held that sweet smile in this dark, cold cell that hazed Allen's figure, except for those glowing silver eyes that Kanda watched intently, waiting, almost grateful when that first streak of gold bloomed.

Kanda slammed both of Allen's tinted arms to the wall and above the teen's grinning head. The smiling lips opened and spoke playfully, "Aw, it took a lot to cut him off like that, and now I only get a few words in. I don't see how that's fair at all."

"Shut your mouth and tell me who you are and why you want to get rid of me."

That gold spreading across grey like a disease made Kanda's stomach curl. This person had tried to kill him. This person had made _Allen_ attempt at taking a life. No matter how much of an arrogant bastard that Moyashi was, this guy was more of one.

"Now now," the colored Allen started lazily, "if I shut my mouth I wouldn't be able to answer your questions. And what fun would it be to tell you all of that now, hm? In any case, your little friend won't let me stay any longer, so it's farewell for now, Mr. Samurai."

"Wai- hey!" Kanda barked, pressing Allen's hands further against the wall and growling at the half-gold eyes. Allen's skin warmed, though, and the gold began to peel away and reveal a pure grey underneath.

Allen blinked as Kanda slowly released his arms. A pure grey gaze shot into the narrowed, deep blue eyes that held impatience and rejection.

"Kanda what...?" Allen asked hazily, letting out a grieved gasp when the situation sunk in. "Shit, shit... Kanda," Allen started, feeling sick, while shaking fingers grazed down Kanda's neck. "Di-did I hurt you? Oh... oh god... Kanda, what did I..."

Kanda rose his own hand, touching the warm one skimming his skin, and curled the fingers that struck Allen's face.

Allen fell back into the wall. Stunned, he growled, "What the hell was that for, Bakanda!" he pushed from the wall and clutched his red cheek.

"Shut up! Where the fuck do you get off acting all calm even though you're this freaked out inside, huh?"

"What? Who the hell do you think I'm doing this for, Bakanda?"

"You're doing it for yourself, fucking idiot! You just want us to leave so it'll seem like you're protecting us, when you're really just kicking us away from all your problems that we could _help_ you with."

"Dammit, Kanda, I don't need to deal with this! I'm not supposed to be like this! I'm not supposed to need help or have to hide what I'm feeling, at least not to the extent where _you_ would freak out! This isn't me, Kanda, and I can't help anyone like this, so you have to leave!"

"I, actually, have something to say about that."

Kanda spun around, drinking in the sight of a disgustingly familiar face framed with wire glasses, a white beret, and shoulder length black hair, curling at the ends.

"B-brother?" Lenalee asked with wide eyes as her brother's long fingers pat her head sweetly.

"Yes, hello Lenalee. I'll talk to you about this later, all right? First I need to speak to your enthusiastic friends over there." Komui walked, only stopping to give Lavi a smile that wasn't even trying to hide its menace, and stood by Kanda and Allen, dismissing the silent Link with a small wave. "Hello, Allen, Kanda," he greeted, nodding at the two while Kanda sneered his disdain and confusion at seeing this man here. "I hope you're all doing well."

"We're doing... fine, Komui." Allen replied tiredly. "Link was just about to take them home, I'm sorry for causing a stir."

"No, not at all." Komui said graciously. "I'm glad to see these three are alright, and I would actually advise you to keep them here, rather then send them on their way."

"What? But... Komui, Kanda was... Neah tried to..."

"I know, Allen. Don't worry about that. I think I might know why he showed himself to Kanda."

"Wait," Kanda interjected, "who the hell are you guys talking about. What the fuck is happening to Moyashi... and why are you here?"

"Oh... you haven't told him, Allen?" Komui asked, dismissing Kanda's last question and Allen averted his gaze with what could be called a pout and confirmed with a 'hmph'. "Alright then... well, Neah is, in a way, a soul the Noah have implanted in Allen."

"What do yo-?"

"Don't worry, I'll explain." Komui interrupted a growling Kanda, even sending an assuring glance to Lavi, who had crouched to the floor, head in hands. "The Noah you've met, Tyki, had his Tease plant it in him during a battle. The 'soul' contains the personality and ideals of a Noah and is slowly sending that information to Allen's brain. How it is showing itself is in what you've already seen. The Noah's awareness has grown into something separate from Allen's that will sometimes gain control over Allen."

"Why... what does that have to do with me?" Kanda questioned, his eyes not leaving Allen's turned face.

This sucked. This was just the final turd on the shit cake. Kanda's rage had ran away. It evaporated, floating carelessly away and leaving Kanda to deal with the shit it left behind. Kanda had to deal with the worry, fear, sympathy, and the odd desire to just kick everyone else out of the room and sleep. Forget all of this for a small moment spent with a pale, grey Allen, free of any gold or killing-intent.

"Well, I think Allen understands this, but is a bit too... um, love-blind, if you will, to see how it could end positively." Komui said, pushing the rim of his glasses further up and ignoring Allen jolting at his direct statement. "Neah is trying to take over Allen's awareness, so he doesn't like anything that makes it stronger. You do that, Kanda. You tend to bring out the most in Allen, and Neah doesn't want that. That's why he tried to hurt you and told you to leave. Because your presence enhances Allen's, and that erases Neah's."

"But, Komui," Allen said, finally looking the spectacled man in the eyes. "He lowers my guard and I end up... flustered." Allen said this with a reluctant bite, not wanting to divulge such a thing to Kanda. "I... become weaker around him, emotionally. I don't want Neah to take advantage of that and touch him again."

"Now, I think that... might happen. However, there would be significantly less chance of Neah taking over you fully. I think Kanda, and you, Lavi, being by your side will be important. Especially now, when you've lost someone important to you, who would normally be the one helping you through this. I know you may feel weak right now, Allen. But, that's why you should surround yourself with friends you trust. You're still sick and Cross's disappearance isn't easy for any of us to accept at a time like this. You're still young, Allen. Almost a child. You don't need to bare this all on your own."

Allen's head drifted, staring calmly with tear brimmed eyes. "... I've never seen him cry." He stated abruptly, slowly, as if speaking to himself. "I've never even thought about it... why would you need to? Why would you need to spare a thought about that womanizing drunkard? He'd pummel you into the ground before you could even try to belittle him. I just... don't get it, Komui. He should be beating me up right now for crying over him. But he's not... he can't and I don't understand how that could've happened. He shouldn't be able to die, Komui."

"I know, Allen." Komui replied as Allen's tears broke free. "Cross was on of the strongest people I've ever known, Allen, and being his disciple gave you a charm and a curse. You experienced what strength really was. You knew the comfort of being supported by something unbreakable. But, those are big shoes to fill. You, as a general, are much different than him, Allen. He guided everyone by having sound faith in himself. You guide your team by having faith in them. You're a great leader Allen, even if you aren't the iron wall Cross was."

Allen's eyes closed and his fingers curled behind his neck. "I get it, Komui. But, I can't break down like this. I can't be _this_ weak. Not right now."

"That's why you need your friends here. They're still here for you. They didn't leave when they found out what's happening to you or who you lost. They'll help you, Allen, but not if they don't know anything's wrong."

Allen stayed silent. His tearing grey eyes stayed planted on the wall across from him. Komui pursed his lips lightly, but sighed. The man placed a fleeting hand on Allen's shoulder and spoke gently. "Alright, Allen. I'll leave you alone." He pulled from Allen and stepped away. "I'm going to have a chat with my sister and Lavi, and I'll come check on you later. I'll leave Kanda with you. Toss him out if you want, but the higher ups want you to stay in here for a night, okay?" Komui finished with a warm smile, leading the boggled Lenalee out by her shoulders and leaving Lavi to exit on his own. The redhead stood and tried to ask a million questions with one look. He was unimaginably distressed, but knew Allen needed to work things out with Kanda. Lavi almost smiled at Allen before deciding that felt too much like pity, and opened the door, speaking calmly as he left. "I'll talk to you later, Allen."

The door closed, and the light laying across the floor disappeared. Surrounding two young men in even more darkness.

* * *

><p><em>Hmmmm...<em>

_This one feels a bit shaky._

_I need fanfiction to allow signatures on stories, because mine would just be an apology for whatever I did this time. Such as, saying I'll update over the weekend and then updating on Tuesday... the signature would also have an 'insert excuse here' section, to be filled in with, I don't know, something like I was sick and still sort of am and this one's at least longer. I'm sorry if this one's a bit bad... I feel like it is but I'm not sure... ugh this note is long... I love you guys?_

_Thank you to my wonderful, patient (except for a certain one that PM'd me and made this upload about two days sooner than it would've been) reviewers: **FullmetalFan16, , Allena Moyashi Walker, Luc, Bloody Rotten Queesn, GreenGrayBlue, Lola that Fecker, Dangoxx, **and** BubblegumDudeX. **I send you all my lavs for reading this... not to mention liking it._

_Thanks For Reading_


	34. Heart

"What's Komui doing here?"

Kanda's question evaporated in the dark cell. No proof showed that it had ever been asked. Kanda's eyes had adjusted to the lack of light by the fifth silent minute and his voice found the way out of his mouth at the thirtieth. Not to much avail. Allen wouldn't speak. Sitting, curled against the wall, the boy hung his head, silent. Kanda's mind didn't like the silence. It absorbed into his awareness, until thoughts and spoken words melded together. If he moved his mouth as the ideas rolled in, it would be the same as speaking. He'd get the same response.

"... Say something... dammit," Kanda mumbled into his arms, scrunching further into the wall beside Allen's. "This isn't solving anything."

Allen didn't move. Not a single hair on that white head swayed in acknowledgement of even the vibrations Kanda's voice made. If he had spoken at all. Maybe he hadn't. Maybe his voice was gone. Maybe this was all a dream, everything, and he'd wake up someplace different as someone entirely else and simply think 'Wow, what a wild dream,' and then go off to whatever job or duty an average person would have to do.

"I'm about to go crazy and rape you, just to make sure we actually exist. And if we do, I'm going to fuck you until you're paralyzed, as my reward."

Nothing.

Kanda's fingers dug into his legs. Nothing allowed light. Not the walls, not his mind, not the silence. It felt like drowning. Like gasping for breath, even though there's no air to be found. It pressed down on him strongly. It pressed hard on his aching mind. It hurt.

"Why is sex always a threat with you?"

"Because, I can't use it any other way."

It took a lot for Kanda's reply to Allen's mumble to not be shouted or gasped or growled or laughed, not to be some emotion more than the indifferent that was forced out. Kanda's hurt released, slightly, only filled with the ache of knowing you've been ignored. He had been dismissed. This _was_ serious. No matter how much they all wanted to act like these were minor little problems that would work themselves out eventually, they weren't. They were nowhere near that. They couldn't be ignored for long.

"... What's going on with you, Moyashi?" Kanda asked, laying out his legs and leaning back on the wall, eyes looking down his nose at Allen's figure, several feet away.

"I don't know, Kanda." Allen's folded arms flipped out, and his white head laid on them, big eyes opening to stare at Kanda. "I'm just... a mess right now... more than I'm comfortable with. And you're in that mess."

It was a start. Allen actually acknowledged that Kanda held a part in this, at least. Kanda still didn't understand though. There were bits and pieces of everything that laid an outline of the situation. He just needed that filled in, right now. But, something said not to ask. That, if he wanted everything filled in, it would be through a lot of strife and tears that he didn't feel like dealing with.

"Kanda..." Allen started softly, with a vague whine that startled Kanda slightly. "What was it like living with Tiedoll... and going to school? How are you here now?"

"Hey, Allen, what are you-"

"Isn't Tiedoll worried about you? How many brothers do you have, and what are they like? I... haven't had the chance to ask... and I want to know. About your life... the one I don't know about."

"... Alright"

Kanda rewound his mind, simply glad to have a type of interaction with Allen right now, and told him everything he could. Some of it hurt to say, like the times Tiedoll was actually a decent guy or when he talked about the stupid stuff he had done. The stuff that broke the promises he made to Allen four years ago, like getting in life-threatening fights because he knew he'd live through it, had a little extra sting in them.

Allen listened quietly, to the point where the only sign of the boy actually being there were the slight hums or laughs at just the right places to tell Kanda his story was being heard. Kanda talked, remembering the things he had tried to forget. The nights spent with polar feelings. His room would end up torn, frayed, and beaten, and Tiedoll would come in the next morning - hearing the commotion through the night - and paint his fouled walls, while Kanda watched from his battered bed. It became a routine that Kanda had relied on, mostly in his younger, admittedly bitchier, years.

He talked about Lavi, about their devil-made workplace. Allen got an earful of the many confessions Kanda received, because of his looks. Kanda tried not to mention the many of oblivious moments spent with Lenalee and her feelings that he hadn't understood. He still didn't, really... nor Allen's for that matter. Why they felt that way for him... he wouldn't try to figure out. Kanda tried to steer clear of that subject, and just go with it, but that was backfiring on him now. Kanda was becoming scared, not that it would ever leave his mouth, that Allen _would_ be able to throw him away. It didn't matter, the idea of being tossed to the side... at least, not as much as you'd think. What mattered was that, if Allen truly wanted, Kanda might be cut off, completely, forever. That scared him.

"... Kanda, what's wrong?"

Allen's voice barely went heard. Its tone, sleeping, didn't hold the strength to clear Kanda's muddled mind. His head continued to hurt, and his stomach wouldn't settle, but there was more. A shudder in the walls made both men turn, staring at the vibrating concrete.

Kanda felt tired, warm fingers kiss his cheek and saw Allen's bent figure trail forward, Kanda's presence almost absent in the gray eyes.

"Stay here. I'll be back soon." Allen spoke gently, his fingers leaving Kanda's skin smoothly.

Kanda saw his hand grasp Allen's, and the boy fell, stumbling, when Kanda pulled back. Kanda stood, turning to see Allen's anger directed at him. "_You_ stay here," Kanda retorted, "I'll go see what's going on. You're supposed to stay here, so sit still for once and do what you're told."

"Kanda, you idiot, stay here and let me go!"

Kanda stared, Allen's bark annoying him, and bent down to place a hand around the boy's pale chin. "Tell me one thing," Kanda commanded, "if this is the Noah, what are they here for? Are they here for you? Did they kill your master? Are they going to take you, thinking that Neah guy will take over you? What are they here for, beansprout?"

Allen's grey eyes held firm. Prisoner to the ones he called family, to the people he'd die to protect, Kanda didn't understand the strength in those eyes, in a situation like this. They said he wasn't scared, the boy knew what probable fate could lie ahead of him, but was too damn desperate to care. Too desperate to save everything important to him, selfishly saying that if he died, but everyone else remained, then everything would be fine. It disgusted Kanda.

"They're not here for me, Kanda." He said strongly. "They're here to destroy the heart of the Order. I don't know what that is, but if they want it gone, I need to protect it."

"Well you can't right now." Kanda said dropping Allen's chin and walking to the door. "I don't care how much that hurts you, just stay the fuck here like a good little prisoner brat, and wait."

"Kanda," Allen shouted, standing and running as the two separated by a door slamming shut. "**Kanda**! Kanda, you have to come back here, now! Dammit... _**Kanda!**_"

Allen's scream and the delicate shattering of wood when the boy's furious fingers dug into the door stabbed at Kanda's ears, unrelenting. He didn't want to leave Allen alone. God, he didn't want to do that. Every fiber of his aching being was tearing, telling him to protect his reason for living. It told him that this was the biggest storm yet, and his senses were screaming for Allen's essence. That couldn't happen though, because this time, the lightening would strike, and the thunder would be deafening, and, unless someone did something about it, it would only grow more threatening. Allen needed to stay inside, caged from the danger, and Kanda would face the storm himself.

"I'll be back, just wait here."

* * *

><p><em>Oh, Kanda dear. You're such a tease.<em>

_He is. Really. I don't know why, but in a ton of stories he is, including mine as he tells Allen he won't leave and then leaves. Yeah, he's a tease. Anyway, another shortish one, but I like it, so I'm sticking with it. Thank you all for reading this, really. The first 20 or so chapters were complete bullpoop, so I commend you all for coming this far._

_Thank you to my fabulous reviewers as always,** Bloody Rotten Queen, Luc, Allena Moyashi Walker **(BTW, sorry if your name didn't come up last time, it kept disappearing for some reason) , and **mychemicalbitchbot**. I love you all._

_**Techtronic:** Thanks a ton, I'm happy to maybe be your gateway to the D. Gray-Man fanfiction world. And, I am going to tell you to go check out **DewdropLotus** if you haven't, because he is the D. Gray man, and I just adore his work, so I hope you will too. Thanks for reading.  
><em>

_Thanks For Reading!  
><em>


	35. Immortal's Brawl

The walls would crumble as they shook, mocking the boy desperately trying to break this feeble cage. He could feel his heart beat in the fingertips that pulled furiously against the bounds of the prison cell made for him. The door lay in ragged, abused splinters on the cold floor. But only the door's outside had been removed. The virtually soft, wooden casing had peeled off easily when compared to the solid inches of steel that had just enough polish to let its rival see his defeat.

Allen let his hands hang down, listening to the slow rhythm the drops of blood made as they left shredded fingertips and fell morbidly to the floor. The silver mirror reflected his wild hair and rageful eyes. It also showed a hopelessness that he'd blind himself to get rid of.

Pure and simple, Allen had had enough. This was his fault. It wasn't anything he needed consoling for, mostly pertaining to the fact that it couldn't be denied. He'd brought his loved ones to a place beyond the realms of danger, and he was paying for it now. Fine. He'd accept his punishment. If only his loved ones weren't such incurable hotheads.

Cross always had to make a point of being able to do anything anyone else could do better, alone, and drunk. Lavi never could turn down a chance to show that he was made of some incredible stuff, even if it meant making a fool of himself. But, that was all okay, because they weren't stupid enough to jump into something that was very possibly deadly, while knowing nothing about it. Kanda, on the other hand, would do that in a heartbeat if the pride in his left foot whispered a mere word of persuasion. Forget bringing a knife to a gunfight, Kanda had brought a sword to an immortal's brawl.

Meanwhile, Allen was left alone, in a prison, with his hopelessly worrisome mind that couldn't help but think about that impetuous, soft-brained, deserter of a man.

It was a stupid thing to do, in retrospect. Trying to get close to someone was utterly idiotic, and trying to get close to Kanda Yuu was suicide. Allen had succeeded. He had succeeded in breaking down those stubborn, ill-willed walls, but Kanda needed those, after all. Because now, without even metaphorical protection, the man could be off trading blows with one of the beings single handedly breaking down one of his own, iron, cell walls.

"You have bad timing, Noah. I'm not really in the mood to play."

Allen felt the cool metal door against his sweating back as he spoke. Smiling, he sucked the revealed flesh of his index finger and said, "It's really a shame for you, Skinn, I taste rather bitter today. So, since you wouldn't gain anything from drawing my blood, I don't think I'll let you."

A devilish smile crept along the dark-skinned male. His body, twice the size of Allen, crackled with power and laughter.

"I'm not here to taste your defeat, sweet little exorcist," He cackled with a lashing tongue, "The flavor of watching you scream for your broken master while brother Neah takes over would be much more pleasing."

Allen pulled his cracked fingernails from his palm, watching the large Noah grow angry at his calm air. The white haired exorcist had little options in fighting the muscle-headed brute. These enemies always had him at a disadvantage. With their built in armor of hardened skin and muscle, hand-to-hand combat was virtually ineffective. But it was all he had, and it had gotten him this far.

Allen's hands were totaled, his brain was stuck around Kanda like plastic wrap, his blurry eyes looked down at pale, sweating, shaking limbs, and they looked up to a dark, wrathful mass coming with paralyzing killing intent.

…

Kanda ran like he'd seemed to be doing all day. Standing still wasn't an option. Even when sounds of an enemy could be heard at the place he'd just been, he never regretted moving onward. Remaining would mean that his muscles, itching to attack, would be waiting; his legs, begging to chase the ones screwing with his only family, would stay at rest; his mind, willing to wonder anywhere apocalyptic, would have a further range.

So he ran.

War had been sprinkled into his senses. The sound of ammunition firing at enemies, the sight of wounded men displaying a battle's afterimage, the smell of gunpowder and blood, the feel of adrenaline rushing through him endlessly. It may be terrible, but Kanda had an inexplicit love for it all.

He followed the strongest scent of battle, running past dozens of doors and hallways, until he came upon a lifeless hallway, painted in blood. His mind recoiled at the sudden sharpness the cloudy, vile smell had gained, and trailed through the dark hallway. The groans of half-dead men barely held his attention, and Kanda notice a sliver of light leaking out from a door, lying mere feet past the horrid bloodbath.

His boots, matted in blood, squelched on the wooden floor, and he gave the open door a kick. Guarded with his sword up front, Kanda stepped into the room, only to see an all too familiar face speaking to another.

"Kanda?" came the voice of the purple haired, bespectacled idiot talking to the redheaded one that didn't seem happy that the swordsman was there.

The room was small, filled with the three of them, a desk, and the golem that was growing increasingly baffling as it projected a map of the building, and where a few select people were, or perhaps 'should be', located. Lavi and Komui were shown as green dots in a square that must've been the room they were in now, Kanda, himself, was shown as a blue dot next to a red one that was labeled "Allen Walker". There were various black dots, labeled Noah, peppered about the map, in areas all lengths away from their current location.

"Yuu?" Lavi questioned with a surprising venom, where Kanda had expected a foolish coo. "What the hell are you doing here? Where's Allen?"

"What?" Kanda asked bluntly to retort to a rabbit's snarl, "I left Beansprout in his little cage and told him to wait it out. There's a fucking Noah attack and you expected me to sit around like some incapable and do nothing?"

"Yeah, I did!" Lavi shouted, an arm flying angrily to the side. "After all of that talk about you not leaving the kid, I'm sorry that I actually thought you'd stay with him! You might be a huge idiot, but I figured I could trust you to hold it in for Allen's sake, and stay with him when his biggest enemies came to the party. But, no, you couldn't do that. Your idiocy must just come out of you whether you like it or not, huh? Like some, giant, constantly replenishing gas that just comes out in huge, awful brain farts. I mean, come on, Yuu. Allen's battling inwardly with a Noah and now you're actually going to risk him having an outward battle with one too? How hypocritically idiotic can you be?"

Kanda's brow wrinkled at the dumbass's words… It sucked when usagis were right.

"So… you put me in there on purpose?" Kanda asked dubiously.

"Yes, we did!" Lavi shouted to the ceiling. "We put you in there to stay with Allen while this attack happened, and you screwed it up. God, if you're here, then he's probably out of th-"

"Wait," Kanda stopped as the usagi's words hit him wrong, "you… you knew about the attack?"

Lavi showed no sign of surprise, but Kanda could see that he had been hiding it. He'd been caught, but why he needed catching, Kanda didn't know.

"Yeah." Lavi said bluntly. "We… me and Komui knew. We've been tailing the Noah for a while now."

'_What?' _Kanda thought. Lavi had been with him the past two, three years, so… how long had they been planning this? Even while they were searching for Allen, was Lavi keeping track of the Noah? Then… wouldn't he have known where Allen was? Was that why their almost impossibly coincidental meeting happened?

"What are you guys planning… and since when?" Kanda asked, stepping toward the man staring at him with a lone eye that drowned in the answers he needed.

Lavi gave him what better not have been a growl, and turned to Komui, standing a gait's way from the redhead. A purple head nodded, and Lavi spoke.

"It wasn't a coincidence, Yuu." He stated answering Kanda's previous wonderings in a flat sentence. "I'm sorry… I really am, but I knew where Allen was the moment they took him here."

Kanda could've screamed, unsheathed his fierce sword and tongue and cut down Lavi right there. His mind stopped that, wanting to know the rest, and simply gave a grunt that Lavi smiled at.

"Be patient, Yuu." The teen said as a dead joke that only managed to _not _make the air heavier. "Komui and I have been in contact since I left the Noah when I was young. I was a good asset to him, and I got to get back at the people that screwed Allen and me over. Then… then you came into the picture, someone with incredible strength that the Noah were aware of and could influence Allen more than anyone, and we knew that, no matter what, we couldn't let the Noah have you."

Kanda held up a hand, signaling for Lavi to pause, and he spoke, feeling the ache in his temples grow. "So… even when you came to the orphanage… you knew. You knew me, and that the Noah were interested in us both. You guys… you guys knew our future back then?"

Lavi nodded and Kanda's mind was in a rampage; his thoughts were rebelling in an outbreak of disgusting ideas about riding on a conveyor belt, every bit of his life being assembled up to this moment; the ideas infested his body.

"Don't fucking tell me you had everything planned out from way back then, Usagi. I won't believe shit like that."

Lavi gave a quiet sigh, and stated softly, obviously coming off of his immediate rage at Kanda. "You don't have to, Yuu. It was all just a well-made prediction based off of things we knew. Not everything went as planned… For example, Tiedoll is in our business too, but we had no involvement in him taking you in. That, and you being so entirely tame over the years you were without Allen helped a lot with keeping you under the Noah's radar."

Kanda's eyes widened at the mention of Tiedoll. A man like him… in a place like this? Kanda couldn't fathom it, but he'd been having trouble understanding a lot of things lately, so what if Tiedoll's one of Allen's kind. There were other, more surprising, things about such a weird guy like Tiedoll, so whatever. But, what about the others? If everyone so far has been involved in this insane plot, then what about…

"Lenalee was a hit or miss in our plan." Lavi said, pissing Kanda off with how he always just _had _to read into your every movement to get into your head. "If she wanted to confront you, that would help with letting Komui get a closer look at you and your movements. But if she didn't approach you or you wanted nothing to do with her, then Komui would've just enrolled her into your school for nothing."

Lavi ended with a smile and even Komui chuckled, looking at Kanda who had never been more furiously confused and blown away at once. He ran through the questions he could ask, but none seemed important. Lavi had managed to give him the most minimal information, while answering everything needed… except for one question.

"What are they here for, Usagi? You guys should know. What is the 'heart', and why do they want it?"

Lavi's eyes grew dull, and Kanda saw something he'd never seen before. Lavi didn't know, his knowledgeable eyes were flat, but there was a spatter of wonder that, almost like blood, assaulted Kanda's senses and told him to cover his nose, cover his mouth, cover his ears. Vault away any sense that could pick up Lavi's idea of what the heart might be.

"We don't know, Kanda. It could be me…. It could be you… it could be anything." He paused and glanced at Komui who wore a strong, but withered look. They had been working hard, and they still didn't know something so important, "But there's an eighty- no ninety percent possibility," and even if their answer was the right one, "that 'the heart' they're looking for," it may not be the one they want to hear, "is Allen.

* * *

><p><em>Bum, bum, bum!<em>

_... Hi there. I'm Ashley and I am the author (authoress?) of this story. I formally apologize for being dead the past forever. Seriously, I'm so sorry. I cried yesterday because I was so upset with myself (I cry a ton... so I'm okay). I'm so stupid, and tried to force my one-track mind into writing four stories at once and now I'm kind of screwed. But, I've been in a really productive mood, and it's summer (hell to the yeah), and I just ordered some dgm volumes as inspiration (hell to the yeah, to the max). So, I really will try my bestest to not let it drift so far. I'm hoping to finish this story before summer ends... so no more month long breaks._

_Oh, geez, huge author's note... oh well._

_Thank you to all of my reviewers, readers, favoriters, and alerters (seriously, if the people who alerted/favorited this story over the past month didn't, it probably wouldn't be here, you guys rock my knee socks) I love you all more than you know, and I'm so utterly sorry for being such a sack of suck. I will personally kick my own teeth in, so good bye, good night, bless you, happy birthday, and thank you._

_Thanks For Reading_


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